Bridzilla Disney Style?

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My mom's opinion is that she has no opinion. She just can't deal, so she won't. It's very frustrating!! I would say she swings more to their side tho. She makes excuses, and didn't even tell me that she had been texting back and forth with the bride. Even tho I had 6 other people to back up what I was telling her, in her mind I must have done something to set her off.

My brother is also 26. He is from a second marriage. My stepfather actually told me about a week BEFORE all this that he thinks this is a huge mistake. He had met up with them the weekend prior to attend an event and she acted similar..being an unreasonable brat..to my brother.

Things I have found out-

1) my brother called my mother and asked how to "handle" me, at which time she sent her the text message to show my mother what a crazy witch I am.

2) She was disappointed from go because...
I "wasted" our first FP+ on Peter Pan. I thought she loved Peter Pan!! Either way, she KNOWS it's my favorite, and it was my bday...which didn't get mentioned at all btw. Not that I cared!
We ride Winnie the Pooh second which is her fav so she was temporarily happy at least. Lol

3) at lunch, which I got Be our Guest FP+'s for 3 of the other girls arrived. They had never been to Disney before, so DD went to the front of the park to get them. Bride got jealous and determined from that point forward that they were the only ones we cared about talking to. Oookay.

4) we wanted to take a break around 4ish. It was hot, we were exhausted, and at that point I wanted to get to my luggage to get her "Future Mrs." Sash because I thought maybe she was "upset" that we weren't making a big enough fuss over her. She wanted to shop on Main Street with the other two girls, so we left, she got mad.

5) back at the room when I started passing out the gifts for her and the other girls, it took to long and didn't leave her enough time to "make herself pretty" before Epcot.

6) she absolutely positively did NOT want to eat at La Hacienda. A fact that was never mentioned to me..which turned into her sulking the rest of the night and not speaking to the rest of us until the next day.

7) I "was mean" to her about not bringing her bathing suit for the spa. She was also not happy that we weren't all together the whole time..we separated for treatments...

8) she had to wash her hair before the hair and makeup people could work on her. They told her she was fine not too, but she insisted because she felt gross. I knew this would be the case which is why I passed in treatments I wanted so that I could go first and give her time to take a shower. When I told her this, she took it as I was saying she was stupid for getting massage oil in her hair.

9) she and the other two girls got up at 7am and went to AK. They still hadn't spoken to us since the night before. We didn't see them once that day, but the posted lots of FB pics of them in their matching hats..minus DD of course. By 6:15 she was texting me asking if it would cause a problem if the skipped dinner with us. AFTER I had booked Le Cellier at her request. I went off on her. We haven't spoken since.

So...there you have it. My crimes according to her. I'm an awful awful person. And what ANY of that had to do with DD or my other sister who got the same treatment, I still don't know!!

One time, my sister sent me a letter with her grievances. Ouch! I forced myself to see her side and we mended the relationship.

I would totally write this sister in law and outline every thing you did for her and her ungrateful response to it. I would copy mother dear and brother dear. And yes, I would tell them I don't care what their response is as anything less than an apology would not be welcome.

I wouldn't let it sit. But that is mean. Family chose a selfish inconsiderate brat over flesh and blood.

Yes, I did this with my brother. It felt good and I have no regrets. He was a horse's behind as was my mom and I was done.

No we don't really speak today. But I don't care.

And some people will say....but...family. But when people act like jerks and have no interest on being your family, sometimes, you harm nothing by speaking your peace.

And I would backtrack--I would cover everything you did for the witch. Everything.

And in the end they can choose her. And just can enjoy it. But there would be great satisfaction for me to demonstrate why the witch wasn't worth my time.

Her behavior sucked. She deserves to be informed of this.

And the disinvite? Sorry--no excuse for it.

And if you are controlling---I don't see how it excused her behavior.

 

[Brier Rose]

Definitely rethink the level of your generosity toward anyone in the future, OP. The weekend you planned was way too much, I think. I am really really sorry that she was unappreciative and witchy with you. You did not deserve that at all. Edit to add that I just looked at the engagement thread. It looks to me like you just tend to take over when planning. Am I off base? Did your brother do any of the planning for his own engagement? It also seems like your DD should have been the one planning the weekend away as the MOH. Maybe things wouldn't be as extravagant because she doesn't have the same resources you have (right)? Maybe she would have consulted with the bride before making all those plans and come up with what she wanted. Doing the FB thing with the bridesmaids may have seemed like a good idea, but it sounds like they didn't really know the bride very well and those of you that do should have realized that she likes some say in things (from what you've posted). Still, she didn't act like someone that's being treated to a lifetime event. And there is no excuse for that.

