Cam's New Lease on Life Journal (comments welcome!)

[eeyore25]

Hi Cam,

I just wanted to pop in and say hi!

Hope you are having a wonderful Friday!

Keep up the good work and have a great weekend!

 

[keenercam]

All right, here's the plan for this weekend:

Friday --
B: lite yogurt (2); very small plum and nectarine (1)
L: totally free salad (0); thin philly pretzel (3)
S: 1/2 bag soy crisps (1)
D: veggie loaded pizza (7)
Lots of points left over for dessert and if I need a snack later tonight. I may even splurge on a caramel apple with nuts if I feel like it, since I have the points available. Interestingly, I am not that hungry. Seems almost a waste to eat the points, but I know that if I don't it throws my body off and I won't lose anything for the next 2-3 days.

Saturday:
Get up early and go for a walk. Earn APs. End up the walk with a stop at Acme to buy turkey bacon and egg beaters. Go home for a high protein breakfast.

Lunch: Girls' Day out with DDalmost17 and my DBF (her Godmother). Hopefullly, somewhere with a wonderful salad.

Dinner: Up in the air

Sunday: Working all day. Will eat high protein breakfast at home and pack lean cuisines for lunch and dinner.

That's my plan to get through the rest of today and the next 2 days cheat-free. We'll see how it goes.

The fun thing is that tonight I am cleaning out my closet and drawers and boxing up everything that is too big on me, and making a pile of stuff to take to the seamstress for alterations. Realized today that I am in big trouble because I don't have a suit that fits for court on Tuesday. Suddenly the skirts are literally sliding down to my hips. How fun! And satisfying. However, I don't think any of our illustrious judges would appreciate the spectacle! I need to find some big safety pins before Tuesday!

 

[toystoryduo]

Tracy-- I am really excited that the trip is only 10 days away, but got terrible news yesterday. My friend broke a bone in her ankle and is completely out of commission as far as walking, for 6 weeks. Am trying to educate myself on how to get us around the airports, hotel & parks with her on crutches and a wheelchair. We are both really looking forward to the trip and I am determined to make sure she has a wonderful time. Wish me luck!

Oh Cam!

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's ankle! I am sending you both some extra, super-duper to help you have a wonderful vacation!

Way to go on your new clippie!!! It looks mahvelous dahling!

Hope you have a great weekend! Take care!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Cam!!

Must feel so good to have nothing to wear! LOL hehe! That is great that everything is too big!

Thanks for the DCI heads up! What fun! Glad you had a blast and how cool was it that you got to see clips of your days too!

I hope that all of your great weekend plans come to fruition!
Mike

 

[keenercam]

Did the same type of training session this morning as I did Thursday:
a 5 minute warmup walk and then jogged the first 1 minute of every 5 minute interval, like this
0-5 -- walk
5-6 -- jog
6-10 -- walk
10-11 -jog
11-15 - walk
15-16 - jog
16-20- walk
21-22 - jog
22-25 walk
25-26 jog
26-30 walk
30-31 jog
On Thursday, I hit 1.98 miles at 31 minutes, for something around a 15:40 pace.

I did exactly the same routine again this morning, but ended up doing it a "smidge" faster so that I completed 2.03 in 30:59. Pace 15:16 -- slight improvement over Thursday. I was actually eager to get out this morning -- really wanted to see if I could do that again.


Food was a hodgepodge today, with being out most of the day:
B: fruit & nut bar (energy for my workout) (3)
L: chinese food -- chicken lettuce wraps (counting this as 6); 1/2 c. veggie lo mein (3.5), kung po chicken w/brown rice (8)
D: lean cuisine garlic beef & broccoli (3) over snow pea pods & broccoli (0)
Desssert: popcorn (4); net carb chocolate (2)
I probably overestimated on some of this stuff, but still only used .5 FP in addition to my APs.

Fun day. Awesome lunch at PF Changs chinese bistro (I think I have the name close). The lettuce wrap was the best tasting food I have had in longer than I can remember. Good thing we don't live closer.

Can't believe I only have to get through 5 more days before the trip!

 

[Cruise04]

Cam - BRAVO and congrats on that new clippie - it fits you well!!!!!!!! I saw on the nightly news last night about the DCI Championships and sorry to see the Cavaliers didn't place 1st this year. Who did? I think I missed that in your post. Sounds like you had a good time!!!!!

Keep up the good work my friend - awesome job you are doing!

