Breathalyzer brands & college teen discussions

[LuvOrlando]

I really shouldn't get a say since my kid is only 8, but I did just watch my 26 year old sister go through detox after being addicted to cocaine and alcohol (an addition she had been hiding since she was a teen). She's now a year out and still struggles everyday to not drink. It's not something you want to see your kid (or anyone you love) go through. Could you just give your son a breathalyzer and let him do what he wants with it? Let him try it, let his friends try it... he can have it for when/if he needs it. And if he chooses not to use it, you can't really do anything about that. I know several people who have been shocked at what the breathalyzer shows vs. how they feel. You can pick one up at Walgreens for $50 or so.

I do not envy or look forward to what you're going through. And here in CO, pot is legal too. Ugh...

So sorry for your families ordeal. Both my husband and I have witnessed addiction; some survive and some do not. In fact, one of the 'shot pouring' families around here nearly lost their older son to a bathroom OD a few weeks ago. There is bad heroin in the area right now (Lehigh valley pa, it's probably in the news), not that there such a thing as good heroin but it seems this stuff is intended to kill and it's taking many lives maybe that's why am thinking of this whole subject. I lost a friend to heroin years ago and it was a horrible thing. Suppose concern is just weighing heavily on my mind because I know firsthand it can happen to anyone; wealthy families, poor families, smart families it just doesn't matter. All it takes is a young adult weakened by some strain or stress and the right set of circumstances and you have a pretty big problem in your lap.

It wasn't my intention to hand him a breathalyzer to use as a gauge in an ongoing sort of way. In fact I could see that encouraging drinking in some kind of moronic party game. In fact now that I think of it I am pretty sure it would cause them to bet each other how much they could drink before the gauge moves or to see how high they can get it before they puke- terrible things come to mind. Idiot pong lol. Really I was just looking to use it once as a demonstration to show him the difference between feeling drunk and being drunk. If I do decide to pick one up I am totally going to keep it locked up in my safe.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Unless your Husband downs the bottle I would see a breathalyzer as an experiment of how much he can drink without appearing to be drunk.... also tolerance is an issue your husband may be able to have 4 drinks your son only 2 and not at all appear to be drunk but his blood level may show different BUT this is only used for driving and if he commits a crime..... so backfire it may....and it is pointless.... there are many other things that can effect tolerance as well.. how much you ate, enough sleep, your mood in general, all bodies react differently to alcohol to name a few.
I would agree with those who serve alcohol... you can teach responsibility and simply if they are allowed to drink at home it takes the fun out of going to a party where they are doing something that is not allowed anywhere else... Watch Footloose a few times again to teach responsibility......Drink they will but teach only enough to have a good time...and if they are home and get drunk and throw up they have learned a very lasting lesson around those who will take care of him or her..

I have a very live and let live attitude but in my experience the few kids I knew they got into heavier substances did so because the parents participated in the "Normal" substances with them. Whatever the parents where into was the baseline and so in order for those friends to achieve that cutting edge vibe they needed to go to the next step, whatever that was in their head because no matter what mom and dad did that was boring. I'm not saying it's always going to go this way but a majority of the kids I know that ended up doing really messed up stuff where either drinking with or using a bong with their parents (Robert Downey Jr. Style) from a pretty young age. As a result when I had kids I went as straight and narrow as possible so that my kids really didn't have to try very hard to be renegades rotfl. for my part, I'm strict and easily shocked by them so they get that rush not having to work too hard for it- so far so good

 

[kaytieeldr]

so I rely heavily on her sharing/communicating with me to keep up with what's going on.

Which it appears she does.

She lets me know when she's home safe (even if its 3am). Her phone has locating gps (I pay extra every month so I can check it without an obnoxious alarm going off) so that I can check to see if she's in class, or actually home when she says she is.

Since she seems to tell you virtually everything she does, everywhere she goes, and everything that happens to her, even the ability to track her phone's location 24/7 is extreme.

