Bringing daughters boyfriend?

[Minniemama350]

Disney is a family trip fo you? Bringing your mom was bringing family. Bringing her BF is letting her not have the family trip. I would never pay that kind of money for my child to NOT spend time with the family. She might mope, she's 16, but I would not bring someone who was gonna ruin my trip. I also wouldn't postpone it. She will be out of your nest soon enough. After she graduates, she may not be going on trips with you. Are you ready to give that up now for a boy that it sounds like you hope will be gone soon? Good luck.

 

[nicki.momof3]

OK - I have a idea (maybe).

First since you put yourself in a tough position and it sounds like you are also having trouble sticking to your "NO" how about enlisting the help of his parents.

Since they have been dating for a year I assume you have had at least a casual hello with his parents. Call his parents - I would bet they will not support the idea either. If they say NO their is not issue - he can not go.

Two NO's may make it easier for her to understand.

In the future watch your answers more closely.

Good Luck

 

[growinupdisney]

OK - I have a idea (maybe).

First since you put yourself in a tough position and it sounds like you are also having trouble sticking to your "NO" how about enlisting the help of his parents.

Since they have been dating for a year I assume you have had at least a casual hello with his parents. Call his parents - I would bet they will not support the idea either. If they say NO their is not issue - he can not go.

Two NO's may make it easier for her to understand.

In the future watch your answers more closely.

Good Luck

This a problem...We are friendly with his parents they have included her on Christmas break when they visited family and he went with her when she was with her dad over Thanksgiving break. They were also planning on going this summer after his graduation but they had to cancel and she was invited to go with them.

This is why I feel terrible about the whole thing. When I also told her we were going and she asked I said "maybe we will have to see if we can"....She went ahead and told him he could. She jumped the gun as I guess I did when I said yes last year. But I do feel I have the right to change my mind last year it was a different situation, they were different. I just need her to understand that it wasn't meant to be a "lie" it was a different situation and how they get along now is why my husband I are not sure about him going. He is very respectful to us he is just aggravating at times. A week in a hotel maybe pushing it.

 

[nicki.momof3]

He is very respectful to us he is just aggravating at times. A week in a hotel maybe pushing it.

You got your reason. Why would you even consider taking a teenage boy on a vacation in a hotel room when the situation is not 100% confortable. I know after a week in a hotel I get tired of my own family sometimes - could not imagine this situation turning out well.

Just stick to your NO and she can deal with it. Easter break is still 10 weeks away. She will calm down as time goes on. She needs to understand that as much as she might want him to go you are the parents and no means no.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Big NO, little no, bolded NO, underlined No.

I agree. There is no reason for him to come. When she is old enough she can go on her own vacations with whoever she wants. Until then too bad so sad.

 

[Alice's Mommy]

I wouldn't worry about the fact that you said yes a year ago. Things change...plans change...minds change. I'd lay it all on the table for your daughter. I'd tell her that the answer is no, that parenting one teenager is hard enough and that you have no plans to parents another one that doesn't belong to you while on your family vacation. This boy should never have canceled his plans until he'd had confirmation from you and his parents. Do NOT take responsibility for that. Your list of reasons not to bring him seems WAAAAY longer than your list of reasons to bring him. Take Nancy Reagan's advice and "Just say NO!"

 

[kpgriswold]

I have to jump on the "no" bandwagon as well. If this boy bugs you a little bit already, you will be ready to strangle him at the end of a week long vacation!

If your teen is anything like mine, I would keep the discussion very simple: "Dad and I talked it over, and decided that this is going to be just a family vacation." For every argument she throws at you, and when she pitches her inevitable hissy fit, just keep repeating that same sentence. She can't draw you into an argument unless you let her.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide!

 

[Tricia's mom]

HECK NO...its YOUR family vacation. Don't make your family vacation uncomfortable. Like someone else posted if there is no band of gold they are not family.
I now its difficult to say no to your child because you want them to be happy. You have gotten some VERY good advice from everyone.

 

[LubsPoohBear]

im sorry but i have to go against most everyone..... i say let him go they have already gone places together.also u told her yes then maybe.. hes paying his way.stick with your guns about having family time but im sure with a lil one with u,yall must take a break in the day give them that time alone ... my dd has her bf go everywere with us an her with them... is shows them we trust them... and she knows i keep my word being a teen is hard and a person only has someones word to go bye.... good luck with what ever u deside

 

[mousebymarriage]

O.K. let me give you a perspective from the other side of the situation.
20 years ago I was the GF on the "family vacation" to Disney. My now DH and I were dating a little over a year (I was 19 and he was 20) and I joined his family on their vacation at Disney. It was me, my DH(then BF), his mom, his dad and his younger brother (who was 15 at the time). We had a good time except when his father had little bits of "pouting" when he didn't get his way (had nothing to do with me being on the vacation, he did it all the time when he didn't get his way). DH and I did do somethings on our own but, we also did somethings with the family (it was about 50/50). We always at breakfast and dinner together as a family which was a great way to start the day and a great way to meet up toward the end of the day and discuss the things we had each done. As far as sleeping arrangements went we stayed at the contemporary, all in one room (interesting). DH parents in one bed, DH and his brother in another and I slept alone on the rollaway/trundle thing. It worked out fine and besides it was only for a week and we were at Disney.

 

[starsweeper]

Personally, I would tell my daughter I told her maybe and she invited her BF before it was all settled, so she can explain to him why he's not going. I'm one that doesn't consider BF and GF as equal to a family member. As my mom says, there are inlaws and outlaws. The inlaws are included in family plans, but the BF and GF (outlaws) are not.

 

[J3nn78]

I think if you originally told her yes and he is paying his way, then let him go, but on YOUR terms- family time, etc...