Hmm yes, the engagement..that was a situation where my brother was super busy, he knew what he wanted but not how to do it. He asked me to be his go between and "handle" everything so I did. She doesn't know that, and I would NEVER tell her! She loved everything..I don't want her to know he didn't do every detail himself.

Likewise, DD is SUPER busy..med student <-----super proud mama ...so we would talk and decide things together and I'd handle the details. I do know the Bride very well, in some cases better than DD. I talked with her multiple times because I do know how particular she is. She said she was good with whatever..she wasn't. Oh well.

I absolutely take over planning most anything for my own family. The one time I didn't they told me to never do that again! Lol

 

[eliza61]

Definitely rethink the level of your generosity toward anyone in the future, OP. The weekend you planned was way too much, I think. I am really really sorry that she was unappreciative and witchy with you. You did not deserve that at all.

Edit to add that I just looked at the engagement thread.

It looks to me like you just tend to take over when planning. Am I off base? Did your brother do any of the planning for his own engagement? It also seems like your DD should have been the one planning the weekend away as the MOH. Maybe things wouldn't be as extravagant because she doesn't have the same resources you have (right)? Maybe she would have consulted with the bride before making all those plans and come up with what she wanted. Doing the FB thing with the bridesmaids may have seemed like a good idea, but it sounds like they didn't really know the bride very well and those of you that do should have realized that she likes some say in things (from what you've posted).

Still, she didn't act like someone that's being treated to a lifetime event. And there is no excuse for that.

Naah...
HM my grandmother told me something eons ago that has stuck with me to this day.

OP, DON'T LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR JOY.

Actually I mean this for anyone. IMO, whether or not what you did was over the top is moot. I don't care if you rented out the Taj Mahal or simply had a backyard barbeque. the point is you went out of your way, spent your time and money to give some one else a gift.
The only response was manners and graciousness.

If you are the planner and enjoy planning occasions for the family why should your joy be stolen because some one is a wackadoodle?

So, from me to you OP,
Congratulations on planning an exciting super event. Sounds as if you did an excellent job and you should be proud of yourself.

LOL, if I ever remarry you are sooo my go-to gal.

 

[Ilivetogo]

I have to say that I honestly couldn't even believe what I was reading. I can't imagine anyone being so disrespectful, ungrateful, and childish as she was/is. Unfathomable to me.

I am curious if your brother is aware of EVERYTHING in your post. Like, does he know everything you did and paid for? Does he know every reaction and snotty thing she and the other girls did? The way she treated you and your daughter? Not just getting the texts and hearing about what happened....Did he actually get the ENTIRE low-down?

I agree with others -- your brother really seriously needs to hear that entire thing and then RUN. As fast as he can. I do agree that she will most likely manipulate everything he does in the future and will find a way to separate him from everyone. Look how many "friends" SHE has!!! (not) I feel badly for him - but he needs to take off those glasses and wise-up.

I agree with another PP's comment - Who doesn't bring a swimsuit with them to Florida?? Seriously.

Any time you want to go on a "girls trip", (without her of course), let me know!

.

 

[cabanafrau]

Naah...
HM my grandmother told me something eons ago that has stuck with me to this day.

OP, DON'T LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR JOY.

Actually I mean this for anyone. IMO, whether or not what you did was over the top is moot. I don't care if you rented out the Taj Mahal or simply had a backyard barbeque. the point is you went out of your way, spent your time and money to give some one else a gift.
The only response was manners and graciousness.

If you are the planner and enjoy planning occasions for the family why should your joy be stolen because some one is a wackadoodle?

So, from me to you OP,
Congratulations on planning an exciting super event. Sounds as if you did an excellent job and you should be proud of yourself.

LOL, if I ever remarry you are sooo my go-to gal.

I get your point, and I agree -- to a point.

The whole purpose of a gift or thoughtful gesture for others is to be thoughtful of those on the receiving end. If the Taj Mahal or the backyard barbeque is likely to make the recipient(s) uncomfortable the giver isn't generous to go forward, full steam ahead, simply because they're chasing their bliss.

I think OP genuinely did what she did out of thoughtfulness. I kind of suspect OP's thoughtfulness can be a little ferociously overwhelming at times and her family accepts her for it because they love her. I think there's a little bit of room for the bride not growing up in that family and reaching the point where she wasn't just going to accept that's just Rose's way, just let Rose be in charge, etc.