She has been a problem free child for the most part, excellent student, active socially, athletic, and rarely got in trouble. She knows we're serious about our rules (just like we have been her whole life) and if she is reckless, unsafe, or not progressing in school appropriately....then the consequences are loss of rent and phone.

Interesting. Take the phone away and you lose tracking capability.

What I was not prepared for was the stories I would hear about all her "adventures". One evening she told me she was chatting with a nice looking young man who left to get her a drink, and came back with 2 bottles of beer and a vial of white powder he said was cocaine. She said to him "no thanks, what did I say to you that made you think it was okay to offer this to me?" apparently she drank the beer and passed on the other

Yet she tells you conversations like this, and how she handles them

But I have to trust her raising, and keep communication open so that she continues to trust me with all the sordid details, and I can do my best to provide her with guidance (that doesn't seem like demands) and encourage her to continue to make good decisions.

You can do all that without needing/wanting/being able to locate her via tracking app every second.

 

[NewRVLady]

I honestly don't know of any parent who has their child, away at college, call when they get home. I talk to dd19 about once a week, maybe. Having her on GPS to make sure she attended class? Honestly, I have no idea what classes she is taking half of the time, and have no idea what days or times. I don't know what she's doing at 3 am, midnight, where she is sleeping, same as back in the day when I was away at college (and my mom definitely didn't want to know - lol). I get that you think you aren't hovering, but you kind of are.

Did has even gone away for the weekend (Boston, NYC, the beach) without me knowing. I'm sure that if I happened to call her, she'd tell me where she was, but it's really none of my business.

This GPS thing is unreal....
To ME going away to college was for me getting away from the very short leash my parents had me on....I went to an all girls High school and college was utopia!
this was the "olden days"=pre cell phones and computers-we had curfew at the dorm and I did sign myself out one weekend to "go home" and did something else...and don't you know my parents called that sunday AM and found out about it.....dealing with my hysterical parents was NOT fun

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

I have a very live and let live attitude but in my experience the few kids I knew they got into heavier substances did so because the parents participated in the "Normal" substances with them. Whatever the parents where into was the baseline and so in order for those friends to achieve that cutting edge vibe they needed to go to the next step, whatever that was in their head because no matter what mom and dad did that was boring. I'm not saying it's always going to go this way but a majority of the kids I know that ended up doing really messed up stuff where either drinking with or using a bong with their parents (Robert Downey Jr. Style) from a pretty young age. As a result when I had kids I went as straight and narrow as possible so that my kids really didn't have to try very hard to be renegades rotfl. for my part, I'm strict and easily shocked by them so they get that rush not having to work too hard for it- so far so good

So using this logic, my very successful, super responsible Dean's List son is going to become a heroin addict because my DH and I drank a beer or two with him on our family vacation???!!! I think you are making a huge leap here.

Believe me, I totally get the fear and anxiety you are feeling about your first born going away to college. DS just finished his first semester of college. It is VERY hard for me to get used to the idea that he has a whole other life that I am not a part of. He goes places, knows people, has experiences that I know nothing about. But that's the way it should be. Our children grow up.

We had an alcohol policy in our house while he was in high school. He was allowed to drink in our presence. He was not allowed to lie about where he was or what he was doing. He was not allowed to drink and drive. He knew if we caught him he would lose all privileges - car, phone, allowance, etc. We did not want him to feel the need to "sneak". We saw lots of other kids put themselves in dangerous situations due to "sneaking". If he was going to a party and wanted to have a few beers, he had to tell us. Then we either made arrangements to pick him up, or he spent the night there. This worked very well. He came home hung over one time and one time only. That's all it took.

