Can anyone explain this behavior?

[SydSim]

Are you a mental health professional with experience in depression? I am not but am giving OP my opinion based on personal experience that is strikingly similar to her own.

sorry, didn't mean to make it seem as if it couldn't be stress, just that it didn't necessarily have to be stress. That is had a lot of signs of depression. Also, stress can bring out a "depressive" mode in people.


(And BTW, yes, I am )

 

[spima3]

It does not sound like depression at all to me.
Considering your last post it sounds like he perhaps is indeed stressed and/or harbors some resentment as being the sole income maker. For a lot of couples this can be a lurking issue that can and does rear it's ugly head. It could be the reason he shuts down is because he realizes you have your stresses as well and does not want a confrontation with you.
I think trying to talk to him and find the root cause of the issue would be considerably more effective then telling him to "change or get out". Someday he may take you up on that and actually leave.

The main reason I don't work is because he doesn't want me to. Neither one of us like the lifestyle with a dual income couple when their are young kids involved, but he is more adamant about me staying home than I am. Right now I am working through tax season, which will end in about two weeks and think the stress of my working now is probably an additional stress to him. While I am enjoying it, I am also looking forward to getting back to normal.

Also, when someone won't talk to you and believes there is nothing wrong, and nothing to discuss, but you are continually on the receiving end of bs, the change the attitude or get out is not an idle threat. I will not live in that kind of a marriage.
That is why I posted about it. If I understood where it came from and why, I would be better able to deal with it and him. lori

 

[jemiaule]

sorry, didn't mean to make it seem as if it couldn't be stress, just that it didn't necessarily have to be stress. That is had a lot of signs of depression. Also, stress can bring out a "depressive" mode in people.


(And BTW, yes, I am )

Thanks for answering! It is great to know we have someone in the profession here! All of us want to be "armchair therapists" but I know our advice may not always be on target.

 

[jemiaule]

The main reason I don't work is because he doesn't want me to. Neither one of us like the lifestyle with a dual income couple when their are young kids involved, but he is more adamant about me staying home than I am. Right now I am working through tax season, which will end in about two weeks and think the stress of my working now is probably an additional stress to him. While I am enjoying it, I am also looking forward to getting back to normal.

Also, when someone won't talk to you and believes there is nothing wrong, and nothing to discuss, but you are continually on the receiving end of bs, the change the attitude or get out is not an idle threat. I will not live in that kind of a marriage.
That is why I posted about it. If I understood where it came from and why, I would be better able to deal with it and him. lori

I wasn't trying to question why you may or may not work. I was only presenting a scenario that could be the cause. In your original post I did not recall you mentioning trying to talk to him about this thus my suggestion of discussion rather than just stating options.

 

[UnderDog]

The main reason I don't work is because he doesn't want me to. Neither one of us like the lifestyle with a dual income couple when their are young kids involved, but he is more adamant about me staying home than I am. Right now I am working through tax season, which will end in about two weeks and think the stress of my working now is probably an additional stress to him. While I am enjoying it, I am also looking forward to getting back to normal.

Also, when someone won't talk to you and believes there is nothing wrong, and nothing to discuss, but you are continually on the receiving end of bs, the change the attitude or get out is not an idle threat. I will not live in that kind of a marriage.
That is why I posted about it. If I understood where it came from and why, I would be better able to deal with it and him. lori

Get help ASAP! Tell him you love him and you want the marriage to last, and that this is a serious problem for you. You should let him know in no uncertain terms how you feel because he may not realize how much his behavior hurts you. Go to a marriage councilor. If he won't go with you, at the very least you should get counseling or confide in a friend or family member. Please do not wait. It might be nothing...
I pray that it is nothing. You need to take care of yourself, and don't let this drag on.

Best of luck to you

 

[Ub_Iwerks]

This is a little personal, but I am truly perplexed. Dh and I have a good marriage for the most part. The usual stressors: kids, in-laws, job losses, getting older, life!

Every so often he just shuts down. We'll go to bed fine one night and the next day he is barely speaking to me. Won't kiss me, touch me, snaps at me and the kids, and I have no clue as to why.

If I ask him why he is suddenly acting like this, he tells me it's all in my head, or he laughs and says I'm being silly. I leave him alone but the "distance" remains and after about a week I flip. Tell him he needs to change or get out, as I won't live like this. Finally, he'll apologize and say he's sorry, blah, blah, blah. Then we're good for another six months.

What is this? Is he just overwhelmed or depressed, or what? It happens so quickly and I never see it coming. Any one with some insight and better yet, advice? thx lori

Could be depression or stress from work. "Tell him he needs to change or get out, as I won't live like this." I understand why you'd be upset, but your reaction might not be the best. Definitely talk to him and tell him all your concerns when he ISN'T acting this way.