BIG Problem at New School

[Wall-E1]

Hope this response isn't too Christian for the DIS. I'm honestly not trying to flaunt the rules.

I wanted to second this. It angers me when people like Mary become the face of all Christians to folks like you. Her ignorance and bigotry DO NOT come from her being a Christian. If you do interact with her again, perhaps you could ask her to show you just where in her Bible Jesus tells her to act hatefully towards anyone-especially a child. Thankfully, her child has one parent with some sense.

My heart breaks for the hurt your son had to endure because of this person's ignorance.

I assure you Mary's behavior is not indicative of a Christian.

Hate groups like this have nothing to do with Christianity. It's simply a group of like minded bigots that are hiding behind the "Christianity" label in order to feel bold enough to display their ugly prejudices in the light of day. They may gather at a building that resembles a Christian church, but Christianity is not practiced there. Based on Mary's views, they should be gathering around a bonfire wearing white, pointy hoods.

 

[sunnyday123]

Again, Mary is an idiot. As are the white teachers from the post who wouldn't speak to the black teachers when Obama got elected. I can't even wrap my brain around that much stupidity.


And I wouldn't have even thought that your DH was a Muslim because of his name. I could care less about what religion, race, or size you are, or who you choose to marry. ( Unless it's an animal, that crosses the line )

Get your son into some different activites and get to know some other, non-bigoted people in your community. If your son doesn't react like the other kids expect him to, it'll die down soon.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Sadly, Mary is ignorant, her son will be prejudiced because of her and the ignorance will likely be perpetuated.
Id stay far away from her and her family.

I would very closely monitor your child, keep a tab with the teacher (and get a lunch aide to keep an eye, its during the non scheduled times that it is more likely that teasing/bullying happens )
Encourage your child to invite other children over to play and socialize. To make a weekend plan...
Kids can be very very cruel, teasing and bullying have life long effects. If you see a behavioral change and things do not seem right to you in 30 days, I would seriously consider making whatever changes are necessary to help your son. Go with your gut.......
Hugs to your Son and Best of Luck to your family!

 

[dfchelbay]

And on a side note, I think it's a pretty sad state of affairs here on the DIS that recently there have been so many people having to create new user names in order to discuss something important going on in their lives for fear of what the responses from other posters will be..

I think creating the new user names on here are more for people not wanting people they actually know, i.e. family members or friends knowing about a personal issue they wish to discuss. It isn't for fear of responses from DISboard posters.

 

[dfchelbay]

So, I wonder if Mary would have the same problem with me and my Jew kids. Since I don't believe what she believes, I'll bet we would get the same hateful treatment. She'd probably tell her children that my kids are going to hell because they are not Christians.

 

[Robinrs]

I think creating the new user names on here are more for people not wanting people they actually know, i.e. family members or friends knowing about a personal issue they wish to discuss. It isn't for fear of responses from DISboard posters.

Uh, right..

DIS people NEVER forget what people posted and use it against them at whenever they feel the ignorant need.

I hope that the people who do change their names realize that the PTB know who they are thru IT science. They're never "anonymous" completely.

 

[notactuallyme]

Hi again,

A few things.

I have absolutely ZERO intention of going to this woman's church or meeting her preacher. Not to offend, but as I said before we are not religious people and do not want to be involved, or debate this teaching in any way. This is a very small sect, basically a "storefront" church, started off by this preacher. The funny thing is, is when I did talk to her, although she talked about this church and their activities a lot, it was never preachy, it was always just invites to attend the services or different activities, but I have a relative that is "born again" and I know this m.o. to get you involved.

Also, it is not so much the community we live in. We live on a cul-de-sac, so it is somewhat of a contained area. Billy was easy to meet because he lives several doors down and was "visible" when we moved in, for lack of a better word. Now that he is in school, my son is realizing that there are other children who live within walking distance. It is not that there is NO diversity, but we are used to the city where things are VERY diverse. Actually, our present neighbor is latino.

The issue at school is not outright name calling (after the 1st incident) now it is more of an issue of certain kids, mostly friends of Billy, not including him. I think that this was most bothersome because Billy was his 1st friend here, and they were inseparable over the summer. I've explained to my son that he is meeting a lot of new people and that he will make a lot of new friends. He is normally a really outgoing boy, I think it was just the stress of not knowing many kids, and then the 1 he does know suddenly shuns him.