He soon realized that he is not a big drinker. He likes to have a couple of beers or a couple mixed drinks, but he doesn't like losing control, getting sick, or making a fool of himself. I am very grateful he was able to figure this out about himself before he went away to college. He just joined a fraternity. During rush he eliminated all fraternities that had bad reputations for drugs, disrespecting women or were too heavily focused on alcohol consumption. He wanted a "mild mannered frat" - his words - and he found one. He is very happy! And I am very proud of the discernment he used in making his choice. He does drink at college…he showed me the fake ID he ordered online so he can get into the bars. All I said to him is that if he gets caught or gets in trouble, the legal expenses are his responsibility. Of course I DON'T WANT ANYTHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO HIM, but he has to be accountable for his own choices now.

His college has a huge alcohol awareness program. The kids are taught how to identify if someone is in danger, when to put a backpack on them when they go to bed (so they don't sleep on their back and accidentally choke on their vomit), when to call 911, when a female student may be in danger of assault. The students take looking out for one another very seriously.

As for the whole GPS thing…I don't even know what to say. I do not track my DS, nor do I check to make sure he goes to his classes or is home by a certain time. He is in college for goodness sake! My parents didn't know what I did, where I went, if I skipped classes or not when I was in college. They heard from me once a week on Sunday afternoons. Again…it's called growing up!

OP, you sound like you've done a very good job raising your son. When he goes to college, you need to take a step back and trust that the life lessons and moral values you taught him stick. Have faith in your son, and have faith in the job you did parenting him.

ETA: I also have a DD, a junior in high school. We have the same alcohol policy for her. She has had a few drinks with us at family parties, but she doesn't really drink with her friends. She went to a blow out party her soph year - cops called, kids wheeled out on stretchers, some taken to intensive care. It was a sleep over that went terribly wrong. Mom left the house, info went out on social media. That party blew up HUGE! Luckily we knew where she was, and she texted us to tell us what was happening. We were able to get her out of the situation safely. She told us later that she texted us because she knew that we'd told our son that as long as he told us the truth about what was going on, he wouldn't get in trouble. She hasn't been really interested in drinking parties since that.

However, I strongly believe she needs to know how alcohol effects her before she goes away to college. I really didn't want her first drinking experience to be in college. There is way too much risk of sexual assault.

 

[Hrhpd]

I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that somebody took the time and effort to GPS map an entire campus so that they know exactly what classroom their child is in.

That is a lot of work and dedication for even the most serious of helicopter parents. Kudos to the poster that did that. I hear from my college freshman once a week. I have no idea what time he gets back to his dorm nor is it any of my business. It is his life to work out. I have trust and faith in him that we did our job adequately and until he loses our trust, he is free to make his own mark on the world. That does not mean we are not involved. But we are not going to run his life for him. I also know for a fact he is going to screw up. He needs to figure out how to fix it. We will offer advice when asked, but there are no punishments involved. The only criteria we have is that he needs to get passing grades for us to keep paying the tuition. How he does that is his business.

I am a firm believer that learning how to problem solve their own problems is a very important lesson. They may experience disappointment and failure, but oh, their successes will be so much sweeter because they did it themselves. We are seeing way too many young adults today that have no idea how to handle adulthood because they were held on such a tight leash and parents swooped in to fix anything that they are bewildered when they are facing even the smallest of problems.

I often wonder how some of these uber involved parents would feel if their spouse decided to put a GPS tracker on their phone. "Honey, I checked today and you did not go to the supermarket like you said you were going. Can you explain why you went to the coffee shop?" Every adult would chafe at being monitored so closely. It is no different for our ADULT children.

 

[NewRVLady]

the GPS tracker thing-I am still chuckling......I am just thinking how free we were in my art University days-
Once we all met near the historic area to sketch with our Prof
-somedays the Prof took us out to the quad to sketch...the photography Prof gave us a free period to take pics around campus
the Pottery kiln was a hike from the Art building in some nether regions in the back of campus-we had to go there occasionally

 

[QueenIsabella]

I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that somebody took the time and effort to GPS map an entire campus so that they know exactly what classroom their child is in.

