Bridzilla Disney Style?

[TipsyTraveler]

IMO, whether or not what you did was over the top is moot. I don't care if you rented out the Taj Mahal or simply had a backyard barbeque. the point is you went out of your way, spent your time and money to give some one else a gift.
The only response was manners and graciousness.

Agree completely.

I don't care if you stuck a plastic tiara on her head and took her to T.G.I. Fridays for happy hour. The only proper response when someone is making an effort to do something nice for you is to smile and be gracious.

When I was younger my friends planned a surprise sweet 16 party for me that turned out to be a bit of a disaster. Lots of things didn't work out the way they were supposed to, everything was way behind schedule, and the one and only plan that didn't fall through was ice skating -- something I despise doing, and I knew the only reason we were there was so the ringleader of the planning could hang out with her boyfriend who worked at the rink. None of that mattered. I put a smile on my face and made the best of it. There was no way I was going to make my friends uncomfortable or feel bad or show anything less than gratitude for the people who had come together to try and make my day special. If the future SIL hasn't learned those manners by the age of 26 it's unlikely she ever will.

Even if the bride-to-be felt like the OP was taking too much control, so what? It's only one weekend -- you suck it up and deal with it and remind yourself of the spirit in which the gifts are being given. If there's some event in your life that is so important, where the details have to be just so, then it's your responsibility to plan it and pay for it.

 

[eliza61]

Did she plan this with you?

Listen - I have no doubt that you wanted to do something wonderful or that she can be a a piece of work.

But I gotta tell you - if someone who knew me for 8 years threw me an event similar to this I might have a hard time. Yes I love Disney and yes what a wonderful event. But if it was for ME - I would have a problem with so structured a weekend and getting up early. I like my down time. I keep seeing "I" in your posts. I would of course be appreciative but after a while I would almost feel like I'm a part in a movie - and need to gush how wonderful this is and how generous you are and thank you thank you. I would do my very best to be cheerful and thankful - but I bet after I being overwhelmed would make me cranky and I'm sure I'd be rude on occasion.

I think it was a lose/lose for both you and her.

If I remember correctly op said every one was faced booked well in advance and had voting rights to nix an idea.

An event like this does not get planned over night. No way can I buy that the bride had "no" idea of the plans. Also let's stretch it and say she was totally unaware, it's uber easy to cancel dinner reservations 24 hours in advance. Even spa treatments can be cancelled. Once you see the itinerary why not simply speak up. How hard is it to sayv" hey I'm not in the mood for jelly rolls tonight, let's do DTD"?

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Ok, this is the Dis, and I know how lots here love a good “2 sides to every story” smack down, so let me just say from the get-go this is MY personal experience. I’m just feeling pretty down, and need a vent session..no validation..no I’m so right and she’s so wrong..it is what it is.

On that note, l just returned home last night from the absolute hands down worst Bachelorette trip, or ANY trip for that matter that I have ever experienced in my life!!

The Bride is my brother’s fiancée, the maid of honor is..was..my daughter, so we took on all the planning. We all love Disney, so the Bride wanted Food and Wine Festival, great right??

We starting planning…months and months and MONTHS of planning. I formed a Facebook Group so that I could ask everyone involved in every step of the planning what they wanted to do and when. I never assumed one single activity..everything was put to a vote.
I booked a 2-Bedroom Villa at the Grand Floridian Villas for 3 nights with 2 day park hoppers for everyone. The girls are young, so I thought I’d be nice and just let them pay $500 each for the trip. That didn’t even cover HALF of the room, but that’s fine!

We picked a theme…Alice in Wonderland. We had all the girls pick a character, but didn’t tell them why. We had mini top hats custom made to match each character..they were BEAUTIFUL!! The Bride was Alice, and as a gift my daughter and I also had a beautiful Alice in Wonderland corset custom made for her in Milan Italy.

We made very detailed and elaborate themed ‘hangover” kit boxes for the girls, a sash for the Bride, and spend crazy amounts of time even making an Alice in Wonderland themed Epcot drinking game that we had cards designed and printed for.

I picked up allll the Brides expenses from her food to her spa treatments, every single thing. Not ONE offer from anyone else to help. There were two girls who couldn’t afford the spa, so I even paid for pedicures for them both because I didn’t want them to feel left out. I booked limos for transportation, ordered them room service for meals, and even bought them all tickets to them Villains Sinister Soiree at $100 each.

From Day One…5 hours into the trip..the Bride was “disappointed”. She did NOT want to eat at La Hacienda for dinner..which I had NO idea of. We’ve eaten there plenty of times before!! I got tables by the water so we had a PERFECT view of Illuminations and she wouldn’t even look out the window because she “hated everything about being there”. The other 2 girls were basically just mirror images of her. Well, except the one that got made because she was under the impression that she would have her OWN ROOM at the Villa. Lol

The plan was to go to Jelly Rolls after, so we did. She and the other 2 girls sat in the corner and literally pouted all night…I am not kidding. Total strangers asked us what was wrong with the Bride. I had NO clue at this point. I called my brother to ask if I had done something to upset her..that’s when I found out about the restaurant issue.

