Can't Do Anything About It Now...School Vent

[FayeW]

I work from home, so I am usually here, but yesterday I had a meeting and didn't get home until after 6:00pm. My 12 yr old son is usually home from school at 2:45, and he had a baseball game at 6:00 pm. DH got home from work at about 4:30 and realized DS wasn't home. He couldn't call me because I was in a meeting with my cell turned off. He starts driving around our neighbourhood (construction zone) looking for DS. At this point, he is 2 hours late coming home and DH is envisioning him crushed beneath a cement truck or snatched from his bike.

DH sees a friend of DS's walking home and stops to ask if he knows where our son is. He says "he was in a different car". WHAT!!??! Upon clarification he finds out that the school soccer tournament was yesterday, and in class in the morning they asked for volunteer helpers. Never one to pass up an opportunity to miss a few hours of class, DS volunteered and was selected to go. Teacher said "the school will call your parents and let them know". Guess what...no calls either on the home phone (I was here until 2:00, meeting started at 2:45) or on my cell.

So, we were furious. I went in to the school this morning and spoke to the principal because first and foremost, nobody calls a parent after the fact to tell them their child is somewhere other than where they are supposed to be. They need signed permission to take the kids of school property. In the fall I had to sign a permission slip for them to literally walk across the school parking lot to have gym class at the park that is adjacent to the school grounds. It is owned by the city, not the school, so they needed permission slips.

Secondly, DS missed Thurs and Fri because he was home sick with a cough and a fever. If they had called for permission, it wouldn't have been granted because he still has a bad cough, and having missed two days last week there is no way he should have even been selected by the teacher to miss another half day.

Third, it was bright and sunny here yesterday, but there was a very strong, cold wind. When he came home his face was badly sun and/or wind burned. At no point did anybody even offer him sunscreen.

Finally, even if he had been healthy and not missed time last week, I STILL wouldn't have given permission for him to go, because the soccer coach wouldn't allow him to try out for the team. Apparently before the tryouts they had two meetings at lunch time. DS went to the first one, but forgot about the second and went out to play (soccer, ironically). She told him that obviously he wasn't committed to being on the team since he blew off the meeting and wouldn't let him try out. I was pissed off, but stayed out of it because he was in the wrong, BUT I wouldn't have allowed him to go help her out after that (rubbing salt in the wound, and all that).

Anyway, nothing anybody can do now. The damage is done. He is coughing and hacking up a storm again today. The principal is upset because the teacher didn't even notify the office that DS had left...as a matter of fact they had no idea that ANY extra volunteers had been required, so she's dealing with that. I was just still wound up about all the things that could have happened (since there was no permission form nobody would have known he was even there, had he gone missing, etc) so I am just venting.

 

[MoniqueU]

This is why my kids get picked up from school. Sorry this happened but I would make arrrangments to pick up your son so you know what is going on and have control of the situations that arise.

 

[ols386]

I can understand your frustration. I'm glad it turned out that he is fine, but I can certainly see why you and your dh would have been panicked.

 

[FayeW]

This is why my kids get picked up from school. Sorry this happened but I would make arrrangments to pick up your son so you know what is going on and have control of the situations that arise.

What would picking him up from school have done? He takes his bike or the bus anyway so picking him up has nothing to do with it. He was already off school property for 4 hours by the time school was out...

 

[richmond282]

I would be FURIOUS! I might even call the superintendent or a school board member. What if your DS had medical issues they didn't know about? What if he had gotten hurt or sick? That is absolutely unacceptable. The coach should be punished.

I am teacher and I never, never, never take kids out of the building w/o a permission form. Our last field trip I had several kids forget to turn in their forms. Parents of these kids called me and begged me to let their child attend. I told them "sorry, no form, no field trip." That's our school system's policy and I'm not going to allow any exceptions.

 

[laurie31]

This is why my kids get picked up from school. Sorry this happened but I would make arrrangments to pick up your son so you know what is going on and have control of the situations that arise.

That wouldn't have helped this situation. She said he missed class to do this, so he was taken out of school before it was over. If she had gone to school to pick him up, he just wouldn't have been there.

There are so many things wrong with this scenario, I can't begin to even comment. Wow. I don't freak out too easily, but this would have sent me right over the edge. Yikes!

 

[allison443]

I understand why you are upset. They should have called for permission, especially since it sounds like the tournament extended past school hours and that's why he wasn't home yet. What if he had a medical appointment to go to, or you needed him home for some other reason?

