Birthday party questions re: age limit/gender

Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by flagdaytwins, May 27, 2008.

  1. flagdaytwins

    flagdaytwins Mouseketeer

    Apr 29, 2005
    I have twin girls whose birthday is coming up.

    Our neighborhood is small, we are all friendly, and there are a ton of kids.

    We are renting a jump house. I want to just invite kids 7 & under and HONESTLY, I just want to invite girls. This is just a backyard ho-down with pizza & cake, no loaded down candy gift bags, a beaded necklace craft, and swimming. Period.

    Problem is....some of my kids friends are multiples with a boy in the set. I know this will p-off parents if I just invite the girls (I have already been told!).

    So, do you think its fair to set an age limit? And/or a gender thing? (I just talked myself into inviting the boys, but want to hear opinions).

    Any party I go to with a jump house with older & younger kids there is always an injury. I don't want to spend my day guarding the jump house door and separating ages all day long, hence the idea of 7 & under only.

    Any advice?
  2. StitchandPooh'sMom

    StitchandPooh'sMom <font color=magenta>Now if only I could think of s

    Feb 27, 2006
    What would your kids like to do? Are they good friends with the boys, or are the boys just considered brothers of their friends? DD8 is having a pool party next week at the neighborhood pool. I gave her the choice of inviting the girls in her class, the girls in both classes, or all the people in just her class. She picked the girls in both classes - 16 girls total. Your kids might have some idea of how they want to do this.

    We had a princess party for DD5 at home this year, and we only invited the girls in her class. I know we could have had the boys be princes or knights, but I didn't have the room for everyone in the house, and I had planned the party with girls in mind (lots of pink, making tiaras and wands, etc.). Even though DD8 and DD5 have good friends who are boys, everyone seemed to understand that the parties were just for girls this year. I think as long as you are not excluding one child (e.g. you have a street full of girls plus one boy twin), it is perfectly fine. I'm not sure how old your kids are or if you would expect parents to stay, but it could be a problem if it is not a drop-off party and someone doesn't have child care for the sibling and asks you if they can bring their other child. Then you might have hurt feelings if you allow one boy to come because of child care issues but another boy doesn't come because he can hang out with his dad (or mom) that day.

    As far as having just kids 7 and under, that is probably a great idea. We have been to several parties where the bigger kids took over the jump house and the little kids were afraid to get in. If you invite substantially different ages, be prepared to police the jump house. Alternatively, you could have one group jump while the other does a craft and vice versa, but it is hard to get kids off the jump houses once they get on.

    Good luck with the planning!
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  4. sassystamper31

    sassystamper31 Earning My Ears

    May 16, 2008
    At my DD's birthday, she just invited girls. And one of those girls was a twin ~ she didn't invite the sister because she wasn't friends with her.

    I talked to the Mom of the girls and she was fine with it. :goodvibes

    If you only want to invite girls of a certain age, do it. DO NOT let other parents tell you what to do for your own child's birthday!!

    And, don't let the other parents guilt you into allowing their other children to attend. Sometimes, I am just appalled at the behavior of some adults when it comes to children's birthday parties! :scared1:
  5. kbkids

    kbkids <font color=cc0066>Loves the World in February<br>

    Jan 30, 2003
    your party - your rules. I've had only girls for a party before, as well as only boys for a party. If it ticks people off, well, too bad. It's your house, your money, your child's party. I have a boy and a girl, and the rule in our house is, "If your name isn't on the invitation, you're not invited."
  6. kathi29

    kathi29 DIS Veteran

    Feb 6, 2004
    I would go with your original idea. There will be plenty of parties in these kids lives, and brothers/sisters won't always be included.

    We have good friends whose younger DS is very close with my DD. He prefers to have all boy birthday parties these past couple years. We don't fault them for that any more than they will be upset when DD starts choosing to have all girl parties.

    Since we rarely end up having DDs party on her actual birthday, we usually have cake on the actual day. The neighbor kids are invited over to have cake with whether or not they were invited to her party.
  7. Mouse House Mama

    Mouse House Mama <font color=red>Luckiest Mommy in the World!!!<br>

    Aug 28, 2004
    Well I still think you have to police the jump house regardless of who you invite. I have one so I know how easy it is to get overfull etc. and if you have one kid who is unco-ordinated (yes I have seen this) that can be a bit of a danger to the others. So either way you will have to police it. As for inviting one sibling and not the other, well, if my kids are friends with both then I would invite both. If not then invite the one they are friends with. Of course I am the parent who tells people to bring their other kids if they want so I suppose not much help here. Good luck.:cutie:
  8. Kellydelly

    Kellydelly DIS Veteran

    Aug 25, 2004
    It's your party, invite who the heck you want! I am the mother of boy/girl twins and I don't expect my kids to be invited to parties as a pair just because they are twins. If someone gets mad you didn't invite both their kids, they have problems.
  9. java

    java <font color=darkorchid>I am embracing the Turkey B

    Jan 18, 2005
    I agree with your party your rules.
    But I have to say that I have noticed more "girl only" parties vs. Boy only. I have 3 boys and a girl. They all invite their FRIENDS- not just boys or girls. The people that are their friends are the ones that get invited.

