Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[SplshMtn99]

I liked this thread more at the beginning. I was afraid it was going to go in the direction is has just by who it attracted. NOT fun anymore.

See ya.

 

[Planogirl]

I don't get the us against them thing at all. If someone doesn't want to have kids, more power to them I say. I have friends and family who have no desire to be parents and I see nothing wrong with that. I only have one child and that's plenty for me and it's funny but I often get comments about that too so I kind of know what some of you deal with.

Keep in mind that we're all child free at some point and we also all end up that way when the kids leave the nest and lead their own lives. Anyway, carry on.

 

[Hixski]

I don't get the us against them thing at all. If someone doesn't want to have kids, more power to them I say. I have friends and family who have no desire to be parents and I see nothing wrong with that. I only have one child and that's plenty for me and it's funny but I often get comments about that too so I kind of know what some of you deal with.

Keep in mind that we're all child free at some point and we also all end up that way when the kids leave the nest and lead their own lives. Anyway, carry on.

The us against them comes from not understanding. You get it. But for everyone like you there are those that want to tell us:

We will change our minds.
When we "mature" we will see the light.
What about making your parents grandparents.

The list could go on and on. I have stated before that DH and I wanted children at one point. We were probably fencesitters as it was. It did not happen. So we "cheerfully" decided ok, we will be childfree. I think that is almost worse than just stating outright that you don't want children. We are now "selfish" for not doing everything to get a child. It truly amazes me that people can't believe that DH and I could be happy this way. We make great "aunts and uncles" to our friends and families children. They accept the fact that we don't have any children. Now if we could just work on the adults........

 

[Planogirl]

Maybe people don't get it because misery loves company. Just kidding. I'm glad that I have a son and wouldn't change that for the world.

Why would everyone ever want the same things out of life? We all have different tastes, different hopes, different plans. It makes no sense to me why we should all want to be parents.

But now I'm just rambling. Carry on and I mean it this time.

 

[WDWguru]

Keep in mind that we're all child free at some point and we also all end up that way when the kids leave the nest and lead their own lives.

Not picking on you, Planogirl, but this sentiment has come up a few times now and I just have to point out the difference in terminology here.

As someone upthread posted,
childFREE= don't have children, DO NOT want them
childLESS= don't have children, DO want them

So it's pretty much impossible for those who want and have children to be childfree - especially AFTER the children are born. With the rare exception of those few fencesitters who may have changed their minds, the folks you are talking about were childLESS before their kids came along and empty nesters after they are grown. Semantics, maybe, but an important distinction.

This thread was created for those who don't have children, don't want them and never plan to have them. I'm not saying others aren't welcome to post and I've loved the input of just about everyone who has posted here, but I don't want the definition of childfree and the point of the thread to get muddled.

 

[Piglet4Ever]

Dh and I are child free and loving it, 10 yrs and counting. We love our nieces and nephews to death but we also love coming home to a nice quiet house and doing whatever we feel like whenever we feel like!!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I just wanted to share my personal experience as a member of NK and an attendee to NK conventions:

NK is all about having fun- not parading and not recruiting. At the Nk convention I went to we were all about FUN- sightseeing, dining and socializing. We are a *social* group, not a *political* group. NK exists because often childfree people feel alone , it is common for a NK member to be the only CF person among their friends and family, and so NK gives them an opportunity to meet people just like them. Its human nature to want to bond with people like yourself.

Cool, I didn't know that. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Fitswimmer]

This thread was created for those who don't have children, don't want them and never plan to have them. I'm not saying others aren't welcome to post and I've loved the input of just about everyone who has posted here, but I don't want the definition of childfree and the point of the thread to get muddled

I agree completely! I think this whole thread has shown just how difficult it is for those of us that are childfree. I thought the topic was stated pretty clearly, but we still had people that seemed to want to tell us that "when we grew up" we would change our minds. People talk all the time about fundamentalist Christians or Jehovah's witnesses who do the high pressure evangelization thing-but those folks have NOTHING on the parenting lobby. I understand that it's in the genetic code to reproduce-why do you think sex is so much fun? It was designed so the species wouldn't die out!! While that was pretty important at one time, the species is doing quite nicely now without my contribution.
For the record-I am not a child hater, I have many friends with children and I enjoy them. I don't hate people who have children, and I don't think they are misguided or anything. That's how they have chosen to live their life. I would just like the same respect granted to MY choice.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I agree completely! I think this whole thread has shown just how difficult it is for those of us that are childfree. I thought the topic was stated pretty clearly, but we still had people that seemed to want to tell us that "when we grew up" we would change our minds. People talk all the time about fundamentalist Christians or Jehovah's witnesses who do the high pressure evangelization thing-but those folks have NOTHING on the parenting lobby. I understand that it's in the genetic code to reproduce-why do you think sex is so much fun? It was designed so the species wouldn't die out!! While that was pretty important at one time, the species is doing quite nicely now without my contribution.
For the record-I am not a child hater, I have many friends with children and I enjoy them. I don't hate people who have children, and I don't think they are misguided or anything. That's how they have chosen to live their life. I would just like the same respect granted to MY choice.

 

[RC Fan]

For the record-I am not a child hater, I have many friends with children and I enjoy them. I don't hate people who have children, and I don't think they are misguided or anything. That's how they have chosen to live their life. I would just like the same respect granted to MY choice.

Well put! I like kids too, I just don't want any myself.

 

[MELSMICE]

I think this whole thread has shown just how difficult it is for those of us that are childfree. I thought the topic was stated pretty clearly, but we still had people that seemed to want to tell us that "when we grew up" we would change our minds.

