Can I vent?

[mefordis]

I'm not sure where this should go, so I'm posting here.

Can I vent? I am bringing my mom on this trip to help me and I am paying for everything. Now, I don't expect her to babysit every day, but she is laying down demands like her own bathroom, her own personal time, etc. Did I mention I am paying for everything?

I am taking this trip as a reward to myself for a major accomplishment. I won't go alone because I don't want to leave my kids, and also because I have so much enjoyment by watching them at WDW. However, I would love time with just dd5, too. So I do need my mom there to take the baby in for naps while I go to the pool with dd5.

I used to have fun on trips with my mom, but I feel like she is changing. Grumpier and less laid back. She gets rattled easy, too.

My dh is meeting us out there on day #4 and staying for 4 nights. I'd like to have alone time with him as well so we'd need my mom to watch our 1 year old (dd5 could go to the kids club).

I have thoughts of canceling the trip altogether because I can forsee mom getting in a tizzy over something out there, and me regretting spending all the money for the trip, etc.

Anyway, that is my vent. Any input or advice for me would be greatly appreciated!

 

[sabrecmc]

Leave mom at home and hire one of the Kids Nite Out people to come and take the younger child for a bit and then both kids when hubby arrives. It would probably make for a much nicer vacation all around and save you money. Give mom a spa certificate as an apology or something.

That being said, if your mom's personality has really undergone a radical change recently, she should be evaluated by her doctor.

 

[magicaldisney]

Did you make it clear to her that you were taking her for babysitting purposes?

 

[dalt01]

we were just on the other end of that issue. if you are buying an expensive babysitter you better make it clear to her. otherwise you have no right to ask your Guest to watch your children.

 

[kparc]

I feel your pain. I don't know if venting will help - it's an answer you need - and I ain't got one for you. Good Luck is all I can say and it sounds like you are going to need more then a little pixie dust and Disney Magic to solve your - um - situation. Or you could just say - "Hey mom, I'm paying for the whole &^#@ thing! Give it a rest and give me a break! GEEZ!

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

I'm not sure where this should go, so I'm posting here.

Can I vent? I am bringing my mom on this trip to help me and I am paying for everything. Now, I don't expect her to babysit every day, but she is laying down demands like her own bathroom, her own personal time, etc. Did I mention I am paying for everything?

I am taking this trip as a reward to myself for a major accomplishment. I won't go alone because I don't want to leave my kids, and also because I have so much enjoyment by watching them at WDW. However, I would love time with just dd5, too. So I do need my mom there to take the baby in for naps while I go to the pool with dd5.

I used to have fun on trips with my mom, but I feel like she is changing. Grumpier and less laid back. She gets rattled easy, too.

My dh is meeting us out there on day #4 and staying for 4 nights. I'd like to have alone time with him as well so we'd need my mom to watch our 1 year old (dd5 could go to the kids club).

I have thoughts of canceling the trip altogether because I can forsee mom getting in a tizzy over something out there, and me regretting spending all the money for the trip, etc.

Anyway, that is my vent. Any input or advice for me would be greatly appreciated!

NEW RULE IN EFFECT.

Hmmmmmmm.

It seems like you feel that because you pay for the trip that you can set rules and schedules for your mother? It IS a vacation that you invited your mother on. because you are paying for it dosn't mean you are suddenly in control of her life.

If what you want is a nanny, which is what you are describing, I would hire one for the trip from an agency. That way you, your mother your husband, and your kids will all have a great time.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Respectfully, "free" does not mean "slave." Just because you're paying for Mom's trip doesn't mean Mom is on 24-hour duty. While I'm not sure from the info you give whether it's asking too much for Mom to want her own bathroom, I don't think she's out of line wanting free time.

Also, one reason why Mom may seem grumpier is because Mom's treating you more like an adult and she doesn't feel like she has to disguise her feelings as much. I have to say I'd probably be kinda grumpy if a child of mine invited me on a trip and expected me to be at his/her beck and call.

Rather than have hard feelings, I'd sit down with Mom and have a discussion about what she's willing to do to help and what she wants as far as free time. If you and Mom can't work it out, you should look at Plan B.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I think you need to talk with your Mom about expectations, and then decide if you want to do this or not. I don't have any grandkids yet (my kids are only 5 and 9) but when I do, I would LOVE to go to WDW with them. That being said, I would NOT want to go as a babysitter. If I took time off work to go on vacation, I would want it to be just that....a vacation....no matter who is paying. I understand your Mom wanting some time for herself, and some personal space. At the same time, I understand that you do need some help with the kids, and that your intention is not to pay for her semi-solo trip. I think the best way to work it out is to sit down and have an honest talk about her expectations and yours and then decide if this is the way to go, or if you would be better off not taking her. Keeping the lines of communication open will be the best way to avoid misunderstandings once you are there.

