Child behavior question UPDATE page 2

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!!! I am sitting here thinking that if DS did that I would be laughing my head off and also flaming mad at the same time!!! LOL!!! I think you did the right thing!

If she removed her clothes and then pee'd the bed, that is a puposeful and deliberate act of misbehavior. Now, I am NOT big on punishment at all. The very opposit!!! I think usually true discipline, and trying to get to the real basic issue that is causing a problem is almost always the way to go. But when it comes to purposeful misbehavior, and especially the 'laughing while they do it'. Then I too would bring out the big-guns!!!

Natural Consequences are always one of the best ways for kids to learn discipline and that they are responsible for what happens when they take a deliberate action.

It sure is hard to give out that tough-love, but I think Ya Did Good!

Let us know how it goes from here.

 

[snoopy]

DS once peed right in front of me, except for not in his bed but standing right in my living room. Just pulled his pants down and went for it, then laughed afterward. He was about 3 or 4 at the time, I think, it was definately after he had been potty trained. I had no doubt it was an attention-getting thing. I made him use a scrub brush to clean it up. That was the last time he did it, thank goodness.

Hopefully making her lay in it does the trick Jenn! Parenthood - lots of joys, lots of challenges! Let us know how she is doing.

 

[vhoffman]

This thread is a relief for me. I have a son now 7 years old. Since I can remember, he has tried to p*** me off, literally, by making pee and poo "accidents". I've lived with it in silence, afraid to mention my "problem son" to others, for fear of what others would think. I've been afraid others would think my ds has a screw loose! I've mentioned it to doctors, who immediately jumped to the conclusion that ds was depressed and needed counseling. Just how do you counsel a 2 year old? Besides, our mental health coverage is very limited, not to mention my time. I have better things to do with my time and money rather than drive ds around and going through our life savings trying to coax him into not peeing on the floor!

Really, honestly, I do feel better just reading that many others have had problems similar to mine. Its just a relief to know my son isn't some deviant from "normal". I think many kids have used this type of behavior as a secret weapon. However, its not the type of thing mothers brag about in their moms' day out groups. Good luck to the OP!

 

[QueenTrident]

I must be a horrible Mom, because I don't consider what OP did as punishment, just the consequence that goes with peeing in the bed. I also would have left the wet sheet all night and made her strip the bed in the a.m. and bring the dirty sheets to the washing machine. To me, that's more of direct action/consequence on a child than taking away toys or books, which were not a part of the original problem.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Thought I would post an update for those interested.

We managed to get through the night fine after we left the wet sheet on. I did change the sheet after she went to sleep.

Well, the next day we were getting ready to run some errands. DD wanted my attention right then. When she didn't get it she went in an wet her bed again. In the middle of the day! I had caught her twice before that with her pants off sitting onher bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "relaxing".

So I left the wet sheet on and we did our errands. I then put her down for a nap and she proceeded to do it 2 more times. I left it on and she was mad. She woke up less than an hour later becasue her foot hit the wet spot. I made her help me change the sheets and put them in the laundry and then remake her bed.

That night I reminded her that if she wet the bed she had to have a wet bed to go to sleep. She took her pants off once and that was it.

We have had no accidents since then. We have also cut out naps, school started regular hours this week and she also started gymnastics. Last night she fell asleep on my shoulder at 6:30! She hasn't done that since she was a baby.

Hopefully the trend continues.

 

[laurie31]

Thanks for the update. I'd been wondering how things were going. I didn't post before because I honestly had no idea what to advise you to do. I think the others were right on the money about letting her suffer the consequences, not as punishment, but just as the effects of her choice.

Wow, going purposely to the bed to pee in the middle of the day cinches it for me that there were no physical problems. I hope things continue to get better. No advice, but Motherhood is the most challenging thing, isn't it! (I guess I should say parenthood, as it can be rough for dads too )

Laurie

 

[vhoffman]

Like I posted before, I'm glad to see through this thread that I'm not the only one who's child has such a problem. My 7 year old ds pees on the floor or walls when he's mad. He's done this since he was about 4. I thought he'd finally stopped doing it, but just a few weeks ago he was upset about something and peed on the floor in the living room. It is an unglazed ceramic tile floor, which will absorb the pee rapidly. I couldn't wait for him to clean it up if I wanted to get it before it was absorbed into the flooring, so I cleaned it up. He did get punished--a spanking and he wasn't allowed to go to a birthday party. I told him I couldn't allow him in someone else's house because I couldn't trust him not to pee on their floor. However, he's only done this at home, never at someone else's house or at school, which shows its not an accident. He's choosing where to do this. I'm frustrated in that I don't know what to do to stop him. However, I'm relieved to see that he's not the only kid to literally p**** off his parents. Guess its nothing new under the sun....

 

[zurgswife]

Originally posted by vhoffman
Like I posted before, I'm glad to see through this thread that I'm not the only one who's child has such a problem. My 7 year old ds pees on the floor or walls when he's mad. He's done this since he was about 4. I thought he'd finally stopped doing it, but just a few weeks ago he was upset about something and peed on the floor in the living room. It is an unglazed ceramic tile floor, which will absorb the pee rapidly. I couldn't wait for him to clean it up if I wanted to get it before it was absorbed into the flooring, so I cleaned it up. He did get punished--a spanking and he wasn't allowed to go to a birthday party. I told him I couldn't allow him in someone else's house because I couldn't trust him not to pee on their floor. However, he's only done this at home, never at someone else's house or at school, which shows its not an accident. He's choosing where to do this. I'm frustrated in that I don't know what to do to stop him. However, I'm relieved to see that he's not the only kid to literally p**** off his parents. Guess its nothing new under the sun....