The bride was completely out of line, completely, in the way she handled it. I just see signs that Rose is a bit tone deaf to others' feelings about certain things unless she is directly confronted with, ugh, I cannot stand X or Y. I also suspect she is more than a little bit susceptible to any and everything pixie dust & other parties' misgivings about that issue are glossed over.

My comments are not meant with unkind spirit, merely a mirror to reflect things back to OP in black and white. I also don't condone the bride's behavior, particularly as she has a relationship w/ Rose & should be aware of her loving intentions & should have gently reined things in beforehand. Maybe she was aware resistance is futile, or thought she had given indications of what she preferred and felt disregarded. Just some food for thought.

 

[Laura66]

Someone who is intent on causing a rift in the family and thereby keeping her future dh all to herself. He will be easier to control if there is no influence from his family. You and your dd were only the first. As time goes by she will find fault with other family members as well until your brother has severed ties with all his family. If he insists on marrying her he seriously needs to grow a backbone first!

With the loss of your dd she is now without any real friends. That is not for no reason.

Sound like a WOW just WOW
. . . . .

Poster around here

 

[Laura66]

I get your point, and I agree -- to a point.

The whole purpose of a gift or thoughtful gesture for others is to be thoughtful of those on the receiving end. If the Taj Mahal or the backyard barbeque is likely to make the recipient(s) uncomfortable the giver isn't generous to go forward, full steam ahead, simply because they're chasing their bliss.

I think OP genuinely did what she did out of thoughtfulness. I kind of suspect OP's thoughtfulness can be a little ferociously overwhelming at times and her family accepts her for it because they love her. I think there's a little bit of room for the bride not growing up in that family and reaching the point where she wasn't just going to accept that's just Rose's way, just let Rose be in charge, etc.

The bride was completely out of line, completely, in the way she handled it. I just see signs that Rose is a bit tone deaf to others' feelings about certain things unless she is directly confronted with, ugh, I cannot stand X or Y. I also suspect she is more than a little bit susceptible to any and everything pixie dust & other parties' misgivings about that issue are glossed over.

My comments are not meant with unkind spirit, merely a mirror to reflect things back to OP in black and white. I also don't condone the bride's behavior, particularly as she has a relationship w/ Rose & should be aware of her loving intentions & should have gently reined things in beforehand. Maybe she was aware resistance is futile, or thought she had given indications of what she preferred and felt disregarded. Just some food for thought.

Some good points here that I had not thought of!

 

[Brier Rose]

I get your point, and I agree -- to a point. The whole purpose of a gift or thoughtful gesture for others is to be thoughtful of those on the receiving end. If the Taj Mahal or the backyard barbeque is likely to make the recipient(s) uncomfortable the giver isn't generous to go forward, full steam ahead, simply because they're chasing their bliss. I think OP genuinely did what she did out of thoughtfulness. I kind of suspect OP's thoughtfulness can be a little ferociously overwhelming at times and her family accepts her for it because they love her. I think there's a little bit of room for the bride not growing up in that family and reaching the point where she wasn't just going to accept that's just Rose's way, just let Rose be in charge, etc. The bride was completely out of line, completely, in the way she handled it. I just see signs that Rose is a bit tone deaf to others' feelings about certain things unless she is directly confronted with, ugh, I cannot stand X or Y. I also suspect she is more than a little bit susceptible to any and everything pixie dust & other parties' misgivings about that issue are glossed over. My comments are not meant with unkind spirit, merely a mirror to reflect things back to OP in black and white. I also don't condone the bride's behavior, particularly as she has a relationship w/ Rose & should be aware of her loving intentions & should have gently reined things in beforehand. Maybe she was aware resistance is futile, or thought she had given indications of what she preferred and felt disregarded. Just some food for thought.

I respect where you're coming from, I just disagree. The bride and my brother have been together for 8 years. Believe me when I say this has absolutely nothing to do with her being overwhelmed by generosity, and everything to do with her just being a brat. As for this particular case, I don't "plan" anything on my own except for the surprises...the theme..the gifts..etc. I made one dinner reservation per day based on where it was decided we would be, that's it.

 

[okeydokey]

It's hard when our thoughtfulness isn't appreciated. You planned a great event, much more than most people would have done. You do admit that in some ways, the planning was for yourself, because you like to plan. Maybe your memory of this event should be how much fun you had planning and try to let go of the reaction of the bride to be. You can't control how other people behave.

