Bridzilla Disney Style?

[Forum Jumper]

It is so sad that you and your DD had to go through that. I would focus on my DD now and let DB learn his own lessons.

He may be feeling he has to go through with the wedding since there is money already spent and in-depth planning done. I wouldn't hesitate to give him an out, tell him it's OK to cancel. But, that might have to come from one of your parents.

Add a baby to that mess and you have a complete and total nightmare!

 

[Tozzie]

WOW is all I can say.

Your brother doesn't want you at his wedding? Sorry he is an idiot and he is going to either end up divorced or a raging alcoholic in two or three years. The fact that she brought your mother into it shows how childish and imature she is. She thinks this is her world and everything revolves aound it. I am so sorry you had to endure her and spent so much money on it, a hard lesson to learn.

 

[Happy Snowman]

My DD has been her ONLY friend for quite a while. The other two bridesmaids are one girl from high school that she was friends with years ago, and one girl from college that she got back in touch with because she needed more bridesmaids. Sounds harsh I know, but it's true. When DD comes home from College, the bride to be usually comes here and stays with us once a month or so. I'm starting to think she doesn't really like anybody!!

This would be a big tip off that she just isn't someone you want to be around. I really feel sorry for your family. Just realize after they are married, you won't be seeing your brother. If I were in that situation, I would have a heart to heart with your brother and just tell him that being married doesn't mean you stop being family with your siblings and parents unless HE wants that. He won't listen but at least you said your peace and can move on.

 

[teller80]

What is your moms opinion?

 

[crz4mm2]

If your brother has a brain in his head, he will run like the wind.

This.

Wow. just Wow.

 

[wdwmom2]

OP

I would be OVER. THE. MOON. with having someone throw me a shower like this!!!! Awesome!!!!

Your future SIL doesn't just ride the crazy train, she's the #@%$^& conductor!!!! How ungrateful!

 

[PlutoPony]

If she's been treated like a queen over the years (or at least like a normal person not a pariah) given this kind of behavior on her part, what's her incentive to change? Sounds like she has a very entitled mentality but this wasn't created in a vacuum. Maybe if she gets a dose of the "real world" is due. How she reacts -

Btw, OP you mentioned she's 26 - how old is your brother?

 

[lauradis]

Op I feel sorry for you.

Maybe she will turn around? Some people do get caught up in the emotions of the perfect wedding etc.

Maybe a nice lunch to talk about what happen and what your intentions where and how you both feel about what happen.

Maybe she is just an ungrateful brat!

Communication is key, don't leave it like this.

 

[NewRVLady]

Someone who is intent on causing a rift in the family and thereby keeping her future dh all to herself.

He will be easier to control if there is no influence from his family. You and your dd were only the first. As time goes by she will find fault with other family members as well until your brother has severed ties with all his family.

If he insists on marrying her he seriously needs to grow a backbone first!

With the loss of your dd she is now without any real friends. That is not for no reason.

I have to say the bolded words really hit me. I have been dealing with a nut SIL for years and that is EXACTLY what she has done. my brother now has issues with us all (because of her twisting every situation, every thing we have said) and we no longer get together with his family, nor know anything about his lives and kids (I am Facebook friends with one kid so know a little about him)

 

[Brier Rose]

My mom's opinion is that she has no opinion. She just can't deal, so she won't. It's very frustrating!! I would say she swings more to their side tho. She makes excuses, and didn't even tell me that she had been texting back and forth with the bride. Even tho I had 6 other people to back up what I was telling her, in her mind I must have done something to set her off.

My brother is also 26. He is from a second marriage. My stepfather actually told me about a week BEFORE all this that he thinks this is a huge mistake. He had met up with them the weekend prior to attend an event and she acted similar..being an unreasonable brat..to my brother.

Things I have found out-

1) my brother called my mother and asked how to "handle" me, at which time she sent her the text message to show my mother what a crazy witch I am.

2) She was disappointed from go because...
I "wasted" our first FP+ on Peter Pan. I thought she loved Peter Pan!! Either way, she KNOWS it's my favorite, and it was my bday...which didn't get mentioned at all btw. Not that I cared!
We ride Winnie the Pooh second which is her fav so she was temporarily happy at least. Lol

3) at lunch, which I got Be our Guest FP+'s for 3 of the other girls arrived. They had never been to Disney before, so DD went to the front of the park to get them. Bride got jealous and determined from that point forward that they were the only ones we cared about talking to. Oookay.