Keep on
Chris

 

[keenercam]

Oh Cam!

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's ankle! I am sending you both some extra, super-duper to help you have a wonderful vacation!

Way to go on your new clippie!!! It looks mahvelous dahling!

Hope you have a great weekend! Take care!

Thank you so much, Tracy! I really appreciate the . You are a sweetie! Yeah, I am lovin' that clippie, but truly lusting for the 35 pound one!

Cam - BRAVO and congrats on that new clippie - it fits you well!!!!!!!! I saw on the nightly news last night about the DCI Championships and sorry to see the Cavaliers didn't place 1st this year. Who did? I think I missed that in your post. Sounds like you had a good time!!!!!

Keep up the good work my friend - awesome job you are doing!

Keep on
Chris

Thank you, Chris! Cadets won the national championships and their show was truly awesome and deserving. I am thrilled that Cavaliers ended up so close behind them. I just enjoyed the Cavaliers show more -- it was a tribute to Chicago and they brought, I think, 8 huge aluminum ladders on the field to do a segment on the great fire and then proceeded to use them as props throughout the show, complete with musicians climbing up and down them while playing. It was visually stunning. The Crossmen made it all the way through semi-finals, but finished 13th and only the top 12 went to finals, so they had the night "off" after a phenomenal season. DD is still absolutely determined to audition for next summer and will dedicate herself for the next 4 months to getting physically and artistically prepared for that grueling process. She has dance and flag solos in her marching band show, so she will have lots of opportunity to improve her talent and to fortify herself with crowd approval over the season before going into the sometimes-diminishing ordeal of audition weekends. There is so much she might miss this year (depending on the drum corps' willingness to excuse her from parts of "spring training"), including senior week and possibly prom and graduation if she gets a flagline spot in drum corps. Not sure the sacrifice will be necessary or worth it, but I leave it to her. DH and I will certainly put our foot down about the actual graduation ceremony, but we'll cross all those bridges when and if we come to them. Every single one of those kids out on that DCI field has made tremendous sacrifice to be there and so have their families.

I hope that all of your great weekend plans come to fruition!

Thanks, Mike. Yesterday was so wonderful, and being in the car for 2 hours with DDalmost17 was amazing -- she chatted the whole time about her experiences so far with this year's colorguard (she is captain) and about her plans for senior year, etc. Then we watched "Ice Princess" together last night and just enjoyed each other's company. Truly a blessing!

Actually, the one plan I didn't discuss earlier is something I am dreading. I am determined that tonight I will write at least 10 acknowledgments of the condolence cards and calls and gifts that my mother and I received when my father died (she couldn't bring herself to do it) and the condolences and calls and gifts that my brothers and I received when my mother died 16 days later. I am so overwhelmed at the prospect, but it is like a big dark cloud literally suffocating me. I really can't count on anyone else to do it, and dumping all those envelopes and Mass cards in 2 big shopping bags allowed me to ignore them for a long time. However, the time has come to dump out the bags, sort the cards and all my notes on phone calls, etc., and get them taken care of. Even though I know I need to work at least 7-8 hours today here at my office, I feel like this is avoidance. So, I have to gear myself up for doing that project when I get home. Wish me luck, but more importantly, wish me fortitude.

Thanks, everyone. I don't know what I'd do without the support I have found here. I you guys!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Cam!!

So happy that you had that nice time with your DD. I bet it was great for each of you.

I am sending you the biggest hug possible and all the supportive vibes I have saved up for your project later. I am sure it will bring up all sorts of feelings and emotions. I hope that you can make sure to take care of yourself while you do it too, ie. if need a 5min break to get some air, take it. It shows me how great of a person you are that you are able though to take it on and show your thanks to all of those people who sent your family condolences during what was a very hard time. So again, hug!!! and a flower for good measure!

Will be thinking of you!
Mike

 

[Cruise04]

Oh I bet that tribute to Chicago was awesome!!!! Very cool.

Hope your project went okay. I know when I did the condolensce cards after my mom passed away it was a great experience for me. I had held so much in while we were preparing for the funeral and going through all of that that I never read any of the cards - I mean really read them. I remember crying so much that my eyes hurt. But that was very therapeutic for me. I kept the cards and finally discarded them this past winter. I just couldn't keep them in my house any longer. I'd look at the bag that was sitting in my spare bedroom and just start crying. I read them all very thoroughly and then took them out to the garbage. That was harder than I ever imagined it would be but again very good for me. I can't even imagine what you have to go through but I hope it was therapeutic for you as well!!!!!! Oh, and I also found myself yelling at some of the cards and that helped tremendously too!!!!! Trust me on that one!