In the future, however, I would remember this, and not be so generous. I hope over time you and your brother and his fiance can move forward and have some kind of relationship.

 

[cabanafrau]

I respect where you're coming from, I just disagree. The bride and my brother have been together for 8 years. Believe me when I say this has absolutely nothing to do with her being overwhelmed by generosity, and everything to do with her just being a brat. As for this particular case, I don't "plan" anything on my own except for the surprises...the theme..the gifts..etc. I made one dinner reservation per day based on where it was decided we would be, that's it.

Please know that I think it stinks you put in such effort with a good heart & got treated that way. That's not okay.

 

[Vernie822]

8 years! Wow. So she was about 18 when they started dating? Has she been like this for 8 years, or is this just all of a sudden? You say you have been on numerous Disney trips with her and that she and your DD were BFF's. So it's obvious that you know her very well and planned something you thought she would really love. I seriously find it so weird that she went from practically being a member of the family, to a horrendous witch! So sorry that this is happening.

 

[Laura66]

I respect where you're coming from, I just disagree. The bride and my brother have been together for 8 years. Believe me when I say this has absolutely nothing to do with her being overwhelmed by generosity, and everything to do with her just being a brat. As for this particular case, I don't "plan" anything on my own except for the surprises...the theme..the gifts..etc. I made one dinner reservation per day based on where it was decided we would be, that's it.

I of course think she was ungrateful and behaved poorly
But . . .
If you've known she was like this for the last 8 years why on earth would you plan such an extravagant and expensive event?? I don't get it? Some weddings aren't that big of an affair!
It's almost like a set up - look how generous and thoughtful I am and it's not appreciated!!!

 

[Brier Rose]

8 years! Wow. So she was about 18 when they started dating? Has she been like this for 8 years, or is this just all of a sudden? You say you have been on numerous Disney trips with her and that she and your DD were BFF's. So it's obvious that you know her very well and planned something you thought she would really love. I seriously find it so weird that she went from practically being a member of the family, to a horrendous witch! So sorry that this is happening.

Yes, she was 18. It's funny, I actually HATED her at first. My brother was totally and completely in love with her all thru high school. They were best friends. She knew how he felt about her and would keep him dangling with things like.."I DO see myself with you ONE DAY, just not NOW." He finally got sick of it and told her to **** off (family trait, lol) and then she decided she loved him after all. He bends over forwards and backwards for her. I've never seen anything like it. No matter how bad she is to him, no matter how unreasonable he still keeps at at.

Over time we grew to accept that this was what he wanted, and started to build a friendship with her. I didn't understand it, but I didn't have to. That's his relationship and if it works for him, fine.

We put up with her very strange ways and reactions to things and chalked it up to her personality. She was great sometimes and I LIKED spending time with her.

I NEVER thought this trip would go down the way it did.

 

[Brier Rose]

I of course think she was ungrateful and behaved poorly But . . . If you've known she was like this for the last 8 years why on earth would you plan such an extravagant and expensive event?? I don't get it? Some weddings aren't that big of an affair! It's almost like a set up - look how generous and thoughtful I am and it's not appreciated!!!

She had never been like THAT!! A brat at times, yes. A whiny "3 year old" at times, yes. Demanding, selfish and a bit cray..yes, yes and yes.

BUT, we have had great times together! I think what it is is that my brother has always been with us! He is the one who usually bears the brunt of her attitude. This time it was me. I don't even care that she didn't "appreciate " all the work and details. I made those choices to do those extra things, she didn't ask for it! I did however expect to have a good time with her, and for her to at least be kind to me!!

 

[Laura66]

She had never been like THAT!! A brat at times, yes. A whiny "3 year old" at times, yes. Demanding, selfish and a bit cray..yes, yes and yes.

BUT, we have had great times together! I think what it is is that my brother has always been with us! He is the one who usually bears the brunt of her attitude. This time it was me. I don't even care that she didn't "appreciate " all the work and details. I made those choices to do those extra things, she didn't ask for it! I did however expect to have a good time with her, and for her to at least be kind to me!!

Did she plan this with you?

Listen - I have no doubt that you wanted to do something wonderful or that she can be a a piece of work.

But I gotta tell you - if someone who knew me for 8 years threw me an event similar to this I might have a hard time. Yes I love Disney and yes what a wonderful event. But if it was for ME - I would have a problem with so structured a weekend and getting up early. I like my down time. I keep seeing "I" in your posts. I would of course be appreciative but after a while I would almost feel like I'm a part in a movie - and need to gush how wonderful this is and how generous you are and thank you thank you. I would do my very best to be cheerful and thankful - but I bet after I being overwhelmed would make me cranky and I'm sure I'd be rude on occasion.