 

[DeeDeeDis]

this is tough since you've already invited your mom, i think it would be a little hard to uninvite her.

the "my own bathroom" issue - Tell your mom to get her own bathroom she would need her own room, which is fine but it would cost her $$$$, so you would be more then happy to book her a room, just give me your charge card and i'll call and book you a private room, and hopefully they'll be able to get a room near you. Remember be cheerful and helpful but be clear that SHE will pay the additional cost.

If you didn't make it clear to mom when you invited her then:

Okay expecting your mom to stay in the room everyday while you swim with your older daughter may be pushing it a little, perhaps you could explain to your mother that you would really like to spend a little one on one with our older daughter since your time has been so consumed by the baby and you feel that a little "special" time alone would be really nice. Then ask her if she would watch the baby during nap time two days on this trip. Also while you at it ask her if perhaps this year instead of an actual gift for your anniversary/birthday/whatever she watch the baby one evening so that you and your husband could go out for a romantic dinner one night.

Or

you could do what the previous post suggested and make up some excuse and cancel the whole trip then rebook at a later date without your mother.

good luck

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

Respectfully, I have to go with the majority here. Your post says that you "need your mom to take the baby" so you can go to the pool or you "need your mom to watch your 1 year old so you and DH can go to dinner". She is not hired help, even if you are paying for the trip, and it seems that you are treating her as if she is.

How did you present the trip to her? Was it - I'd love for you to come and hang out with your grandkids and help me since DH won't be there? Or was it - I need you to be available at my beck and call at all hours and don't plan on doing anything on your own because I am paying for you to be there?

We brought my in-laws on a trip with us when we were going to a wedding out of state and the kids weren't invited. We ASKED them if they would be willing to come along and watch the kids for the afternoon and evening. We paid for their lodging (we rented a three bedroom house and they had their own room and bathroom), and we paid for as many meals as we had together. They could come and go as they pleased or hang out with us - their choice. We had a great trip with them, and they were a huge help on the day that we had asked for help.

If you didn't invite your mom because you enjoy her company and want her to enjoy WDW with you and the grandkids, you would be better off hiring a sitter at WDW. It costs less, and you would be less resentful. Even a hired sitter that you would bring from home wouldn't expect to work all the time he/she was there.

 

[n2mm]

Did you make it clear to mom that this is your vacation and is a working vacation for her. Obviously she didn't understand that this is not a vacation for her. Maybe if she knew that she may have not wanted to come. I invite my adult children and grandkids to come with me on vacation and I make it prefectly clear at the beginning that is is MY vacation and if I choose to watch the grandkids one night I will let them know. Otherwise, they are on their own. Good luck.

 

[Poohbug]

If you can talk to your mom and explain what you are looking for on the vacation, I would do so now. If this is not something that you can talk about(I know that sometimes parents are more childish than your children), then you have to decide if you are willing to give up your plans or not.

It sounds like she understood that you invited her to go on vacation with you and you meant as a nanny/caregiver and not a guest.

Then again a guest does not demand their own bathroom. Try to figure things out between you and if you can't-cancel. Take a family trip and just pay for babysitting or bring a nanny.

 

[WDSearcher]

I'm not sure where this should go, so I'm posting here.

Can I vent? I am bringing my mom on this trip to help me and I am paying for everything. Now, I don't expect her to babysit every day, but she is laying down demands like her own bathroom, her own personal time, etc. Did I mention I am paying for everything?

I am taking this trip as a reward to myself for a major accomplishment. I won't go alone because I don't want to leave my kids, and also because I have so much enjoyment by watching them at WDW. However, I would love time with just dd5, too. So I do need my mom there to take the baby in for naps while I go to the pool with dd5.

I used to have fun on trips with my mom, but I feel like she is changing. Grumpier and less laid back. She gets rattled easy, too.

My dh is meeting us out there on day #4 and staying for 4 nights. I'd like to have alone time with him as well so we'd need my mom to watch our 1 year old (dd5 could go to the kids club).

I have thoughts of canceling the trip altogether because I can forsee mom getting in a tizzy over something out there, and me regretting spending all the money for the trip, etc.

Anyway, that is my vent. Any input or advice for me would be greatly appreciated!

Your mom is changing. She's getting older. Someone who was fun five years ago may be having a tough time getting older and not being able to do as many thing as before. She's probably getting tired more often, doesn't see you as often, maybe doesn't see her friends as often, maybe just doesn't like getting older. And now, you want to bring her along as a babysitter. The thought of taking care of two small children all day might just be a lot for her, even if your mom has always seemed "young" to you. So keep that in mind. Neither of you are the same person you were back when you took trips together before the kids.

