Back me up on this...

[tvguy]

Until your ONE account gets hacked. I don't think that anyone recommends only having one account. And in essence, we do only have the one main account for our household. Then we each have our own account that has our discretionary income. Maybe it is because I am a woman and my mom always said to make sure that you have a bit of your own money just in case. But it works better for us to not have everyone dipping into the household pot, which makes things more complicated. But maybe you have a lot more money than we do to where you don't have to watch it as closely.

Yes, we are at risk of that with just one checking account and one credit card.
I'm following my mom's advice to. In her case because my dad died when I was 9 she was very big on everything being consolidated for easy access, and to avoid probate.
Our budgeting is very simple. If the money is there, we can spend it. If it isn't, we can't and we avoid debt that way.

 

[Lilsia]

Ok, so really your spouse is supporting the household and your income is mostly fun money.

Basically yes this is where we are now.

 

[DLgal]

Plus, you can buy Christmas and birthday presents without giving away the surprise!

Well, there are no surprises on gifts here. We ask for what we want, specifically. You do NOT go rogue with this!

 

[DLgal]

Until your ONE account gets hacked. I don't think that anyone recommends only having one account. And in essence, we do only have the one main account for our household. Then we each have our own account that has our discretionary income. Maybe it is because I am a woman and my mom always said to make sure that you have a bit of your own money just in case. But it works better for us to not have everyone dipping into the household pot, which makes things more complicated. But maybe you have a lot more money than we do to where you don't have to watch it as closely.

Eh, not really an issue. We have a joint checking and 2 savings accounts, plus like 6 credit cards. We NEVER use our debit card. THAT is how you get hacked. We pay everything on credit cards and pay those off every month. We have had the cards hacked several times. It's always taken care of by the card company and no loss to us. I've never had our main checking account hacked in over 20 years.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't see this as being at the level high enough to be called oversight. We earned the money. We spend the money. And we talk about it.

If you are needing your spouse to tell you all purchases so you won't be surprised that's oversight on the income. If you have to talk about every purchase including tiny ones like $12 that's oversight on the income. If you're surprised at purchases and couldn't connect the dots on purchasing that's oversight on the income. Like I said there's leeway into situations that arise such as an abnormal payment method being used someone who is prey to scam, etc but from the description this sounded like your normal procedure regardless.

Lot of couple discuss purchasing like "oh yeah so I went to Walmart and go this today" or "hey got this new outfit what do you think?" they do it out of showing/sharing not because the significant other needs a justification for the purchase and every or nearly every purchase with tracking it so intimately and that's where I felt there was a difference in that and what you described.

 

[Lilsia]

Eh, not really an issue. We have a joint checking and 2 savings accounts, plus like 6 credit cards. We NEVER use our debit card. THAT is how you get hacked. We pay everything on credit cards and pay those off every month. We have had the cards hacked several times. It's always taken care of by the card company and no loss to us. I've never had our main checking account hacked in over 20 years.

Everyone needs to do what works for them and for us, having a yours/mine/ours has worked out great. Neither of us felt like we wanted to have to inform the other on every little purchase. Of course we discuss the big stuff. For example, I need a new PC since the one that I use is old and won't handle the things that I do on it anymore. I just told my husband that it is time to get a new one and he just commented "OK". He won't ask how much I spent because he knows that I won't spend more than we can afford.

 

[tzolkin]

Just a question...are you not on the title of your home? Here, our mortgage rules require that anyone on title must also be jointly/severally responsible for the loan.

This is definitely not the case everywhere.

I actually forgot that I wasn't on our home mortgage (nearly paid off) until I went to buy an investment property last year. We had started the closing process right as I was starting a new job so it was just easier to not include any of my financial info (I think the lender required at least two pay periods and I get paid monthly so it would have delayed our closing). For the second house we just purchased, it was simply more convenient for me to do it myself. Both houses have both of our names on the deed/title, but my spouse is the only one on the mortgage for one and I am the only one on the mortgage for the other.

Just out of curiosity, do you make the exact same income? If not, how do you determine how much each person contributes to the "household account?" Does one person have way more discretionary income? I feel like that could lead to resentment.

