baby shower etiquette for 2nd baby?

[remyandhollandsmommy]

I'm selfish and I want a baby shower lol. This is my third but my youngest is almost six now and we have NO baby stuff left from her since I did NOT plan to ever have another child (99.9 percent effective BC shot my behind lol). Heck my last shower was over eleven years ago so I don't think its wrong lol, plus this is my fiance's first and will be his only child (he said having three girls in the fam is enough and won't chance a fourth since he can't handle the teen boyfriend years...Remy 11 is already almost there lol). But seriously I want a baby shower lol...

 

[luvmy3]

Must be a regional thing, I have never been to a shower for a baby other than the 1st. If it is something that is traditionally done for a 2nd baby I guess I would, but I don't believe its needed especially if the 1st is only 15 months old.

 

[momof1princess]

We are like that, parties for just about everything but no showers after the first baby unless there is a big age gap



I have never heard that either. I will give a gift for a second baby but that is because I like to, not because I am expected to attend a shower.

lol, thank goodness it's not just us, nancy. my family is kind of wacky. i have a feeling this is going to become an issue soon within the family. we have two sisters, both pregnant, each with one previous child and they are due relatively close together. one would definitely get a shower because her daughter is 7 years old, but the other probably wouldn't because her son is only 3. however, with them being sisters and being pregnant at the same time, i just know the aunts are going to want to give them a shower together, and there will be some within the family who will disapprove and make it an issue.
personally, i couldn't care less. i love both sisters (my mom helped raise them) and will buy each a gift, whether there's a shower or not. but you know it's inevitable in this situation that someone will say something.

 

[acename]

I'm expecting my second child in February. It will be a boy, so it is the opposite sex. My sister is insisting that she wants to throw a shower. I feel a little weird about it. Should I just ask that maybe we make it a diaper or wipes shower or something? Celebrating the new baby sounds fun but I don't want people to think I'm tacky

 

[klacey1]

I really don't see anything wrong with a shower for the 2nd/3rd babies! I agree with previous posters that all babies are special, not just the first one.
The mother ought to register for things she needs with each baby-- but then, per usual, people can buy off the registry if they'd like. Honestly, if it was someone close enough to me, I'd be sending a gift after the baby was born anyway-- might as well get a party and the company of women I like (presumably!) in return, haha.

 

[Bunchkin]

I've never been to a shower for a 2nd baby. Nor have I really heard of anyone I know of having one.

I do like the idea of a diaper shower for another baby and celebrating that baby's life!

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

Around here, it's generally considered tacky and used to be virtually unheard of to have a shower for a subsequent baby, the only exception being in a second marriage, the new husband's family might throw a shower, if they desire. Work showers are different, it's not uncommon for co-workers to throw a shower, often held during lunch time at the office, for the mom-to-be if they did not know her during her first pregnancy.

I've heard more and more of second showers these days though, last fall got invited to one for my dh's niece who was having her second baby, the first baby was 2. The rationale was that the first baby was a boy, this baby was girl, and she would need all new everything as she wanted everything pink this time (and I'm not talking clothes, I'm talking car seat, stroller, bouncy seat, etc). I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous, IMO, and I didn't go to the shower. I had other plans, nothing set in stone, had it been the first shower I probably would have made more of an effort to be there, but for this gift grab, I didn't see the need. I did, however, send a nice girly baby gift once the baby was born.

 

[tasha99]

I see no problem with a second shower. My sister had one, but like her first shower, it was all the women in the immediate family and a couple of her closest friends. I can't imagine family and true friends thinking celebrating a new life is tacky. I could see acquaintances thinking that way, which is why I think a huge baby shower, even for a first baby, would be uncomfortable (for me--heck, I never had a shower and I eloped because I hate big formal parties where I'm bound to unwittingly do something Emily Post would disapprove of.)

 

[AKLBeauty]

Around here we give showers for all babies. If it offends you, stay at home and don't send a gift!