I also have a 12 year old, she takes the bus home and sometimes comes home to an empty house. I always have her call me when she gets in. If I have my phone turned off for work she texts me. It's for my peace of mind. Especially if your son is riding his bike home-I guess I am the nervous type and would have to have a system in place to make sure he got home okay.

I would definitely be upset. I'm glad your son was okay though! Hopefully they will remedy this for the future.

 

[sbell111]

I would be mad, but not at the school. I would be mad at my son for deviating from the schedule without notifying me.

The son should have called to ask permission for this, not the school.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I would be upset with the school for not following proper precedures, especially when you know they send permission slips when a child leaves the school for anyreason.
But, I would also be upset with your son. Knowing he missed 2 days of school already and volunteer another day without you knowing wasn't a good idea. Does he have a phone? He could have text or called you to ask if he could go. Yes, the school was suppose to call you. But if you said no while he offered to go, wouldn't that cause unnecessery conflict?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I read through the situation twice.

I assume you're looking for honest answers.

I think I would be ok with it. It was a miscommunication. I would be glad he participated. At 12, he's beginning to learn how to make his own decisions, and he did. It wasn't perfect. But he got some fresh air and exercise, had fun, and was part of a team.

I'm not sure why you're encouraging him to hold onto grudges about not making the soccer team. Boys tend to let that stuff go, and it's probably healthier that way.

I was pissed off, but stayed out of it because he was in the wrong, BUT I wouldn't have allowed him to go help her out after that (rubbing salt in the wound, and all that).

 

[FayeW]

Why on earth would I be angry at my son for not calling when his teacher said the school would call??? He's a 12 yr old boy who raised his hand when asked to volunteer. He was told by the person in authority that the school would notify us. There are not many 12 yr old boys who would pass up the opportunity to miss a half of day of school to hang out on the soccer pitch with their pals.

Here is the update. The teacher called today (after the principal spoke to him) and said that there was a misunderstanding. He had asked for volunteers, and said the school would notify us, but when he spoke to the person who had requested volunteers, they decided they didn't need any more after all, and he DID NOT put my son's name forward. Unfortunately, he did not tell my son that he was no longer required, so DS went to the meeting area for the soccer group not knowing he wasn't supposed to go. I did convey to the teacher that I felt he should not have allowed DS to volunteer, but should have said "sorry, pal. You missed two days last week so you have to make that up." He agreed that it was a fair statement.

Several things happened and several systems failed. First, the teacher says "I didn't get back to him to tell him to go" but by the same token, he didn't get back to him to tell him NOT to go, either. This was his home room teacher and he had him first thing in the morning, and then moved on to another classroom. The last time DS spoke to his home room teacher
was when he volunteered and was told they would let us know. He was not sought out and told they didn't need him.

Second, the teachers/parent volunteers/soccer conveynor should have noticed that they had one more body than they had on their list. When I volunteer to drive or chaperone, we are given a list of the names of the students under our supervision or to go in our vehicle. DS's name was not on anyone's list, so he should not have been allowed in a vehicle, PERIOD.

Third, in our district they take attendance twice a day. When they took attendance after lunch they asked "where's XYZ?" and were told, oh, he's at soccer. So they marked him PRESENT, but offsite. Had that teacher marked him absent the school would have called me.

I spoke with the principal again after I spoke to the teacher. I want to be part of the solution so that going forward this doesn't happen again to another student. I suggested to her that in future them make a copy of the signed permission slips and keep them in the office (they are sent with the lead teacher travelling offsite, in case of medical emergencies, etc). I then suggested that the students be marked "absent" on the classroom attendance sheet, and then amended at the office when the sheets are handed in if there is a permission slip on file. If that procedure had been followed, we would have been called at noon.

This still does not excuse the bonehead who put a child in their car without having their name on their list or a permission slip in their possession. There was literally no record anywhere that my son wasn't in school, and the teacher who took attendance in the afternoon took the word of the other students as to where he was.

 

[FayeW]

I read through the situation twice.

I assume you're looking for honest answers.

I think I would be ok with it. It was a miscommunication. I would be glad he participated. At 12, he's beginning to learn how to make his own decisions, and he did. It wasn't perfect. But he got some fresh air and exercise, had fun, and was part of a team.

