Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[plgrn]

There is nothing selfish about choosing not to have children. There are literally millions of orphans in the world--why do some people think it is more noble to have children than to help the ones already on this Earth??

Well said. Since I was a young teen I've felt like IF(I am a fencesitter and have no problem with that terminology) I do have kids they should be adopted. Preferably from Asia for various reasons. I've gotten flack for this including "You just don't want to be responsible if they don't turn out right. If they are adopted you can blame it on that." And, "you just want to spite your husband's family by not truly carrying on the family name." etc. etc. I guess those reasons might lie somewhere in my subconscience (sp??) but the primary reason is to save a life rather than bring another one into the world!

 

[chobie]

Well said. Since I was a young teen I've felt like IF(I am a fencesitter and have no problem with that terminology) I do have kids they should be adopted. Preferably from Asia for various reasons. I've gotten flack for this including "You just don't want to be responsible if they don't turn out right. If they are adopted you can blame it on that." And, "you just want to spite your husband's family by not truly carrying on the family name." etc. etc. I guess those reasons might lie somewhere in my subconscience (sp??) but the primary reason is to save a life rather than bring another one into the world!

Those Asian infants are in pretty high demand. There are thousands of children in American foster care who have special needs or who are older that could use some saving.

Spending 30,000 to go overseas to get a healthy foreign baby when there are thousands of people trying doing the same thing is not exactly altruistic.

 

[plgrn]

Those Asian infants are in pretty high demand. There are thousands of children in American foster care who have special needs or who are older that could use some saving.

Spending 30,000 to go overseas to get a healthy foreign baby when there are thousands of people trying doing the same thing is not exactly altruistic.

Hence my earlier statement of "for various reasons." Those reasons do not belong on this thread. Don't want to hi-jack it!

 

[goofygirl]

Well praise the Lord. Do you want a gold star now? Goofygirl, you do not get it. Being Cheerfully Childfree is to be cheerful. You seem downright hateful of children and parents a lot of the time. That is the part that I don't understand. You can be happy with YOUR situation but you don't need to make others feel bad about theirs. And for every thread you avoid, there's another where you have posted some crass things.

My apologies to the OP, I just had to get that off my chest.

Oh and to the one who listed all the things you can no longer do without kids...there is a thing called grandparents (aunts, close family friends, etc.) who can give you some time off.

See? AGAIN this is why childfree people get angry. People like *you* get very accusatory, sarcastic, etc and start spouting off- you start name calling (calling me "crass" "hateful" and someone "who doesn't get it") when all myself and other childfree people did is mind their own business here in their own happy, fun childfree thread!
But NO- *you* had to come over here and spew off your grudges against me when I haven't even done anything wrong.

Of course, since I'm now annoyed at you, I'm sure I'm going to be called "hateful" again.
I am still *cheerfully* CF even though I find *you* annoying.

Oh, and the point about doing things without kids- since *you* "don't get it", I'll explain it to you:

Being childfree makes it EASIER to do all those activities (travel, do spontaneous things, etc). Yes, people with kids can do those things too by using babysitters, but its not as easy. You still need a lot of planning ahead, etc wheras the CF do not need to make arrangements with a sitter. Also money-wise its easier for the CF to plan a trip and activities- for obvious reasons (no kid around that will eat into the budget).

 

[chobie]

Hence my earlier statement of "for various reasons." Those reasons do not belong on this thread. Don't want to hi-jack it!

So then I guess your primary reason for wanting to adopt a specific type of baby, is not so much about saving a life then is it?

 

[plgrn]

So then I guess your primary reason for wanting to adopt a specific type of baby, is not so much about saving a life then is it?

 

[chobie]

By trying to put yourself on a higher horse than those of us who gave birth, you are the

 

[plgrn]

By trying to put yourself on a higher horse than those of us who gave birth, you are the

Then why don't you start a "people who gave birth or adopted in the US are better than other people" thread and leave the Cheerfully Childfree OP and others on the thread alone?

 

[chobie]

Then why don't you start a "people who gave birth or adopted in the US are better than other people" thread and leave the Cheerfully Childfree OP and others on the thread alone?

Well if being cheerfully child free gives one license to make digs at people who've had children, then one can expect to get uninvited guests.

 

[IceQueen777]

I don't really expect all parents to agree or get along with us (the CF) when they can't even get along with each other. I've seen many parenting threads turn ugly when its no CF people and ALL parents posting. Some memorable "wars" were about breastfeeding, circumcision and homeschooling. Sometimes I like to lurk on these threads, they kind of have a "trainwreck appeal" for me!

Just had to check in here and see if GG is up to her old comments, and I wasn't disappointed.

So because parents have one thing in common (they have kids), they are supposed to agree on EVERYTHING? What a simplistic way of thinking, GG.

So, since you are childfree and have cats, do you agree with everything the childfree lady down the street from me (who has cats) believes? She believes her cats should be outside, and since we live in a rural area, they don't live long. She just keeps letting her outdoor cats breed and produce more poor kittens. But I'm sure I can assume you agree with the way she raises her cats since you are both childfree cat owners, right???

