Bring your own meat cookout party? Tacky?

[InnerStrength06]

I really have no reply on whether it's tacky or not, however if I were invited to a BYOM party, I would be fine with it, and bring whatever I felt like cooking. And I would offer to bring a dessert as well. Now on the other hand, when we throw a party here, I never ask anyone to bring meat or whatever unless someone offers and then I reply that they may bring any dish that is their favorite if they wish to, however it is not required.

A good friend of mine invited me over for dinner, and I asked if she needed anything to which the reply was no. I brought a bottle of her favorite vodka (Grey Goose) as a thank you as I know she enjoys an occasional Cosmopolitan.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

You said that you were planning on throwing a last day of school open house. If people are going to be dropping in and out for several hours, I would completely change the menu to just finger foods or desserts. I haven't ever been invited to an open house where people grilled meat. It is going to be hard to keep hot things hot and cold things cold for several hours.

I think it's great that you're planning this open house!

 

[NotUrsula]

Personally, I wouldn't feel right inviting people to my home for that kind of event without offering sufficient quantities of food for them. That said, more and more lately I've been running into the issue of people with very iron-clad dietary rules from which they are unable or unwilling to waver, and dealing with that has become such a major PITA that I've pretty much given up entertaining entirely.

When I do host a food-centered gathering now, what I do is prepare a fairly broad menu that takes the basic issues into a account (side dishes with no meat, side dishes with no dairy, a dish or two suitable for diabetics, so that there is SOMETHING to cover those contingencies) and then I list the available main dishes that will be supplied. Beyond that, I put a note on the invitations to please call me before the date of the party if you have dietary issues that I should be aware of; when people call we work out compromises for them, they bring their own foods, or they agree to eat before they arrive, and if that isn't enough for them, honestly it is just too bad and I'm happy they decline to come. Seriously, I've been subjected to inquisitions re: whether or not my chicken is free-range, if my veggies are organic, if my pans have teflon, and if the spices I use have been irradiated -- not to mention the folks who get offended if the other guests pass on their bland macrobiotic vegan contributions to the meal (if you are going to bring food that tastes like sawdust to a party I host, please don't grill my other guests about why they haven't eaten it. Ugliness is bound to ensue.)

 

[DawnMarie]

"BYOM" is not something I would do. You really can get a large quantity of burgers and hot dogs at a warehouse club for a reasonable price. Then have the guest to bring a salad, baked beans etc.. I don't mind going potluck but not with raw meat.

 

[kydisneyfans]

Skip the beer and buy the meat.

 

[Pigeon]

Tacky. Sorry, but it's in poor taste.

I also hate the pot lucks, unless it's a church or organizational function. Providing the food is part of hosting the party. I have a SIL who has these kinds of parties, and she will assign people very specific dishes, right down to telling you what recipe to use.

 

[PJinNYC]

I don't know. I have been to a BBQ where they supplied the burgers and hotdogs and everybody brought different side dishes to go with it.

I don't know that I would go to a party that I had to bring my own meat. Sounds a little strange.

 

[cuppycake]

I can't believe that there are so many people on here who say that they wouldn't come to such a party. I'm really shocked. To miss out on socializing with friends and having fun because you were asked to bring some meat to cook? Wow.....not me!!

I guess it just depends on where and how you live? I've been exposed to such things my entire life, and we constantly do this in our neighborhood!! Everyone is getting together to celebrate, why does one person have to be responsible for the $$$$$???? We all pitch in whatever we have (meat, sides, drinks, papergoods) and it's one big party! Oh, and fwiw, whoever is "hosting" grills up all the meat, and it is served buffet style, just like the sides. You don't have to cook your own, or eat only what you brought or anything.....

Not sure I get why folks are so willing to bring a side dish, but not meat??

Oh well...to each his own.

I would TOTALLY do this, and think nothing of it. If people didn't like it, they could just stay home....if they wanted to talk about me...whatever. Life is too short to care, imho....but then, I'm not very opinionated

 

[Carys]

BYOM for casual BBQs (kiwi equivalent of cookouts?) wouldn't be anything unusual here. Works out great for me - I don't like sausages/most hamburgers so I bring steak or chicken kebabs. It's also usual to end up sharing meat pot-luck style and there is always way too much food!

In terms of tackiness - well, if you come from a neighbourhood where it's not usual, then your friends/family might term it tacky. People get used to certain ways of doing things, and when something is not normal to them in terms of their life experiences, then it can feel uncomfortable to them. So, if it's the flow where you go, then no it wont be considered tacky. If it's not usual, then yes it could raise some eyebrows. You know how it goes, everything has a context. As for me, I've been to plenty of BYOM gatherings so I'd be over there with a bottle of sav blanc and a pack o' marinated cow ready to have a good time. I hope you have a great time too whatever you decide!

 

[Kellydelly]

I think it's a little tacky. How on earth would you even coordinate everyone cooking their own meat? Do you have several grills? It seems like a logistical nightmare to me. I would definately provide hotdogs or hamburgers and have everyone bring a dish to share.

 

[lou7401]

I think it's tacky. It might be OK if you asked people to bring a salad or dessert. But I'd probably cut down the size of the group so that I could afford to provide everything and then just let people bring something if they ask.