I'm not sure why you're encouraging him to hold onto grudges about not making the soccer team. Boys tend to let that stuff go, and it's probably healthier that way.

Did you not read the part where he was off sick for two days last week??? That he spent 5 hours out in the cold wind when he is still coughing his head off??? That he is sunburned and windburned because he didn't have any sunscreen?

He was off sick on Thursday, missed his band recital on Thurs night, was even worse on Friday with a fever etc. No, I am not happy he participated!

As to the other comment, I don't know why you got the impression I encouraged him to hold a grudge. I said I wouldn't have given permission if for no other reason than the way the coach treated him. You call it holding a grudge, I call it not letting somebody take advantage of my child. "You missed a meeting so you clearly are not committed enough to be on the team...but you are exactly committed enough to be my gopher on a soccer field all day..."

Ah, I don't think so, Tim.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Did you not read the part where he was off sick for two days last week??? That he spent 5 hours out in the cold wind when he is still coughing his head off??? That he is sunburned and windburned because he didn't have any sunscreen?

Did you not read the part where I said I read it twice?

As to the other comment, I don't know why you got the impression I encouraged him to hold a grudge. I said I wouldn't have given permission if for no other reason than the way the coach treated him. You call it holding a grudge, I call it not letting somebody take advantage of my child. "You missed a meeting so you clearly are not committed enough to be on the team...but you are exactly committed enough to be my gopher on a soccer field all day..."

Ah, I don't think so, Tim.

Your son, your prerogitive.

You asked for opinons. I'm sorry you didn't like mine.

 

[FayeW]

Did you not read the part where I said I read it twice?

Then you should have picked up on the fact that he is still not 100% recovered from his illness.

Your son, your prerogitive.

You asked for opinons.

No, actually I didn't. I said in both the title, and the last sentence of my OP, that it was a vent.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

No, actually I didn't. I said in both the title, and the last sentence of my OP, that it was a vent.

My bad. I should have read the fine print.

 

[Sanchez]

No, actually I didn't. I said in both the title, and the last sentence of my OP, that it was a vent.

By venting on a public forum you invite comments.

While the school may have been at fault for your stress during the search your son bears the responsibility for missing school and getting sick.

 

[FayeW]

By venting on a public forum you invite comments.

While the school may have been at fault for your stress during the search your son bears the responsibility for missing school and getting sick.

I think I'm in the Twilight Zone.

He was sick last week, but recovering. Well enough to go to school does not make him well enough to stand out in the cold wind for 5 hours. His teacher should not have even considered him as a volunteer considering he had missed school two days last week, and he coughed all day Monday when he was back in school. He should have told him to put his hand down. The teacher acknowledges that.

However, missing 4 hours of class time pales in comparison to the fact that nobody except the person who put my child in their car without permission even knew where he was. If I had shown up at the school to pick him up, nobody knew he had left the premises.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

By venting on a public forum you invite comments.
While the school may have been at fault for your stress during the search your son bears the responsibility for missing school and getting sick.

Exactly. I'm sorry for the stress it's caused, but your son definetly needs to bear some of the tresponsibility. Having missing 2 days of schools, he should have never offered to miss another day- especially without your approval.
At 12 years old they are old enough to understand school is important and can't be missing days that easily.

 

[FayeW]

Exactly. I'm sorry for the stress it's caused, but your son definetly needs to bear some of the tresponsibility. Having missing 2 days of schools, he should have never offered to miss another day- especially without your approval.
At 12 years old they are old enough to understand school is important and can't be missing days that easily.

He's also smart enough to know that when 8-10 of his classmates are out because they are on the soccer team (1/3 of the class) they aren't going to be covering any new material, anyway.

I'm not thrilled with his decision to volunteer, however, in terms of how many people in this scenario exercised poor judgement, I would say the 12 yr old raising his hand when asked to volunteer is not the event which put him at risk. Allowing him to leave school property with a someone who had no permission to have him in their vehicle, without the knowledge or permission of his parents, or school administration, did.

To say that the child should have had enough sense and responsibility to not volunteer does not mitigate the teacher's responsibility. If the child should have known better, so should the teacher.

 

[DizBelle]

Ok, maybe the 12 year old should not have raised his hand to volunteer. He should have known better given that he was still recovering from being sick and had missed two days of school.

But the OP is right, the adults in the situation should have checked him on it and NEVER let him off school property without the parent's permission. Ultimately, the grown ups are responsible here.