Cheerfully child-free. Anyone else?

[Fitswimmer]

We've spent two years doing fertility treatments and when we ran out of money I said enough is enough. I'm done. We're happy with each other and we'll remain child-free. I will not use up every bit of savings to pay for a child and then not be able to provide for he/she.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It had to have been a very tough decision.

 

[2bemarried]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It had to have been a very tough decision.

thanks. To be quite honest I would have liked to have children but at the end of the day I'm not sure I'm fit for the "mommy" role.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I think that's the whole point of this thread. There are a few of us that have recognized that the Mommy thing just isn't for us. Sadly, there is still a great deal of societal pressure regarding parenthood. I think most of the folks who post here have been hit with it one way or another. There are a good many people who can't get their heads around the concept that you can like kids but still not want to have your own.

 

[2bemarried]

I completely agree.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

George Clooney ROCKS!

Sam, I know what you mean by you can't relate to people who can't have them, I can't relate either. I especially don't understand the people who take it to extremes, who are so desperate for a baby they will cheat on a spouse to get pregnant, or lie to a partner about birth control, or leave a partner, or let themselves get thousands in debt from fertility treatments, until they act all bitter, angry and miserable . Being obssessive about ANYTHING is unhealthy, yet obssessing for a baby seems perfectly acceptable in our society.

I completely agree. I mean you see people who have been doing fertility treatments for 5, 6, 7 years and getting into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. I admit, I can't understand wanting a child that badly...that's when my thoughts turn to:"why can't they just adopt a child who needs love and a home?" But they never even seem to think of that...I realized as a child I never wanted to be a mommy and that decision has just gotten more and more justified as I've gotten older.

 

[jenm2878]

I think that's the whole point of this thread. There are a few of us that have recognized that the Mommy thing just isn't for us. Sadly, there is still a great deal of societal pressure regarding parenthood. I think most of the folks who post here have been hit with it one way or another. There are a good many people who can't get their heads around the concept that you can like kids but still not want to have your own.

My DH and I are still fence sitters, but we've recently come to realize that we only like kids we're related to!

We both adore our niece and nephew - I would literally do anything for those kids. However, we cringe around most anyone else's kids. If I knew that we'd have one as great as my niece/nephew, I would jump on board. Just too many what ifs holding me back for now!

 

[Aunt Michelle]

I think that's the whole point of this thread. There are a few of us that have recognized that the Mommy thing just isn't for us. Sadly, there is still a great deal of societal pressure regarding parenthood. I think most of the folks who post here have been hit with it one way or another. There are a good many people who can't get their heads around the concept that you can like kids but still not want to have your own.

I so agree! I have nothing against children and if I were to meet a man who came with children as a package deal I would be absolutely fine with that. I just don't feel the need to get pregnant and have my own child.
Fortunately, I am Blessed with 7 nieces and 1 nephew, all of whom I adore, AND parents and sisters who have no issues with the fact that I have no desire to have children of my own.

 

[goofygirl]

I so agree! I have nothing against children and if I were to meet a man who came with children as a package deal I would be absolutely fine with that. I just don't feel the need to get pregnant and have my own child.
Fortunately, I am Blessed with 7 nieces and 1 nephew, all of whom I adore, AND parents and sisters who have no issues with the fact that I have no desire to have children of my own.

CF dating a parent? No I wouldn't do it.

I know a few people at work who are CF and date men with kids, and all I hear are complaints that the kid "has an attitude" or is doing this wrong, or that wrong, and they can't have alone time because the kid is there, etc. And where there's a kid, there's an ex who is going to be in the picture one way or another. And that's a whole other list of complaints.

If a single guy has a kid, he has baggage. I don't want to deal with baggage.
Besides I'd rather be with someone who has the same lifestyle as myself.

 

[Aunt Michelle]

CF dating a parent? No I wouldn't do it.

I know a few people at work who are CF and date men with kids, and all I hear are complaints that the kid "has an attitude" or is doing this wrong, or that wrong, and they can't have alone time because the kid is there, etc. And where there's a kid, there's an ex who is going to be in the picture one way or another. And that's a whole other list of complaints.

If a single guy has a kid, he has baggage. I don't want to deal with baggage.
Besides I'd rather be with someone who has the same lifestyle as myself.

I guess I meant that if the right guy came a long I wouldn't dismiss him just because he has children. I'll be 40 in April, I can't afford to dismiss anyone!

 

[goofygirl]

I guess I meant that if the right guy came a long I wouldn't dismiss him just because he has children. I'll be 40 in April, I can't afford to dismiss anyone!

I understand.

But for me, the "right guy" wouldn't have kids! If he has kids, he's not the right guy. Not right for me, anyway.

I'll be 39 next month, so I guess we are 2 Old Maids, LOL!

Just an observation- I think it's kind of funny that a "Parent Thread" was started on the DIS, I mean aren't about half the threads already "parent threads" in one way or another?

