Child behavior question UPDATE page 2

[Jenn Lynn]

The last week DD will pee in her bed when I put her down for a nap. And now she just peed in her bed twice (she is down for the night)-right after I took her to the bathroom. She is wide awake while doing this. And she comes out to tell us and laughs like it is funny. DH and I have NEVER laughed at this.

She has NO problem going during the day by herself. She has not had an "accident" otherwise in months. It's only when she has to go to bed, and before tonight, it was limited to nap time.
When she did it this afternoon we took away puzzles and games which she LOVES.

I am going to call the Ped. tomorrow to get her opinion, but I really think it is behavioral (for attention/not to take a nap) since she is fine all day. How do I deal with this? Do I not show emotion, so as not to give her attention? Do I punish her? Take something away for tomorrow?

I am really frustrated with this.

 

[Hillbeans]

My 3.5 YO will do this as well, although he's not quite potty trained fully yet. He sometimes "goes" in his pants on purpose, just to get attention. It's very frustrating.

I think (hope) it's a phase.
Sometimes negative attention is still attention and they do think it's funny. I think taking away something like her puzzles at her age where she understands why is a good idea. It sounds like she CAN hold in her bladder in other circumstances. It's when people take it too far and actually "punish" a child for it that I don't think is good. Sometimes it truly is physical and they really can't hold it in for a medical reason. I think calling the ped. is a good idea anyways, it may put your mind at ease.

 

[buzzlady]

I don't think taking anything away will help. Maybe you can have her help with cleaing up the mess. Have her strip the bedding and bring it to the wash, have her change herself and bring the PJs to the wash, have her help remake the bed and then its right back to bed!

 

[Disney Princess 6]

..........................

 

[Dan Murphy]

I know she won't do it when she is my kids ages, Jenn. Ahhhhh, little kids.

 

[Serena]

I have no help at all. My neice does too, and my sister has tried everything I could think of, or read and so has she. Nothing has helped. And she's already seen a doctor and there is nothing physically wrong.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Disney Princess 6
If it's the girl in the photo, I'm guessing she's 3. I would just put her in pull ups for nap and bedtime until the behavior stops. Going back to "diapers" might be punishment enough - and it will stop you from having to give her any attention at all if she pees.

I am not a fan of pull-ups personally. Diapers she would just take off. Did I mention she made sure to take of her panties and PJ bottoms off before she peed?

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
I know she won't do it when she is my kids ages, Jenn. Ahhhhh, little kids.

I hope not!

 

[Randi]

You have a great opportunity to teach her that she will have to handle the consequences for whatever she does. It's been a long time since I had young children, but I never changed beds after they were able to last through the night. If it was a legit accident, then I might have helped., but mostly they were on their own. I used a protective cover for the mattress, and left it up to them if they wanted to sleep on a wet bed, or on a dry spot if they could find one, or on the floor. I always left clean bedding in their room and I showed them how to change the bed. They didn't do a good job, but it was serviceable for the night. Then we moved on to the next phase! Always something to look forward to!
Good luck.

 

[QueenTrident]

I agree with making her clean up her mess. Any time DD has had an accident, she would be told that it was unacceptable and then I would make her clean up after her self. The two times she's had an accident, this seemed traumatic enough to make her stop doing it again.

From everything I've read, punishment or yelling doesn't make a difference in this situation.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by Randi
I used a protective cover for the mattress, and left it up to them if they wanted to sleep on a wet bed, or on a dry spot if they could find one, or on the floor.

I kind of like this idea. It sounds as if she's using this as a stalling tactic which would defeat the purpose of having her clean up the mess and remake the bed (although, normally I would support this method). My other suggestion would be pull-ups/diapers, but you said you didn't want to do that.

 

[Aimeedyan]

She takes her clothes off first? I know it's not funny, but that made me laugh. DEF an attention thing, if she's going to that extent!

I think any attention is good attention to a child, so I would just ask for her assistance in changing her bed and getting her sheets put into the wash. Once the new ones are on, she goes right back to bed...