 

[RC Fan]

By trying to put yourself on a higher horse than those of us who gave birth, you are the

I have read both of your statements over a couple of times and I don't see how you could take it this way. Will you explain why it is coming off this way to you?

 

[chobie]

I have read both of your statements over a couple of times and I don't see how you could take it this way. Will you explain why it is coming off this way to you?

I'm going to do something one rarely sees on the Dis boards. I'm going to admit I might have taken that posters statements wrong and got defensive.

I would just like to point out that those who choose not to have children don't like to be called selfish anymore than those of us who gave birth. I personally also resent the implication that those who adopt are somehow better than those who gave birth. There are a few saints out there who have taken in hard to place foster children and have adopted them. Those people I do admire. But for the rest of us, one way or another, all our decisions are based on our own selfish desires.

 

[plgrn]

But for the rest of us, one way or another, all our decisions are based on our own selfish desires.

I'll have to agree with you here. That's just human nature for the most part. Truce?

 

[chobie]

I'll have to agree with you here. That's just human nature for the most part. Truce?

Yes and furthermore, I apologize.

 

[KRIS10420]

Here is another extremely cheerful childfree couple. DH and I have been together for 10 years. The first five years I would say I was "sitting on the fence". I never, ever had a "maternal" feeling. I just grew up thinking "That is what you do, get married and have kids" as the pattern of society states.
I just kept procrastinating on the subject, waiting for the "feeling". The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really didn't want children. The day that truely cinched the thought of having children (along with the numerous other reasons) was September 12, 2001. This was the day we broke out of the shock state and realized what a cruel world we live in. We live in H E double hockeysticks and really didn't and don't forsee it to be any better in the future. We couldn't justify bringing an innocent child into this lovely world we live in. So DH volunteered to be "fixed". The "Grandparents" were not very happy about this but soon respected our decision.
I like children in small doses. I became an aunt at the age of 12. I have three nephews, one of which passed away at 5 months old. I had a hand in helping to raise the other two. I also have numerous cousins younger than me and I baby sat alot so I was well informed of what it takes to raise a child. Many of my friends have small children which I like to visit, but I love to go home to a quiet house. Screaming, cranky children is truely the best birth control.
I truely believe that good parenting is the hardest job in the world and I have no interest in that kind of responsibility. It's all about us and we like it that way. I find it funny how many times I've heard from my friends (with child), "I wish I could ..." or "I'll just live vicariously through you".

 

[goofygirl]

Just had to check in here and see if GG is up to her old comments, and I wasn't disappointed.

So because parents have one thing in common (they have kids), they are supposed to agree on EVERYTHING? What a simplistic way of thinking, GG.

So, since you are childfree and have cats, do you agree with everything the childfree lady down the street from me (who has cats) believes? She believes her cats should be outside, and since we live in a rural area, they don't live long. She just keeps letting her outdoor cats breed and produce more poor kittens. But I'm sure I can assume you agree with the way she raises her cats since you are both childfree cat owners, right???

You really checked this topic to see what *I* said? I didn't know what I had to say was that important to you! I'm flattered!

And you missed my point. NO- I do not agree with everything other CF say, nor do I expect parents to agree on everything. I was not talking about just plain "disagreeing". The point is that I see parents can be very vicious and nasty to *each other* when they disagree on something, even to the point of a thread being locked. And I am honest when I say it does hold some entertainment value for me to see a huge fight on the boards- whether they are parenting related or not.

 

[goofygirl]

Well if being cheerfully child free gives one license to make digs at people who've had children, then one can expect to get uninvited guests.

How is advocating and praising adoption a "dig"?

I think adoption- from WHATEVER country, is a great thing!

 

[goofygirl]

So then I guess your primary reason for wanting to adopt a specific type of baby, is not so much about saving a life then is it?

I think this statement is a real insult to those people on the DIS who have either adopted, or are adopted themselves.

 

[SplshMtn99]

I haven't read the last few pages because of the way this thread turned. We were having a nice fun time.

WHY did this have to turn into another LABEL thread? Why can't people just be what they are? Why do you need to debate what someone is childfree or childless. WHO CARES?????

I know the answer to that really. So don't bother. The minute I saw a particular childfree proud poster, I knew this would turn ugly. I knew it would become another soapbox thread.



We don't have kids. Don't plan to. We are almost 42. Decision was based on a back problem (harrington rod attached to spine since 13 yrs old due to scoliosis) & our feelings about not wanting children really.

I DON'T REALLY CARE if others have kids. I don't care if it makes them happy or not. It was their decision. Let them have it for crying out loud.

I'm sure there are childfree boards some of you can go preach / debate on.

Can we go back to having fun now?

 

[goofygirl]

I know the answer to that really. So don't bother. The minute I saw a particular childfree proud poster, I knew this would turn ugly. I knew it would become another soapbox thread.

Uh, was this directed at ME? And if it was, then why don't you just say so?

What I did was defend my lifestyle choice to the non-childfree people who invaded this thread and said things that they shouldn't have said. That's not getting up on a soapbox, that's called defending oneself.
If you prefer to let people say all kinds of negative things about the way you live, I think its a shame that you don't stand up for yourself.