Back me up on this...

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

She is just telling me about the purchase before it hits the credit card really. Surprise charges drive ME nuts, not being told to expect them.

I use our SWA CC a lot to earn points although I have my own CC as well. A $12 shirt isn't a surprise purchase and it would boil down to micromanaging and controlling if he told me to message him "went to Khol's bought some clothes" "ordered this on Amazon" "got these leggings at Costco". Like I said I was with you to a point. We don't need  that level of oversight on each other and majority of adults would chafe at what you describe for very understandable reasons.

 

[Lilsia]

We tend to be careful shoppers also. My wife found the blouses she likes on sale online for $12 each with free shipping. She let me know she wanted to order them, and I didn't need to "approve" the purchase, but I was in the loop so that when that hit the credit card I knew what it was for.

My husband and I figured out pretty early in our marriage that it was better to have different accounts. We have the household one, that all of the bills and general stuff is paid out of. I take care of that. And then we each have our own accounts and credit cards to manage as we see fit. It just works so much better because then we don't have the whole "I spent $12 on a shirt" situation. We each manage our discretionary income. Not that we are trying to hide anything, we still can see each other's accounts, it is just so much easier when our personal purchases don't co-mingle with the household account.

 

[Meglen]

My husband and I figured out pretty early in our marriage that it was better to have different accounts. We have the household one, that all of the bills and general stuff is paid out of. I take care of that. And then we each have our own accounts and credit cards to manage as we see fit. It just works so much better because then we don't have the whole "I spent $12 on a shirt" situation. We each manage our discretionary income. Not that we are trying to hide anything, we still can see each other's accounts, it is just so much easier when our personal purchases don't co-mingle with the household account.

I grew up really poor and my husband grew up very comfortable. I learned at a young age to pay attention to where money goes and he didn't. So when we got really serious in our relationship I took over all the finances and bills. I moved stuff around payed off things that had no reason to still be a monthly payment. Once married we didn't add my name to all his stuff (mortgage and such) we just use my cc as our main money and I make sure to pay it off every month. This keeps my credit score rolling.

We never have to ask each other for money he knows I keep our checking at a level and if it dips below my comfort we talk about it(which only happens if we had some emergency things pop up).

Altho I love to budget and save and all that so it works out and he trusts my judgement completely. And I know he won't go crazy and spend 200$ on something without atleast saying "hey this is really neat I'm gonna get it " so I know it's a proper charge on the cc.

Every couple is different do what works for your relationship. Coming to an agreement is half the battle.

 

[Disneylover99]

How difficult is it to say 'Hey, there's a $30 Amazon charge here. Is that yours?'

'Yea, it is. I bought some shirts.'

'Ok. Great!'

End of story.

Especially since you're retired and always together.

Dh and I check with each other on big items. But not every grocery trip clothing purchase, or household repair need.

In fact, we each keep pocket $ so that we have freedom to buy an item now and then without checking in or getting permission.

Some couples talk about it when the purchase is made.
Some couples talk about it when the charge is noticed.

Neither way is wrong if you’re both on the same page.
Why question others who do it differently, if what they’re doing now works for them?

 

[Southernmiss]

Some couples talk about it when the purchase is made.
Some couples talk about it when the charge is noticed.

Neither way is wrong if you’re both on the same page.
Why question others who do it differently, if what they’re doing now works for them?

The statement 'Surprise charges drive ME nuts.'

Why would a nominal charge on a joint card drive someone nuts?

That's overkill for a 40 year marriage.

 

[Disneylover99]

The statement 'Surprise charges drive ME nuts.'

Why would a nominal charge on a joint card drive someone nuts?

That's overkill for a 40 year marriage.

Because some people just like to know ahead of time.
I didn’t read anything more into that statement.

I don’t think it has anything to do with the length of their marriage.
It sounds like he didn’t care what she bought. He just wanted to know upfront about the new charges.

 

[barkley]

Once married we didn't add my name to all his stuff (mortgage and such) we just use my cc as our main money and I make sure to pay it off every month. This keeps my credit score rolling.

your choice for doing things the way you and your dh want but i sincerely hope that in case of an emergency you have a power of attorney in place to take care of 'all his stuff'. speaking from personal and professional experience-if someone becomes so much as temporarily disabled and paperwork is needed for disability insurance or medicaid and their spouse/partner's name is not on mortgages or other assets/obligations of the disabled person it can be a nightmare. i encountered people with decent net worths that still would have benefited and qualified for medicaid to save them 100's of thousands of dollars but the one spouse wasn't listed or authorized to secure the documents we needed, didn't have the authority to take appropriate financial actions on their spouse's behalf resulting in very expensive and time consuming legal processes to gain guardianship . it was heartbreaking.

 

[Meglen]

your choice for doing things the way you and your dh want but i sincerely hope that in case of an emergency you have a power of attorney in place to take care of 'all his stuff'. speaking from personal and professional experience-if someone becomes so much as temporarily disabled and paperwork is needed for disability insurance or medicaid and their spouse/partner's name is not on mortgages or other assets/obligations of the disabled person it can be a nightmare. i encountered people with decent net worths that still would have benefited and qualified for medicaid to save them 100's of thousands of dollars but the one spouse wasn't listed or authorized to secure the documents we needed, didn't have the authority to take appropriate financial actions on their spouse's behalf resulting in very expensive and time consuming legal processes to gain guardianship . it was heartbreaking.