HUGS Cam!!!!!

Keep on
Chris

 

[keenercam]

Mike -- Thank you so much for the hug. Somehow knowing I would come here today and would want to say that I got some of that project done was enough of a motivator to force me to do it, even though I didn't get home until about 10:15 (more on that later).

Chris -- I am so glad that process was so therapeutic for you. I really hope I can look back on this and feel that way. I used to be such an emotional person and I really feel like I have compartmentalized this whole experience and have just, I don't know how to describe it -- "detached"?

It's funny. I thought 3+ months (for my mom) and 4 months (for my dad) was enough time that I would have been able to be a bit detached and it wouldn't be so hard, but, in reality, now I think that if I had written them right after my mom died, it would have been "easier" in that I was like a zombie, doing what had to be done, getting my kids and my brothers through the viewings and the funerals and everything else. Looking back now, I know I was going on auto pilot and I was very much "in a bubble". If I had read all the cards then and acknowledged them, I don't think it would have been as painful -- just one more thing to get through, you know?

As a matter of fact, those cards didn't really even bring me comfort -- I viewed them as one more HUGE detail I was going to be responsible for, just one more thing on my list of things to do because my parents died. How weird and sad that I felt that way. And yet, when I sat down last night and started just sorting through the bags of "stuff" and making piles of cards, mass cards, letters from charitable organizations acknowledging memorial gifts, and notes of phone calls and baked goods, I found my hands shaking so much and my whole being consumed with sadness and loss.

Then I found myself pulling back again, becoming the matter-of-fact, goal oriented, organized Cam. I sorted everything:

1. gift letters and cards from professional associates and my partners (because I felt these needed to be done first)
2. cards from people I work with
3. cards from family members
4. cards from my closest friends
5. cards from friends and family of my closest friends
6. cards from people my parents knew but I did not
7. cards from people for whom I have no return address

Then, I put a lot of the names and addresses that I didn't have in my new phone book, and then I started writing. I did all of pile 1 and a couple of pile 5, and when all was said and done I had the first dozen or so out of the way. I think those were the easiest to do because they required a formality that is easier than sentimentality.

I thought getting a bunch done would make the rest easier. What I really think now is that getting it started will make it easier to keep going -- now my dining room table is covered and I just want to "wrap up" the project. But I'm sure the cards will get harder and harder to write as I write to people who actually knew and loved my parents.

DH will arrive really late tonight from western PA, so I will work on this more while waiting up for him. Last night I went until 1 a.m., so I am not sure how much energy I will have, but I'll do as much as I can. It would be so nice to have this done before I leave for WDW -- not coming home to it unfinished would be good for me.

Wow. I bet that was a record-length post. If you've read this far, thank you for giving me a sounding board and so much support.

 

[keenercam]

Now for the food stuff for yesterday. What with being at work 10 a.m. - 10 pm and then working on that project until after 1 a.m., it was a day wrought with food hazards. I think I did okay, though.

B: 2 lite english muffins with egg beaters, turkey bacon & fat free cheese (6.5) -- actually I ate these over the course of about 3 hours rather than at once.

L: lean cuisine 3 meat deep dish pizza (7); pretzels (3); 1 reese's miniature peanut butter cup (1)

Snack: carrots, long slim jim (2)

D: 2 lite hot dogs on whole wheat tortilla & lite english muffin (5)

Dessert: taste of ice cream; taste of popcorn; no pudge ice cream cone (3)

A little over, but still had nearly all my FPs for the week and I used a few. I am okay with that. At least I stopped eating before 11.

 

[calena]

Wow! You have so much going on right now.
You are doing so great with your weight loss and slipping skirts sounds great! I'm sure the safety pins will work well.
I am so sorry about your friend. Can't imagine going through with a wheelchair, but it should not be much different than a stroller, and people should be considerate. I know you will both still have a great time.
Thoughts and hugs with you as you write your cards. I know that will bring the memories back fresh. So tough. Be good to yourself.
Have a great time in Disney. I would love to do a girls trip sometime with a friend too. It is such a great idea.

 

[eeyore25]

Hi Cam!

Considering everything that you have going on, your food choices were great!!!!

Keep up the good work, you are doing great!

 

[daisy_77]

Cam~You are doing great! I hope that this week is another good one for you!

