Cheating Spouses

[OceanAnnie]

Man. You think you know somebody. Sad stories. But strong spirits.

I have a friend that watches "cold case files" and all kinds of detective shows. She tells me stories of how women and men were done in (for good) all the time. Amazing how devious people can be.

She is decidedly single. Had a series of bad relationships. Never to have a serious relationship again. I wish she would venture out and trust again (but ofcourse it's not my decision to make). It's been YEARS since she has had a date! She is an outgoing, strong, beautiful person. Loves people. I'm very sad for her. She's a wonderful person. *I* think she's very lonely. But she just shuts men out.

 

[jipsy]

tiggersmom2

I suspected something was going on for awhile because he acted so strangely. He began to accuse ME of cheating, following me when I was going somewhere (like the grocery store ), checking the mileage on the car, etc. etc. etc.

I found out for sure when she called the house and asked for him.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

First let me say that I am now married to "THE ONE", he is perfect in every way in my eyes. That being said, my first husband was the devil incarnate.....he would always put me down and tell me how "lacking" I was, when he wasn't beating me. One day he told me...." I hope someone loves you one day and you don't love them....then you will know how I feel" Well, it wasn't long after that I found out he was seeing a *13* year old girl!!!!!! He was obviously mentally ill and killed himself soon afterwards.......all I can say is Good for me....he wasn't worth the bread he ate.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh but...good riddance. I'm just glad you are not with him anymore. He sounds like my ex, who is still alive and probably still abusing women, unfortunately.

 

[G00fyDad]

For me it was my ex-fiance in Colorado. I came home for work sick one day and found her and him in bed together. She saw me, he didnt right away. She just looked up at me and smiled and waved for me to join. ACK!!! The guy freaked out, jumped up and tried to run. I threw him into the closet door and told him to sit. He only did what I said because at that time I was working for an armored car company and I had a .38 on my side. I then found out that she told him she kicked me out and that we were finished. I found our $3k wedding set in the trash can. I told him to run. He did. Then I did the next stupidest thing I have ever done next to getting together with her. I threw the rings in the toilet and flushed. Then I told her to pack her stuff and hit the road.

Heres the bombshell, 5 years later I found out that she had a son by me. She didnt tell me cause she didnt want to have me in his life. I found out from the Colorado Welfare Office. I still have never seen his picture or him.

Everything works out in the end. I have 2 wonderful and amazingly smart and funny children and a wife I love sooooo much now. (even though she is not as Disney addicted as I am LOL )

 

[sha_lyn]

I suspected something was going on for awhile because he acted so strangely. He began to accuse ME of cheating, following me when I was going somewhere (like the grocery store ), checking the mileage on the car, etc. etc. etc.

Yep my ex did that. Even accused my grandparents of covering for me, because when I had a day off during the week, I'd go spend the day with them
Check my mileage and everything. He beat me up one day because I took a co-worker home and that put more miles on my car.

 

[G00fyDad]

I hear some of you talking about getting beaten. Wow. Is it any real wonder why some women just shoot first and worry about the consequences later?

Good for all of you for getting out of those relationships and getting on with your lives! Those of you in those relationships now. Get out while you still can. Take the kids (if you have any) with you. Just leave.

 

[sha_lyn]

I actuially did shoot at my ex once with his 22 rifle. He had beaten me pretty bad (with the butt of the gun)and threw me out in the cold and sleet in nothing but the gown he had ripped 1/2 off me. He then decided to take off and stepped over me and the gun and got in his truck. I shot and hit the back of the truck. All of this because I was in the bed with the flu and wouldn't get up to cook for him.

 

[poohandwendy]

First let me say that I am now married to "THE ONE", he is perfect in every way in my eyes. That being said, my first husband was the devil incarnate.....he would always put me down and tell me how "lacking" I was, when he wasn't beating me. One day he told me...." I hope someone loves you one day and you don't love them....then you will know how I feel" Well, it wasn't long after that I found out he was seeing a *13* year old girl!!!!!! He was obviously mentally ill and killed himself soon afterwards.......all I can say is Good for me....he wasn't worth the bread he ate.

No, he wasn't...{{{BIG HUGS}}}, that had to really be a rough time in your life...

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I actuially did shoot at my ex once with his 22 rifle. He had beaten me pretty bad (with the butt of the gun)and threw me out in the cold and sleet in nothing but the gown he had ripped 1/2 off me. He then decided to take off and stepped over me and the gun and got in his truck. I shot and hit the back of the truck. All of this because I was in the bed with the flu and wouldn't get up to cook for him.

OMG-that is horrible. Did you get a PFA? Did he go to jail? My heart goes out to you.

 

[chell]

I caught her in the act with her roommate.

Since no one else has asked yet, I just have to. Did she have a male roommate or a female roommate?

sha_lyn I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that. I just don't understand what makes them think they can treat people that way.

So glad to hear seeral of you have gotten out of those types of relationships and are much better off now and safe now!

 

[sha_lyn]

I didn't try to get help then, but later on when I did try to press charges I was told
1. A husband can not rape a wife

2 my cutting his arm(with a glass jar he kept change in by the bed) to get him off of me would put me in jail if he wanted to press charges since it was not rape.