When I was 17, my family invited my BF to go to Disney. We stayed with my family almost all of the time. We went off on our own just a few times.

14 years later, we are happily married with 2 kids, and totally addicted to Disney.

 

[formill]

We went in December and took son's girlfriend (both are 17 been together a year and a half)- we stayed in a 5 bedroom villa with my sister and family (11 people total in villa) and it was GREAT.....we went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure this trip and we stayed together most of the time. The only thing we were worried about was our 14 year old daughter being left out- normally she and her brother would do some of the rides together.....so we had told them ahead they must include her and they did when they did go off on own .......which was only a couple of times they went on thrill rides while my husband and I did the real kiddie rides/saw a Barney show with the two 7 year olds. It was great......but I've never been one to exclude people that are "not family"....ie; Christmas dinners etc.......family pictures put them all in! Does not bother me. I wanted my son to be happy and have a great trip and I knew it would not be as great if the girlfriend was left at home- time with family is precious and if it makes them happier go for it. Any trip anywhere anytime there is going to be conflict no matter who comes! They did not sleep together- we had her sleep in one bedroom in her own bed and the villa came with 2 cots that the 7 year old twins slept in - in that room with her- that was all agreed on long before the trip. Maybe it would have been different if we stayed onsite and only had a hotel room......but I can't stand my own family that long in one hotel room.....so that was never an option or problem for us.

 

[micheleq]

You and DH already said NO, therefore, end of discussion.

I'm also a former HS teacher/coach, and the one thing teens will hone in on is if you live up to your statements. If you tell her no, then let her manipulate you into saying yes, guess what? The manipulation will continue!

All kids do it, heck, my four year old does it if I let her!

Stick to your guns, and have a great family vacation

 

[Mouse House Mama]

im sorry but i have to go against most everyone..... i say let him go they have already gone places together.also u told her yes then maybe.. hes paying his way.stick with your guns about having family time but im sure with a lil one with u,yall must take a break in the day give them that time alone ... my dd has her bf go everywere with us an her with them... is shows them we trust them... and she knows i keep my word being a teen is hard and a person only has someones word to go bye.... good luck with what ever u deside

Yeah- that would never happen in my house. How old are your kids? I could swear yesterday it said they were 14 in your siggie but I could be wrong. Especially at 14 that would not be happening. If they are married then great, otherwise they don't need to be together all the time. They are children.
OP- Again- NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!

 

[PrincessTiffany]

We have 4 kids and there will be no boyfriends or girlfriends going on any of our future trips. I make this decision out of personal experience. When I was 17 my family went to Disney and we took my 19 year old boyfriend. We stayed with my family "most" of the time, but they let us have a little bit of freedom each day. You wouldn't believe how quick the monorail ride back to the Poly is from MK or Epcot and how quickly it takes you right back

So, there won't be any boyfriend or girlfriends joining with us. And by the way, I totally thought the 19 year old boyfriend, who I dated for four years, was my solemate and we were going to get married and live happily ever after. Ha! Oh, to be 17 again, and know what I know now . . . .

 

[growinupdisney]

Yeah- that would never happen in my house. How old are your kids? I could swear yesterday it said they were 14 in your siggie but I could be wrong. Especially at 14 that would not be happening. If they are married then great, otherwise they don't need to be together all the time. They are children.
OP- Again- NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!

My dd15 getting ready to be 16( she has her drivers permit). the bf 17. I have ds13.(whose b-day is in feb) so maybe thats where the ages got confusing.

We have decided to stick with the NO answer. She will be going with us, I'm sure she will be a little disappointed but she will get over it. She told me that she didn't want us to go without her and that she didn't want to be sellfish by changing the date so it wouldn't be a issue. He has understood and they have just agreed not talk about the trip around each other to make either one feel bad! of coarse she maybe holding out hope that we change our minds!

 

[disfan07]

We just had this issue with my brothers girlfriend....but not with Disney.
My brother is 23, his girlfriend is 19. They've only been dating about 6-7 months.
We live on teh west coast, he goes to school on teh east coast.
He was coming out here for his winter break (10 days) and asked if his GF could come. My mom said Yes. Now heres the real kicker....we had never met her before.
It actually worked out pretty well because they were REQUIRED to spend time with us as a family. My parents told him to begin with that they only see him once or twice a year and they had no problem sending her home if they did not follow teh rules.
Threaten two college students with that and they will listen.
We did go to DL for 4 days while they were here. We got separate rooms (My parents and my brother in one room and I shared a room with his GF). She doesnt really like rides and I cant do most of teh bigger rides because of a heart condition so we basically all stayed together. Actually, one day, she went to the parks with my paretns adn I because my brother wanted to sleep later...lol.
So she ended up spending more time with us than he did.

But we also have a complete open house policy. We have open invitations of rfriends and GFs/BFs for thanksgiving, spring vacation, summer vacations, christmas breaks, etc. My best friend is spending the summer with us because she has an internship out here. It all depends on family dynamics and your families personal choices. Some are more comfortable than others when it comes to letting BFs and GFs on trips while some are fine with allowing it. Its personal preference.

I mean, my family has never taken and BFs or GFs to WDW for a week. So this is our best experience with 4 days in DL. Personally, I think it can be done adn work out fine but as the parents, its ultimately up to you.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

No way. It sounds like the kid would be a gigantic thorn in everyone's sides. If he was a nice sweet boy who got along with your family, I'd give it a second thought-- but NO!

LOL, you never know, they may break up before the trip anyway, so it might be a moot point! You know how teenagers are!

 

[PinkRhombus]

All I have to say is who cares if she's moping around?

He can re-make his plans with his friends.