I see a difference between a 3 yr old trying to get attention and peeing on the bed and a 7 year old peeing on the floor to get attention...I think you should talk to your peditrition and find someone within your health care that can help your son even if it means driving your son all over kingdom come.....There are issues there that are screaming to be dealt with....

 

[100%Disney]

Maybe she just didn't want naps anymore. I so feel for your situation. My DS doesn't pee in the bed or anything like that, but he gets out of the bed almost every night, for some silly reason. He is going to be 11 on Tuesday. Very frustrating!

 

[meeshi]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
I had caught her twice before that with her pants off sitting onher bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "relaxing".

I'm sorry, but that just made me LOL!

I'm glad things seem to be getting better. It's tough being a parent sometimes.

 

[Beth76]

I'm glad it ended up working out for you.

 

[vhoffman]

ZurgsWife

Oh, thank you soooooo much for the advice. Let's see, I should take ds to a doctor, hmmmm wonder why I didn't think of that? For your information, I've had ds all over the medical center of this town, starting with his pediatrician, psychologists, urologists, neurologists, and more. All they do is a bunch of tests, barely look at the results, then give me the "doctor mumble". The problem with posts is that one can't put one's whole life story in a few sentences. Seems there's always someone who assumes they know all about whatever from a few lines then assume the poster doesn't have a brain in her head and needs basic advice, such as, take him to a doctor. I jumped in this thread because I have had similar problems with my child. At least its a relief to see that my child isn't the only kid on planet earth with such problems. But I really don't need to be condescended to by someone who just assumes that such a problem has been going on for several years and I don't have enough brains to seek medical advice.

 

[clh2]

Originally posted by 100%Disney
Maybe she just didn't want naps anymore. I so feel for your situation. My DS doesn't pee in the bed or anything like that, but he gets out of the bed almost every night, for some silly reason. He is going to be 11 on Tuesday. Very frustrating!

I know this is way off topic - but my DD is 10. Her latest "stalling" tactic is to come down about 20 minutes after she goes to bed. She wants to take a bottle of water up to her room - so she doesn't get dehydrated. This went on for a couple of nights - then I lost it. I told her if she wanted a drink that was fine - then go to bed. She read me a riot act that kids who are dehydrated will eventually need to go to the doctor and some of them even die. Do I want that on my conscious?

(For the record - I don't think we even had 5 days of the hot-humid weather were dehydration is even an issue this summer.)

The next night - I told her at 8:00 that if she wanted a bottle of water - she should have it between 8 and 8:30 - afterall I wouldn't want her to get dehydrated. Funny - it hasn't been an issue since.

 

[lindamg]

Oh, thank you soooooo much for the advice. Let's see, I should take ds to a doctor, hmmmm wonder why I didn't think of that?

Whoa! Can we spell sarcasm???

Perhaps you did try the offered solutions, but they were offered by the poster in a reasonably kind and non-accusatory fashion. Ever heard of taking something in the spirit in which it is offered? YOU chose to post on a public board - perhaps you should find a better way to deal with responses that aren't to your liking.

Oh and just to stir the pot a little . . .
I've dealt with children of this age level for 25 years and agree with ZurgsWife; there is a difference between a 3 year-old trying out a new misbehavior and a 7 year-old who has been doing it for years. But hey, that's just MY opinion!

 

[vhoffman]

As I stated in one of my previous posts, I was relieved to find that other people have had similar problems with their children and I wasn't the only one. I stated that one often feels alone with such problems because its not the type of thing that's easy to discuss with people one knows. The last several responses to my posts clearly demonstrates what I mean. This simply isn't the type of topic one can discuss without being somehow blamed for the problem. ZurgsWife and others feel it necessary to inform me that "there's a difference between a 3 year old and a 7 year old" and that I should seek medical care. They're just making assumptions that I don't have the brains to figure that out. I have and continue to seek medical care for ds, with little success. I suppose its comforting for others who haven't lived with such a problem to assume that there's a quick and easy solution out there. Please, if you don't have something constructive to offer, just stay out of the conversation. I mean, think about it--telling me to take my child to a doctor. You're just assuming that I have done NOTHING about his problem but grouse about it. I've been all over the medical center of our town seeking a solution. Don't offer criticism veiled as "well meant advice" when you're really saying that I don't have the brains or initiative to seek proper medical care. You don't know what I've been through trying to find a solution to ds's problems.

 

[vhoffman]

Oh, btw, I can spell saracasm. I can also spell pediatrician.

 

[Geezer]

Looks like you also know how to spell corporal punishment.

Sorry, I just read this whole thread, and I think the OP handled the situation right after getting some great advice as to what to do. Using the punishment of taking away toys would have been the wrong way, but letting them suffer the consequences of their actions certainly is the right way. I have been a teacher for years, and learned that lesson many times over. It still works with high school students too. Punishment, corporal or otherwise, is still attention, but having to suffer the consequences of their actions will change those actions every time.

 

[vhoffman]

I can also spell urologist, psychologist, neurologist, etc. I also know how to write checks to all of the above for more than many of you spend on a Disney vacation. What I don't know is what to do about ds's problems and when, if ever, they will end. Oh, but I guess its somehow all my fault...guess I need to learn how to spell better!

 

[vhoffman]

Oh, and to Geezer--seems you're against corporal punishment. Seems you're a teacher. Well, corporal punishment is allowed in public schools, at least in my state--Texas.

 

[lindamg]

vhoffman


get a grip