Beacuse I don't want kids, that's why! *pardon my rant..*

[Ember]

Today the dreaded question came up: "When are you going to have kids?"

I've been married two years and this question pops up more and more often. It's rarely, "Are you going to have children?" Only "when." However, this is only a small thing and nothing to get upset over.

Then comes my answer, "I don't think we're going to."

This leads immediately to questions ranging freely from my reasons for not wanting them to my possible character flaws. These can include anything from how I must not be a "real" woman to how I'm selfish and self centered. Everyone from family, to co-workers, to near strangers feel free to comment.

GRRR!

I can forgive the question. It's really just making conversation. But the personal opinions on my life choices I can do without, thank you very much! No one wants to know why someone does want kids. No one questions their motivations or if they'll even be decent parents... And, for goodness sake, there are many other ways to positively contribute to the planet other then simply populating it!



Okay, I'm done now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest without having to resort violence of some kind...

 

[themilesfamily]

This leads immediately to questions ranging freely from my reasons for not wanting them to my possible character flaws. These can include anything from how I must not be a "real" woman to how I'm selfish and self centered. Everyone from family, to co-workers, to near strangers feel free to comment.

Someone said you were selfish and not a real woman!!!!??? Wow, that's inappropriate to say the least.

You'll get no judgement from me. The couples I know who have no kids tend to have more spending money and are having a blast traveling, etc. I think you can have a great life, kids or no. In fact, my brother and his wife are great "parents" to an English bulldog. They are all as happy as clams.

You need to think up a snappy comeback to the naysayers....is there anyone witty out there who can come up with something for Ember to say in response?

 

[imabrat]

WOW! How rude of them.
I admit, I'd probably ask you why you didn't want children, but that's the end of it. I'm not going to fight you or degrade you or whatever. If you don't want children, you don't want children. Big whoop. I don't think it's selfish of you at all, in fact it could be considered selfless depending on the situation.

to you. I can't believe the audacity of people these days.

 

[ilovejack02]

I was married 7 years before I decided to have kiddos. I have lots of experience with this question lol. I got my Mom off my back by telling her that everytime you ask.. ill add another year to when I might do it. She gave up pretty quick.

Everyone else.. after a cpl of years I just started saying I cant have children and looked really sad when I said it.
Shut them down really fast. Yeah yeah it was rude and horrible to say it Im sure, but I couldnt figure out a way to say Back the hell off , I am not sure I want them.

I have friends that have been married almost 15 years and they still get that question. Why don't people get it .. quit asking!!!!!!

 

[Tx_Belle]

I'm the same way. I love my niece and nephew like they're my own kids (teenage kids now ), and have always said I don't want kids of my own. I might not even ever marry. I value my independence too much and would be a basketcase if I had children. (Wanting to protect them from the 'big bad wolf' all the time).

Even my brother and his wife have decided not to have kids, so.... you're not alone.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I can't believe people would have the nerve to say that to you! I don't get people some times. You know if you have kids and God forbid became abusive/neglectful/or just plain bad parent they would say, "Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids. They should have known better." Frankly, if a couple decides they won't have kids because they feel they can't be good parents (Not saying this is you), I have a lot more respect for them than copules who have kids they can't take care of and become abusive/neglectful.

 

[redlight]

I'm with you. They are being rude.

 

[suejai]

Kudos to you for knowing your own mind, and what will work for you. Stick to your guns and don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. I think there are a great number of people out there who had kids only because it was what they "thought they should do" without actually taking the time to figure out if it was what they really wanted. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who decided not to have kids and then got pregnant and surprised themselves by being wonderful parents.

 

[Pomlover2586]

I am newly married [almost a year] and already DH and I get this question weekly- from various family members etc. We plan to have kids EVENTUALLY but not within the next 3-5 years!

How did I deal with it?

I now tell whomever asks [especially strangers, distant relatives etc] "DH and I are unable to have kids...."

Boy does that shut them up fast!!!!!


Hang in there......people are dumb and assume if you get married you must be heating the oven ......

 

[disykat]

I think, because of your career choice, people will see it as an unusual decision and you'll probably get even more grief than some.

If I were you I might stick to a "tell you what,you'll be the first to know okay?" kind of answer with all but your closest friends and family. If they persist, let them know that your answer was intended to remind them that are asking a personal question that you don't intend on answering.

I have to say, some of my kid's best teachers were childless by choice and I admit to some curiousity as to why. I never asked them, of course, and I only wondered why because they would have been great parents. Maybe it would help to think of it that way - that they may be sort of complimenting you? (doesn't make it any more appropriate, but make make it easier to take!)

