Bad grade woes

[MerryPoppins]

Some of you have heard me talk about my DD before. She is 11 and in the 6th grade. She is a gifted student, scoring in the high 90's on her standardized tests. She always makes good grades (A's and B's with a C every year or so). This is her first year of middle school, so there have been a lot of changes in her routine. She also has Sensory Integration Disorder, which makes it hard for her to concentrate sometimes. She is also VERY forgetful.

Math is her least favorite subject. Unfortunately, math is right after lunch this year. That is one of her least productive times of the day. She is doing her math homework. I see her doing it, but she doesn't seem to get it into the basket after lunch. She brought home a grade report a couple of weeks ago that caused some alarm. I talked to her teacher and we thought we had the problem solved. She started using a homework folder to carry homework to and from school. That way she only had to check to see if it was empty and she would know she had turned in the work. The teacher promised to try to remind her, so I thought everything had improved.

Today she brought home another report. She is making a D- in math! As a teacher, that makes me want to cry. She is making good grades on the tests and the work she turns in, so the teacher said she can tell that she is doing the work. I am beside myself. I don't know how much is something she could control if she tried harder and how much has to do with SID. I've told her that until she makes up the work she can't do extra activities like play dates or birthday parties. I'm thinking that will give her a push if she can do better. She told me on the way home that she had work to make up, then noticed that she didn't have the book or the worksheets with her. We went back to school. She got the book, but seems to have lost the worksheets. GRRRRRR!! We are also going to schedule a meeting with the teacher - maybe all her teachers.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. I am so sad. I wish I knew what to do. I came down hard on her in the car. I'm not sure that was really the answer. After all, no one does the work and then doesn't turn in it on purpose. I know one grade isn't THAT important right now, but I don't see it getting better. Anyone have any advice?

 

[janette]

Ugh Melissa, I know sometimes it's hard. My 11yo DD last year was having a real problem turning in work. She would just forget. I know it wasn't on purpose but it drove me crazy.

This year has been better, her teacher last year allowed them to turn in work early if they finished and sometimes she'd forget what she'd already done because there would be only one problem left. This year she has a big binder with a folder for every class and she keeps the papers until the next day. So far it's been working great.

Is she still doing OT? They might have some suggestions or even her Psychologist.

Middle school is supposed to be a big change. Isn't part of SI having trouble with transitions? Not only is she at a new school but switching classes is probably tough. Maybe someone has some suggestions on how to get her to get back to focus after lunch.

Sorry I don't have a good suggestion but I know you'll find what's best for her

 

[Michelle]

Merry, your daughter sounds EXACTLY like mine. In fact I'm sitting here right now trying to get her to do her math homework. She is VERY bright, in the gifted program, yet she struggles with organization and is forever forgetting to turn things in. She's only 9 and the 4th grade and this was a big transition for her, as they are expected to do much more independently. Luckily I am in close contact with her teacher and he is helping her with the organization, but it is still a daily struggle. She CONSTANTLY forgets to bring the books home she needs for homework. She'll do better for a couple of weeks and then will forget again.

I KNOW how frustrating it is for you. It makes you want to tear your hair out. All you can do is keep working with her, take away the privileges if she forgets to turn things in or bring things home, and keep in close contact with the teachers regarding her status. It did seem to work when we put consequences with forgetting her books for homework (such as no TV) and even though she still forgets occasionally it did help.

I definitely see my daughter facing the same issues in middle school so I know what I have to look forward to.

HUGS!

 

[BrerMom]

Isn't it hard to tell what's normal forgetfulness for a middle-schooler and when it's a SID disorder? If it's SID, it'll probably take a while. DS is STILL transitioning into the school year.

I had an incredibly forgetful and unorganized high-schooler once. I don't know if this would work for your DD, but it sure worked for my student. He would get off the bus in the morning, come straight to my room, and give his homework to me. When he came into class after lunch, he would quietly come and get his homework so he could turn his in with the rest of the students. Was it babying a high-schooler? Probably. Did it work? Definitely.

 

[bobcat]

That's a tough one. It's already the 7th week of the school year and my 6th grade students are just now getting into the routine. It takes awhile to make the transition to middle school for most students. It must be hard differentiating between middle school disorganization and SID.

One thing we are doing this year is having students keep data sheets that track many things, behavior, assignment grades, test grades, etc. Could that be an option for your daughter? My students have data books that they keep with them throughout the school day, they change classes with them but don't take them home. It serves as a way for them to track their own progress. Maybe she could start with tracking if assignments are turned in. It takes some practice but seems to help some of our students get organized.

 

[MerryPoppins]

The middle schoolers carry agendas. I know that my DS had trouble adjusting to that habit when he was in 6th grade. It is a tool that they have to learn to use. They are supposed to write down assignments there. We started having her check them off when she turned them in, but she would forget to do it and check them off later before we had a chance to see. I believe she really thought she had turned the work in.

I've been contemplating having the teacher sign her agenda when she turns in the work, although DD says tonight that the teacher is going to start having them grade the work in class beginning tomorrow. That should help a lot. I wonder if that is because of my DD? If they do that, she'll have the work out to have it checked. Surely, she'll turn it in after she checks it.

I think lots of them are having trouble in this class. The teacher doesn't ever ask for the work. She expects them to just remember to put it in the basket and she goes on to the next lesson.

She has been struggling all evening to complete assignments for the second time. I know she is as frustrated as we are. I hate that, too. I know this has been a big change for her. And yes, Janette, transitions are hard for SID kids. And she isn't seeing her OT. Our OT stopped her regular practice when her significant other was diagnosed with brain cancer. She felt that DD could get along without therapy, but we may have to find someone for the short term, anyway.