That is a lot of work and dedication for even the most serious of helicopter parents. Kudos to the poster that did that. I hear from my college freshman once a week. I have no idea what time he gets back to his dorm nor is it any of my business. It is his life to work out. I have trust and faith in him that we did our job adequately and until he loses our trust, he is free to make his own mark on the world. That does not mean we are not involved. But we are not going to run his life for him. I also know for a fact he is going to screw up. He needs to figure out how to fix it. We will offer advice when asked, but there are no punishments involved. The only criteria we have is that he needs to get passing grades for us to keep paying the tuition. How he does that is his business.

I am a firm believer that learning how to problem solve their own problems is a very important lesson. They may experience disappointment and failure, but oh, their successes will be so much sweeter because they did it themselves. We are seeing way too many young adults today that have no idea how to handle adulthood because they were held on such a tight leash and parents swooped in to fix anything that they are bewildered when they are facing even the smallest of problems.

I often wonder how some of these uber involved parents would feel if their spouse decided to put a GPS tracker on their phone. "Honey, I checked today and you did not go to the supermarket like you said you were going. Can you explain why you went to the coffee shop?" Every adult would chafe at being monitored so closely. It is no different for our ADULT children.

I hadn't even thought of all that! My DD goes to a huge university with an urban campus. Plus, she's an ed. major who is student teaching this semester. I literally wouldn't know where to start if I was to try to track her down. And frankly, I wouldn't want to--as NewRVLady mentioned, it's not unheard of for a prof. to take a class outside on a beautiful day for a discussion, or to have to be in a different location. And I know at DD's work-study job, she's had to occasionally go off campus to track down something for a professor.

The other problem I see with the GPS thing is, if the student wants to be sneaky, they can fake that out, easy. Leave the phone home, or in a friend's room, and then go out. Which puts the student out on the town without a phone--sorry, I'd rather my kid have her phone with her. A real enterprising student could buy a second, unmonitored phone and leave the "Mommy phone" in her room. You know, studying.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

OP. I think I know what you are trying to get across, it sounds like you want to educate your boy to make good choices and you are exploring ways to do it.
There really is no right answer, every parent will try something different and every parent will see some degree of success and some degree of failure.

The best we can all do is trust how we raised our kids, hope they always make good choices and support them when they need us to.
I always tell my kids that no matter what, do not get behind the wheel if they have been drinking, do not get in the car with someone who has been drinking, call and I will pick you up wherever and whenever you need, no lectures, no questions asked.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

I hadn't even thought of all that! My DD goes to a huge university with an urban campus. Plus, she's an ed. major who is student teaching this semester. I literally wouldn't know where to start if I was to try to track her down. And frankly, I wouldn't want to--as NewRVLady mentioned, it's not unheard of for a prof. to take a class outside on a beautiful day for a discussion, or to have to be in a different location. And I know at DD's work-study job, she's had to occasionally go off campus to track down something for a professor.

The other problem I see with the GPS thing is, if the student wants to be sneaky, they can fake that out, easy. Leave the phone home, or in a friend's room, and then go out. Which puts the student out on the town without a phone--sorry, I'd rather my kid have her phone with her. A real enterprising student could buy a second, unmonitored phone and leave the "Mommy phone" in her room. You know, studying.

*snicker* "Mommy phone"

If all else fails she could microchip her daughter like people do their pets.

I do get the fear though. DS goes to the college where Hannah Graham went missing. A few years before her, Morgan Harrington went missing as well. It is a scary world sometimes.

 

[onenursebrandy]

Thank all of you so much who too the time out to discuss my parenting. You obviously didn't read very well, took the information that you wanted to bash out of context, and turned my daughter into my "pet". <meanwhile, you guys are up for mommy of the year...you know with your open communication and your knowledge of your children's lives> How sad is it to be a parent who doesn't hear from their child? That you spent your lives raising them, yet they don't value you enough to give you call when they're going out of town! You seem to be disgusted by my ability to check my daughters location.....yet you only get a phone call from the ER or the police station when they NEED you!!