As for THIS trip ... have you sat down with her and gone over a schedule of when you'd like her to be "babysitter grandma", or are you just assuming that, since you're paying, you can make those decisions in a heartbeat and she must instantly comply? If you haven't gone over a schedule with her, then of course she's going to balk. In her head, she's supposed to be at your beck and call, when that doesn't seem to be what you really want.

Plan out the time! Tell her, "On Tuesday, DD5 and I will be at the Princess Tea from Xtime to Xtime, so that will definitely be a time when we'd need you to watch the baby. We'll come back at Ytime, at which point you can either go hang by the pool while I take the kids to MK, or you can come with us." "On Saturday, DH and I have a special dinner planned at Xtime, so we'd need you to take care of both kids that night. We'll be back at Ytime." Stuff like that. Let her know that you've put free time for her in the schedule too. And let her know that there are certain things that ALL of you will be doing, even the baby. Otherwise, she'll feel like your servant. Ask her if there's something special she'd like to do and work that in if you can.

The private bathroom doesn't sound at all unreasonable to me -- if you were bringing a nanny or hiring a babysitter, you'd have to do that for them. Maybe you could get a suite at Saratoga Springs or Old Key West that has a separate bedroom/bath for your mom. Again ... you'd have to do that for a nanny or other bring-along babysitter. And if that's what you're expecting her to be by watching the baby every day during her nap and taking the kids whenever you say, then that's only fair, IMO.

It kind of sounds like you're saying, "Hey mom -- I'll pay for you to come to WDW with me on my special trip I'm planning to congratulate myself, but you need to take care of the kids so that I can do only the things I want to do since this trip is for me. And I'll need you to take care of the kids some more once DH comes down because we'll want to do lots of stuff together too. You'll be sharing a room and a bathroom with all four of us, and you'll just have to go along with my schedule and be available any time I want. I'm not going to plan out any private time for you because I might need you on a moment's notice. But I'm paying for everything, so you have no choice."

Now really ... would YOU enjoy that kind of vacation?

 

[MM27]

My mother has a friend that goes along on all of her children's vacations to act as babysitter. The family went on a cruise, grandma stayed on the ship at all the ports so the parents could do excursions, they went to Disney World and grandma took the kids back to the room for naps. They travel a lot and grandma always takes this role.

My mom always comments that she would never do that because it wouldn't be "fun". She is a great grandmother to my neice, but she wants to be a grandmother, not a babysitter and not a parent. She is very active and doesn't want to miss out because she has to watch a little one.

I would make sure that both sides are clear on why you are bringing your mom along before you go so that there are no hard feelings once you get there. I wouldn't want to ruin a vacation because it wasn't clear in advance about what each side was expecting.

 

[MGMBill]

Unlike, a number of people who've replied, I don't think it's a terrible thing if you invited you mother along on this trip to help you out by baby sitting. A lot of parents are very happy to help out their children when they can. I asked my parents if they could house sit our dogs for us when we go to DisneyWorld in August. Was this slightly inconvient for them? Probably, yes. They live in Virginia and we live in Los Angeles. But they come out usually in August anyway to visit me and my sister (she also lives in LA). So although we won't be here, they can visit my sister and my niece, and we can visit when we get back. I did explain clearly what I was asking them to do and I also let them know that it was perfectly OK if they didn't want to do it. But they said yes.

That being said if you are asking her down to help you out I do think your mom still needs some of her own time and space and to be respectful of that. I think you should talk to your mom and clear out what it is you want and what it is she wants. If you can't reconsile the differences then you could hire a sitter at the resort or hire a nanny as others suggested.

 

[dd50]

I happen to be going with my grown daughter and my teens. My grown daughter lives in another state and is meeting us there. She has two small children and I would be really angry if she had an my days planned out. We are both paying our own ways and she knows that I don't like roller coaster type rides so I will watch the kids when they do that so that is a non-issue but if I did then there would be a problem.

I remember when I went with my Mom and my daughter was about 5 or 6 and my mom's job was to just have a good time and she did.

I would talk every thing over with mom before the trip.