    Just reverse the situation. If your neighbor had a party and invited boys only and you had a son how would your girls feel? Would they care? I'm not asking if YOU would care I'm asking if the KIDS would care. Hurting feelings is just taken for granted these days. I don't think you have to please everyone but if you can avoid hurting feelings then why not? jmho.
  10. mjkacmom

    mjkacmom DIS Veteran

    Feb 20, 2006
    We usually do same sex/same age parties here. I have boy/girl twins, and have had one of them go to a party, even though the other child is also a friend, because the mom decided on a same gender party - not a problem! There is a huge difference between boys and a jump house, than girls in a jump house. Once my kids get to kindy, same sex parties only.
  11. EMom

    EMom <font color=red>Comes from a long line of all fork

    Jul 2, 2007
    I think the "under 7" rule is perfectly reasonable because the older/bigger kids can turn the jump house into something the littles just don't want to go into FAST. Also, as time has gone by and we have attended numerous Pump It Up parties, I've noticed that as they age boys begin to play differently (rougher) than girls in those things. When they were all 3, 4, and 5 the boys and girls played pretty much the same. But once they hit 6, things began to change some. By age 7, there was a lot of difference. If you added older kids to the mix, the girls didn't even want to get near some of the jumpy things.

    As far a the mother of the multiples is concerned, she's going to have to get over it sooner or later and it might as well be NOW. They are not a unit that must do every little thing together forever. They are individuals. The girls will be invited to girl parties and the boy will be invited to boy parties. Sheesh, what if it was a slumber party.....Should he crash that too? It's just rude to essentially demand that you invite ALL her children if you invite one (or more) of them. You are not singling HIM out.....It's an all girl party and he's not a girl. Multiple mommy needs to learn to deal with that.

    Stick with your original plan. You had a reason for it.
  12. Benducci

    Benducci <font color=peach>Disney Fiends!!<br><font color=b

    Oct 7, 1999
    I don't know how old your twins are - mine are 7 & this year, most of the girls' had girl only parties - in fact, there were no boys who had parties or if they did, it was boys only.
    Have the party for ages 7 &under & girls only- if anyone asks, this is what they girls decided - stress that it was a very girly party & the boys wouldn't have wanted to go anyway. It is your decision.
    I had to deal with the fact this year that my girls were in different classes & they were invited to parties by themselves - this is normal & part of the growing process - they are INDVIDUALS!! by accident, they were born the same day as another but they are separate people.
    It isn't easy- I know but you need to set the ground rules now so teveryone knows what to expect - My girls had separate parties & girls only from their separate classes. We did not invite some other girls from the other class that they are friends with & it was hard but everyone understood.
  13. Dancemom03

    Dancemom03 Flexican wannabe

    Jun 14, 2005
    I would never say you shouldn't invite only who you wanted but you're doing this in your neighborhood, not out somehwere - and what you've planned is a very obvious thing that all will see once the jump house is set up. Here, that'd leave the other kids feeling very left out and DD would definitely not be a very popular kid when she got on the school bus the next day.
    Not inviting someone to an indoor party or one away from home is easy, excluding neighbors who your child may play with occassionally or ride the bus with when there's a huge inflatable play structure and balloons in your yard is a bit more difficult and could stir up some resentment, especially over those long days of summer when your kids may be looking for others to play with.

    For me, the party will last just one day but I've got to live here for years to come so I'd want tro make every possible effort to get along with everyone, hoping to make our time here happy ones for both the kids and us.
    I'm not saying that the other kids and parents who could have hurt feelings might not be acting petty and shouldn't be bothered by your choices. What I'm saying is that they're neighbors and sometimes it's the petty things that make life stressful in the neighborhood. IMHO, having unplasant interactions with neighbors might be worse than problems with relatives, only because that's where you LIVE so it should be a happy place. Also, we run into our neighbors much more than SIL or our other relatives - as do our children.

    On another note... When we rented a moonbounce for a party years ago, the guy who came to set it up stayed to supervise the kids, sort of like at carnival. I was told that way they minimized damages to both their equipment and our children. If they don't provide an attendant, could you have a friend or local college kid sit by the door of it to enforce rules about how many go in at time, shoes off, safe fun, ect. perhaps?
  14. kathi29

    kathi29 DIS Veteran

    Feb 6, 2004
    A neighbor had a party for their DS with a big air slide and only some of the neighborhood kids were invited. To minimize hurt feelings, they "opened up" the slide to the other kids before and after the party.
  15. irish_trip_mom

    irish_trip_mom Mouseketeer

    Aug 25, 2006
    I didn't have time to read all the replies, but as a mom of triplets, I am not offended in the least if one of my kids gets invited and the other two don't. I have my kids in separate schools (DS#2 is in a school for special needs) and DS#1 and DD are in separate classes at the same school. Yes, they know the other kids in the other classes, and sometimes the parents will tell me to bring all the kids....I have only on days when it's a day off of school and I'll need to get a sitter for the other two. Other times we really cherish the time to ONLY have twins! hahaha!