I'm the lucky one. I get to hear about all the fun my daughter is having. I get to be included in her young adult life. I'm invited down to her apartment to cook dinner, and help her shop for new outfits to wear to upcoming events (even if I'm paying, its more than most parents get). I know my daughters college campus, cause I've been there! I grew up there too.....now I get to be included as she grows up there!

Maybe you guys would feel better about yourself if you took some of the time you spend being negative, and actually shared something helpful.
Hopefully none of you will break a leg falling from your high horses.....

 

[mjkacmom]

College is the time when young adults separate from the parents, find their way, along with their peers. It's normal, it's healthy, and they emerge strong, capable, independent adults. Friends are the key players during these years.

I'll say it - a college student calling no to say she made it home safe is bizarre, not even close to the norm, even in the case of a single parent/only child situation.

My mom passed recently, and she was one of my best friends (talked many times a day, saw each other daily). However, in college, I called her once a week, at most. It's part of the process.

 

[kaytieeldr]

You seem to be disgusted by my ability to check my daughters location.....yet you only get a phone call from the ER or the police station when they NEED you!!

Who only gets a phone call from the police station or the ER? I didn't read that in this thread. Nobody said they don't communicate with their college kids. Not having 24/7 tracking capability doesn't mean tgey don't care, or talk.

I'm the lucky one. I get to hear about all the fun my daughter is having. I get to be included in her young adult life.

You can still be included in her life without hovering. She seems to tell you everything.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

Thank all of you so much who too the time out to discuss my parenting. You obviously didn't read very well, took the information that you wanted to bash out of context, and turned my daughter into my "pet". <meanwhile, you guys are up for mommy of the year...you know with your open communication and your knowledge of your children's lives> How sad is it to be a parent who doesn't hear from their child? That you spent your lives raising them, yet they don't value you enough to give you call when they're going out of town! You seem to be disgusted by my ability to check my daughters location.....yet you only get a phone call from the ER or the police station when they NEED you!!

I'm the lucky one. I get to hear about all the fun my daughter is having. I get to be included in her young adult life. I'm invited down to her apartment to cook dinner, and help her shop for new outfits to wear to upcoming events (even if I'm paying, its more than most parents get). I know my daughters college campus, cause I've been there! I grew up there too.....now I get to be included as she grows up there!

Maybe you guys would feel better about yourself if you took some of the time you spend being negative, and actually shared something helpful.
Hopefully none of you will break a leg falling from your high horses.....

I am sorry about the pet comment. It is something my friends and I jokingly said about our kids when they started to drive. I was attempting humor/teasing, not bashing, but I can see that it came off snarky. Again I'm sorry. As I said, I DO understand the fear and wanting to know where your child is. It is super hard to get used to them leading their own lives.

Everyone has a different parenting style. I realize that. You may not agree with mine and I may not agree with yours, but I respect your right to parent your child as you choose. I think everyone on this thread respects your right to parent your child as you choose. Please don't get offended or feel attacked just because we shared that we chose to parent another way. And please don't bash us because we choose to parent another way.

 

[Hrhpd]

Thank all of you so much who too the time out to discuss my parenting. You obviously didn't read very well, took the information that you wanted to bash out of context, and turned my daughter into my "pet". <meanwhile, you guys are up for mommy of the year...you know with your open communication and your knowledge of your children's lives> How sad is it to be a parent who doesn't hear from their child? That you spent your lives raising them, yet they don't value you enough to give you call when they're going out of town! You seem to be disgusted by my ability to check my daughters location.....yet you only get a phone call from the ER or the police station when they NEED you!!

I'm the lucky one. I get to hear about all the fun my daughter is having. I get to be included in her young adult life. I'm invited down to her apartment to cook dinner, and help her shop for new outfits to wear to upcoming events (even if I'm paying, its more than most parents get). I know my daughters college campus, cause I've been there! I grew up there too.....now I get to be included as she grows up there!

