Birthday Party Advice Needed

[mrsr2ro]

I need some advice from you guys about my DS 5th birthday coming up. Here's the background:

When the boys started school we switched over from having parties with OUR friends and their families to parties with the child's classmates from school. Last year, we did both DS birthdays at one of those jumpy places since I was 8mo pregnant at one and had a 5 week old at the other. I did not need the stress of hosting at my house!

So now this year, DS is turning 5 and we're talking about his party. He says he wants to have his party at our house. The problem is, his class has 17 kids in it ... so inviting them all would be overload for me... we have a HUGE backyard but a smaller house. So if we luck out and the weather is nice, great, but if it rains ...

He gave me a list of 7 kids he says are his "best friends" from class. Will I create bad blood if I only invite some of the class? I'm not very social with the other mothers (I'm painfully shy/introverted... especially around people I don't know that well). I just imagine some of them finding out that their kid is not invited and, well, you know how some people can be.

I offered to him that if we have his party at the jumpy place, we could invite all his classmates... but he says he really really wants the party at the house and to only invite his friends.

My gut says to do the house/small # but my socially awkward experience tells me this may not go over well. What do you think?! I did just email his teacher with his list of kids to verify that they are indeed the kids he gets along with and not just the names he could remember

 

[imthatgirl]

I have never invited a whole class to a birthday party. I've also never worried about "bad blood". I invite the kids my children want to invite, and thats it. I don't have my child hand out the invites in front of the other kids, that would just be mean. I either hand them to the parents directly, or I ask the teacher to put them in the kids folders. Both ways have worked just fine.

You could talk to the teacher. Personally I would just take my childs word for which kids he wants there.

 

[tlbwriter]

No one (no one who has any sense, anyway) will be offended if he doesn't invite the whole class. Just make sure you send the invitations directly to their homes instead of having him distribute them at school.

 

[mrsr2ro]

Oh yes, the school has a policy that if you are not inviting the whole class, then you may not give them out at school - they have to be mailed/emailed.

Thanks for the replies so far ... you are making me feel better. It's a small private school so we'll be with the same parents year after year (1 classroom per grade) and I just don't want to get off on the wrong foot as he's just in the PreK this year.

 

[labdogs42]

Let him just invite the real friends. I know it is tough to figure this stuff out, I struggle with it, too. Last year DS invited only his favorite friends, this year we went with the whole class (different school this year). We'll see what he feels like doing next year. I would try to make sure that your son knows not to talk about the party with the kids that aren't invited. I hear a lot of comments from my DS about "so and so isn't going to invite me to their birthday party," so, I'd want to make sure my kid isn't saying those kinds of things. Of course, there's nothing you can really do about it, but it is probably a good lesson to teach!

 

[mjkacmom]

I see nothing wrong with just inviting some of the kids - you will end up having to do that in a year or so anyway, when they mix up the classes, and your ds will want to invite kids not in his class. However, just make sure you aren't inviting 7 of 8 boys in the class.

 

[mrsr2ro]

I see nothing wrong with just inviting some of the kids - you will end up having to do that in a year or so anyway, when they mix up the classes, and your ds will want to invite kids not in his class. However, just make sure you aren't inviting 7 of 8 boys in the class.

The funny part is that of his list of 7 friends, 4 are girls!! Two of which I'm pretty sure he has little crushes on We say he's going to be our little heartbreaker.

Again - thanks everyone for the advice!!

 

[MSSANDRA]

The funny part is that of his list of 7 friends, 4 are girls!! Two of which I'm pretty sure he has little crushes on We say he's going to be our little heartbreaker.

Again - thanks everyone for the advice!!

See, while I think that it is just fine to invite part of the class, unless you have some insight as to whom he really hangs with, you may not get a real idea from whom his "real" buddies are from asking on any particular day. Not sure of the answer but something to think about.

 

[sparkyboy]

OP-6 yr DGS best friends are two girls. One has been his best friend since they were in day care together at age 3. I would just let him pick who he wants and mail the invites.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

I need some advice from you guys about my DS 5th birthday coming up. Here's the background:

When the boys started school we switched over from having parties with OUR friends and their families to parties with the child's classmates from school. Last year, we did both DS birthdays at one of those jumpy places since I was 8mo pregnant at one and had a 5 week old at the other. I did not need the stress of hosting at my house!

So now this year, DS is turning 5 and we're talking about his party. He says he wants to have his party at our house. The problem is, his class has 17 kids in it ... so inviting them all would be overload for me... we have a HUGE backyard but a smaller house. So if we luck out and the weather is nice, great, but if it rains ...

He gave me a list of 7 kids he says are his "best friends" from class. Will I create bad blood if I only invite some of the class? I'm not very social with the other mothers (I'm painfully shy/introverted... especially around people I don't know that well). I just imagine some of them finding out that their kid is not invited and, well, you know how some people can be.

I offered to him that if we have his party at the jumpy place, we could invite all his classmates... but he says he really really wants the party at the house and to only invite his friends.

My gut says to do the house/small # but my socially awkward experience tells me this may not go over well. What do you think?! I did just email his teacher with his list of kids to verify that they are indeed the kids he gets along with and not just the names he could remember

I seem to be the odd man out here. My DS5 is in Pre-K and birthday parties are the biggest thing going to those kids. They talk about them all the time, they know who has a party coming up, they talk about the party on the Monday following. Some do only invite boys or only girls, but DS would have his feelings hurt if he wasn't invited to one where boys were invited. I would not be offended and I understand the need to limit the number of kids, but the kids would be disappointed for sure. I would invite just the boys. If birthday parties aren't such a big deal at your son's school, then maybe it's fine to just invite some kids.

And I second a previous poster--a 5YO's best buddies one week won't necessarily be the same the week of the party.

 

[mrsr2ro]

See, while I think that it is just fine to invite part of the class, unless you have some insight as to whom he really hangs with, you may not get a real idea from whom his "real" buddies are from asking on any particular day. Not sure of the answer but something to think about.

Yep - so this morning I also emailed his teacher with his "buddy list" and asked her if it was pretty accurate. She agreed with all of them and also thought inviting only some of the class would be fine.

Well, going to talk it over with DH tonight and then start making the plans.

 

[Andy sharkey]

You should celebrate the birthday with his friends & give the small party.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

1) No problem.
2) You said an outdoor party for the entire class is OK.
3) So, schedule it.
4) On the invite, give a "Rain Date" that is a week later.
5) This way, there is an alternate date already established.
6) And, no-house-full-of-kids would be anticipated.

 

[nchulka]

I think it is much more kind to only invite a small number. One year my DD had a big party and invited about 25 people. The problem is with that many the birthday kid will only play with a few really good friends. If you have a smaller group they will all play together much more. There were some kids at DD's party that she never even saw, the table for 25 was so long and she was at one end. Even when playing (it was a giant indoor playground) she seemed to stick with mostly the same ones all the time. This year we are having 3 seperate "parties". Her birthday is always around spring break so we have a week off school. She is inviting 4 girls to a make your own pottery place one day, 4 girls to a bouncy trampoline place another day and 5 girls to a movie the last day. This way she gets to spend a lot more time with the girls she invites. It's also a lot cheaper only paying for 4 at each place