Broken Promise

[Conservative Hippie]

I was wondering this myself. Who celebrates a 9 month anniversary? That's about like celebrating a HALF birthday 6 months into the year.

My birthday is too close to Christmas, and it happens that my HALF-birthday the same as DH's birthday, so we joke about getting me something for his birthday!

 

[Nancyg56]

I think everyone is missing the whole point to this. My Fiance' PROMISED me a couple of weeks ago that we were going to see Lion King in 3D. Then one of his buddies calls him to come out and go fishing. With the money he had set a side for our anniversary he spent the money on fishing stuff his friend even had to borrow some. My fiance's friend payed him back. Yes I was upset that he had broken a promise that he made to me weeks ago but with the money that his friend gave back to him my Fiance' aplogized for doing what he did and bought me some chocolate and a single Red Rose.

I did not miss it. Years ago, when I first started dating DH I told him that I had never been to the Big E, which is a big New England State Fair. He said he would take me on a certain Sunday, the last day. Well the day rolls around and he calls to chat. No mention of the Fair. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. So I asked him about it and he admitted he forgot and that he could not take me because he was very low on funds. He was in construction and work was scarce at that time. I was disappointed so I understand how you felt. I told him that in my world when a promise is made it is kept and that I understood but that I was a bit hurt. For me it was not about money, it was about planning a priority.

Well, that was 30 years ago. My DH is still forgetful of some occasions that matter to me but really have no impact on him. He never is forgetful of me though, and that is what is important in a relationship. My DH knew that it was not the Big E that mattered to me, it was that he forgot a promise. I hope that your fiance learns from this episode that he needs to remember YOU, not just special occasions and that he needs to make sure that fishing buddies are not remembered before you.

BTW- please think about removing your Fiance full name from your profile. It is not always a good idea to share too much info on a public message board

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think everyone is missing the whole point to this. My Fiance' PROMISED me a couple of weeks ago that we were going to see Lion King in 3D. Then one of his buddies calls him to come out and go fishing. With the money he had set a side for our anniversary he spent the money on fishing stuff his friend even had to borrow some. My fiance's friend payed him back. Yes I was upset that he had broken a promise that he made to me weeks ago but with the money that his friend gave back to him my Fiance' aplogized for doing what he did and bought me some chocolate and a single Red Rose.

This is what I find oddest of all about this. I find it very unusual that one would PROMISE something like that. It would be much more natural in a relationship for him to have mentioned that he was planning to take you to the movie. In which case, I can totally see a man (or even a woman--myself included) not thinking that was a set in stone and then thinking nothing of making a change--especially since this was just a movie and just a 9 month anniversary (ie, not anything most people think of as majorly significant).

Did he really and truly PROMISE? If so, can I ask why? I would not feel that a relationship is solid or the people trusting and not too needy if there was a NEED to promise to do something as simple as a movie.

 

[npmommie]

OP I am curious, if you don't mind saying........how old are you and your fiance?

 

[grumpy101]

To me a promise is a Promise and it was set in stone that he was gonna take me to see it. Yes with us being together with the same person for 9 months is something to celebrate with us. Both of us had our hearts broken in the past by our ex's which we both with only a couple of months. To my Fiance' and I its a BIG deal for us to celebrate being together 9 months.

 

[grumpy101]

OP I am curious, if you don't mind saying........how old are you and your fiance?[/QUOTE

My Fiance' and I are the same age he is older than me by 6 months

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Not to disparage men, but I learned long ago to confirm plans a time or two once they are made. Nothing obnoxious, but a week or so before a date, "hey, are we still doing _________?" It serves two purposes; to remind the guy of something he may have forgotten and to give him an out if he wants/needs one.

 

[grumpy101]

OP I am curious, if you don't mind saying........how old are you and your fiance?

My Fiance' and I are the same age he is older than me by 6 months

 

[ilovemk76]

To me a promise is a Promise and it was set in stone that he was gonna take me to see it. Yes with us being together with the same person for 9 months is something to celebrate with us. Both of us had our hearts broken in the past by our ex's which we both with only a couple of months. To my Fiance' and I its a BIG deal for us to celebrate being together 9 months.

Celebrating every month will certainly result in you not having money. By the time you will be married you will have celebrated over 24 times. That is lots of money.

Some promises cannot be kept or the person could have forgotten.. If you are so rigid about this promise stuff what will you do when a really big one is missed?