Maybe you guys would feel better about yourself if you took some of the time you spend being negative, and actually shared something helpful.
Hopefully none of you will break a leg falling from your high horses.....

Amazingly, I have a very close relationship with my adult child. He doesn't check in every night, but we have dinner together every weekend. I too get to hear all the wonderful and not so wonderful things that are going on in his life.

Not sure where you jumped to only hearing from them when the adult goes out of town or police/ER is involved. That was quite a leap.

And I don't feel the need to track every move of the young adult. You said you had to do this because it is a very unsafe world. Statistically the world is much, much safer than when we were young. How does tracking every move of an adult make them safer? It doesn't, it is only calming your fears. I could turn it around and say how sad that you cannot enjoy your child as the woman she is now instead of the little girl she was before she left for school.

But if your daughter is ok with it, then kudos to you.

Although in some of those nice talks with my son, I have definitely heard all the funny stories of how students get around the mommy leashes. Glad I am hearing those stories because that means he does not need to participate.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Thank all of you so much who too the time out to discuss my parenting. You obviously didn't read very well, took the information that you wanted to bash out of context, and turned my daughter into my "pet". <meanwhile, you guys are up for mommy of the year...you know with your open communication and your knowledge of your children's lives> How sad is it to be a parent who doesn't hear from their child? That you spent your lives raising them, yet they don't value you enough to give you call when they're going out of town! You seem to be disgusted by my ability to check my daughters location.....yet you only get a phone call from the ER or the police station when they NEED you!!

I'm the lucky one. I get to hear about all the fun my daughter is having. I get to be included in her young adult life. I'm invited down to her apartment to cook dinner, and help her shop for new outfits to wear to upcoming events (even if I'm paying, its more than most parents get). I know my daughters college campus, cause I've been there! I grew up there too.....now I get to be included as she grows up there!

Maybe you guys would feel better about yourself if you took some of the time you spend being negative, and actually shared something helpful.
Hopefully none of you will break a leg falling from your high horses.....

Wow, that's pretty judgemental of you. There's a huge gap between tracking your child with GPS, and never hearing from them unless they're in the ER. My DD goes to school 850 miles away from home, and I don't feel the need to track her. She generally tells me what's going on in her life, and texts me at least 20 times a week--some days, I'll get a dozen texts, then nothing for three days. I'm okay with that. She also calls, sometimes when she needs something, sometimes just to talk.

My point is, my DD is 20. Our relationship is evolving from parent-child to adult-adult. We both get this. She even calls to tell me when she's done something particularly adult-y, like make a dental appointment or counseled a freshman, because she wants me to appreciate that she's on the road to full-on independence.

I guess my only question to you is, when do you stop? When will she have proved her maturity that you no longer feel compelled to track her down?

 

[Livvie]

Thank all of you so much who too the time out to discuss my parenting. You obviously didn't read very well, took the information that you wanted to bash out of context, and turned my daughter into my "pet". <meanwhile, you guys are up for mommy of the year...you know with your open communication and your knowledge of your children's lives> How sad is it to be a parent who doesn't hear from their child? That you spent your lives raising them, yet they don't value you enough to give you call when they're going out of town! You seem to be disgusted by my ability to check my daughters location.....yet you only get a phone call from the ER or the police station when they NEED you!!

I'm the lucky one. I get to hear about all the fun my daughter is having. I get to be included in her young adult life. I'm invited down to her apartment to cook dinner, and help her shop for new outfits to wear to upcoming events (even if I'm paying, its more than most parents get). I know my daughters college campus, cause I've been there! I grew up there too.....now I get to be included as she grows up there!

Maybe you guys would feel better about yourself if you took some of the time you spend being negative, and actually shared something helpful.
Hopefully none of you will break a leg falling from your high horses.....

I hear all about the fun my son is having and we are very familiar with his campus. I don't have the need to hear about it at the exact moment it is happening. My son is an adult with his own money. He does not need our permission to leave school...he is out of town (home) on a daily basis. I am sorry you world view is so narrow that you believe not keeping your children on a short leash means they will end up in the ER or police station.