He told me he would press charges if I left so I stayed a few more weeks. He raped me again the am I left after being gone for about 24 hrs. He came in and accused me of sleeping with his brother because I had given him a ride home. Ex was suppose to take his brother home that AM but took off and was gone all day and 1/2 the night. Their sister and I took the brother home.


This was in the same county (Forsyth) that around the same time Oprah was doing a story on because they would not allow any blacks to live in the county. There NAACP marched and protested a few times etc. It was very backwards at the time.

 

[NMAmy]

It's sad that there are so many of us who have been through this. to everyone--it's one of the most painful things I've ever been through.

My ex is a compulsive liar. He's very convincing and frankly, he contradicted me on EVERYTHING which made it hard for me to believe my suspicions were well founded. He is a cop; his affair was with a dispatcher. He worked nights and had always worked a lot of overtime so I didn't notice that he was gone at weird times--he'd go to her during the day while I was at work and if I came in, he'd say he'd had to go to court which was not unusual. And, he'd tell me he was going to work, take his squad car, and go to her house (he almost got fired for that part.) He finally told me when he decided to move in with her. I felt like such an idiot but felt better when I'd heard from our friends (guys he worked with and their wives) that he'd not only been lying to me but to them as well. When we divorced, he did not have a single former friend from the Police Department--no one trusted him.

They've married and, frankly, I'm waiting for the karma to come around. They both were cheaters and I believe it's just a matter of time till one of them cheats again.

I, on the other hand, have remarried a wonderful man and I'm much happier. I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I was rid of him. I was lucky in that there was never any physical abuse and to others, we just seemed like a normal couple. Heck, to me, we seemed like a normal couple who had been married for 13 years. Nothing changed in his behavior to me until the day he moved out.

 

[Poohnatic]

Amy,

That's what got me through the worst of the abusive crap my ex was dishing out...that someday, it would bite him back. It did, in a way.

I'd previously worked at the same employer that he and the woman did, and had many friends there. He and the woman became total outcasts, and they quit and moved away because NO ONE would talk to them.

He walked up to one of our closest mutual friends in town as if they were still pals. Friend said "goodbye", and walked away. Later received a phone call from the ex, and was told that if he would do something that low to someone he was supposed to love, then he wasn't worth having as a friend.

Suzanne

 

[NMAmy]

Suzanne--it does make you feel better, doesn't it? My current husband thinks it's funny because they used to have a cookout for the SWAT team every year. After this happened, the wives refused to invite my ex (even though he was on the SWAT team) and would invite me and DH instead.

 

[Poohnatic]

Amy, all our friends hung out together. I kept my distance from his long time friends, and now it ends up that none of them is in contact with him. His best friend for many many years severed the friendship when the wife said "Your friend goes, or I go", and she didn't even know me or what he'd done.

Suzanne

 

[sha_lyn]

Now when I look back on it I can't believe how mentally beaten I was. I'll air it all here to show how the spiral starts and get to a point where you really believe that you are no good and deserve what they are doing.

We had actually started out as best friends. I invited him to be my date to the prom my Jr yr when my BF and I broke up. We started dating about 2 months later. We became engaged a few months later. Yes I know way to young, but for some reason in my family and the area girls were expected to marry right after graduation if they even bothered to complete HS. In fact when my sister went away to college a few yrs before she got comments like "poor thing, maybe you will find a husband down there and can quit college and start having babies". There were even rumors she was gay or insane since "no one would marry her" at 17.

Around march of my Sr yr I found out he was cheating and we broke up. We had a wedding date planned already for the weekend after my graduation. Then I found out I was PG and we got back together. We were broken up for about a week, maybe 2.I believed him when he said he would never cheat again. I graduated about 2 1/2 months later. The night after graduation he beat me into a miscarriage because I wouldn't drink with him. It was the first time he was violent with me. He was by my side constantly for the 1 1/2 weeks I was bleeding and the Dr was trying to save the baby. He cried and begged me to still marry him. We had to put the wedding off a week or 2 (2 I think) because I was either in the hospital or on bed rest on our wedding day. Its been so long I can't remember which now.

We got married and couldn't even "consummate" on our honeymoon because I had not recovered. When we returned from out honeymoon we found out we had lost the trailer we we buying so we had to move in with my parents. The sellers deal for their new place didn't go through so they backed out of the deal. About 2 months later we moved into a small apartment and that is when it all started falling apart. I think the next beating was over pot seeds I found hide in our linen closet. Then he stopped working and was with his friends all day getting high while I worked. He had me convinced that I was "broken" since I lost his baby and no one else would have a defective person who couldn't even have a baby. It was the mental abuse that broke me. He would mentally abuse me all the time. The physical abuse was when I would "defy" him or stand up for myself etc. During the time I had the flu and he beat me I lost my job because we didn't have a phone for me to call in sick. Ex of course claimed he called.