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes with us being together with the same person for 9 months is something to celebrate with us. Both of us had our hearts broken in the past by our ex's which we both with only a couple of months..

Breaking your heart after a couple of months? I think both you and your DH really jump in with both feet way too soon. I don't know how old you are, but just slow down! It it's real, it will last. You need to give it time to determine if it's love or lust. While lust fades, love just grows stronger. In the beginning, it's easy to confuse the two.

 

[superdiz]

And what age is that exactly?

A promise of a movie is not really a big deal if it's broken. Maybe you should be more concerned about the fact that he is fishing all week and not working like most men of marrying age should be.

 

[phorsenuf]

OP I am curious, if you don't mind saying........how old are you and your fiance?

If the date on her profile is correct she is 24, almost 25 (October 1, 1986)

 

[grumpy101]

We dont celebrate all of our month anniversaries we only celebrated this one. Like I said before this is the longest him and I have been together with the same person without getting our hearts broken within the first few months of a relationship. Believe me he is not gonna forget our 1 year together. He made a mistake by going fishing and spending the money he was saving for us to go see a movie. He made it up to me by getting chocolate and a single Red Rose with the money his buddy owed him.

BTW the money that his friend payed back was only 5 bucks still wouldn't have been able to see the movie.

 

[superdiz]

I'm confused - isn't fishing for the most part free?? Worms around here cost about $2-5. Do you think you're overreacting at all?

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Everyone breaks a promise at some point in their life (none of us are perfect) and I'm pretty sure we have all made a bad financial decision at some point (I know I have ) You need to figure out a few things.

1. Is this an occasional thing or is it something your fiance is going to continue to do consistently?

2. Do you love your finance enough to deal with small things like broken movie dates? If you can't handle it after 9 months then you are going to really be in trouble after years.

Fortunately you have a long engagement to figure this out. Good luck and try not to be too hard on your fiance over small things.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Sorry, but you need to either find yourself a sugar daddy, or lower your expectations.

 

[grumpy101]

Yes Im almost 25 years old. Neither my Fiance' or his buddy have a job. His buddie's Girlfriend has a job and does everytjing around the house and he sits on his butt palying his 360 and watching netflix. Its the same with me I support myself by living on my own and paying my own bills. The diffrence between my Fiance' and his friend my Fiance' puts fourth an effort on looking for a job getting on the computer to fill out applications. My Fiance' is also trying to get into the military he just has to lose a cetain amount of weight before he can get in. My Fiance' is doing the best he can to make sure that he either has a job or is in the military before he and I ever get married.

 

[grumpy101]

I'm confused - isn't fishing for the most part free?? Worms around here cost about $2-5.

Yes for the most part fishing is free. But if you catcch the fish and want to cook it you have to buy all stuff you need to cook it. So can be edible

 

[rchristiansen]

Ok, I must chime in. If your df doesn't have a job then you, as a supportive and understanding future wife, shouldn't have let him make a "promise" to spend money on anything frivolous. On the other side your df shouldn't be out spending money fishing when he should be busting down doors at every place in town - not sitting at home filling out online applications.


I think you have many things, both finacially and emotionally, to work out before getting married and joining your lives together.

 

[luvsJack]

Really, you're right. Whether we believe "month" anniversaries are silly or fantastic, is not the point. Whether you can go to the movies another night is not the point. Whether you could dig in your piggy bank and fund the evening out instead of your fiance is not the point. Whether we think the whole night out and 9 month celebration was even important is not the point.

He made a promise that he knew meant a lot to you. Then he got an invitation from a friend and accepted, knowing that would mean he would be unable to keep the previously made promise to you. The reason this is unacceptable behavior is because it shows he was just fine with disappointing you even though he knew the occasion was important to you. THAT is the point.

Yes, he has apologized and tried to atone for his screw up. That much is good. But you need to make it clear that this should not ever happen again. You do not want a lifetime of him putting you on the backburner when he gets a chance to have some fun with his buddies. Nip that in the bud. It's one thing if he didn't have the money and you had to postpone the evening out. But he spent it elsewhere. Big difference.

Nip it. Nip it. Nip it.

I agree Its not about the movie, the money or which anniversary it is or even if it was just a promise to see the movie for no special reason at all. He made a promise and then broke it because he put something else first.

I would talk to him about it and let him know that it hurt your feelings.