BIG Problem at New School

[Pigeon]

Mary is a twit, and a dim-witted one at that. She should have picked up that you aren't of her faith because of your obvious lack of interest. But I will say, I know a few families from Lebanon, and they are all Christian, so the fact that you have a MIL in Lebanon wouldn't indicate to me very much. But your dh's name should have given her a clue. But whatever your religion or not, it shouldn't matter.

I'm so sorry your family is dealing with this. I hope things get better at school.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree that the other kids will likely forget given time. The school can only do so much because what kids hear at home or from other kids seems to usually carry more weight.

People can be just plain rotten.

 

[rchristiansen]

How awful! As a Christian, I can assure you that mary's views are misguided. I would hope that your community will soon welcome you and your family. I agree that kids will soon forget. Typically, it is the adults who have the problem.

 

[notactuallyme]

Mary is a twit, and a dim-witted one at that. She should have picked up that you aren't of her faith because of your obvious lack of interest. But I will say, I know a few families from Lebanon, and they are all Christian, so the fact that you have a MIL in Lebanon wouldn't indicate to me very much. But your dh's name should have given her a clue. But whatever your religion or not, it shouldn't matter.

I'm so sorry your family is dealing with this. I hope things get better at school.

Lebanon is about 60% Muslim 40% Christian. Most of our Lebanese friends are Christian because it is easier for them to emigrate.(don't get me started on the nightmare of air travel LOL, that's why I think it is hysterical when people complain about pat-downs.) I just figured the combo of the name and the in-laws in Lebanon would be a sure give away.

Like I said before, we are not religious in any way. I know that this woman's actions are not typical of any particular faith. Her husband even admitted that the church she attends (he doesn't attend) is extremist. We are used to the city where things are very diverse, not to say that our area now doesn't have SOME diversity, but in the city no one even batted an eye at the name or accent. I talked about this with my sister who suggested that I encourage friendships with other kids. Give them a few weeks at school to get to know one another and then invite over some other boys with whom he has made friends. My sister made a joking, but valid point. We have a swimming pool. She said she would lay a wager that little Billy will "forget" these views when the weather get warm enough to swim again.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Thank you. I was hoping, too, that it will blow over since it is only the beginning of the year. Billy and by extension, his mother are a done deal. Billy isn't a bad kid, but he is not old enough to separate himself from his mother's beliefs. I keep telling my son to just ignore the others and make friends with the kids that are nice. It's just hard because it's a new school and all. It's hard enough to be the new kid, but then to have this on top of it.... rrrgggh!

I decided to go under cover because there was some very strong sentiment on the boards surrounding 9/11, and I wasn't really sure how people would deal with the whole Islam issue. The truth is we are not religious, but it's pretty hard to get around "Mohammed." People have even suggested he change his name!

Idiots and cowards where responsible for 9/11 idiots for believing the corrupted version of islam and cowards who lead them while hiding out to save their own skins. I can't help much being in the UK but I can send



to you in sympathy.

 

[kellydizfan]

Thank you. I was hoping, too, that it will blow over since it is only the beginning of the year. Billy and by extension, his mother are a done deal. Billy isn't a bad kid, but he is not old enough to separate himself from his mother's beliefs. I keep telling my son to just ignore the others and make friends with the kids that are nice. It's just hard because it's a new school and all. It's hard enough to be the new kid, but then to have this on top of it.... rrrgggh!

I decided to go under cover because there was some very strong sentiment on the boards surrounding 9/11, and I wasn't really sure how people would deal with the whole Islam issue. The truth is we are not religious, but it's pretty hard to get around "Mohammed." People have even suggested he change his name!

Its pretty sad when you need to change your name just to go about your daily living. We have a friend who changed his last name because he couldn't get a job. This was way before 9/11. It had to do with the field of work he was in at that time. He is extremely smart but when he was younger he really didn't have the commen sense to go with it. Good luck. I would try to hang out and see how the school year goes this year. If it doesn't go all that well, I would look at another school. But the issue there is, you could have the same issues as this one and be back to square one. It is really sad to say but I don't think you can escape it.

 

[DMRick]

I wonder if you could talk to her pastor and encourage him to do a sermon based on prejudice. I belong to a very fundamental church, and no way would that be tolerated. We have members from all walks of life in our church and there is no place for prejudice!

 

[PollyannaMom]

...encourage friendships with other kids. Give them a few weeks at school to get to know one another and then invite over some other boys with whom he has made friends. My sister made a joking, but valid point. We have a swimming pool. She said she would lay a wager that little Billy will "forget" these views when the weather get warm enough to swim again.