We got back to the villa she and the other girls went in one room, closed the door, and didn’t speak to any of the rest of us at all.
Next day..complaints about getting up for the Spa, and she was mad I didn’t tell her to pack a bathing suit. I had a hair and make-up team come to do “glam makeup” in the Villa before MNSSHP as a special treat. I even skipped the massage I had planned for myself so they could start on me while she took a shower..she was mad because she felt “rushed”.

They left before us for the party and we didn’t see them again until the Villains Party. They sat there..didn’t say one word to us..didn’t look around..didn’t crack a smile..hated all the desserts, and the Bride got pissed when Dr. Faciler tried to play around with her. We left without speaking..came in..they went in one room and closed the door again.
I didn’t speak to them again until the Bride texted me while at Epcot to meet up with her to give her a wristband for her food and drinks. They wouldn’t even meet us for dinner.

Come to find out..she DID NOT want to play any sort of game while in Epcot..wouldn’t look at it..wasn’t interested in it..and avoided us at all costs to keep from having to “talk about it”. I had already told her the day before that we didn’t have to do anything at all!!

There are so many more little things…but this is long. I know some of you are not going to believe she and the others acted like this for no reason, but they did. I tried so hard to just keep a smile on my face and let all of the comments and digs roll off my back. We finally got into it last night before coming home..now my daughter is no longer maid of honor…like she ever should have been anyway..and I am no longer invited to my brothers wedding.

I’m in shock.

Well if their wedding is at a church, she may not have any say on whether you can attend. Many churches have open attendance for weddings.
I for one would be grateful I didn't have to deal with her any more. Sounds like your brother chose......poorly

She had never been like THAT!! A brat at times, yes. A whiny "3 year old" at times, yes. Demanding, selfish and a bit cray..yes, yes and yes.

What you wrote after she's never been like that are clear indicators she indeed is like that.

 

[rwdavis2]

To the OP, keep us advised to how the wedding and marriage go. Might be interesting.

 

[Brier Rose]

What you wrote after she's never been like that are clear indicators she indeed is like that.

Lol, oh yes, she definitely has always been all of those things! I just meant I've never seen it at that level or directed at ME I suppose.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Lol, oh yes, she definitely has always been all of those things! I just meant I've never seen it at that level or directed at ME I suppose.

And that's it. We tend not to notice things that aren't directed at us. Unless they can't help themselves anyone can hide it for awhile. But after 8 years, the cracks in the veneer were there. That is why when I was dating, I never judged how they treated me or my family. Obviously they're going to be nice to me. They're putting their best foot forward. Instead, I always made a conscious effort to observe how my potential future mate treated people they didn't have to be nice to knowing that after we were married, that is how my spouse to be would be treating me. I dumped more than one because they made terrible comments or weren't nice or treated people like garbage. After 8 years of knowing this person, the cracks in the veneer were there. Now, you've become one of those people she doesn't have to treat well. Your brother will become one some time after they're married.

 

[NewRVLady]

One time, my sister sent me a letter with her grievances. Ouch! I forced myself to see her side and we mended the relationship.

I would totally write this sister in law and outline every thing you did for her and her ungrateful response to it. I would copy mother dear and brother dear. And yes, I would tell them I don't care what their response is as anything less than an apology would not be welcome.

.

Love this idea.

I did something similar when I had a falling out over an estate Sale with a relative
I wrote the reasons the 3 sibling decided to run the estate sale OURSELVES-really a yard sale that was inside a house we were selling.
4th sibling wanted us to hire a professional-because it was his wife's boss (owns an Antique store)

 

[Handbag Lady]

I just turned 40...last week actually. She is 26 and my DD is 23. So she and I, decent age gap for sure, but we've been on many many trips together, drink together, laugh together. She did not participate in the group because we wanted to keep all the details surprises for her. I did have a convo with her before tho about definite do's and dont's. She knew about the spa and a few other things, but nothing kept from her that should have been cause for a ruined trip! At least we didn't think so anyway.

Weird thing..we stocked the Villa with a case of Veuve Clicquot and bottles of their favorite types of alcohol..mixers..etc. They drank NONE of it..and believe me..she is definitely a drinker!! The whole thing was just Twilight Zone weird!!

Well, then. I'm sorry the way she treated you and your daughter. It sounded like there was a larger age gap between your daughter and the bride, but there isn't any! Again, good riddance to her and much luck to your brother.

 

[ebtbmom]

I'm interested in hearing more about this AIW drinking game if you care to elaborate.

 

[Mortlives]

I'm interested in hearing more about this AIW drinking game if you care to elaborate.

I'm Mortlives and I approve this message.

 

[Brier Rose]

I'm interested in hearing more about this AIW drinking game if you care to elaborate.