We lost the apartment and moved in with his mother. He claimed to have a job with a mechanic and said he would only get paid when the mechanic got paid. Turned out he was going off and getting high and met his 15yr old girlfriend. That is when the things like checking my mileage began. I was a cashier at a building supply store and worked every weekend. On my days off I'd go see my grandparents while ex was suppose to be at work. that is when the first rape occurred where I cut his arm. He, his mom and the police had me convinced I was going to jail. Now I know I would have been better off in jail.


Then a couple of months later his brothers GF was murdered and his brother came to stay at their moms with us. He couldn't stay alone at the time because he just had back surgery. Once he could drive I would let BIL use my car. He would drop me off at work and pick me up. I wouldn't let ex drive it because he always did stupid thing to it to try to get it to go faster, sound loud etc. He would stick bolts in the springs to jack it up and took the air filter off so it was be louder. So he claimed I was sleeping with his brother since his brother could drive my car. His brother finally had enough and decided to go home. I went to work that am and Ex told his brother he was going after cigarettes and would be back in a few min to take him home. I worked long hrs that day because we were doing inventory. I came in around PM and my ex had been gone since that early AM. SILE and I took BIL home, then I came home and went to bed. When Ex came home I think his sister was up and he told him we took BIL home. Ex got in and started "making moves" on me. When I told him no way, he started beating me and raped me. Or tried to, I was bleeding "down there" and beaten pretty bad. I can't remember if I got away before he actually raped me. I was screaming for help and his mother wouldn't' help me. that is when he said I must be getting it from his brother since I would give it to him. Sometime during that he called me Amy. I left that night and went to my parents.

I actually fell for his lies about a month later. I had left the area to keep him away from my parents and grandparents. The weekend I decided to come home he was actually staking out my parents house and convinced me to try again. Turned out it was a ploy to get me alone so his girlfriend could beat me up and/or kill me. Her brother overheard them on the phone planning it and followed her. Thanks to him and my then FIL I made it out OK. FIL convinced me to move away and get a divorce. He beat up my ex that night and banned ex and Amy from the house. He had actually just reconciled with MIL and moved back in after being divorced for many yrs. He gave me the strength to run away. I would probably have eventually died at the hands of Ex or Amy if it had not been for my then FIL.

A few days later I actually planned my suicide, but had a "visit" from the spirit of my friend(BIL's GF) that had been murdered a few weeks before. Believe what you will but I truly believe it was her next to me in my car when I planned to run my car off a bridge. A rainbow then appeared ahead over the town I was moving to, she pointed to it and disappeared. I ended up meeting DH in that town about 10 months later.

Later on I found out his CB buddy "pork chop" he was spending time with was Amy. She was 15 (or maybe 14 at the time they met). Ex was 20 and I was 19. We were only married for 11 months before I left. Turns out Amy was using ex. She thought if she married someone she would get her kid out of foster care. When ex got busted for drugs (it was during the divorce so couple of months after I left) she knew she wouldn't get her kid if she married him. She had another guy try to kill him. The guy slit Ex's throat but missed the artery because ex was so over weight. Then when that guy dumped her she tried to kill herself and last I knew she was in a semi-vegetative state in a nursing home. Ex didn't press charges against the guy because he wanted to screw me over and told my lawyer I cut his throat and If I tried to get anything he would press charges. Lawyer believe me and called me up 200 miles away threatening to drop me as a client. He realized there was no way I could have driven there and back in time to cut my ex then be home to answer the phone.

That was 19 yrs ago. I can't believe how lucky I am to have made it out.

 

[Geoff_M]

I threw him into the closet door and told him to sit. He only did what I said because at that time I was working for an armored car company and I had a .38 on my side.

Please forgive me, put I find that imagery very funny. I can just imagine the sweat pouring down the schmuck's forehead while thinking that there was a 50/50 chance you were going to plug him! I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I hope you can laugh about this aspect too!

 

[chell]

sha_lyn Thanks for sharing so much with us. It just shows how easy a person can get sucked into a bad relationship and not realize what is happening until it has gotten bad. (((HUGS)))

 

[sha_lyn]

Thanks. I was really luck to survive all of it and come out of it somewhat (LOL) normal. I had a lot of emotional baggage for a long time. Much of it DH could not understand until he talked to his brother. His brothers wife had been in an abusive marriage before they had met. Many of her reactions to things in their marriage was much like my reactions to DH. IE SIL had accidentally use dish soap (for hand washing dishes) in the dishwasher and it overflowed. When she was telling BIL about it she backed herself into a corner and covered her face because she was expecting to be hit. BIL had never even raised his voice at her, but her mind/body were conditioned to expect a beating.

 

[TDC Nala]

I have a friend that watches "cold case files" and all kinds of detective shows. She tells me stories of how women and men were done in (for good) all the time. Amazing how devious people can be.

She is decidedly single. Had a series of bad relationships. Never to have a serious relationship again. I wish she would venture out and trust again (but ofcourse it's not my decision to make). It's been YEARS since she has had a date! She is an outgoing, strong, beautiful person. Loves people. I'm very sad for her. She's a wonderful person. *I* think she's very lonely. But she just shuts men out.

Do you know me?