I need to go be the moral support for my math student for a little while longer. Thanks for listening to me rant. I really needed to get it off my chest.

 

[Lars624]

All of these things sound so much like my DS. He is a gifted child and he always got good grades until he got to middle school. Then everything fell apart. He was doing his homework & losing it somewhere between home & 1st hour, his test scores were all A's but he was getting D's on his report card because of the missing assignments he did but never handed in. It was terribly frustrating to my Dh, myself and my DS. He worked with the 6th grade counselor on his organizational skills and he learned how to properly use his agenda.......but he never actually practiced any of these things on a daily basis. He kept insisting that he "couldn't help it". He was having some maturity issues also. He would constantly interrupt & blurt things out without thinking first. During a routine visit to his pediatrician this past spring she suggested we test him for ADHD. I was so surprised...no one had ever mentioned that before?!? We took him to a behavioral medicine doctor & he was diagnosed with ADHD. He was actually so relieved that he wanted to celebrate finally understanding what was going on with himself. We agonized over the decision of to give him medicine or not & decided to try it. The first kind we tried didn't work well for him at all so we tried something else & it's been such a blessing. His grades are back up to A's & B's, socially he's doing a lot better because he ahs control over himself now & his confidence & self esteem are at an all time high.
The psychiatrist said that in really bright children the ADHD can be managed and handled by the child until middle school when it just becomes overwhelming.
I'm sorry for the long post but I just thought I'd share our story with you.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Lars, I'm so glad you found the answer to your son's problems. ADHD and SID have a lot of the same symptoms. Our OT said that many kids are suspected of having ADHD when they really have sensory problems. It doesn't suprise me that they sound alike.

I've been thinking about asking the counselor to work with my DD. Something has to change. Failing classes is not an option. I've threatened to pull her out of dance classes, Girl Scouts and piano lessons if she can't get her act together. At our house you don't get to do fun "extra" after school activities if you aren't making it in school. We feel that is a natural consequence. Of course, I don't want to have to do that. I don't want to punish her for something she has no control over, but I do want to encourage her to try harder. I also told her I'd have to think about whether she would be allowed to take part in the school pet show that is coming up or go to her best friend's birthday party in another week. I was pretty hard on her.

I am pulling her out of this week's dance classes and piano, simply because she needs to complete the assignments that her teacher offered to let her make up. There are a lot of them. She did 8 or 9 assignments yesterday (along with her regular homework assignments), but she only has until Friday to catch up. I hate to pressure her, but she doesn't have time to have fun for the next couple of days.

This is going to be a long week. I sent a note to the teacher telling her we'd like to meet with her next week. I requested we include the counselor in the meeting. Hopefully, DD'll come out of the school today with the book, the assignment list, the worksheets and her homework folder. I guess we just try to make it through one day at a time.

 

[Lars624]

I think it's great that she's able to make it up. Most of the teachers at our middle school won't accept any late work or make up work even for partial credit.
I agree with you, we also believe that extra activities are a privledge that can be recalled if the school work isn't kept up. Good Luck & I hope that everything works out for her.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Thanks. She leads a charmed life, so she'll probably pull through without a scratch. I, on the other hand, have new gray hairs.

Usually, they don't allow the late work. I think they are only doing so because she has a documented problem and they haven't been able to figure out how to deal with her. I don't know how much credit she will be able to get from the work, but I'd have her do it again even if she wasn't earning anything for it. It is just the right thing to do. I'm hoping that the work will pull her up to at least a D or D+. Maybe with her next test that might bring her up to a C for the 9 weeks. So much for the honor roll this time around!

DH and I are meeting with her teacher and counselor next Tuesday. Her other teachers are invited to attend the meeting, as well. It's too late for them to help much with this 9 weeks (it ends the next day), but maybe we can come up with a better plan for next time around. There is talk of juggling her classes so that math isn't after lunch, but she'd have the same teachers. That might help. I need some support from the school, because at this point I'm really doing all I can do at home. She does the work that is written in the agenda and she puts it in her backpack. After that, I really have little control. I'm wondering if having the teacher sign when she turns in work might help? I really think once DD is adjusted, she will be okay.

 

[Lars624]

I made my DS re-do all of his assignments even though he didn't get credit for them.
Our school has a computer system that will allow teachers to send home weekly progress reports that list every assignment & what the child got on it. I wonder if your school offers something like that?

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'll have to ask. That would be very helpful. Wish I could have that for my DS who is in high school. Never hurts to be informed!

 

[janette]

Melissa, I did the same thing with after school activities last year. I think my 11yo DD missed about 3 weeks of dance & other things but it finally did make a difference.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I hope I'm on the right track.

Now, today my DS (15) is acting like a teenager. He's a crab and everything is MY fault.

I think I need a vacation! I told DH that I posted about our situation here, and he asked if any of you prescribed a trip to WDW! LOL! If we went right now it would have to be without the kids. Hey, wait a minute, that doesn't sound too bad right this minute.

 

[J&D]

I have a checklist that I have some of my 7th grade students use when they have this problem.

It inlcudes:
writing down the assignment
starting the assignment
finishing the assignment
handing in the assignment

I can send you a copy if interested. Just send me a PM with your address.

 

[MerryPoppins]

Yes, please! PM is on the way to you, J&D.

 

[J&D]

I would be happy to send the checklist to any others who are interested.