We have always gone with the "what's mine is yours" philosophy to marriage finances. After all, marriage is a union. I haven't worked outside the home in 18 years, but I manage the finances and my husband is happy to be the financial provider and let me run the house, more or less. It's all "our" income.

I have heard all sorts of methods for how separate and joint finances are handled and I agree that it has to be tailored for that specific situation and the couple's personalities to work without causing resentment or issues. I do also think that having one spouse "at home" for a period of time during the marriage impacts how separate finances are viewed. I was a SAHM for many years so it really made no sense for us to have separate accounts. Where would my discretionary money have come from? Would I have had to receive an "allowance" from my spouse? If so, how would that have been calculated? The same monthly amount for each of us? Would he have more in his personal account because he was the one earning the money?

It was just too stressful to have to "monitor" the other adults' expenses. I think that some people feel like there is something "wrong" with their marriage if they have separate accounts. But it truly makes things so much easier.

I don't think having separate accounts is an indication of relationship problems, but I do not agree that it automatically makes things "easier". We have various financial goals and we track where our money goes meticulously. I can't see how having separate accounts would make that easier in any way. For me, it would be more difficult to analyze how to allocate the money and to view big-picture progress

 

[tvguy]

If you are needing your spouse to tell you all purchases so you won't be surprised that's oversight on the income. If you have to talk about every purchase including tiny ones like $12 that's oversight on the income. If you're surprised at purchases and couldn't connect the dots on purchasing that's oversight on the income. Like I said there's leeway into situations that arise such as an abnormal payment method being used someone who is prey to scam, etc but from the description this sounded like your normal procedure regardless.

Lot of couple discuss purchasing like "oh yeah so I went to Walmart and go this today" or "hey got this new outfit what do you think?" they do it out of showing/sharing not because the significant other needs a justification for the purchase and every or nearly every purchase with tracking it so intimately and that's where I felt there was a difference in that and what you described.

It's not a need or an oversight. There's not veto power. Just good communication.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It's not a need or an oversight. There's not veto power. Just good communication.

Communication between couples with the necessity to divulge such minute details like a small purchase and that you would be surprised at such a small purchase is not the same as just saying you have good communication. The communication part is that this is the agreed upon way of doing things and there's an adherence to that. My comments were aimed at the intensity at which you describe things.

You've got multiple other poster discussing how they go about things. No one would think couples lack communication just because they don't have a system where every purchase needs to be notified to the other. "My wife found the blouses she likes on sale online for $12 each with free shipping. She let me know she wanted to order them, and I didn't need to "approve" the purchase, but I was in the loop so that when that hit the credit card I knew what it was for." I'd wager a good amount of couples can identify as having good healthy communication between the two without the above being part of it. Like I said it's a bit much and part of why I started seeing the autonomy discussion the PP brought up. It's 12 bucks...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

it really made no sense for us to have separate accounts.

This would make a different discussion I think. Are people entering relationships and then marriages without having their own bank accounts? If they have their own bank accounts are they closing them? Is there a reason to close them as opposed to keeping them open? Fees attached? Issues with transferring money to accounts in other banks? People having banks in completely different networks? Etc.

Where would my discretionary money have come from?

We transfer money in and out of the joint checking all the time. The utilities are EFT out of my husband's account (though we have some utilities in my name and some in his) but we used to divide up our utilities based on income percentage, transfer into the joint checking and so on. When we have gotten the stimulus money due to taxes it went to my husband's account then he transferred it to the joint checking then I transferred it to my account. It's all super easy for us with mobile/online banking and done in seconds. I have the Amazon Prime membership out of my account as well as the AAA membership as these were in my name and pre-date our marriage anyhow. He has streaming services as well. We still have separate phone companies (originally because I could keep unlimited when companies were removing that option now more have brought them back but I'm under Legacy Sprint technically) and my phone bill comes out of my account, his comes out of his own account and so on.

Would he have more in his personal account because he was the one earning the money?

Well it can be easier with paychecks to do it that way if you have separate accounts to begin with.

Some of this I think is dependent on the banks people use. I've had my account since I was 18, it made zero sense for me to close that account with the history (plus my CC was at that bank) and my husband coincidentally had his accounts with the same bank. Just recently that banking system has added a feature to transfer money into someone else's bank account directly which would be nice if you didn't have joint accounts.

