Bringing daughters boyfriend?

[Tiger926]

I totally agree with you. If more parents felt this way, the world would be a better place. We had a debate about this very issue here on the DIS a month or so ago and I got totally reamed for even suggesting that kids today are given too many freedoms with such things as cell phones with internet access, being allowed to wear full-face make up in sixth grade, dating too early, being given extravagant gifts such as coach bags and lap tops, etc. It's just a fact that our children are being over-sexualized in our society and too many parents are more worried about being their child's friend than their parent. I'll probably get flamed for it again, but I believe it is the truth.

Yup - as I said, I'm a highschool teacher, so I hang with teens all day, and I could seriously give you an earful about how confused they are with their parents in regards to these types of topics. I've had parents ask me to get their children to stop dating their older boyfriends, stop sleeping around or to take birth control. Ummm..news flash! That is their job, not mine.

Being a teen is hard enough, but when they are continually being given mixed messages, it's even more confusing. And, bringing a boyfriend on vacation at age 15, is a very mixed message as far as I'm concerned. If they can bring him on vacation, they are then going to ask to do even more, believe me.

It's a very interesting topic, Tiger

 

[Arabella1978]

My kids aren't anywhere close to being teens yet, but there is no way I would allow a bf or gf to accompany us on vacation.

So what if the OP originally said, yes....oh well, sometimes we make mistakes and being a parent means you can change your mind if it's for the benefit of your child's well being.

While I believe in honesty and integrity when dealing with my kids I also believe that organic changing situaitons require shifting perspectives...and when I realize I made a bad decision or told them something that no longer makes sense I have no problem telling them that. If they say, "But you told me I could do this, or, you you told me you would do this..etc. etc. etc." I simply say, "Yup you're right, but I'm your mom and I changed my mind because of ____" And if they still argue I say, "That's just how it is, I'm the grown up and I make the decisions, sorry charlie". End of story. Do they get mad at me? Yup. Do I care? Nope. My kids don't have to always like me. But they have to respect me and obey my rules. They know I love them, and that I will always love them, even if they don't always want to be my best friend. I'm okay with that. Someday my kids will be my friends. Someday I will be my kids' friend. Right now I am their mom and that job description does not always go hand in hand with being BFF's....hehe!!

OP: I hope you have a great vacation, and I hope your daughter manages to have a good time. I'm pretty sure she'll get over it! Hugs!

 

[TamaraQT]

Ok...I've heard your side and read all the posts in between and now I am going to give my 2 cents for what its worth. And I know I am going to get FLAMED for it but here it is....

First off, whether your daughter is 15, 16, or 17 is not the issue. She is not an adult of 18, 20 or 21. Like many before me have said in so many other words to avoid typing the words MORALS and VALUES because that is what we are really talking about. Why are you even taking this into consideration? Evidently as a parent you already know deep down that it shouldn't even be up for discussion. And what do you mean you know she will be mad. Who cares?? I think that is another problem. Kids are allowed to have too much say and input. No its NOT OK to take him on a family vacation and no its not ok for her to go with his family on vacations either. In fact, in my opinion, OVERNIGHT stays together ANYWHERE are out of the question until they become adults. I dont care what the "so-called" sleeping arrangements are or supposed to be. It's just too suggestive and accepted.

Next, you talk about how he aggravates your husband. Well thats enough reason right there. Just because your daughter thinks her BF is the sun and moon and stars doesnt mean everyone thinks that of him. You are willing to sacrifice your husbands happiness on vacation rather than disappoint your daughter???? WHAT!!!???? Since they are NOT married, you and the rest of your family indeed have a right NOT TO TOLERATE him unless you want to. And a family vacation is NOT the time to do that. You have other children to entertain. You dont want to be stressed or uncomfortable because those vibes will ruin everyone from having a good time.

I just find it hilarious when parents allow their childrens "FEELINGS" to dictate their parenting. I have an adult son (unmarried...but has a girlfriend), a 17 year old son(high school) and a 3 year old daughter. We take a family vacation every year. And for the past 3 years my DS(adult) has inquired about possibly taking his girlfriend. NOPE!!! Not happening!!! Until she is his WIFE, we do not include her. Now people can call me what they want. Once they become adults, they will do what they want and you cant control that. But you can control what they do in front of you and within your household. So to me, a family vacation is part of my household as it should be. There is no way my 17 year old would even come to me and SUGGEST if his girlfriend could come along. He may think about it, wish for it, but he sure wouldnt say it!! Because he has never been granted ANY authority over my values, morals and rules of my family and household.

Tell your daughter NO!!! And get on with your vacation plans. And do not give her the option to stay home with her father either. She is to do as you say until she becomes an adult. Are you kidding me?? I know, I know I may have gone above and beyond and may sound harsh. But the fact that someone would even STRUGGLE with the idea of disappointing their child for something they shouldnt even be considering when all the warning signs are there to JUST SAY NO!!!!

 

[krcit]

Ok...I've heard your side and read all the posts in between and now I am going to give my 2 cents for what its worth. And I know I am going to get FLAMED for it but here it is....

