Cheating Spouses

[totalia]

My god. You poor people. I'm so glad you got out alive.

 

[4greatboys]

Heres the bombshell, 5 years later I found out that she had a son by me. She didnt tell me cause she didnt want to have me in his life. I found out from the Colorado Welfare Office. I still have never seen his picture or him.

Everything works out in the end. I have 2 wonderful and amazingly smart and funny children and a wife I love sooooo much now. (even though she is not as Disney addicted as I am LOL )

Are you going to contact your son and get to know him?

 

[MELSMICE]

Wow sha lyn - many hugs to you. Good for you that you got out of that abusive and destructive situation.

My DH has never cheated, nor have I. I d on't believe that would happen in our marriage and I would be devastated if it ever did.

 

[G00fyDad]

Are you going to contact your son and get to know him?

I tried. She will not allow it. I have tried to have the police go and she just leaves before we get there. I have to give her a 2 week notice since the visitations have to be irregular. I also contacted the courts and they have issued an arrest warrant for her and picked her up but she keeps leaving. I think that she thinks I want to kidnap him. That would be sooooo wrong. I think he would be permanently damaged if I did that. She is all he has ever known.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Do you know me?

I thought it was just a phase.

Just in case you are my friend:

Will you leave the door open just a crack? Get out of the house! Travel! Pick up some of your old hobbies! I don't think it's healthy to watch all those crime shows when your trust has taken such a blow.

Don't let a few bad apples effect your life this way. If you do then they win.

There. That felt good. (If you aren't my friend, take my post with a grain of salt.)

Sha_lyn, NHAmy, Poohnatic, GoofyDad, and others thank you for sharing your stories. I'm glad you were all able to overcome your circumstances.

 

[zaxmom]

Well, I had my suspicions. He was coming home at 9 or 10 in the morning. He worked late hours, should have been home around 2:00 am. He did not drink for 6 or 7 years. Started up again a few years ago. I found out by looking at his cell phone. I was going through the cell phone bill online where it shows every number called and picked the most called one. I called the number, a girl answered. I hung up and the next day saw he had a text message from her saying "I think your wife just called me", and others saying I love you and I want to be with you. Evidently the kids like to send text messages these days. She is only 23 and my husband is 34. He moved in with her that night when I kicked him out. It has been 3 months and he is still with her. Since leaving I have found out that he is a sex addict (coming from abuse as a child) and that he has been with at least a dozen people since my youngest son was born 4 years ago. He also admitted that he did not use protection with all these tramps. He also has been using drugs for the last couple of years. I was a fool. I thought he was just getting burst of energy from nowhere. Go with your gut feelings, don't try to be logical in these situations. They always have a reason for not being where they should be.

 

[sunkissed212]

Well I still don't know if my ex was "Cheating" so to speak but he was talking to a female friend of OURS for quite a few months before we broke up. I found a ton of charges to and from her phone on his cell phone bill (and I wasn't snooping, I paid the bill...I feel I was entitled to see what was on it). and then he started going out a lot on the weekends with his buddies (apparently she would come along), and then he started getting the cell phone calls at the exact same time every evening (she worked nights and she'd call on her lunch and her break...one at 6:00 and one at 9:00). I am not stupid and I picked up on these things. After I couldnt't take it any longer I brought it up to him and he said that he was talking to her because she and her husband (which happened to be one of my ex's best friends) were having marriage problems (yeah, I'd say so!)...but I knew in my gut that there was more to it than that. I called him out on it all and we ended up breaking up. Turns out afterwards, she now lives with him (with her 2 children)!! And...for someone (my ex) that never wanted to get married or have children...he's got an "insta family" now!!

I think that you just "know" it when something is not right...cheating or otherwise, you can just "feel" it. I know I could...and it hurt so bad I didn't want to admit it but it just got to be too much!

 

[mickeyboat]

to all of you who have gone through discovering a cheater.

Denae

 

[Disney Doll]

Boy sunkissed, I hope minniepumpernickel reads your post!!!!

I would agree that somehow, you just "know" in your gut that something's not right.

 

[Poohnatic]

Sunkissed, your ex sounds like mine. Two weeks before the wedding he asked me what I would say if he told me he didn't want kids. I told him I wouldn't get married...he then says (rather convincingly) that he's just not ready. That's fine, I wanted to wait a few years.

Then when he told me he was leaving, he said "I told you I didn't want kids". Not exactly, buster. The woman had a six year old-I told him that like it or not, he had a kid now. He insisted "that's HER kid, not mine". Oh yeah, I'm glad I wasn't on the receiving end of that. He wanted his 'freedom', he got a woman with a kid. I was his 'anchor', then I was free, single and 40 pounds lighter! Amazing how I got what he wanted!