The best we can piece it together is that (remember this all took place on 9/11) is mom was upset to learn that we weren't christian and was telling Billy that he couldn't play at our house any more because his dad wasn't christian. With all the 9/11 coverage she used the terrorists of examples of how Muslims don't like Christians and pointed out that it was Muslims that caused the WTC tragedy. Now, whether Mary actually told him that my husband is a terrorist or Billy made the (understandable for a 9 year old) leap that he is Muslim, and therefore, must be a terrorist, we don't know. All we know is that Billy went to school on Monday morning and said "My mom said I can't play with X anymore because his dad is one of the terrorist people."

My niece and nephew are older, so I believe my sister when she says these things blow over at this age, but it just bothers me to see my son, who always loved school so much, be reluctant to even go.

 

[dfchelbay]

Uh, right..

DIS people NEVER forget what people posted and use it against them at whenever they feel the ignorant need.

I hope that the people who do change their names realize that the PTB know who they are thru IT science. They're never "anonymous" completely.

I think I know what you mean. I was more talking about the people who are considering a divorce or found out a spouse has cheated and are not at the point of wanting it to be public knowledge with their family and friends. Those are more who I was referring to. But, I do get where you're coming from on it...yep...seen that too.

 

[divabydisney]

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but who cares:

I don't think Mary is a horrible/terrible or any other bad name type of person. She is uneducated and has a serious dose of ignorance going on. It doesn't make her a bad person though. Yes, I agree she should have handled it a little differently but let's point out a few things.

1. You told her that you were not religious and that's why you wouldn't attend her church events. Only to be told later that you were Muslim. I'd be upset about that. I would feel hurt because I would take it as we are becoming friends and I wouldn't expect to be lied to or I would take it that you are ashamed to say you were Muslim.

2. You're mad that she is stereotyping you and your family as terrorists. Yet, you're mad that she didn't stereotype you because your husbands name is Mohammed and your MIL is in Lebanon.

3. Especially with this occurring around 9/11 and all the coverage about terrorist groups, etc I would go back to point 1 and find out why you had to lie about it.

4. You are entering into a smaller, assuming closer-knit community which may have views that clash with what you were used to in your old neighborhood.

I would not allow my child to switch schools. After all you could encounter that all over again and to a worse degree. I would ask to talk to Mary and express why you chose to tell her you were not religious and clarify that while you don't practice a particular religion you consider yourselves muslim. And lastly, don't expect everyone to accept you the way you are. While I agree intolerance and ignorance is never a good thing, expecting that everyone wants to be your friend is your mistake. Especially if you don't share some basic fundamentals.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but who cares:

I don't think Mary is a horrible/terrible or any other bad name type of person. She is uneducated and has a serious dose of ignorance going on. It doesn't make her a bad person though.

Sorry, excluding people under the guise of Christianity is "bad". Ignorance is one thing, acting on it to hurt others is inexcusable.

The word Christian means "Christ-like", too many people forget that. Christ included everyone. Funny how them most exclusive groups use Him as an example...

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

divabydisney, you have a bit of flawed logic there.

We all stereotype. All of us. To stereotype thinking the name Mohammed is Muslim is categorization. To stereotype that Muslims are terrorists is ignorance.

There is a major difference.

Not announcing that one is Muslim should not be confused with being embarrassed by being Muslim. I do not find the need to announce that I am a lesbian. It has nothing to do with being embarrassed by who and what I am.

Not announcing one's heritage or sexuality is not lying about it, either. It's simply not announcing it.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I lost hundreds of personal friends on 9/11. I was very angry for a few years there-after - even tried to re-enlist (was too old). But even on my darkest day, I never blamed innocent Muslims for the acts of those who killed my friends. I did blame the religion for a few years, but never the individuals.

I agree with the posters who say that you need to realize that this community may never accept you or your family. A few individuals might, but the community at large may not. That isn't fair, but such is life.

 

[PollyannaMom]

divabydisney, you have a bit of flawed logic there...Not announcing that one is Muslim should not be confused with being embarrassed by being Muslim....Not announcing one's heritage or sexuality is not lying about it, either. It's simply not announcing it.

And if you read carefully, the OP isn't even Muslim, her husband is. I don't think she lied at all!

And while it's certainly not mandatory for Mary to like anyone, civility should be expected.

