Baby Showers for Unplanned Pregnancies (Young Mothers)

[aaarcher86]

My oldest DS was born 3 days before my 19th birthday and three months after I graduated HS. Believe me, NO ONE glorified my young pregnancy (wasn't unwed by the birth, though; DH and I married when I was 5 months along). Many times, especially at school and in the ob's office, the disapproval was so thick I could feel it. My family was supportive but they were also very clear that they weren't thrilled by the circumstances. My friends were as supportive as they could be, but it was so far outside their frame of reference that they didn't know how to treat me and it led to distancing. It was hard for me a lot of the time to be at all excited about the baby - the aforementioned trips to the ob's office often left me feeling little but dread (if people viewed a pregnant teen with either staring or obvious visual avoidance, how would they react when they saw me with a baby? Or a toddler?). One of my aunts offered to give me a shower; I almost refused because I figured it would just be another chance for people to sigh and shake their heads over my "predicament," but I agreed. It amazed me, but it seemed like simply being at a baby shower induced people to (briefly, at least) overlook my age and circumstance to concentrate on the baby-to-be - which allowed ME to do the same.

Being pregnant at 18 is no picnic, and pregnant teens get plenty of disapproval from many people around them. I don't see how letting them have one day to focus on the good things about the new life coming into theirs is going to hurt anything or make other teens want to run out and try it for themselves.

Just my .02...

Really love this post. I could not for the life of me figure out how to express my feelings on this matter in an understandable way, but I think this is very close to the way I feel.

I truly don't see a shower as glorifying the pregnancy. Someone young and pregnant is dealing with the stress every day. I see the shower as a way to get some things they need and to be supportive. It doesn't mean you're happy about the situation, or agree with it.

I'm sure there are a few young teens that are elated to be pregnant, but I'd figure most high school mothers are not.

 

[shaylyn]

My oldest DS was born 3 days before my 19th birthday and three months after I graduated HS. Believe me, NO ONE glorified my young pregnancy (wasn't unwed by the birth, though; DH and I married when I was 5 months along). Many times, especially at school and in the ob's office, the disapproval was so thick I could feel it. My family was supportive but they were also very clear that they weren't thrilled by the circumstances. My friends were as supportive as they could be, but it was so far outside their frame of reference that they didn't know how to treat me and it led to distancing. It was hard for me a lot of the time to be at all excited about the baby - the aforementioned trips to the ob's office often left me feeling little but dread (if people viewed a pregnant teen with either staring or obvious visual avoidance, how would they react when they saw me with a baby? Or a toddler?). One of my aunts offered to give me a shower; I almost refused because I figured it would just be another chance for people to sigh and shake their heads over my "predicament," but I agreed. It amazed me, but it seemed like simply being at a baby shower induced people to (briefly, at least) overlook my age and circumstance to concentrate on the baby-to-be - which allowed ME to do the same.

Being pregnant at 18 is no picnic, and pregnant teens get plenty of disapproval from many people around them. I don't see how letting them have one day to focus on the good things about the new life coming into theirs is going to hurt anything or make other teens want to run out and try it for themselves.

Just my .02...

Wow, that is sad. I too was pregnant for the first time at 18. My daughter (who is now 19!) was born a few months after I turned 19. Dh and I married a few months later and are still married. We just added our 5th & 6th babies last year--twin girls!

I never got any bad looks or had anything bad said to me at 18. My mom threw me a baby shower and I had nothing but support from friends and family.

Of course, when I was pregnant again at 20, my Ob told me at my first visit, "This is your 2nd baby? If I were your father, I would tell you that you should not have any more babies!" I did not go back to that Ob!

 

[hereyago]

Of course, when I was pregnant again at 20, my Ob told me at my first visit, "This is your 2nd baby? If I were your father, I would tell you that you should not have any more babies!" I did not go back to that Ob!

cause we get pregnant by ourselves right? that OB was crazy and unprofessional.

 

[Disney Doll]

Kennywife, I understand your distress. I, too, went through years of infertility treatments. More difficult still, I am a nurse and would find it very difficult when I saw the 14 or 15 year old girl wheeling their newborn out of the hospital when here I was, a healthy 30 something year old woman with a great life, a wonderful home, a wonderful husband, great parents who would have LOVED a grandchild to death. The perfect situaiton to bring a baby into the world.

Unfortunately life does not always recognize "perfect" and your dismay and anger at young unwed mothers who are generally unprepared for what life is about to hand them will someday fade. I promise.

 

[scrapquitler]

A couple weekends ago a girl one of my younger brothers goes to school with had her baby shower (I believe she is 18, and graduating HS this year). He told me there were some parents of his friends that were disgusted with the idea of rewarding this girl for her behaviour, and thought it was completely wrong for her to have a baby shower. What do you guys think about this?

IMO, the young mothers with unplanned pregnancies need the help aspect of a shower far more than the majority of older mothers, and if family is okay with it I don't see anything wrong with "celebrating a mistake" as it was so lovingly put.

They probably need help more than the Mom who has been waiting for and planning for her pregnancy for years. Just because the mom madea 'mistake' doesn't mean that the baby should suffer and be deprived of having the things that are needed.