 

[cjb71870]

We decided not to have kids. And, we are WDW AP for the last 11 years who go regularly. We used to get, "you have the ideal life for kids.", because how often we go to Disney. Our response was, going to WDW with the 2 of us and going to WDW w/ kids is a totally different thing. Now when we say no kids, they think it's a smart choice that we decided that! Then they say how some wished they had done the same thing!

 

[ericamanda01]

We've been married almost 5 years and were both in our early 30's and I get that question more times than I can count. I finally just use one stock answer, "When God wants to give one to us." That usually shuts them up. But my in-laws asked us at the wedding and every month since. When I told them (last week) that I got into a great college to finish my degree, they asked again. I have learned to ignore.

 

[tonilea]

We were married 15 years before DS was born. I have lots of experience with THAT question. The first five years of our marriage, before we were even sure we wanted children.... I used.... "If I have a baby, I can't BE the baby!" It worked pretty well.

 

[bumbershoot]

People are crazy with that question.

My brother has never liked kids, not even when he was a kid, so it was not a surprise that he chose to not have them. He chose a wonderful wife who was on the fence as it was, and quickly made the solid decision to not have them, when she committed to him. They have a wonderful life, they are NOT selfish! They are completely loving and generous with all family members! They help send her parents on cruises, they always want to pay for us to fly down there, they help and loan and gift and they are the epitome of NOT selfish. Even if they couldn't do that financially I'm sure their hearts would still be completely unselfish.

I have never understood when people say that those who do not want kids are selfish; if anything it's the other way around...but either way, I hate the questions.

I am newly married [almost a year] and already DH and I get this question weekly- from various family members etc.

Oh gracious, my stepmom was asking "well, do you use protection" during our rehearsal dinner! At the wedding reception, my FIL told me that he would retire as soon as we had a baby (he did, 2 years after, and then died 6 months later, sigh). Of course, we made things easy on everyone by having a honeymoon baby. sigh.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I hate anything "society" has earmarked for you to do by a certain age. I have many friends and cousins younger than I am that are married and have kids and have relatives/co-workers/strangers give me the pity look when I tell them I'm not married. I'm completely happy with my life and I'll get married and have kids (if I want them) when I want to. I think some people think unmarried and married couples without children sit at home wishing they were (or that they did have kids) and feel like they're "missing out". My life would be equally as amazing and wonderful (and I'd have a lot more money ) with or without a husband and with or without kids.

 

[Buckalew11]

I was married 7 years before having a baby. Got pregnant 1st try. Before that, I didn't know if I wanted kids or not. I only have one and am fine with that decision but I'll tell you for 7 years people were rude about it and then for about5 more years they were still rude by asking when we were ever going to have another (or give DD a baby sister/brother).

My very close friend chose not to have kids. She likes kids and is very kind to mine but she just never had the desire to be a parent.

I am not sure why people think other people having kids or not is any of their business.

 

[Sleepy]

Don't let it bother you. The questions never stop with one child either. We had one child and found, for multiple reasons, having more was not in our best interest.

The only person who had anything negative to say about it was my FIL. he made the comment that only children are "not right".....whatever that means . My husband reminded him that it was not his decision to make unless he was going to be hiring a surrogate mother, a nanny and the finances it would take to cover the new child's needs until college graduation. Never heard another word.

 

[bntlyclg89]

DH and I get this every now and then.

I like to use Ann Landers or Dear Abby's line (I forget whose it was) "Why on earth would you ask such a personal question?" It shuts them right up.

I've also used "Because the kid wouldn't know whether to be bossy or complain all the time" (Me and DH worst character flaws) I tell them they can figure out who is who.

I have tried to figure out how to burst into tears on a moments notice but so far, nothing.

It's no one's business. Not your family's, not your friends' and most assuredly not your co-workers'!

 

[smidgy]

your reasons are nobodys business, I would put the ball in their court.....
If someone insists on an answer, I would respond with... "why do you ask?"

 

[Trilli-magic]

People can be so rude and when the children question is concerned, complete strangers think it's ok to comment!!
My sister is one who doesn't want children and thankfully none of our family members have ever been so rude as so say she is selfish!!! It's personal choice some people want them others dont so what?!!
I have 2 kids and had them close together, in Italy 2 in normally your limit so when people asked are you going to have anymore I replied I dont know, I was met with lots of "what are you thinking? 2 is enough", "dont be silly and have any more" and a post woman at my work told me I am not allowed to have anymore children!!!!!!!! this is from a stranger!!!
I wonder where peole get there manners from sometimes!!