I'm sure it's just something she's trying out to see what it gains her. When she realizes she's getting NO attention from it, she'll quit. And hopefully not move onto something else!!!

She's a cutie, btw. =)

 

[vhoffman]

DON'T go back to pull ups. That will regress her for sure. I despaired of ever getting my twins trained. They finally got the hang of it when they turned 4. Our lives were quite hetic when the kids were little and we moved a lot. I just had the kids about trained, then we'd move. "Just about trained" isn't trained. During the move and getting settled I resorted to pull ups during the transition. That was, of course, for my convenience. I had enough going on without cleaning up messes all day, on long car trips, plane rides, etc. However, they never really got fully trained until I stopped the pull ups totally.

At first I thought perhaps the OP's little girl was having accidents and she shouldn't be punished for that. However, its no accident when she remembers to remove her pants and underwear first! My ds went through something similar. Their mattresses were getting old and too small for them. We bought dd a nice, new mattress. We told ds he would get a new one, too, when he quit peeing the old one. Well, it worked! However, we did invest in a protective cover for both kids. I also have a protective cover on mine. Accidents do happen, and mattresses are expenxive.

 

[JessetheCowgirl]

Yikes!

No advice, but remember . . ." This too shall pass!!"

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Well, I did what I never thought I would do. I left the peed on sheet on the bed. She HATED it! She was SO mad.

But, after crying for 5 minutes and then realizing that she was NOT going to get our attention, she went to sleep. On the other end of the bed.

I did it because 1) I KNEW she would not sleep in it. She even covered it up with her blanket and fell asleep on top on that on the other end of the bed. 2) I had nothing left to try. And I could feel my patience hanging on by a thread and DH had pretty much lost his already (he doesn't have as much as me anyway.)

I have never been a fan of such methods, but I have learned never to say never.

Guess we will see how it goes tomorrow night. Thanks for all the advice.

 

[Beth76]

Oh.....I'm just picturing her with the blanket covering the "spot". Kind of heart breaking, but hopefully she learned from this.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Beth76
Oh.....I'm just picturing her with the blanket covering the "spot". Kind of heart breaking, but hopefully she learned from this.

I know.

After she was really asleep DH held her while I changed her sheets. She didn't wake up and I can't leave them like that all night.

I do have her clean sheets (all the ones that got wet tonight that I washed) waiting for her to help me fold tomorrow. She will think it is fun though. She likes to help me with laundry.

 

[disykat]

It sounds like she doesn't want to be in bed and was doing it to have more time up with you. I think you did the right thing! Logical consequences.

I agree that it wouldn't be good to do that if it was an accident, but mishavior is a different issue!

 

[tar heel]

I think you did the right thing.

If it happens again tomorrow, I would be tempted to leave the wet sheets on all night. It won't hurt her. If she wasn't pulling her panties off first, there's no way I would do that, but it's obvious she's making a conscious decision to wet the bed. So, the consequences are that you have a wet bed to sleep in.

 

[vhoffman]

I would really like an update. I'm curious to know if "letting her lay in it" had the desired effect. I have a 7 year old son who will do just about anything to get attention and jerk my chain. I've finally resorted to similar "tough love tactics", with mixed results. Sometimes they work, but oftentimes they don't . It seems that once ds has figured a way to get attention, be it positive or negative, he will continue with it even if he gets negative consequences. I read in a book about child discipline (can't remember the title), that for some kids, once they get a positive reinforcement for a misbehavior they will continue it regardless of subsequent consequences. The book compared it to a slot machine. If you get one payoff, you continue to throw your quarters in until you're broke trying to get lucky again. Never mind that you keep losing, you just remember that one time payoff and keep going for it. That describes ds. Once he gets what he wants, he continues to try for it. However, I don't remember what this book said to do about it. Probably nothing or I would have remembered. That's what you get from counseling and self-help books. A lot of words about what might be causing an undesirable behavior, but no real practical advice as to how to stop it. So, getting back to the OP, I really am curious as to how letting your daughter suffer the logical consequences works. Does she quit doing it, or continue on for another "jackpot"? I'd like to know my kid isn't the only one!