Don't mind a bit! I'll see if I can figure out how to post pics of the cards. There were 6 each of 6 different cards. We gave each of the girls a lanyard. On the front was a thing about the Bachelorette Party, and on the back was a number. We handed them out randomly and whatever you got would be your number for the game. The first player draws a card, then rolls the dice ( we had a 9 sided dice for nine players and whatever number it landed on the player with the matching number had to complete the challenge.

For instance..it's my turn, I draw a card then roll the dice. It lands on three. DD is number three so she would be the one to do what the card says.

It probably sounds way confusing and complicated, but it will make sense if you see the cards..at least I think so anyway. Lol

 

[SallySkelington]

She honestly sounds like someone who wants attention, and wants it only on her own terms. You were making her the special guest, which was your idea. She wanted everyone to feel sorry for her instead. I've seen this behavior before (and too often, by looking in the mirror.)

I pity the groom. He's the one who will be taking her home when it's all over.

Honestly I agree with this. And I'm ashamed to say I've been guilty of such behavior myself, but never ever to that degree. That was just plan rude and very sad.

However you can come throw me a party if you want!

 

[Vernie822]

I'm getting married in 2016.. Start planning now! Kidding, but anyone would be so lucky to have so much thought and time put into their bachelorette party!

 

[Brier Rose]

Oops didn't work! Will try again!

 

[Brier Rose]

DD's gonna have to help me with this! Lol

 

[Brier Rose]

So..DD and I just received this text message from the bride. The bit about the rehersal dinner is because my mother had asked me to handle the decorations for it. The hair and makeup people she refer to are mutual friends of ours. One of whom was on this trip, and who I'm accused of "paying too much attention to."

In light of recent events, I wanted to let you both know that I think it's best if you both refrain from any involvement in the wedding party, wedding or rehearsal dinner planning, or wedding party centered activities. You will also need to consider different accommodation arrangements over the wedding weekend instead of what we had previously planned. Per Seth's request, you are both welcome to still attend the wedding as guests. You will both also be invited to attend the rehearsal dinner since you are immediate family of the groom, if you so wish. My understanding is that your mother/grandmother already has all of the rehearsal dinner decorations, so I don't believe we will need any further assistance related to the event. To avoid further conflict, I am also going to seek out someone outside of Brittany and Stephanie to do hair and makeup.

Please understand that this nothing personal towards them, I simply want to avoid conflicts and additional strain on relationships wherever possible. I think you have both put a lot of intent behind my actions that simply didn't exist, but I truly believe trying to explain myself at this point is futile. I do appreciate all you did to put the Disney trip together, and I actually had a wonderful time. Please note that I have not and do not plan to respond to messages that are laden with profanity and passive-aggressive language. Enough damage has been done by miscommunication up to this point, and responding to those texts will not help things going forward. I only hope that we can all decide to behave civilly over the next 16 days for the sake of those for whom we share a common love.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

So..DD and I just received this text message from the bride. The bit about the rehersal dinner is because my mother had asked me to handle the decorations for it. The hair and makeup people she refer to are mutual friends of ours. One of whom was on this trip, and who I'm accused of "paying too much attention to."

In light of recent events, I wanted to let you both know that I think it's best if you both refrain from any involvement in the wedding party, wedding or rehearsal dinner planning, or wedding party centered activities. You will also need to consider different accommodation arrangements over the wedding weekend instead of what we had previously planned. Per Seth's request, you are both welcome to still attend the wedding as guests. You will both also be invited to attend the rehearsal dinner since you are immediate family of the groom, if you so wish. My understanding is that your mother/grandmother already has all of the rehearsal dinner decorations, so I don't believe we will need any further assistance related to the event. To avoid further conflict, I am also going to seek out someone outside of Brittany and Stephanie to do hair and makeup.

Please understand that this nothing personal towards them, I simply want to avoid conflicts and additional strain on relationships wherever possible. I think you have both put a lot of intent behind my actions that simply didn't exist, but I truly believe trying to explain myself at this point is futile. I do appreciate all you did to put the Disney trip together, and I actually had a wonderful time. Please note that I have not and do not plan to respond to messages that are laden with profanity and passive-aggressive language. Enough damage has been done by miscommunication up to this point, and responding to those texts will not help things going forward. I only hope that we can all decide to behave civilly over the next 16 days for the sake of those for whom we share a common love.

Just reply with "LOL" and leave it at that. That really gets under people's skin.

 

[bellanapoli]

Don't respond. Not even worth it. Nothing you can say would make any difference.

And don't touch any of the planning, decorations or anything. Just show up to the events if you're so inclined. That way when something goes wrong at all the events, and given her behavior it is bound to, she can't point the finger at you!

 

[Vernie822]

Respond with "K"... I think that one is the worst.

 

[Jennasis]

As tempting as it would be to tell her to shove her phone where the sun don't shine, I would instead say nothing. Attend the wedding as a guest...be merry.,.laugh...enjoy the night..hug your bro.

Because in a few very short years He will likely be divorced from that lunatic and you don't, presumably, want to alienate him. He'll need you then...when he's come to his senses.

Good luck whatever you decide.