 

[pearlieq]

In most cases, I believe showers for subsequent babies are tacky. I can live with it if there is a really large gap between babies (at least 7-8 years or so), especially if the mom to be has moved to a new area and her friends there never attended a shower for her. But otherwise, it comes across to me as self-centered and greedy. Why can't people just be happy that anyone was willing to throw them a shower once?

I don't get why people think that a shower equates to celebrating a new life. The baby isn't even born yet. It doesn't know it's at the shower and doesn't care about the cute onesie Mom just opened. You celebrate the new life when you go see the baby after it has been born, and/or when you go to the baptism or christening. The shower is all about Mom.

To me, a shower equates to fussing over the new mother and giving her gifts. And that's OK--everyone likes to be the celebrated and the center of attention sometimes and transitioning to motherhood is a special thing. I'll celebrate with a joyful heart as long as it doesn't get out of hand. Once is plenty.

 

[aprilgail2]

Around here, it's generally considered tacky and used to be virtually unheard of to have a shower for a subsequent baby, the only exception being in a second marriage, the new husband's family might throw a shower, if they desire. Work showers are different, it's not uncommon for co-workers to throw a shower, often held during lunch time at the office, for the mom-to-be if they did not know her during her first pregnancy.

I've heard more and more of second showers these days though, last fall got invited to one for my dh's niece who was having her second baby, the first baby was 2. The rationale was that the first baby was a boy, this baby was girl, and she would need all new everything as she wanted everything pink this time (and I'm not talking clothes, I'm talking car seat, stroller, bouncy seat, etc). I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous, IMO, and I didn't go to the shower. I had other plans, nothing set in stone, had it been the first shower I probably would have made more of an effort to be there, but for this gift grab, I didn't see the need. I did, however, send a nice girly baby gift once the baby was born.

Wow- that is really tacky. If she felt like she needed all pink things she should go out and buy them and not expect other people to finanace it! She would have gotten enough pink baby clothes once the baby was born, she didn't need to do the whole gift grab thing again after the first shower!
A baby shower is not a celebration of the babys life---the baby is not even born yet. A shower is a party for the mother to give her things to set up the nursery etc...once they have that there is no need for a second shower for the next kid! When babys are born people send gifts or bring them to the hospital or home when they meet the new baby to "celebrate it"....why should they "celebrate" it at a second shower too? Thank goodness around here it is considered very tacky and not done often!! There was enough talk about a friends second bridal shower in 5 years LOL....she had a big bridal shower, got married and divorced in a matter of 3 years and got remarried 2 years later. She just about died when she walked in and everyone yelled "surprise" at her shower...she KNEW it was wrong but the grooms family threw her this big shower, she said it was so embarassing.

 

[jazzielady]

This is a topic I recently brought up to dh. His son and wife are expecting baby #2 in May. I wondered if someone would have a shower for this new baby.

Personally, I'm against it, as their current baby will only be 2 yrs. old when the new one is born.

I know this will sound snobby, but the bio grandmothers (I'm the step-gramma, and called mimi) have no class and know nothing about etiquette. So I wouldn't be surprised if they have a shower. I'm sorry if that sounds judgmental, but if I told you about their wedding, you would know what I mean.

So in short, I am opposed to a second shower, unless there is a significant difference in the ages of the children (5 yr. or moare) and the couple needs new baby "stuff".

 

[mickey&minnie04]

What is appropriate for a 2nd baby? Do people do baby showers for a 2nd baby?

Especially if the 1st baby is just 15 months old?

My family does this for pretty much every child born. It's been that way since I can remember. Its a time to celebrate and be happy. It's never the new mothers idea...someone always has a surprise shower for them. It's usually mostly just family that way no one is offended by being invited to a second shower. So for some it may be inappropriate, but for others it's just an a chance to get together and oh and ah over cute baby things even if it is a second or third child. I also find it funny that because we have baby showers for all children that are born into our family that some of you would find me tacky and lacking etiquette.......couldn't be further from the truth. All babies are little miracles and should be celebrated! If you think that you are just being asked for a gift then don't accept the invite.