I think it was a lose/lose for both you and her.

 

[Laura66]

Think of it this way. Say there was a thread from say, her point of view. Instead of this event it's her wedding and she's posts - I know my inlaws mean well but they are planning this huge reception that's very generous. While I appreciate it it's just not my style but I can't say anything because I'm not paying for it.

I know it's not the same thing and she should have been more gracious - but I bet you'd get a lot of posts about how controlling the inlaws are.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

OP the more I read the more wonderful and generous you sound. You did your best to show her how accepted and loved she is by your family and she threw it back in your face. Perhaps there were activities, rides, restaurants etc. that she would not have chosen had she been in charge. So what! To react this way to a wonderful gesture by someone who went to the trouble and expense you did screams of immaturity and selfishness on her part. The fact that after knowing you for 8 years she did not even mention your birthday shows how much of a "me" person she really is.

It's funny how she loved the engagement you planned when she thought your brother had done it but hated this when she knew you were the one in charge.

 

[Brier Rose]

Did she plan this with you? Listen - I have no doubt that you wanted to do something wonderful or that she can be a a piece of work. But I gotta tell you - if someone who knew me for 8 years three me an event similar to this I might have a hard time. Yes I love Disney and yes what a wonderful event. But if it was for ME - I would have a problem with so structured a weekend and getting up early. I like my down time. I keep seeing "I" in your posts. I would of course be appreciative but after a while I would almost feel like I'm a part in a movie - and need to gush how wonderful this is and how generous you are and thank you thank you. I would do my very best to be cheerful and thankful - but I bet after I being overwhelmed would make me cranky and I'm sure I'd be rude on occasion. I think it was a lose/lose for both you and her.

Well, I guess I say "I" a lot because I can only tell my side. There was NO structure, I truly don't know what you mean by that. I planned "a" meal..one per day, as she requests on every trip. I definitely never asked her to get up early. The ONLY things I planned were MK on arrival, because I KNOW she has to do that first every trip to start off. I planned the spa, which was what SHE wanted, and even double checked with her about her appt time. I asked if she wanted her hair and makeup done, I asked if she wanted to do the Villians Soirée..I did everything I could possibly do to make this about HER. The only things "I" did were the fillers. Party gifts..stocking the fridge..champagne when we arrived. I fully admit that maybe I did something that upset her, what I don't know!! I asked my bro from the first night if I had done anything to upset her, he said no. I wanted to do or not do whatever it was that made HER happy!
She LOVES extravagance. Trust me, that's not the issue. They had my mother pay for their $10,000 honeymoon complete with private butler.

I don't mean to sound defensive. You can only get so much of a read on someone based on posts on a message board. This is just a bit of a sore spot with me because when I do things I do try very very hard to make it about them and their likes/dislikes.

 

[Suger Mag]

Think of it this way. Say there was a thread from say, her point of view. Instead of this event it's her wedding and she's posts - I know my inlaws mean well but they are planning this huge reception that's very generous. While I appreciate it it's just not my style but I can't say anything because I'm not paying for it.

I know it's not the same thing and she should have been more gracious - but I bet you'd get a lot of posts about how controlling the inlaws are.

I would respect that if this was about the wedding, or the cermoney, or the reception. But it was a bachalorette 'party'... at least from my experiences.... brides (or grooms) do not plan their own party, someone else (best man or maid of honor) does it for them.

OP that sucks. Life is too short to waste time on such drival. Fighting and creating drama over rides or dinners is foolish. I am sorry that your generoisity was not appreciated.You and your daughter are likely better off without that kind of behavior in your life... much less financing it.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

I would respect that if this was about the wedding, or the cermoney, or the reception. But it was a bachalorette 'party'... at least from my experiences.... brides (or grooms) do not plan their own party, someone else (best man or maid of honor) does it for them.

OP that sucks. Life is too short to waste time on such drival. Fighting and creating drama over rides or dinners is foolish. I am sorry that your generoisity was not appreciated.You and your daughter are likely better off without that kind of behavior in your life... much less financing it.

Absolutely! It is a gift and as in all gifts we say thank you and show our appreciation (even if it was not to our liking) not cause so much drama to the point of uninviting family members to the wedding as if a crime was committed.