 

[Anne34]

We do this for our block party each year. Everyone brings something and they grill it for you. We have also done it for a soccer party. It's not fair for the coaches to have to buy everything. We bring the meat and a sidedish. They had buns, condiments and some drinks. It worked out fine and nobody had a problem with it.

If it was a party for my kids birthday or for some other family occassion, I wouldn't do it, but for a casual gathering -- sure. We are in the western suburbs of Chicago.

 

[teresajoy]

As I stated earlier, I definetely think the BYOM idea is a great one. I just wanted to relate something that happened quite a few years ago at one of our family reunions where we did this.

We were all told to bring something to cook on the grill, so most people brought hotdogs or hamburgers. However, one of my cousins brought STEAK!!! Oh my goodness! Several people thought it was horrible that they would flaunt their wealth in our faces by bringing STEAK!!! I thought it was a pretty stupid thing to get upset about, but it just goes to show that people will get upset about ANYTHING! So, do what you want!

 

[Danemom]

There is definitely a wide range of opinion on this one!
I think the fact that the OP is questioning it means some of their guests might think it is tacky.
I personally vote for not providing beer - save that money and buy hot dogs. Hot dogs are cheap enough, most people like them, and it's really about getting together, not having a five star meal.
Have a great cookout!

Carys - yes, a 'cookout' is the same as a BBQ.

 

[rewok]

I really think it's a regional thing as well. Here it's pretty common, BYOM (meat), and BYOB (beer), with family, friends, coworkers. Since I'm often the one who will throw the parties (seems my parties are fun...), I can't pay all the time. Sometimes I just buy and cook everything, but charge a small contribution, talk about tacky! Still, people come back! For small dinners, it is more formal, and I prepare everything, guests just bring beer or wine.

But agree with others, if it isn't done in your town, it might feel tacky to others thought. I guess for them it might feel like having to bring my own water to drink, that's cheap!

 

[phred]

tacky? no way! you're opening your home to 60 people, i think you're very generous! i would have reservations about providing alcohol for the obvious reasons though. and the invitations only need to state the facts; what(byom) where, when. if people are offended they'll miss a great time

 

[lorilori]

Well... we ARE the house with the pool so it tends to be like msmayor described, not always formally 'scheduled' unless it's one of the kids' birthdays, but people are stopping over swimming and grilling and having a good time. Sometimes it's steaks and ribs, sometimes it's burgers and dogs, but it's always fun just hanging out. Everybody can get busy during the week so weekends are pretty much bring-what-you-can, everybody shares. The food isn't really the main focus anyway. We like being home and enjoy having people over.

 

[daisyduck123]

Haven't read any replies but....

we've hosted cook-outs like that & been to many.

I don't see anything wrong with bringing your own meats to grill.

 

[pearlieq]

I think it's a little tacky. How on earth would you even coordinate everyone cooking their own meat? Do you have several grills? It seems like a logistical nightmare to me. I would definately provide hotdogs or hamburgers and have everyone bring a dish to share.

My thoughts exactly! I probably wouldn't come unless I really, really liked the people throwing it.

I don't mind at all bringing a side dish to share. It's the idea of bringing my own meat, solely for my consumption, that I think is tacky. Do I have to grill it myself too? Do I have to keep tabs on "my meat"? Doesn't sound like a recipe for people to relax and have fun.

Plus meat is more difficult to store/transport properly.

I'd much prefer a party where the host provided hamburgers & hot dogs and guests were asked to bring a side dish to share. You'll get tons of variety and people can just drop their offerings off at the food table and go enjoy themselves.

 

[me again]

Well this is getting ot but would like to vent--

Recently we were invited to a friends' home for the afternoon, lunch "implied". We don't like to show up empty-handed, so asked what we could bring. We were told not to bring anything, that would be "taken care of".

Well, it was a 2 hour (one-way) drive to this "friend's home> When we got there, she spends about an hour chatting, not even an offer of a glass of water, then the kids said they were hungry so next thing you know she's ready to go to the grocery store. she says she "doesn't know what we like to eat" so we could go to the grocery store and pick out what we liked. I've never heard of anything so tacky! This person has known us for 20+ years, she knows we don't have any food issues, like picky eaters, allergies, etc. If she was so concerned about what we eat we gave her a chance to decide that before coming when we asked what we could bring. Obviously it was a ploy to get us to pay for it! We had offered to chip in with something, didn't think we'd go grocery shopping after getting there!

Well, we were saved by the weather. It looked like a storm coming up and we said we had to leave to be ahead of it. They looked genuinely confused that we weren't staying for "dinner". I mean, come on! By the time we'd go out and buy the stuff and cook it there'd be no time to eat it. Perhaps they thought we'd decline and take them out to dinner instead, and, of course, pick up the tab for everyone, including their extended family of 12? Seems every last second cousin and aunt had just conveniently showed up that afternoon, all looking at us for a free lunch!

I mean, that has got to be the be all and end all of tackiness! We didn't fall for it! Now we're being "invited" to their daughter's graduation next week, guess who won't be able to make it?

I'd rather have the host be upfront about what to bring, meat, booze, side dishes, whatever, rather than wait for us to show up to go grocery shopping!