 

[barkley]

whatever works for a couple-so long as both people are on board with it AND ideally both spouses/partners have credit established in their individual names (even if one chooses not to use it). it's not so common anymore but so many of my mom/mil's peers never established their own credit so when their husbands passed and some home or car repair or replacement came up that they didn't have the liquid funds on hand for they also didn't have a credit card or the credit history to get one (hated it when i worked in a furniture store and widows came in wanting to replace the mattresses and box springs their husbands had passed on-allot of them we couldn't help b/c they had never established credit and didn't have the funds up front).

 

[Lilsia]

This is definitely not the case everywhere.

I actually forgot that I wasn't on our home mortgage (nearly paid off) until I went to buy an investment property last year. We had started the closing process right as I was starting a new job so it was just easier to not include any of my financial info (I think the lender required at least two pay periods and I get paid monthly so it would have delayed our closing). For the second house we just purchased, it was simply more convenient for me to do it myself. Both houses have both of our names on the deed/title, but my spouse is the only one on the mortgage for one and I am the only one on the mortgage for the other.


I have heard all sorts of methods for how separate and joint finances are handled and I agree that it has to be tailored for that specific situation and the couple's personalities to work without causing resentment or issues. I do also think that having one spouse "at home" for a period of time during the marriage impacts how separate finances are viewed. I was a SAHM for many years so it really made no sense for us to have separate accounts. Where would my discretionary money have come from? Would I have had to receive an "allowance" from my spouse? If so, how would that have been calculated? The same monthly amount for each of us? Would he have more in his personal account because he was the one earning the money?


I don't think having separate accounts is an indication of relationship problems, but I do not agree that it automatically makes things "easier". We have various financial goals and we track where our money goes meticulously. I can't see how having separate accounts would make that easier in any way. For me, it would be more difficult to analyze how to allocate the money and to view big-picture progress

I think that you are misunderstanding what I mean by different accounts. We have the one MAIN account that handles the day to day stuff. The separate accounts are really just for the discretionary spending for each person so that we are not taking money out of the household account. My check just goes directly into my own account since I work part time for spending money. My husband has it set up that a certain amount goes into the main account, and the rest into his side account. It is not complicated at all since we are not talking about a massive amount of money here. We are talking a couple hundred dollars a pay check into the discretionary spending account. I think that some of you are making this out to me much more complicated than it is.

 

[SC Minnie]

I think that you are misunderstanding what I mean by different accounts. We have the one MAIN account that handles the day to day stuff. The separate accounts are really just for the discretionary spending for each person so that we are not taking money out of the household account. My check just goes directly into my own account since I work part time for spending money. My husband has it set up that a certain amount goes into the main account, and the rest into his side account. It is not complicated at all since we are not talking about a massive amount of money here. We are talking a couple hundred dollars a pay check into the discretionary spending account. I think that some of you are making this out to me much more complicated than it is.

We have been doing this the same as you for 30 years. It works for us. DH 'manages' the main household account. The majority of my paycheck goes into this account with the rest into 'my' account. DH is on that account to but never goes into it.

We started the separate accounts when we got married. He is an accountant and very particular. I didn't want to have to remember to inform him every time I took $20 out of the ATM or bought a $12 shirt and had to pick up diapers for DD.

 

[tvguy]

Communication between couples with the necessity to divulge such minute details like a small purchase and that you would be surprised at such a small purchase is not the same as just saying you have good communication. The communication part is that this is the agreed upon way of doing things and there's an adherence to that. My comments were aimed at the intensity at which you describe things.

You've got multiple other poster discussing how they go about things. No one would think couples lack communication just because they don't have a system where every purchase needs to be notified to the other. "My wife found the blouses she likes on sale online for $12 each with free shipping. She let me know she wanted to order them, and I didn't need to "approve" the purchase, but I was in the loop so that when that hit the credit card I knew what it was for." I'd wager a good amount of couples can identify as having good healthy communication between the two without the above being part of it. Like I said it's a bit much and part of why I started seeing the autonomy discussion the PP brought up. It's 12 bucks...

