Breaking off a friendship: how?

[HOGFAN]

Its gonna kill me but I am in self defense mode. BF and I have been thisclose for couple years. We vacation together, just us, beach, WDW, mountains, etc. Her family is like my familly and vice versa. We already have trips planned for this summer, WDW again, and family vacation to the beach. Money has been put down. She has been like a sister to me. Problem is that we work together and I was recently promoted above her. She doesnt want to appear 'preferred' and has slowly been pulling away at work. She admits it. She still okay away from work and we still eat lunch together but its very 'weird' at work. Im sure Im being too sensative but its very heartbreaking to even have this 'rift'. Any advice?

 

[Mermaid02]

Its gonna kill me but I am in self defense mode. BF and I have been thisclose for couple years. We vacation together, just us, beach, WDW, mountains, etc. Her family is like my familly and vice versa. We already have trips planned for this summer, WDW again, and family vacation to the beach. Money has been put down. She has been like a sister to me. Problem is that we work together and I was recently promoted above her. She doesnt want to appear 'preferred' and has slowly been pulling away at work. She admits it. She still okay away from work and we still eat lunch together but its very 'weird' at work. Im sure Im being too sensative but its very heartbreaking to even have this 'rift'. Any advice?

Did she also want the promotion? That is the only reason I can think of for her to pull away....

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Honestly, I can see her point and as long as she is still friendly away from work I wouldn't break the friendship off.

 

[HOGFAN]

Did she also want the promotion? That is the only reason I can think of for her to pull away....

Nah, she didnt want it (heck, I didnt even want it).

 

[Mermaid02]

Nah, she didnt want it (heck, I didnt even want it).

Pulling away is silly then..... people are still going to know you are friends....

 

[DisTeach1]

Well, I'm sorry, but I don't see a reason to end the friendship. You said she was fine outside of work, so if she wants to be a little bit professional at work, what's wrong with that? She probably doesn't want any favortism, or to even be accused of you showing her favoritism.

I just can't understand why you would end the friendship when you said she was fine outside of work.

Jobs come and go, but true friends are rare.

 

[momrek06]

This sounds like something you both can work through.....give her some time to realize she can't be all that mad at you for getting a promotion at work. Maybe secretly it was something SHE WANTED and you got it. Take a little break from seeing each other (socially)....sort of like a cooling off period. Being away from each other for a bit will make you both realize how close you really are.

 

[antmaril]

My father was his brother's boss for almost 45 years. Our families lived one mile from each other and my dad and my uncle drove to work together every day for more than 40 years.

You can make it work.

 

[pilotwife_02]

I agree, good true friends are hard to come by. If you can remain friends and make it work and just keep your distance at work so you don't appear to others to favor her (not saying that you would, just saying I know how other people can be petty and say that you are even if you aren't), I would try to make it work.

 

[Robinrs]

Have you talked to her about it?

My boss quit one year after I started working there. I wanted her job. They hired a woman who had WAY more experience so I didn't really mind. She is now my best friend and my son's godmother and that was 19 years ago.

She thought I'd ALWAYS resent her. I decided to be the bigger person. But we had to TALK about it. This is what you need to do.

Hope it works out....

 

[Christine]

My best friend happens to be my supervisor/boss right now. We have worked together for about 20 years. We started on the same team and she went off in different directions. About 2 years ago, she hired me in where she works so we are back at the same company, yet she is now my boss and she rates me.

It was kind of odd at first, only in that some of the "gossip mongers" in the office were sure I was just hired because I'm her friend. Believe me, if I was a slacker she would have still been my friend but not hired me. It has taken almost 2 years to sort of put all that "friend" stuff to rest. We lunch together occasionally but not always an she doesn't treat me any differently than the other girls in the office. I'm at work, it's not social hour, so I really don't have to pretend. I just do my job. We have our personal conversations in the evening or sometimes at lunch.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I worked at a place where I earned a promotion. Instead, they hired in some guy because he had more experience. I was pissed like no one's business. I had worked HARD for that promotion and I was ready and willing to take on that job.

So, I was forced to work with this new guy and yeah, eventually, we got married.

But, seriously, before we started dating, he said I would have been perfect for the job as I did have the skills, just not the experience. We realized we had to keep it very professional at work and we did and met with HR and did everything correctly. We now work in two different arms of a different company and we still work well together when we cross paths.

So, between you and your friend, let her be professional at work. It will reflect well on you both.

There is NO reason to end the friendship outside of the office.

 

[RNMOM]

I suggest you sit down and make some "rules" of behavior at work so you both know what to expect. If you wish to remain friends you both need to understand what this promotion means to you both. Allow her to express her feelings on this and remember she still has to interract with all the others in the office. If she is still spending a lot of time being your buddy at work it may reflect on her poorly with her peers.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I think your friend is being very smart. If you are leading a team, resentments can build quickly if you flaunt your friendship at work (even though you were friends before your promotion).
Keep it professional at work and friendly outside of work. This is no reason to break off your friendship.

 

[manning]

My father was his brother's boss for almost 45 years. Our families lived one mile from each other and my dad and my uncle drove to work together every day for more than 40 years.

You can make it work.

Hats off to your grandparents. They did a great job raising your father and uncle.
And if your father and brother are still around they are two lucky guys as are their families.

 

[tonilea]

I think your friend is being very smart. If you are leading a team, resentments can build quickly if you flaunt your friendship at work (even though you were friends before your promotion).
Keep it professional at work and friendly outside of work. This is no reason to break off your friendship.

I agree. It sounds like your friend is doing you a favor. She is trying to avoid putting you in a difficult situation.

 

[disneymarie]

Nah, she didnt want it (heck, I didnt even want it).

If she didn't want it, and she knew you really didn't.....she may have got her nose out of joint that you did not turn it down (like she would have) women are odd sorts, it will work out, give her time to lick the wounds she is feeling.

Even though she did not even want it,. gee,a case of traitor syndrome

 

[Rora]

OP- I think you can make it work.

I would talk to her about it and just let her know that you weren't trying to get the position or anything like that. Tell her you don't want it to come between you and simply, don't let it. Make sure she feels like things are the way they were before pre-promotion.

Good luck!

 

[curious3069]

Its gonna kill me but I am in self defense mode. BF and I have been thisclose for couple years. We vacation together, just us, beach, WDW, mountains, etc. Her family is like my familly and vice versa. We already have trips planned for this summer, WDW again, and family vacation to the beach. Money has been put down. She has been like a sister to me. Problem is that we work together and I was recently promoted above her. She doesnt want to appear 'preferred' and has slowly been pulling away at work. She admits it. She still okay away from work and we still eat lunch together but its very 'weird' at work. Im sure Im being too sensative but its very heartbreaking to even have this 'rift'. Any advice?

There is no rift. Your work roles have changed and you need to step up and be the supervisor, which means you are friendly at work, but are not friends while on the clock. It will make your job, and hers, much easier if you establish this separation now!!! A previous poster mentioned setting some ground rules, that's a good idea. Then there are no misunderstandings.

Congratulations on your promotion!

 

[minkydog]

Why do you feel the need to break it off? Why can't you just let the distance happen? Both of you are feeling uncomfortable--just let it ride. THere doesn't need to be an official break up

Friendships wax and wane, just like any relationship. Sometimes you love love LOVE each other and sometimes not so much. If this lady has been a good friend over the years I think I'd still keep her in the stable. Some day one of may work for a different company and it would be a shame if you couldn't pick up your friendship where you left off.