First off, whether your daughter is 15, 16, or 17 is not the issue. She is not an adult of 18, 20 or 21. Like many before me have said in so many other words to avoid typing the words MORALS and VALUES because that is what we are really talking about. Why are you even taking this into consideration? Evidently as a parent you already know deep down that it shouldn't even be up for discussion. And what do you mean you know she will be mad. Who cares?? I think that is another problem. Kids are allowed to have too much say and input. No its NOT OK to take him on a family vacation and no its not ok for her to go with his family on vacations either. In fact, in my opinion, OVERNIGHT stays together ANYWHERE are out of the question until they become adults. I dont care what the "so-called" sleeping arrangements are or supposed to be. It's just too suggestive and accepted.

Next, you talk about how he aggravates your husband. Well thats enough reason right there. Just because your daughter thinks her BF is the sun and moon and stars doesnt mean everyone thinks that of him. You are willing to sacrifice your husbands happiness on vacation rather than disappoint your daughter???? WHAT!!!???? Since they are NOT married, you and the rest of your family indeed have a right NOT TO TOLERATE him unless you want to. And a family vacation is NOT the time to do that. You have other children to entertain. You dont want to be stressed or uncomfortable because those vibes will ruin everyone from having a good time.

I just find it hilarious when parents allow their childrens "FEELINGS" to dictate their parenting. I have an adult son (unmarried...but has a girlfriend), a 17 year old son(high school) and a 3 year old daughter. We take a family vacation every year. And for the past 3 years my DS(adult) has inquired about possibly taking his girlfriend. NOPE!!! Not happening!!! Until she is his WIFE, we do not include her. Now people can call me what they want. Once they become adults, they will do what they want and you cant control that. But you can control what they do in front of you and within your household. So to me, a family vacation is part of my household as it should be. There is no way my 17 year old would even come to me and SUGGEST if his girlfriend could come along. He may think about it, wish for it, but he sure wouldnt say it!! Because he has never been granted ANY authority over my values, morals and rules of my family and household.

Tell your daughter NO!!! And get on with your vacation plans. And do not give her the option to stay home with her father either. She is to do as you say until she becomes an adult. Are you kidding me?? I know, I know I may have gone above and beyond and may sound harsh. But the fact that someone would even STRUGGLE with the idea of disappointing their child for something they shouldnt even be considering when all the warning signs are there to JUST SAY NO!!!!

 

[tinkerbelletreasure]

My situation was a little different because my older sister lived in Tampa and I spent my summers with her, so there was no hotel stay involved....but when I was 15 my mom let my then summer boyfriend come to Disney World with us. We had a blast! The way my parents handled it was that we spent the mornign time together doing things as a family (before fastpasses, so maybe it would be better to split up first thing so everyone can fast passes for what they really want to ride) and then after lunch he and I were allowed soem freetime on our own to go ride what we wanted. Let's face it, not many 17 y/o are going to be wowed by fantasy land, but my nieces spent almost the whole day there. We met up again in time for the parade and went to dinner together. It was probably the best time I ever had in Disney, despite breaking uwith the boyfriend less than a month later while he was visiting my hometown. My mom was glad I had someone to go do things with since I didn't want to hang out with all the younger kids all day.
Oh and don't suppose just because it's her first boyfriend and she's young that they won't still be together down the road. I ended up marrying the guy I started dating right after me and the summer boyfriend broke up. We even Honeymooned in Disney. Although I will say, when you start married life in teh happiest place on eart, it's all downhill from there! We got divorced 10 yers later.

 

[growinupdisney]

For any of you that are interested just thought I would udate you....DD and boyfriend have broken up! She is very upset but I have to say I am glad we didn't plan for him to go. Over the past few days she was disappointed that he would not be going but understood my reasons why. Now, I need to get her mind off of him and focus on our trip... She has already started reading the disboards and talking about what she wants to do. Hopefully the next few weeks she will be back to normal!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

see, a lot of people are saying that shes too young to be in a long term relationship and i dont necesarily agree with this. One of my friends started dating someone when she was 15....shes 26 now. Theyve been together for 11 years, married for 3 years and she is due with their first child in 3 weeks.
Obviously, everyone is different, but you cant lump together ALL 15-16 year olds as being too young to be in a long term and serious relationship. Its not so black and white.

I've been with my husband since we were both 15. We will be married 20 years this year. DD is 6 yo now, but if in 9 years she asks to bring a boyfriend on vacation, the answer would definetly with no doubt be NO!!!!

 

[Tiger926]

For any of you that are interested just thought I would udate you....DD and boyfriend have broken up! She is very upset but I have to say I am glad we didn't plan for him to go. Over the past few days she was disappointed that he would not be going but understood my reasons why. Now, I need to get her mind off of him and focus on our trip... She has already started reading the disboards and talking about what she wants to do. Hopefully the next few weeks she will be back to normal!

This is exactly why he shouldn't have come - they maybe were ready to break up awhile ago, but if on a vacation, it would more than likely force them to stay together. I've seen it happen this way...It seems like they were able to make the decision to break up, so that is important in and of itself.

I hope you all get to have a great family vacation - she is young, and will learn, that this too shall pass!

Happy vacation to you, Tiger