Wow you are way way overthinking this. There is no intensity.
Just what married people do. And in our case, since we are together 24/7, just in the course of normal conversation.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Wow you are way way overthinking this. There is no intensity.
Just what married people do. And in our case, since we are together 24/7, just in the course of normal conversation.

Given that I was not the first poster to even bring it up, nor the only other person to talk about the purchasing stuff, I'm going to go with it's a perspective you may not have thought would look to other people how your system works.

Other posters are also married, as am I (and not a newlywed either) please don't say "just what married people do" as if it's indicative of that. And I'm sure you're around other married couples who don't have the same system you have set up (well maybe you don't, guess I don't really know on that). Hopefully your wife enjoyed her shirt, online shopping can be tricky.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think that some of you are making this out to me much more complicated than it is.

When I was typing out my banking comment I did wonder if for some people (and I don't know if anyone is like this on the thread) uses old school stuff. Like my aunt just enrolled in online banking last year. Before that she just wrote checks and used CC paper bills that came in the mail. Meanwhile I've been using online and mobile banking for like 10-15 years. Once my aunt got online banking she was amazed at how simple and easy it was.

 

[disykat]

I find it ironic that on the same thread people are saying it's not okay to act like it's assumed most of us have extra money and at the same time others are saying it's not okay to expect a spouse to let you know when they spend money. Talk about a dichotomy! The reality is this is a travel related board so we all understand a lot of us have discretionary income that come here. We also understand that many of us travel BECAUSE we budget carefully. Both are appropriate here, and I think most of us actually fall in BOTH of those categories.

I'm with tv guy on the letting each other know when you've put things on a shared credit card that is paid from a shared account. $100 might not seem like much until you think you're the only one charging things and your spouse thinks they're the only one who has charged anything and suddenly your credit card bill comes and its way more than expected because you've both charged numerous things. We prefer no surprises too, so why would we NOT mention it? We tend to put everything on the card and pay it off each month and I do want to know if I'm going to have to take money out of savings to do so! That means we try to remember to tell each other about non budgeted purchases. (For example, we might not bother mentioning if we stopped at the store for a few groceries etc.) We tend to tell each other things before we go onto the banking site and see unexpected purchases and if we don't we ask each other "did you buy something at...." because we do like to know if it was a legitimate claim. I also like to know BEFORE I show up at the post office if there are packages coming. (One time DH had motorcycle TIRES sent to the PO BOX and forgot to mention it. That was a surprise! Someone had to help me carry everything to the car and I was ticked off!)

As for the OP, I do not consider it bragging to discuss normal retirement issues. The decisions around retirement are SCARRRRRRRY! It has really surprised me how scary it is. Lots of us come here to discuss the things in our lives that are going on that are scary. We are in a fortunate place to be able to retire before ss age (because we are eligible for pensions etc.) and have chosen to do so but trust me it is a constant source of conversation here. We know we're fine, we met with a financial planner and confirmed we're fine, but it is still scary as all get out waiting to see if pensions etc. are all panning out to be the numbers we are planning for them to be. We're almost two months beyond DH's retirement date and don't have exact numbers. (We've started getting 80% of what they THINK the numbers will be and so far it looks like what we're expecting, but who knows...) We were told to expect 6 months or more before all the numbers were final and the checks were regular. SCARY! OP's husband is absorbing the "scary" change. He'll be fine! I actually find I avoid talking about this topic in real life because I have close friends who are not able to retire early, but I enjoy having a safe place to talk about it here.

 

[tvguy]

Given that I was not the first poster to even bring it up, nor the only other person to talk about the purchasing stuff, I'm going to go with it's a perspective you may not have thought would look to other people how your system works.

Other posters are also married, as am I (and not a newlywed either) please don't say "just what married people do" as if it's indicative of that. And I'm sure you're around other married couples who don't have the same system you have set up (well maybe you don't, guess I don't really know on that). Hopefully your wife enjoyed her shirt, online shopping can be tricky.