Like I said before, with the exception of one poster at the beginning of this thread, I don't think anyone has specifically told someone else "when they grow up" they would want children. They may have said, "when I matured" or "when I grew up". (& if someone did, then I apologize for missing that!)

I would never question why someone doesn't have children. That's their business, not mine. If someone does not want kids, they shouldn't have them. Society may think they should, but it's an individual choice.

I was curious about the thread when I saw the title as I'm sure others with children were. Some posters with children told of their experiences. I don't think they are pushing down anyone's throats that others should have children.

I have to be honest (& this is not directed at you) but IMO, the defensiveness of this thread keeps coming from a few "childfree" posters.

There's no reason those of us with children can't post on this thread - heck, I've already gotten a few ideas from those of you without kids of things to do & places to go when my kids are out doing their own thing.

 

[hentob]

Are you kidding me?? You couldn't possibly "know yourself well enough" so that your not going to get pregnant. The only way for you to be 100% positive that your going to stay "cheerfully childless" for the rest of your life is to not be sexually active. I hope you never "accidentally" get pregnant because I couldn't help but pity the poor child.

Well, I know several Childfree people who have their "tubes tied" or a vasectomy ("tubes cut and burned" ). That is pretty close to 100% sure that they won't have a baby. And really, if a childfree person becomes pregnant by accident (very BIG accident), I don't think you would have to pity any child. I am sure a childfree person is smart enough to know their options.

 

[goofygirl]

Are you kidding me?? You couldn't possibly "know yourself well enough" so that your not going to get pregnant. The only way for you to be 100% positive that your going to stay "cheerfully childless" for the rest of your life is to not be sexually active. I hope you never "accidentally" get pregnant because I couldn't help but pity the poor child.

On a side note, I couldn't help but read this thread when I saw the title. Once DBF and I are married and out of med school we definately DO want children. Thought i'd throw that in so I wasn't mixed in with the "cheerfully childfree"

See? This is why childfree people get angry. They get negative comments like the one above, and then wonder WHY childfree people get angry, get frustrated and start venting! Then we get labeled "bitter" because we vent!


And not that its any of your business, but my birth control is abstainence (by choice) PLUS I take birth control pills- so YEAH, I DO know that I won't get pregnant! And IF I did get pregnant, I'd get an abortion. So you can put all your worries about me having an "accidental child" aside, okay?

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Cheerfully childfree here! Love kids and have spent many years as a pediatric RN, but have known since I was 5 years old that I didn't want any of my own. People always told me I would change my mind, so JUST IN CASE....I never had my tubes tied. I'll be 50 next month and still haven't changed my mind , but if I do, I will have foster children. There is a great medical foster care program in Florida and I might choose to be a medical foster care parent when I retire.

There is nothing selfish about choosing not to have children. There are literally millions of orphans in the world--why do some people think it is more noble to have children than to help the ones already on this Earth??

 

[Crankyshank]

Geez I wish there was more clarification in the initial post or I wouldn't have wasted my time posting since it seems obvious that people in my situation (no kids after 8yrs of marriage but do want children in a few years but ok if we don't have any) aren't welcome along with those who have children.

Right now I don't have kids and I'm cheerful about it. I figured that made me cheerfully childfree. Didn't realize I'm a childless fence sitter instead

Does this mean I can post on the parenting threads?

 

[perdidobay]

I'm not childfree ( but my girls are grown) and I think ya'll have got to be loving the posts on this board this time of year. Parents complaining about the cost of school and hassles with homework and teachers.. aren't you all glad you are "missing out"??

I love my girls but I am loving it being just DH and me now!

 

[maddhatir]

Right now I don't have kids and I'm cheerful about it. I figured that made me cheerfully childfree. Didn't realize I'm a childless fence sitter instead

Does this mean I can post on the parenting threads?

Actually no matter where you post people may view you as "a childless fence-sitter" You cant win

 

[hiwaygal]

Geez I wish there was more clarification in the initial post or I wouldn't have wasted my time posting since it seems obvious that people in my situation (no kids after 8yrs of marriage but do want children in a few years but ok if we don't have any) aren't welcome along with those who have children.

Right now I don't have kids and I'm cheerful about it. I figured that made me cheerfully childfree. Didn't realize I'm a childless fence sitter instead

Does this mean I can post on the parenting threads?

Thank you.

 

[chobie]

Geez I wish there was more clarification in the initial post or I wouldn't have wasted my time posting since it seems obvious that people in my situation (no kids after 8yrs of marriage but do want children in a few years but ok if we don't have any) aren't welcome along with those who have children.

Right now I don't have kids and I'm cheerful about it. I figured that made me cheerfully childfree. Didn't realize I'm a childless fence sitter instead

Does this mean I can post on the parenting threads?

Sure, if you want to you can even come on the crappy parent thread and tells us how crappy you will be when you have kids of your own.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

There's plenty of parenting threads on the CB that the CF do *not* comment on as well.

Take the post about "I Hate Being Pregnant- am I Evil?"- I mean, there's a *lot* I could have said, and believe me, I would have been flamed- but I did not post there at all. I have, however, lurked there for entertainment/curiousity reasons. Same goes for a lot of the parenting topics.

Well praise the Lord. Do you want a gold star now? Goofygirl, you do not get it. Being Cheerfully Childfree is to be cheerful. You seem downright hateful of children and parents a lot of the time. That is the part that I don't understand. You can be happy with YOUR situation but you don't need to make others feel bad about theirs. And for every thread you avoid, there's another where you have posted some crass things.

My apologies to the OP, I just had to get that off my chest.

Oh and to the one who listed all the things you can no longer do without kids...there is a thing called grandparents (aunts, close family friends, etc.) who can give you some time off.