    But on the flip side, when all my kids are invited, I either buy a gift at three times the ordinary cost, or three gifts. If they cost the parents another slot, I am giving a gift for each child.

    I only have one friend with twins that gets bent when one child is invited and the other is not. I agree...your party, your decision. My kids are only a package deal in my house, not yours. And I really don't treat them like a unit anymore, or even triplets, so I don't expect the world to either.
  16. asmit4

    asmit4 DIS Veteran

    Aug 13, 2007
    Parents really need to just get over it. If you invited every boy and girl that your child knows under age 12, you'd be having a HUGE party. I think it's fair to say girls only under 7.

    When I had parties at that age, my mom would say 'girls only, your grade only'. The reality is that large parties cost more, take more time and can often cause injuries and more drama.

    I realize that some kids will be hurt, some may even be siblings of one another- but that's life! There will be LOTS of parties to come. Some will allow only 8 and up, some will allow only's a good lesson learned for both parents and adults.
  17. Tinker*Shell*Bell

    Tinker*Shell*Bell DIS Veteran

    Jan 20, 2006
    To the parents of the uninvited children you might say something to the effect of: "We are doing a same age/gender party but maybe when you come to pick up your daughter you can plan a little time for "sibling's name" to enjoy the bouncy house once the bigger girls are leaving. We care alot about "siblings name" but with dd getting older she is wanting a bigger kids/girls party." Maybe insert a "you know how kids are" look here.

    I no longer allow myself to feel pressured to invite people. It makes the whole event into a pain instead of something fun for my son. We invite who he wants (which happens to be boys and girls) but age is restricted by me. Too many younger siblings runined his 6th and 7th b-days. His 8th last week was GREAT!!! We invited the youngers to join us 30 minutes before the end to have cake and ice cream and to play outside with us.

    It really seemed to solve the problem painlesly.
  18. dismom24

    dismom24 Mouseketeer

    Jun 22, 2005
    I have b/g twins and would not be offended at all. If it is someone I trust and can leave my child with, then it gives the other child a rare chance for some one on one time.
    The only time I have had a problem with the age limit was totally my fault. I did the opposite and had only 8 and up (mine were 8 and 10 and didn't want lots of little ones at their party). A dear friend called and her dad was at the hospital in a true emergency situation and she asked if she could leave her little fella with me too - not a big deal because I would have watched him no matter what since it was an emergency. Another mom showed up and was really ticked off at me. I guess she wanted a night off. Her little one was a little more high strung, so i didn't budge. It was a birthday party, not a free babysitting night. Just do what you want - you'll never be able to make everybody happy.
  19. DisneyCowgirl

    DisneyCowgirl DIS Veteran

    Jan 16, 2004
    I totally do NOT understand why parents would even think that all the sibs should be invited to a party, except I suspect it is what a previous poster suggested--the parent wants free babysitting! It's not like you are singling out and excluding a particular kid just to be mean (I would not allow my child to do that).
  20. Taja

    Taja DIS Veteran

    Sep 3, 2003
    My mother used to go through that all the time! I'm an only child, but for some reason, other parents thought my birthday party should include all of their children! *eek*

    My mother caved the first year we lived in the area--we didn't really know too many people. There were ages infant to about 13 or 14. After that, she cracked down.

    To the parents who thought all of their children should attend, even though they were much younger/older, she was very firm as to which child was invited and why (age/gender/class at school, etc.). When parents insisted that siblings must attend or the invited child wouldn't, her response was: "I'm sorry you don't want (child's name to attend my daughter's birthday party. We'll have to see if we can arrange the party earlier next time so you can plan in advance."

    My mother loved children and would have loved to have a large family, but it wasn't in the cards. She thoroughly enjoyed the neighborhood children, but had no interest in babysitting them! BTW, she worked full time--and most of the other mothers did not work outside the home.
  21. irish_trip_mom

    irish_trip_mom Mouseketeer

    Aug 25, 2006
    I was at a friend's party last week for her twin girls.

    It was a mini-golf party, with picnic facilities. When it came time to eat, some of the parents showed up with siblings for "pick up" (um, 45 min early!!) I actually overheard one mom tell her children to "sit down and pretend they were part of the party" so they could eat. My friend ran out of pizza because she had not planned on 10 additional children! She said this was her last party, as this happened last year as well. So I think parents these days often need more of the party manners and to teach our children those same manners.

    Now, if she'd offered to feed the sibs, then that's fine. But to tell your kids to squeeze on in, that's just wrong.

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