All I did was answer what OUR system was. Like I said before, I got my perspective from my upbringing, and my wife from her parent's divorce.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm with tv guy on the letting each other know when you've put things on a shared credit card that is paid from a shared account. $100 might not seem like much until you think you're the only one charging things and your spouse thinks they're the only one who has charged anything and suddenly your credit card bill comes and its way more than expected because you've both charged numerous things. We prefer no surprises too, so why would we NOT mention it? We tend to put everything on the card and pay it off each month and I do want to know if I'm going to have to take money out of savings to do so! That means we try to remember to tell each other about non budgeted purchases. (For example, we might not bother mentioning if we stopped at the store for a few groceries etc.) We tend to tell each other things before we go onto the banking site and see unexpected purchases and if we don't we ask each other "did you buy something at...." because we do like to know if it was a legitimate claim. I also like to know BEFORE I show up at the post office if there are packages coming. (One time DH had motorcycle TIRES sent to the PO BOX and forgot to mention it. That was a surprise! Someone had to help me carry everything to the car and I was ticked off!)

If you're charging numerous things and not having much of an idea (or not even checking yourself) what effect that is having on your specified budget you've got other issues there.

For packages what I get from my husband is just the tracking info lol...like Friday he FB messages me a FedEx tracking that's all. When he gets home it's two pairs of shoes he ordered. Do I need to know that? Nah. I ordered my new sports bra last Thursday evening, which got here today, my husband picked up the mail on his way in, there's no "what did you order" "what's this?" "how much was this" even if I spent full price (which is $75+tax) instead of the $45+tax and shipping minus a small discount code he wouldn't grill me about it or look at me expectantly to explain it. We don't spend indiscriminately but we do trust each other to keep an eye on expenditures.

We know each other's habits and a purchase from a known store or known hobby isn't going to raise flags

For the post office I would have just had your husband pick it up no frustration needed, I don't care what my husband orders but if he knows I'll be around he'll let me know the tracking information, if for some reason it needs to be picked up he'll go do it himself, I'm not expected to pick up his purchases from elsewhere. The only common purchase that I do that he frequently picks up is the Petsmart orders because that's 3 mins from his work. It wouldn't surprise me if there's a package to be picked up or outside the front door but I have no cause for concern if there is nor do I always know what he's ordered.

In today's world you can check the CC charges instantly. You can set up where you get an alert for a purchase over one penny depending on the company. There are a lot more automatic things you can do if you're concerned about overspending (such as blocking transactions over a certain amount) or concerned about fraud charges.

 

[tzolkin]

When I was typing out my banking comment I did wonder if for some people (and I don't know if anyone is like this on the thread) uses old school stuff. Like my aunt just enrolled in online banking last year. Before that she just wrote checks and used CC paper bills that came in the mail. Meanwhile I've been using online and mobile banking for like 10-15 years. Once my aunt got online banking she was amazed at how simple and easy it was.

When I said “where would my discretionary money as a SAHM come from?” I did not mean that I didn’t understand how bank accounts work and transferring money. I was talking about the decision-making process of how to allocate money for both my spouse and I if we were to keep our discretionary money separate.

I mentioned SAHM as an example because I think it’s more common to share finances when only one partner is working. When both people work, their earnings can easily be divided between their individual and shared accounts. It’s less straightforward to divvy up the money into individual accounts if only one person has earned income.

I think that you are misunderstanding what I mean by different accounts. We have the one MAIN account that handles the day to day stuff. The separate accounts are really just for the discretionary spending for each person so that we are not taking money out of the household account. My check just goes directly into my own account since I work part time for spending money. My husband has it set up that a certain amount goes into the main account, and the rest into his side account. It is not complicated at all since we are not talking about a massive amount of money here. We are talking a couple hundred dollars a pay check into the discretionary spending account. I think that some of you are making this out to me much more complicated than it is.

I knew exactly what you meant by different accounts. I didn’t have any confusion about that part or how it works. I just happened to disagree with the statement that “it makes things so much easier”. Some couples, like you, may find it easier to keep separate accounts and that’s great that they have found a method that works best for them.

For me, personally, I can’t see any reason I would find it easier to have separate accounts for personal spending money. We are both “savers” by nature so we tend to have to actually force ourselves to choose to spend money so those are typically things we discuss and do together anyway (vacations, home renovations, new cars, gifts for family). I don’t think either of us has ever really even thought about having “spending money”, so having two additional accounts to keep our spending money separate from each other would be a waste because it would just sit there until we decided on a vacation or something that we wanted to spend it on together.