 

[notactuallyme]

Please go back and read. No one lied about anything. We do not practice any religion. My husband is Lebanese, he was raised in Lebanon (came here after medical school) he was raised Muslim, he has a Muslim name, (both 1st and surname) but neither of us practice ANY religion now. I am from New Jersey, for goodness sake, I was not raised practicing any religion. It is not like I wear a burqa around the house and then change to meet the neighbors. We are NOT religious people. Not Christian, not Muslim. It was the religion in which he was raised, but certainly not fundamentalist. It is much the same as someone who was raised as Catholic, but as an adult no longer attends any church, or follows any religious practice. The difference is that my husband is of Middle Eastern heritage, and his name is very classically Muslim and there is no getting away from that. There are no names that, usually, identify someone as Christian, unless it is "Christian." Naming a non Muslim male Mohammad would be the equivalent of naming a Jewish child "Jesus." 95% of the people on earth realize that Mohammad is a name traditionally given to Muslim men, and I have never met a non Muslim Mohammad. (Mohammad is actually the most common name on the planet.) That is not stereotyping it is actual fact. We do not consider ourselves any religion, but there is no escaping the classically Muslim name. No offense to my Jewish friends but that is like meeting a Moishe Goldberg and assuming he is Episcopalian.

Actually, the other neighbors are quite nice. On one side is a single mom and her mom and her daughter, but the daughter is 12, so obviously not a playmate for my son, on the other side the husband is Latino, the wife caucasian, but their daughter is grown.

I don't think Mary is a bad person. I think she is ignorant. I also think that maybe she is easily influenced by others. Like I said, I have a relative who is born again. When she 1st got into religion she was involved in a very fundamentalist church which told her she needed to stay away from people who did not belong to her church. She went through a good number of years of trying to "recruit" people to join her church. She now belongs to a different church.

I said before Billy isn't a bad kid. I like him. I just think at his age he is not old enough to disregard his mother's influence, and I don't think, given her views, this is a healthy influence for my son. To be perfectly honest, Billy would be welcome to come and play at our house, but I would not want my son at his house.

 

[divabydisney]

Perhaps she isn't lying, but it's still all very unclear. I didn't see that the OP said she herself is not Muslim. Just looking at it from the other side. It would seem strange if I'm extending "non-preachy" invites to church activities, and after given excuses as the OP put it then to tell her she's not religious, then find out days later from the husband that their Muslim, I could see very easily why she is confused and mad. Again I don't think she should have acted out on it, but we don't live in a perfect world. Intolerance exists and am actually surprised that OP felt she had to go under a diff name to say all this. She said she agrees the neighbor is a nutjob. She's never had to deal with any of this until now? She seemed to have a good grasp as to why it happened and helped her son deal with it in a very respectful way. I'm sure it's hard to see her son struggle with this but having a good set of parents who helps them address the bumps in life is all you can do. I guess I'm a much more direct person. When I got the invite from day one I would have just said I'm sorry we don't practice your religion but I'm sure we'll be able to get to know each other at different events.

 

[lizabu]

I agree that Mary is a nutjob and as long as she's raising her son to be a bigot it's better to avoid him too. I think the other kids will come to accept your son. It takes time and it's never easy to be the new kid. Eventually he will make some good friends. Maybe encourage things along by inviting a couple kids from school to a movie or McDonalds.

As for the lying about being Muslim I read the OP and several times she mentions she is not Muslim but is married to a Muslim man who is not very religious so that comment was a little weird. And to try to excuse this woman for her behaviour because she is ignorant or uninformed about Muslims, well all I can say about that is we have seen throughout history many people from many races and religious wind up dead because others feared them or were "ignorant" about them.

When are people ever going to wake up I wonder? If you put a Bible, a Torah and a Koran side by side you'd be surprised by how simular they all are.

 

[dfchelbay]

Perhaps she isn't lying, but it's still all very unclear. I didn't see that the OP said she herself is not Muslim. Just looking at it from the other side. It would seem strange if I'm extending "non-preachy" invites to church activities, and after given excuses as the OP put it then to tell her she's not religious, then find out days later from the husband that their Muslim, I could see very easily why she is confused and mad.

Mad...I don't see how she should get mad. I do see, however, an information realization moment for Mary. When she found out they were Muslim, one would think her response would just be, "Oh, that's why she declined my church activity invitations...they are of a different religion. Ok, got it now...mad or confused...why? Nothing to be confused or mad about. All Mary is doing is trying to raise her children to be intolerant, racist, bigots isn't she?

Again, I would ask, with my blond hair and blue eyes, if I lived on that street with a son the same age as Mary's son, wouldn't she treat me just the same as OP because I am a Jew and I do not believe in Jesus as she does, once she found out I was a Jew. I am not a Christian, and Mary only likes those who are Christians. What would she tell her son about my family. Don't play with the Goldberg boy, he was not baptized and he will only end up in hell...so you stay away from him, and the rest of his family.