I appreciate all the nice comments that you leave for me in my journal!

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Cam!

Hugs! Now that that is out of the way () I am glad to hear that you were able to get the project going so well. I know it will probably get harder as you go on and I wish I could write them for you! But as that is not possible, I hope you are able to do them at your own pace and as hard as they are to reply to, I also hope you know they are a reflection of the love and care the people who sent them felt for your parents, your siblings, and of course you. I am sure that it would feel good to know you are not coming home to them after WDW so I hope you are able to meet that goal.

On the happier note of the eve, just 4 days til you hit WDW!! I hope that you have the best girls' weekend ever!!!!!

I hope you are having a good night!
Mike

 

[lillygator]

Hi there!! Great job staying OP...I love those FP!!

 

[plutosmyfav]

Now for the food stuff for yesterday. What with being at work 10 a.m. - 10 pm

I know the feeling! I got to work at 7:40 AM this morning and I'm here at 11PM (I took time to go to the gym of course and have dinner with DS), but it is tough when work over exceeds its boundaries!!!!

I'm so sorry you are still in pain over your parents. My prayers are with you I think reverting to task oriented, list checking-off mode is how we cope when the emotions are too difficult. Write as you feel comfortable, I'm sure everyone will be blessed by your cards and understand you meanings.

Take care,

Sunny

 

[goldcupmom]

Cam - HUGS!!!!!!!

Writing the thank you's is rough! Been there, done that. It's been over 2 years since my MIL (my best friend) passed away in March, my Mom in Nov and then my SIL in Dec. It was a very rough year. My dad has been gone since 94 and there are days I still cry about all 3. It will get better and easier, but I don't think the occasional sadness ever goes away. All we can do is reflect, pray and move on.

On a better note..... LOVE the new clippie!!!

Hang in there. You are doing great at managing it all.

 

[keenercam]

Thank you so much, everyone for your kind words and support. It really helps to know that others have been through this "acknowledgment" process and can reassure me that what I am going through is normal.

Sunny -- I can definitely imagine how grueling that work day was -- I did that on a Sunday a few months ago. It was UGLY! I felt like a hostage.


Last night's food was just as voluminous as I would have expected at this time of month

D: one whole bag of trader joe's awesome organic brown rice (6)
smokey robinson red rice and beans (7)
pretzels (1)
zerocarb chocolate candy (2)

Today was WI and I definitely held the 1 pound loss so that I get to keep my clippie. I have now lost 49 pounds total, 30.5 since I started WISH. The starting weight I really look at though is what I was in the hospital on 1/6, and I am 42 pounds down from that. Lots of numbers, I know, but thank God, I'd be pleased with any of them.

Okay, something is really funky with the smilies today! You never know which one is going to cooperate and which will take off for the hills leaving only a red "X" to mark the spot!

Breakfast this morning was a WW breakfast sandwich around 8 a.m. and I am sooooo hungry right now. Whether that is insufficient protein, eating carbs & protein together, or just plain PMS I have no idea, but it is absurd to be "starving" (shhhh. . . . don't tell my kids I used that word. We have taught them they are not allowed to say that as NONE of us has ever known what it is like to "starve"). I have been drinking my water, but have to slow down on that since I have to be in Court all afternoon (no time for potty breaks). Chewing gum isn't helping either. UGH!

DH is home. I feel so much better now. And I think my furbaby was beginning to get very nervous since her family seems to be shrinking (with DS12 at camp and DH in Pittsburgh) and Jenn and I have been in and out so much with work. So, Cali and I are both in a much better frame of mind today now that her daddy is home.

Talked to DF last night who is very very excited about the trip. DH will drive up to get her Thursday night (she lives a little over an hour away), so Thursday night will be like a giddy sleepover before our flight Friday a.m.

DS12 sent DH an email from camp. DH asked him a serious of questions interspersed with other news and comments. DS's response was as follows:
"yes, yes, i switched [one of his "majors" was "trick bike in circus arts" and yes
love ya
andrew"

Is that outrageously funny? or what? I want to clobber the brat but how can I be upset when he is obviously having such a great time?!?!?!?

More later. Have to go stave off this hunger with some hot tea or something. Maybe fruit. Or a cheese stick. Hmmmm. Yogurt?

 

[lajones81]

Cam!

Thanks so much! Yeah, I will admit that VMK is addicting! I think my exercise room is funny...the thought of virtual characters working out really makes me laugh! LOL!

Keep up your hard work, too!