4) we wanted to take a break around 4ish. It was hot, we were exhausted, and at that point I wanted to get to my luggage to get her "Future Mrs." Sash because I thought maybe she was "upset" that we weren't making a big enough fuss over her. She wanted to shop on Main Street with the other two girls, so we left, she got mad.

5) back at the room when I started passing out the gifts for her and the other girls, it took to long and didn't leave her enough time to "make herself pretty" before Epcot.

6) she absolutely positively did NOT want to eat at La Hacienda. A fact that was never mentioned to me..which turned into her sulking the rest of the night and not speaking to the rest of us until the next day.

7) I "was mean" to her about not bringing her bathing suit for the spa. She was also not happy that we weren't all together the whole time..we separated for treatments...

8) she had to wash her hair before the hair and makeup people could work on her. They told her she was fine not too, but she insisted because she felt gross. I knew this would be the case which is why I passed in treatments I wanted so that I could go first and give her time to take a shower. When I told her this, she took it as I was saying she was stupid for getting massage oil in her hair.

9) she and the other two girls got up at 7am and went to AK. They still hadn't spoken to us since the night before. We didn't see them once that day, but the posted lots of FB pics of them in their matching hats..minus DD of course. By 6:15 she was texting me asking if it would cause a problem if the skipped dinner with us. AFTER I had booked Le Cellier at her request. I went off on her. We haven't spoken since.

So...there you have it. My crimes according to her. I'm an awful awful person. And what ANY of that had to do with DD or my other sister who got the same treatment, I still don't know!!

 

[Tinkerdreams]

If your brother has a brain in his head, he will run like the wind.

Bingo!! OP I'm sorry that this happened to you. You are a very generous person. I am the same way and have been treated this way.

Unfortunately, those of us that have this type of spirit and love to bring joy to others, find that those on the receiving end have absolutely no appreciation or gratitude for this. As a result, we back away from doing this at all any more.

I know through my experience, I will not be generous to others as I've been in the past. Just chalk it up to - NEVER again!!

 

[NewRVLady]

wow-the more details, the brattier she looks!!!
To completely ignore you and your DD for one ENTIRE day is, like NUTS!!!

Honestly, I feel bad for you OP....you did SO MUCH-like the hand made corset from Europe!!! You sound like a FUN future SIL and that girl will make your future Family life and get togethers a miserable experience!

 

[Brier Rose]

Bingo!! OP I'm sorry that this happened to you. You are a very generous person. I am the same way and have been treated this way.

Unfortunately, those of us that have this type of spirit and love to bring joy to others, find that those on the receiving end have absolutely no appreciation or gratitude for this. As a result, we back away from doing this at all any more.

I know through my experience, I will not be generous to others as I've been in the past. Just chalk it up to - NEVER again!!

I think that's what hurts the most. I put my whole heart into this because I wanted it to be special for her. My DH has begged me to never ever do this for her or anybody else ever again. It's SO hard tho!! I love to do things like this for other people, but yeah, for sure it usually leaves me feeling hurt and taken advantage of. It's a hard lesson learned.

 

[Brier Rose]

The more I think about it I'm convinced she never wanted a Bachelorette party at all. I tried so hard to convince her to go somewhere else. We both love Disney for sure, go all the time, but I felt like something more relaxing and chill would be better. She didn't even want to consider it.

When it comes to her Disney trips we are just alike. Uber planners!! I think ultimately she just could not handle not having control. She took off with the other two girls who had never been to Disney btw, and got to run her own show with minions to boot!

I've heard her say more than once that this would be her last trip for awhile because they have to save money for a house. She and my brother both make VERY good money, but a Disney trip is not what she WANTS to spend money on. She still wanted to go tho, so she used me to do it under the guise of a bachelorette weekend..

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

OP, please keep us updated. Dying to know if the wedding happens, and how long the marriage lasts. I feel terrible for you. I would say I feel terrible for your brother, but it sounds like he knows what he is getting in to.