 

[LuLuO]

Perhaps she isn't lying, but it's still all very unclear. I didn't see that the OP said she herself is not Muslim. Just looking at it from the other side. It would seem strange if I'm extending "non-preachy" invites to church activities, and after given excuses as the OP put it then to tell her she's not religious, then find out days later from the husband that their Muslim, I could see very easily why she is confused and mad. Again I don't think she should have acted out on it, but we don't live in a perfect world. Intolerance exists and am actually surprised that OP felt she had to go under a diff name to say all this. She said she agrees the neighbor is a nutjob. She's never had to deal with any of this until now? She seemed to have a good grasp as to why it happened and helped her son deal with it in a very respectful way. I'm sure it's hard to see her son struggle with this but having a good set of parents who helps them address the bumps in life is all you can do. I guess I'm a much more direct person. When I got the invite from day one I would have just said I'm sorry we don't practice your religion but I'm sure we'll be able to get to know each other at different events.

They do not practice any religion. Her husband was raised Muslim. He does not practice Islam. She told the neighbor that they are not religious. (ETA: She didn't lie.) Mary assumed, based on a comoment her (Mary's) husband said that they were Muslim and then the rumors started at school that they were terrorists. I absolutely think that Mary was in the wrong. 100%.

ETAA: Even if they were Muslim, and practiced Islam, Mary was in the wrong. To spread rumors about them being terrorists is unacceptable.

 

[notactuallyme]

Perhaps she isn't lying, but it's still all very unclear. I didn't see that the OP said she herself is not Muslim. Just looking at it from the other side. It would seem strange if I'm extending "non-preachy" invites to church activities, and after given excuses as the OP put it then to tell her she's not religious, then find out days later from the husband that their Muslim, I could see very easily why she is confused and mad. Again I don't think she should have acted out on it, but we don't live in a perfect world. Intolerance exists and am actually surprised that OP felt she had to go under a diff name to say all this. She said she agrees the neighbor is a nutjob. She's never had to deal with any of this until now? She seemed to have a good grasp as to why it happened and helped her son deal with it in a very respectful way. I'm sure it's hard to see her son struggle with this but having a good set of parents who helps them address the bumps in life is all you can do. I guess I'm a much more direct person. When I got the invite from day one I would have just said I'm sorry we don't practice your religion but I'm sure we'll be able to get to know each other at different events.

Okay... bluntly... I do not believe in any religion period. Not Islam, not Christianity, not Judaism, not Hinduism... nothing. I Initially did not say that to Mary as not to offend HER. I used my husbands limited time as an excuse hoping she would get the hint after multiple declines and stop asking. When it was clear that wasn't going to happen I said to her "You know, we really aren't religious." Which is the truth. My husband was raised Muslim, he has a very obviously Muslim name, he no longer practices Islam in any meaningful way.

I went under another name to say this because I didn't want anyone to have any preconceived notions based on any of my past posts, though I more lurk and post infrequently. Also I know that religion is a hotbed topic, so I didn't want it effecting any of my Disney related posts. ...and I have read some of the posts in the past regarding 9/11 and airport screening, and, yes, there are people out there who still carry around anti Muslim and middle eastern sentiment.

.... and to be honest, no, IRL we have never encountered this type of prejudice before. I have met religious whack jobs who have told me I was going to hell, that I wouldn't be raptured, that my kids are illegitimate, but no-one has ever outright treated my child badly because of his father's heritage.


ETA:
I don't know that she actually said that my husband is a terrorist. She said to me "supports terrorism." I don't know exactly what she said to her son. I am thinking that she said that the terrorists were Muslims and her son made the leap: The terrorists were Muslim ---> X's dad is a Muslim ---> therefore X's dad must be a terrorist. Or if she actually said that my husband supports terrorism, or his assumed religion does. I just know that Billy repeated some sort of version of what his mother said, and given the proximity to 9/11 and all the media coverage it probably scared him.

 

[Goofyluver]

Perhaps she isn't lying, but it's still all very unclear. I didn't see that the OP said she herself is not Muslim. Just looking at it from the other side. It would seem strange if I'm extending "non-preachy" invites to church activities, and after given excuses as the OP put it then to tell her she's not religious, then find out days later from the husband that their Muslim, I could see very easily why she is confused and mad. Again I don't think she should have acted out on it, but we don't live in a perfect world. Intolerance exists and am actually surprised that OP felt she had to go under a diff name to say all this. She said she agrees the neighbor is a nutjob. She's never had to deal with any of this until now? She seemed to have a good grasp as to why it happened and helped her son deal with it in a very respectful way. I'm sure it's hard to see her son struggle with this but having a good set of parents who helps them address the bumps in life is all you can do. I guess I'm a much more direct person. When I got the invite from day one I would have just said I'm sorry we don't practice your religion but I'm sure we'll be able to get to know each other at different events.

Me too. Cause Mary is an entitled bigot who's teaching her son how to hate.