Baby SHower - What to do?

[frndshpcptn]

Help please.

My best friend is having her first baby this summer. Her baby shower is coming up (she lives about 4 hours away from me). It's the same weekend as my DBF's birthday and his parents have asked if they could take us away for the weekend. If that doesn't work out for work reasons - this is both our busy seasons - he wants to have a birthday dinner with friends that Saturday night in our home town.

I was away last year for his birthday with the same friend - coincidentally - we were on a trip to FL to celebrate her upcoming wedding.

Am I an awful friend if I don't go to the shower? She may be having a second shower closer to where I live that I said I would of course attend.

Did I make the wrong call? We don't have baby showers in my religion - so I don't know if perhaps I'm just not understanding thier significance? I would of course send a gift and I'm planning to take time off of work to visit with them once the baby arrives.

I adore her and don't want to hurt her feelings - her friendship is very, very important to me. Help please!

 

[Bethenny]

Baby shower trumps birthday party. I would be extraordinarily hurt if my best friend ditched my first baby shower for a grown-up's birthday party.

 

[sam_gordon]

Baby shower trumps birthday party. I would be extraordinarily hurt if my best friend ditched my first baby shower for a grown-up's birthday party.

Sorry, I disagree. Boyfriend trumps friend. Especially since you missed last year's birthday to be with friend.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Baby shower trumps birthday party. I would be extraordinarily hurt if my best friend ditched my first baby shower for a grown-up's birthday party.

Even is she lives 4+ hours away? It's not a quick trip. It's a weekend visit to go up for the shower...

I never miss anything. I went to both bridal showers and both bachelorette parties last year and traveled for all 4 events.

Ugh. I feel like a terrible friend.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Sorry, I disagree. Boyfriend trumps friend. Especially since you missed last year's birthday to be with friend.

Thanks...that makes me feel a bit better.

There are two baby showers. I'd only be missing one...but it's the one her Mom is throwing that I'd be missing.

I'd still go to the other baby shower.

 

[J3nn78]

I agree, baby shower trumps birthday. I would be upset with my friend if she missed out. You may not see the significance in it, but I am sure it is important to her. Your DBF should understand. I know my DH would completely understand if I missed his birthday for a friends baby shower.

 

[okeydokey]

Have you RSVPed for the shower yet? If not, send your regrets for this one and attend the second one closer to home.

If you already told friend you were going, then you need to go to the shower.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I agree, baby shower trumps birthday. I would be upset with my friend if she missed out. You may not see the significance in it, but I am sure it is important to her. Your DBF should understand. I know my DH would completely understand if I missed his birthday for a friends baby shower.

Even if I was going to the second shower happening a few weeks later? Should I feel badly not going to both?

Shoot - maybe I totally messed this up.

 

[RachaelA]

Why are you expected to go to two of everything (baby. bridal, bachelorette)??? That's insane. As long as you go to one you are fine.

 

[sam_gordon]

I agree, baby shower trumps birthday. I would be upset with my friend if she missed out. You may not see the significance in it, but I am sure it is important to her. Your DBF should understand. I know my DH would completely understand if I missed his birthday for a friends baby shower.

Nope. If DW & I had potential plans (note they might go away for the weekend or have a family dinner to celebrate the bday) and she dumped me for a friend who's 4 hours away, I'd be pissed. ESPECIALLY knowing there's going to be a SECOND shower much closer.

This relationship with DBF has been going on at least a year, which, in my mind, means it's serious.

Call your friend. Explain to her you already have plans to celebrate DBF's bday and you will be more than happy to attend the closer shower. If she's a true friend, she'll understand.

 

[J3nn78]

Well, the 2nd shower does not sound like it is a definite. If it is, then yes, I would go to DBFs birthday. If not or it is up in the air, I would be at the shower. Maybe I don't get the big deal with birthdays though. In my family we very often hold off the celebrating until we can all be there.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Why are you expected to go to two of everything (baby. bridal, bachelorette)??? That's insane. As long as you go to one you are fine.

The second bridal shower was 2 hours closer to me than the one in her hometown (as is the second baby shower) - so it usually works out and I'm happy to support her in both places...but this time I really want to be able to spend DBF's birthday with him, leaving me only able to go to the second shower...

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

I think that is she knows you can attend the closer one that she should understand that you can't travel that weekend because you already made plans. IMO, a real friend would not expect you to drop everything to attend two baby showers for her.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Have you RSVPed for the shower yet? If not, send your regrets for this one and attend the second one closer to home.

If you already told friend you were going, then you need to go to the shower.

No - the invitations have not gone out yet. She told me the date about two weeks ago verbally and I didn't put two and two together and realize it was he same wekeend until she sent and email to me yesterday with the date and I saw it in writing. Then I realized it was the same weekend as the birthday plans.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Well, the 2nd shower does not sound like it is a definite. If it is, then yes, I would go to DBFs birthday. If not or it is up in the air, I would be at the shower. Maybe I don't get the big deal with birthdays though. In my family we very often hold off the celebrating until we can all be there.

The second shower is a definite. Just don't know the date of that one yet.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

In my group of friends its spouse first. So I say especially since you missed your BF's birthday last year for the friend you take a raincheck and spend the day with him. Especially with two baby showers id not feel guilty at all since id be attending one of two and giving my gift and seeing my friend.

 

[frndshpcptn]

If we don't go away for DBF's birthday, perhaps I can travel up the night before, stay over and go to the shower (it's a brunch) and then get back on the road and be home in time for a dinner that night?

That may work if we stay in town.

 

[CurlyGirl]

If you go to one of the two baby showers, you're good. No reason to attend both.

It's not like this guy is just some new fling ... you've been with him for at least a year, if not more. I think a long-term boyfriend beats friend's baby ... especially a friend you don't see that often due to distance.

 

[RachaelA]

The second bridal shower was 2 hours closer to me than the one in her hometown (as is the second baby shower) - so it usually works out and I'm happy to support her in both places...but this time I really want to be able to spend DBF's birthday with him, leaving me only able to go to the second shower...

I think that's completely fine especially since there is a 2nd shower. Celebrate DBF's birthday with him. Tell your friend unfortunately you can only make the second shower. Don't feel bad. If she makes you feel bad about it then she's a bad friend.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I say DBF trumps friend in this situation. Obviously you've been together for at least a year and you skipped his birthday last year for this friend. It's DBF's turn this year.

Send your regrets and say you will be at the other shower. A real friend would understand. I also agree that you don't need to go to every shower and event for a friend. It's asking alot both timewise and moneywise.