Your sister is right. Things become normal to kids very quickly. (And the pool certainly won't hurt!) It sounds like the teacher is on your side, so ask her which boy in class the others follow, and if she says he's a good kid, "woo" him as a friend for your DS. The others will fall in line.

 

[ilovefh]

What?!

That was my reaction. And I'll be honest and say I didn't vote for him, but it was because in my non political opinion I didn't think he had enough experience. But what does that have to do with race. And why would you automatically assume that they had all voted for him? Because they are partly the same race? Doesn't make sense in my opinion.

Like I said this kind of judgement was foreign to me. I felt bad for my college roommate who saw it all the time. She was white and her boyfriend was black. When she showed me a picture of him she held her breath until I gave my opinion. He was a nice, funny guy who treated her well (even during their breakup). Isn't that what matters?

Sorry, this whole thing just really irks me!

 

[howdouleave]

What idiots!!! I am sorry for your DS, he is learning a tough lesson at such an early age. Ignorance is not inherited it is cultivated.

I think people are creating new user names to protect their privacy, not because of fear. I may be wrong but that's my impression.


OP, I'm so sorry that your son is being hurt because of ignorance.

I went undercover for that reason. If you read the thread you know my deal, I just didn't want to be known as the one who left or stayed under my longtime handle. I also wanted views that were not skewed by people that usually agree or disagree with my irl views.

 

[PeterPan09]

How awful! As a Christian, I can assure you that mary's views are misguided. I would hope that your community will soon welcome you and your family. I agree that kids will soon forget. Typically, it is the adults who have the problem.

Hope this response isn't too Christian for the DIS. I'm honestly not trying to flaunt the rules.

I wanted to second this. It angers me when people like Mary become the face of all Christians to folks like you. Her ignorance and bigotry DO NOT come from her being a Christian. If you do interact with her again, perhaps you could ask her to show you just where in her Bible Jesus tells her to act hatefully towards anyone-especially a child. Thankfully, her child has one parent with some sense.

My heart breaks for the hurt your son had to endure because of this person's ignorance.

 

[disny_luvr]

to you and your family. I just wanted to add that my next door neighbor is Muslim. Until I read your post, I've never really given his religion a thought. We treat him just as we'd treat anyone else. They are the nicest people (like you, his wife is not Muslim) and our kids play together all the time. It is so sad that people can be so ignorant. I hope the situation gets better for your son.

 

[sparklynails23]

Did you know you were moving to an area with little diversity? I think it would be tough for an adult in that situation, much less a child, but your son's presence could enlighten a community. I would give it time, I guess, but not more time than the school year. If he's still unhappy at the end, switch schools.

 

[dzorn]

Give it some time. Have your son try to arrange a play date with one of the other kids that will still play with him.

If you can volunteer at the school and get to know some of the other parents.

Avoid the wacko. You cannot fix stupid.

Denise in MI

 

[Ceila]

First, please let me add to the list of Disers who agree that Mary is a vile, horrible person. I's so sorry you and your family have to deal with someone like that. Unfortunately, you can't change her, and you have to handle the situation as it now stands.

Are there any activities that you could get your son involved in to make friends? Sports are a great way to meet other kids without pressure since so much of the time is structured. Cub Scouts might be another good option, especially if your husband would be able to get involved with it. And, as others have said, keep a dialogue going with his teacher. Ask who he is hanging out with at school or who might be a good potential friend, and then work on setting up some playdates. Meeting at a park is always a good first playdate, since the other parent can meet you and get to know you a little. You'll need some good friends in your new town, too!

 

[doxdogy]

I assure you Mary's behavior is not indicative of a Christian.

 

[marie1203]

I am sorry you are going through this. At this point I think the advice given before me is good. I never understand how some people call themselves Christians but do something so hateful towards someone else .

 

[PeterPan09]

Give it some time. Have your son try to arrange a play date with one of the other kids that will still play with him.

If you can volunteer at the school and get to know some of the other parents.

Avoid the wacko. You cannot fix stupid.

Denise in MI

My favorite advice.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I wonder if you could talk to her pastor and encourage him to do a sermon based on prejudice. I belong to a very fundamental church, and no way would that be tolerated. We have members from all walks of life in our church and there is no place for prejudice!

Not only do I agree with this, but if the pastor agrees ask when that will be and for that day tell Mary you are willing to go to her church with her that and see what it is like. Then you know she will hear the talk about prejudice.

 

[fakereadhed]

Not only do I agree with this, but if the pastor agrees ask when that will be and for that day tell Mary you are willing to go to her church with her that and see what it is like. Then you know she will hear the talk about prejudice.

"Mary" is not worth the time or effort. Doesn't sound like OP is trying to mend fences with her.