 

[surfergirl602]

Hmmm.... seems to me like you don't have your prioritites straight. She has every reason to be grumpy and upset with you! You are treating hr like a nanny instead of your mother. Have alone time with your husband at home. A vacation isn't for alone time, its for family time, and when you invite someone to come with you, that person would expect to be able to have fun too, not be at your beck and call for when you don't want your children around. Did you invite her telling her outright that you wanted her to come along as a babysitter? If not, you need to tell her so, or hire a nanny to watch your children so she can do fun things too. Sure, I would love to have alone time with my hubby during our trips. That would be fantastic!!! We even brought my mom with us the last time we went, but I would never ask her to babysit my kids while we went out and left everyone else behind. Alone time would be great - not knocking those who take vacations for alone time - but to us, vacations to celebrate or whatever, we spend that time as a family, because we don't get that time very often in the military. We want to spend every second we can with everyone.

 

[wdwmaw]

Your mom is changing. She's getting older. Someone who was fun five years ago may be having a tough time getting older and not being able to do as many thing as before. She's probably getting tired more often, doesn't see you as often, maybe doesn't see her friends as often, maybe just doesn't like getting older. And now, you want to bring her along as a babysitter. The thought of taking care of two small children all day might just be a lot for her, even if your mom has always seemed "young" to you. So keep that in mind. Neither of you are the same person you were back when you took trips together before the kids.

As for THIS trip ... have you sat down with her and gone over a schedule of when you'd like her to be "babysitter grandma", or are you just assuming that, since you're paying, you can make those decisions in a heartbeat and she must instantly comply? If you haven't gone over a schedule with her, then of course she's going to balk. In her head, she's supposed to be at your beck and call, when that doesn't seem to be what you really want.

Plan out the time! Tell her, "On Tuesday, DD5 and I will be at the Princess Tea from Xtime to Xtime, so that will definitely be a time when we'd need you to watch the baby. We'll come back at Ytime, at which point you can either go hang by the pool while I take the kids to MK, or you can come with us." "On Saturday, DH and I have a special dinner planned at Xtime, so we'd need you to take care of both kids that night. We'll be back at Ytime." Stuff like that. Let her know that you've put free time for her in the schedule too. And let her know that there are certain things that ALL of you will be doing, even the baby. Otherwise, she'll feel like your servant. Ask her if there's something special she'd like to do and work that in if you can.

The private bathroom doesn't sound at all unreasonable to me -- if you were bringing a nanny or hiring a babysitter, you'd have to do that for them. Maybe you could get a suite at Saratoga Springs or Old Key West that has a separate bedroom/bath for your mom. Again ... you'd have to do that for a nanny or other bring-along babysitter. And if that's what you're expecting her to be by watching the baby every day during her nap and taking the kids whenever you say, then that's only fair, IMO.

It kind of sounds like you're saying, "Hey mom -- I'll pay for you to come to WDW with me on my special trip I'm planning to congratulate myself, but you need to take care of the kids so that I can do only the things I want to do since this trip is for me. And I'll need you to take care of the kids some more once DH comes down because we'll want to do lots of stuff together too. You'll be sharing a room and a bathroom with all four of us, and you'll just have to go along with my schedule and be available any time I want. I'm not going to plan out any private time for you because I might need you on a moment's notice. But I'm paying for everything, so you have no choice."

Now really ... would YOU enjoy that kind of vacation?

Very well said.

A couple of years ago I took my parents to Disney, I did it because I love them and wanted my kids to have memories with them in Disney. They are not that old but older and we had to change our Vacation alot to enjoy it with them.I also had to get seperate rooms, they just wanted privacy. Grandparents love children but I think kids 24/7 can frazzle quickly. I wished my parents would have offered to watch my kids during that trip but they did not and I did not ask, kids will be grown and gone in a blink. DH and I will go to the world alone then, I just hope my parents are still around and you never know, they may do a couples trip with us. Parents were not put on this earth to take care of us our whole lives but we should move to a place in our lives where we do for them.

 

[a1tinkfans]

NEW RULE IN EFFECT.

Hmmmmmmm.

It seems like you feel that because you pay for the trip that you can set rules and schedules for your mother? It IS a vacation that you invited your mother on. because you are paying for it dosn't mean you are suddenly in control of her life.

If what you want is a nanny, which is what you are describing, I would hire one for the trip from an agency. That way you, your mother your husband, and your kids will all have a great time.

Gotta agree. If you wanted to treat your mom to a trip and now want specific babysitting days/times, I'd forgo the trip or change it up!!

 

[kaffinito]

Sorry OP but I have to agree with the other posters. I realize that you're paying for this trip and so you feel put upon, and I know you don't expect your Mom to babysit all of the time, just a few times, and that you feel that she is being unreasonable in asking for "me" time and for her own bathroom, but try to see it from her perspective as well.

Why not take some of the good advice given, and just get Kids Night Out to watch the kids so that you and DH can have some private time? That way it won't be so bad if you can casually ask Mom to watch the baby while you swim with your 5 year old.

Good luck!