Suzanne

 

[sunkissed212]

see, the thing is that my ex had said things like that to me ... about not wanting to have kids...and other things like "marriages never last forever", "I'm too selfish for children", etc...but I would just blow it off and think to myself "he doesn't mean it...he'll change his mind"....blah blah blah...

I was blind and thought that he was what I wanted for the rest of my life and now in retrospect, I see that he's exactly what I DIDN"T want! We were engaged and he didn't want to have ANYTHING to do with the planning of the wedding. And, then, after we broke up we were talking about that and he actually said to me that the only reason he proposed was because he was getting "heat from the family" about it. That it was the next step in our relationship since we'd been together for 6 years at the time...I was like "WHAT?" Well, I laugh now because he wasted $8000 on an engagement ring that he didn't even want to buy! What an idiot!

The relationship was over long before it was officially "over". I didn't want to believe it but it was. I can see that now. I'm in therapy because a lot of personal issues that I have from that relationship are affecting my life now (a year and a half after the relationship ended) and it's really opening my eyes to things. I'm seeing now what a mess it all was and it makes me so much happier to be where I am now.

My new relationship is a little off right now too but we are working through some "issues" that we both have and things are okay. We're taking some "alone" time because we both had just gotten out of similar situations when we met and things just fell into place with us so smoothly that we blocked out "real life" for a whole year and now we're trying to get our own lives in order since we ignored that all last year. I'm positive that this relationship is different, I can feel it. But they all take work. I am learning that now...thanks to my therapist!

 

[Poohnatic]

Yep, therapy was the BEST thing I ever did for myself. Worked so well that five years later, I started working for the therapy practice that I'd been to. I was convinced there was something wrong with ME, because he'd had me so brainwashed that everything was my fault.

Keep at it, and anyone considering therapy, it's the most validating thing you can do for yourself. I came out of each session feeling so much better...

Suzanne

 

[Lewski709]

For those of you who have been cheated on or caught your husband with another woman, or even suspected it, I'm curious to know HOW you found out?
What finally exposed the truth to you?

Stopped coming home at all for days and women were calling for him. He was never concerned with hiding anything. He knew I wasn't going anywhere, I was waiting for him to go. I had my reasons. Thank goodness, it was only a 6mo marriage!

 

[Hippychickali]

As far as I know, my DH has never cheated on me, but if he did and I found out - that would be the end. There would be no forgive and forget. I could never trust him 100% again and that would make for a terrible marriage.

If I found out that my fiance was cheating on me, I would forgive him . . . but I wouldn't marry him.

Ali

 

[totalia]

Hippychickalie

I did the exact opposite. I always said I would leave a guy who cheated. Instead, I married him knowing her cheated. I could never bring myself to forgive him for it.

I still think that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just left right then and there instead of subjecting us to misery for so long.

 

[Hippychickali]

Hippychickalie

I did the exact opposite. I always said I would leave a guy who cheated. Instead, I married him knowing her cheated. I could never bring myself to forgive him for it.

I still think that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just left right then and there instead of subjecting us to misery for so long.

In hindsight, you can say that but don't be so hard on yourself. See, I figure it's a lot easier to forgive someone for what they have done when you don't have to wake up looking at them evey morning.

Ali

 

[totalia]

Lol. Very good point.

Suffice to say that I won't be making the same mistake again and my current fiance knows that. Its horrible to say but my current fiance understands that I don't trust blindly anymore (glad of that). If I ever catch him doing any of the things my exhusband has doen, its over then and there.

 

[s&k'smom]

ShaLynn, God bless you for getting out safe. For all my Dis brothers and sisters who've been hurt I'm sorry, as my sister was married to a cheater. I remember her pain, but where "He" closes a door a window opens. She hocked her engagement ring, went back to school, got her degree, she was offered a great job and has met a really nice man who loves her two boys. And to top it off they are going to WDW in March. Take care everyone.

 

[patsvette]

I never got a chance to catch mine,it was going on for 3 years ,but my friends knew about it and never said anything to me.It was also with a very good friend of mine( so i thought)actually wait yes he was,now i dont have to put up with her,lol.Our 5th year anniversary day i woke up to find her already out of bed(usually sleeps in) and walks in and says im leaving you today,i never said a word,just got dressed and went to work.Im very easy going.I even invited that friend out for a drink a few weeks later to tell him good luck and hope everything goes well.There now married with 2 kids.The people im still mad at is the ones that knew and didnt say anything.