 

[onenursebrandy]

Everyone has a different parenting style. I realize that. You may not agree with mine and I may not agree with yours, but I respect your right to parent your child as you choose. I think everyone on this thread respects your right to parent your child as you choose. Please don't get offended or feel attacked just because we shared that we chose to parent another way. And please don't bash us because we choose to parent another way.

Thanks, I wish you would have spoken on my behalf also when all the other comments were offensive and attacking my parenting. Maybe everyone else will follow your example and stop bashing me.

Not sure where you jumped to only hearing from them when the adult goes out of town or police/ER is involved. That was quite a leap.
And I don't feel the need to track every move of the young adult.

Sorry, I thought we were leaping however we liked. I took "I'm lucky if I hear from them once a week", and "no news is good news" as a sign that its normal for you guys to only hear from children in an emergency......just like you guys turned "I have the ability to check" into "tracking every move of a young adult".

Wow, that's pretty judgemental of you. I guess my only question to you is, when do you stop? When will she have proved her maturity that you no longer feel compelled to track her down?

And its not judgmental of YOU to assume I'm proving her maturity? How assumptive that you say I'm "tracking her down"? Because her phone has a GPS on it and I CAN track her!

Just so ALL of you know, if your child has a smart phone, they can be tracked!!! My daughter doesn't need permission, or my approval to do anything. I'm not influencing anything she does on a daily basis. She is free to be the adult she is. Each and every comment that you have made concerning the "GPS tracking" condems my parenting, my relationship with my child, and blankets it in "abnormality" then you have the AUDACITY to call ME JUDGMENTAL. My original comment was to HELP the OP who asked specifically about what I did, I hope that she decides what is good for HER and HER SON.....and doesn't make decisions based on all the parental shaming (and quite frankly bullying) that is going on in this thread.

 

[PlutoPony]

Well I actually have gotten the dreaded ER call - from my son, not the police. It wasn't from him being in an accident, alcohol poisoning, a drug OD or anything like that, it was because of a medical condition (kidney stone). He determined on his own that it was something the campus health center would ultimately send him to the ER for so he skipped that step and had his roommate drop him off at the ER. He called me from there after he'd seen the intake doc. Of course I asked if he wanted me to come (it's a 4 hour drive so I wasn't going to be there immediately) and he asked me to wait until the tests were run and they had a diagnosis (he thought he knew what it was, and he was right). Ultimately they confirmed a diagnosis, gave him some pain meds and antibiotic, and some prescriptions to fill along with a note to get him out of class for a couple days. Called his roommate to come back and pick him up and he was back in his room before I would have gotten there if I'd left when he initially called.

With this experience, my son and I have new found confidence that he can handle a whole lot of things on his own. That means an awful lot. We (his dad and I) are pleased that he wants to handle things on his own and at the same time communicate with us what's going on, and ask advice. I thought about leaving to drive to him as soon as he called but he didn't want me to and I decided to honor his wishes, showing him that I trusted his judgement. Like so many other situations in life, it could have gone badly and I could have regretted not leaving immediately to go to him. And fortunately it didn't work out that way. But that's part of growing up and him moving in with his life more than half an hour from where we live.

 

[PlutoPony]

Just so ALL of you know, if your child has a smart phone, they can be tracked!

IMHO it's common knowledge among parents and kids that smart phones can be tracked.

You have a lot of info about your daughter's activities based on her communication with you (not the GPS). You mentioned she calls before she goes out, lets you know if she thinks she's going to be drinking, etc. And that's fine and your choice. My question is what do you do with this information, do you have a criteria for when you act on this information? For instance, would you ever call the police looking for her and what info would cause you to make that call? If you were calling her and she didn't answer, at what point do you get act on the fact she's not communicating with you? I guess I'm wondering how you having this info makes her safer, which I believe is your ultimate goal (correct me if I'm wrong).