Interesting. I just didn't get added to his mortgage and car loan. Other than that I'm on everything. Same bank accounts and he's authorized user on my card. We share insurance if I'm missing something and making a mistake please let me know. I def don't want what you said to happen.

 

[barkley]

Why would a nominal charge on a joint card drive someone nuts?

a popular means of credit card often occurs with very small 'trial' charges by the thief. if the small charges go through successfully then the thief knows it's a valid card number. my bank sends out regular alerts warning customers to keep an eye out for these.

my dh gives me a head up when he's used one of our cards so i don't question if i need to contact the bank.

 

[slo]

I’m showing up late to this thread..….

OP….I will back you up too.
My DH had a very stressful job - great pay with a long commute and I told him to get out of there. He found another job with less pay and he was a lot happier. More money is nice, but if you’re so stressed that you can’t enjoy it, then it’s not worth it

 

[barkley]

Interesting. I just didn't get added to his mortgage and car loan. Other than that I'm on everything. Same bank accounts and he's authorized user on my card. We share insurance if I'm missing something and making a mistake please let me know. I def don't want what you said to happen.

you might want to see if you can file paperwork with the car loan and mortgage company to be authorized to speak/act on his behalf. the same goes with utilities-when my mil took ill she couldn't take care of a bunch of stuff but her darn power of attorney wouldn't kick in unless she was deemed 'incapacitated' and doctor's are not fond of taking that step so we got stuck trying to pay utilities (she had gone paperless billing-never gave us her computer password), change stuff with her car insurance...none of whom dh was listed on so it was an awful mess.

 

[Meglen]

you might want to see if you can file paperwork with the car loan and mortgage company to be authorized to speak/act on his behalf. the same goes with utilities-when my mil took ill she couldn't take care of a bunch of stuff but her darn power of attorney wouldn't kick in unless she was deemed 'incapacitated' and doctor's are not fond of taking that step so we got stuck trying to pay utilities (she had gone paperless billing-never gave us her computer password), change stuff with her car insurance...none of whom dh was listed on so it was an awful mess.

I will definitely look into this thank you!

 

[Darcy03231]

I took a pay cut when I took my current position. Best thing I ever did! Working conditions are better, love the people I work with, and after being here for going on 14 years I'm making more, with better benefits, than I ever would have at my old position.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Interesting. I just didn't get added to his mortgage and car loan. Other than that I'm on everything. Same bank accounts and he's authorized user on my card. We share insurance if I'm missing something and making a mistake please let me know. I def don't want what you said to happen.

It's for protection for you, you don't necessarily need to be added to the mortgage (because there may be reasons you don't want that) but at least the deed to the home and the title to the car. Some states do have survivorship spots on car titles as well.

My sister-in-law is in a relationship where she doesn't want her name on anything her and her boyfriend get jointly including if they got a house. We all cautioned her that is a very risky move to do it that way.

 

[ronandannette]

Interesting. I just didn't get added to his mortgage and car loan. Other than that I'm on everything. Same bank accounts and he's authorized user on my card. We share insurance if I'm missing something and making a mistake please let me know. I def don't want what you said to happen.

Just a question...are you not on the title of your home? Here, our mortgage rules require that anyone on title must also be jointly/severally responsible for the loan.

 

[kanerf]

I also have a good 401K and pension balance and could quit any time. I am 63 and currently plan to continue working until I am 65 and can start Medicare. Other than the cost of medical I would leave sooner. I figure I could find some work in the local area that would keep me comfortable, but the lack of medical would be an issue. I am a diabetic and take insulin which is very expensive without coverage. Right now I pay around $60 for a 90 day supply with insurance.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

a popular means of credit card often occurs with very small 'trial' charges by the thief. if the small charges go through successfully then the thief knows it's a valid card number. my bank sends out regular alerts warning customers to keep an eye out for these.

my dh gives me a head up when he's used one of our cards so i don't question if i need to contact the bank.

Maybe we can look at it this way if someone rarely if ever uses a particular form of payment that might give pause where something popped up. Everyone should check periodically for random charges. However, if you're just telling your spouse when you make purchases so they are aware all the time that's just too much.

I am an authorized user on the SWA CC and have my own card. It would be ridiculous to tell my husband each and every time I use the card, he can see the information instantaneously anyhow.

We have separate checking accounts for which we have our own bills coming out of that like student loans and such, then we have a joint checking where money is funneled in there for things like utilities (although they are EFT out of my husband's checking account), the life insurance is EFT out of the joint checking, etc. Then we have a joint money market account where the only stuff going out of that is the escrow shortages. With online banking I can see the joint checking and the joint money market account. If I saw purchases out of the joint money market account that would give pause especially as there's no card for that only transfers that would be the transactions. But I have no cause for concern to think twice about purchases out of the joint checking.

 

[soccerdad72]

Why am I not surprised that this thread veered off into a side debate over tvguy's $100 spend policy (which he's been talking about on the DIS for like 10 years).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Why am I not surprised that this thread veered off into a side debate over tvguy's $100 spend policy (which he's been talking about on the DIS for like 10 years).

lol I've known about the spend limit for a while, what I did not realize is a $12 purchase would also necessitate a check in

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Just a question...are you not on the title of your home? Here, our mortgage rules require that anyone on title must also be jointly/severally responsible for the loan.

Here you can be on the title and not be on the mortgage (I was on the mortgage and the title when the house was built but have been just on the title during a refinance) you can be on the car title but not the car loan, you can be the financial backing for a car but not the title of the car in the same sense, you could be just the lienholder who would then be removed once the loan is satisfied.

*State laws differ on some of the rules