We're still the lone CF thread

 

[LisaZee]

My best friend's sister got married because she wanted a baby. She said wouldn't do artificial means because she's Catholic. She admitted that she really doesn't love the guy and the sad thing is he ADORES her. All she wanted was the baby. She was over 40 and if she didn't do it soon she wouldn't be able to do it all. So she used this guy to get her baby and now she's using him to pay for it.

I can not get my head around that-I heard her say it and I just can't fathom wanting something that bad that I would use someone that way.

Ok, the thing that kills me here is that this girl was so Catholic that she wouldn't have a baby by artificial means, but not Catholic enough to not ruin someone's life by marrying him for the wrong reasons.

My brother's getting married in a few months, and the shower is coming up. I haven't seen many of these women since I got married 6.5 years ago and I am going to spend 4 hours explaining why I don't have pictures of my kids to show them. Sigh... how tiring. The spouse says we should just tell them we CAN'T have any, and that will shut them up. I don't feel the need to lie, I am not ashamed of anything. Plus, I feel that's disingenuous to those that really can't.

Can't wait!

Goofy and Michelle, I'm telling you guys, if you ever want a husband, I will send mine for the week and see how long you can take it. I'll put the over/under at 72 hours! Please just send him back before garbage day!

 

[goofygirl]

Lisa, just pull out pictures of your cats when they ask to see your kids' photos! LOL!

You sound all too eager to send your husband off!

 

[LisaZee]

You know, I rescind my offer til the spring - DH comes in handy to brush the snow off my car during winter in Chicago!

OT - I have a sickness. It is midnight and I have work in the morning, but I am glued to E watching THS - America's Next Top Model... and I have a DVR - why am I still up? ahhh!

I have a question - what kinds of jobs do you all have? Do you work a lot, or put in your 8 hours and leave? Do you feel that you are "expected" to work extra because you don't have a "family" (b.s. by the way - DH and I are a family) or cover for those that have kid commitments? I ask because I am the tech supervisor at a large pharmacy (I have 35 employees) and we are in the middle of a big software conversion. The conversion "team" consists of about 12-15 managers and supevisors, but there are like 3 of us putting in all these extra hours to meet our deadlines. Now, I put in extra because that's what I do, I am expected to work til the work is done and am happy to do it. Most of the time. And I'm lucky because my boss feels the same way even though she has 2 daughters - she's putting in 11 hour days, too. But some of these other people are out the door at 5pm while I'm at work til 8. WTH?

 

[Hixski]

I work for a large corporation in IT. I am the night supervisor for Operations/Helpdesk. Everyone at my work is pretty good about doing what needs to be done. My problem is I can't seem to get off nights. I have been on nights for over 20 years. I think alot of people think the CF are the ones who should work nights. People with kids can only work days. I know I am good at what I do and willing to work nights so nobody wants me to go to days but sheesh I never said I wanted to stay on nights till I retired.

 

[Fitswimmer]

My current job is really good about being balanced between people with kids and people without them. We have flex time, so parents can adjust schedules as needed. we have work at home opportunities so parents can stay home with a sick kid if they need to or for a snow day-but CF people have equal access to the same benefits. If I need to take kitty to the vet, I can adjust my schedule to do that, just the same as a person with kids.

I've seen some attitude from parents and gotten some "well, you can do that, you don't have CHILDREN" comments, but the management is not like that at all.

 

[PhotobearSam]

We own our own seasonal business and a few apartments as well..

When I used to work for a big company, I was told a few times that if someone did not come in, I HAD to stay...Not an option anymore because it was hurting my relationship with DH. Now we concentrate on being together.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

luckily I work from home mostly as the editor of a website and I also work seasonal at H&R Block during the tax season. So I don't have an issue with having to pick up slack for those with kids...

oh also, there is another CF board on the DIS...it is "Marrieds choosing not to have kids" -- http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=914101&page=156

 

[2bemarried]

I work for a large pharma company as an executive assistant. Most of the time I work only the hours required but the last month I've put in 30 hours of overtime.

 

[goofygirl]

I work full time in a hospital in research. Since it's research, it's a 9 to 5, M to F job, no weird shifts or weekends or holidays.

With the nature of my job and my dept there's never really any problems with covering each other. I know the nurses on the inpatient floors have this problem.

Forturnately the parents in my dept are good about not playing the "kid card" to get out of work.

On another note:
I am a little ticked that people with kids are going to $300 more than me with the gov't rebate checks that are coming. Why should they get more than me??

 

[Fitswimmer]

I work full time in a hospital in research. Since it's research, it's a 9 to 5, M to F job, no weird shifts or weekends or holidays.

With the nature of my job and my dept there's never really any problems with covering each other. I know the nurses on the inpatient floors have this problem.

Forturnately the parents in my dept are good about not playing the "kid card" to get out of work.

On another note:
I am a little ticked that people with kids are going to $300 more than me with the gov't rebate checks that are coming. Why should they get more than me??

I'd rather have no kids and less money...