 

[cabanafrau]

The more I think about it I'm convinced she never wanted a Bachelorette party at all. I tried so hard to convince her to go somewhere else. We both love Disney for sure, go all the time, but I felt like something more relaxing and chill would be better. She didn't even want to consider it.

When it comes to her Disney trips we are just alike. Uber planners!! I think ultimately she just could not handle not having control. She took off with the other two girls who had never been to Disney btw, and got to run her own show with minions to boot!

I've heard her say more than once that this would be her last trip for awhile because they have to save money for a house. She and my brother both make VERY good money, but a Disney trip is not what she WANTS to spend money on. She still wanted to go tho, so she used me to do it under the guise of a bachelorette weekend..

I say this gently and in the vein of food for thought.

A lot of the detail you've written here, the link to the engagement prep photos, your brother contacting your mom for how to handle you, and then your husband wanting you to swear never to do this for anyone again gave me pause. Maybe put some thought into whether or not you tend to be a bit overwhelming and smothering with some of the things you do for people.

You were indeed beyond generous. It wasn't received with gratitude. That's awful and I feel for you. I don't mean my comments unkindly. There is a TV show now that deals with exactly what I'm referring to. Check out The Goldbergs if you haven't seen it yet. The mother would open a vein for her family without question. Her loving thoughtfulness tends to backfire on a regular basis.

 

[LBIJim]

! I think ultimately she just could not handle not having control. She took off with the other two girls who had never been to Disney btw, and got to run her own show with minions to boot!

..

That was my thought from the first post. She resented you being in charge, making all the arrangements, having control.

The more you do for some people, the more they take advantage of you. IMO you did TOO much, and perhaps those feelings from the others are somewhat justified. I'd probably tell you to back off after a certain point.

Sounds like brother and mother are siding with Bridezilla. Sorry you're going thru this.

 

[HM]

Definitely rethink the level of your generosity toward anyone in the future, OP. The weekend you planned was way too much, I think. I am really really sorry that she was unappreciative and witchy with you. You did not deserve that at all.

Edit to add that I just looked at the engagement thread.

It looks to me like you just tend to take over when planning. Am I off base? Did your brother do any of the planning for his own engagement? It also seems like your DD should have been the one planning the weekend away as the MOH. Maybe things wouldn't be as extravagant because she doesn't have the same resources you have (right)? Maybe she would have consulted with the bride before making all those plans and come up with what she wanted. Doing the FB thing with the bridesmaids may have seemed like a good idea, but it sounds like they didn't really know the bride very well and those of you that do should have realized that she likes some say in things (from what you've posted).

Still, she didn't act like someone that's being treated to a lifetime event. And there is no excuse for that.

 

[Brier Rose]

I say this gently and in the vein of food for thought. A lot of the detail you've written here, the link to the engagement prep photos, your brother contacting your mom for how to handle you, and then your husband wanting you to swear never to do this for anyone again gave me pause. Maybe put some thought into whether or not you tend to be a bit overwhelming and smothering with some of the things you do for people. You were indeed beyond generous. It wasn't received with gratitude. That's awful and I feel for you. I don't mean my comments unkindly. There is a TV show now that deals with exactly what I'm referring to. Check out The Goldbergs if you haven't seen it yet. The mother would open a vein for her family without question. Her loving thoughtfulness tends to backfire on a regular basis.

Oh I totally get what you're saying!! I can see how I would look that way. The thing is tho I DO put a lot of effort in, but I don't force it. For instance, the card game we made. She wasn't interested, wouldn't even look at it. I told her that was completely fine and we didn't have to do one thing she didn't want to do! I put the effort in because that's just me. I don't halfway do anything. I try very hard to be mindful of the person, and take my cues from them.

My bro asked my mom how to handle me because he is scared of me. lol

My DH begged me not to do it again because he knows I will exhaust myself trying to make things perfect. He can't stand to see me unappreciated and treated this way so he's furious.

It sound like I'm making excuses I know. I do get where you're coming from.

 

[HM]

One more thought.
If they change their mind and ask you to go to the wedding. Go to the ceremony. You'll regret not going later. Skip the reception though, I think.