 

[BabyTigger99]

I am due in January with my second. There will be 10 years between DS and the new baby. So, needless to say, I have NO baby stuff left!!! The only shower I will be having is a luncheon in the office, which is done for any babies/weddings/retirements. Around here, big showers are only done for first babies, for the most part.

 

[Desnik]

I had a baby shower for my 2nd baby. My sister had it for me. My 1st child is a girl and my 2nd is a boy and they are 5 years apart. So, I had nothing for the 2nd baby! I don't think it's tacky to have a shower for a 2nd baby in that kind of circumstance. But, if your kids are a year apart and the same gender, then I think that is tacky! But a shower is suppose to be a celebration for the new baby so who am I to deny someone from having one for any reason!

 

[mjkacmom]

I really don't see anything wrong with a shower for the 2nd/3rd babies! I agree with previous posters that all babies are special, not just the first one.
The mother ought to register for things she needs with each baby-- but then, per usual, people can buy off the registry if they'd like. Honestly, if it was someone close enough to me, I'd be sending a gift after the baby was born anyway-- might as well get a party and the company of women I like (presumably!) in return, haha.

I can't imagine someone registering for a second or third shower! To me, that would be like registering for your anniversary party! A baby shower is held to get the basic baby equipment the new family needs, just like a bridal shower is to start to set up the household. Stroller, carseat, highchair, bouncy seat, exersaucer, bottles - things that will be there for a second or third child. After the baby is born, most give a gift (usually cute clothes).

I actually had a second shower - for my happy accidental twins. I was totally surprised - maybe people felt sorry for me? It was low-key, with a dozen or so friends/family, and I got diapers, outfits, and my friend (who had triplets) gave me her triple stroller (since I had a one year old, too). For bigger items (carseat, highchair, exersaucer), I bought on my own (although since I knew so many women done having children, many people gave me their old stuff - it was great!).

 

[Scurvy]

In most cases, I believe showers for subsequent babies are tacky. I can live with it if there is a really large gap between babies (at least 7-8 years or so), especially if the mom to be has moved to a new area and her friends there never attended a shower for her. But otherwise, it comes across to me as self-centered and greedy. Why can't people just be happy that anyone was willing to throw them a shower once?

I don't get why people think that a shower equates to celebrating a new life. The baby isn't even born yet. It doesn't know it's at the shower and doesn't care about the cute onesie Mom just opened. You celebrate the new life when you go see the baby after it has been born, and/or when you go to the baptism or christening. The shower is all about Mom.

To me, a shower equates to fussing over the new mother and giving her gifts. And that's OK--everyone likes to be the celebrated and the center of attention sometimes and transitioning to motherhood is a special thing. I'll celebrate with a joyful heart as long as it doesn't get out of hand. Once is plenty.

I agree completely! Showers are not for the baby, they are to help the mom get ready for the baby and to celebrate the fact that she's becoming a mom.

The one other exception that I think is okay is a work shower - around here, some workplaces throw showers for every baby and wedding. It's really more of an excuse for everybody to have a potluck lunch and cake, with a group gift (or token gifts) and a card for the guest of honor, and usually it's a surprise for the mom-to-be. I don't really consider those to be "real" showers, and I don't see anything wrong with people having more than one since it's just sort of a given that there will be one every time a coworker is expecting or getting married.

 

[disneyjunkie]

My family does this for pretty much every child born. It's been that way since I can remember. Its a time to celebrate and be happy. It's never the new mothers idea...someone always has a surprise shower for them. It's usually mostly just family that way no one is offended by being invited to a second shower. So for some it may be inappropriate, but for others it's just an a chance to get together and oh and ah over cute baby things even if it is a second or third child. I also find it funny that because we have baby showers for all children that are born into our family that some of you would find me tacky and lacking etiquette.......couldn't be further from the truth. All babies are little miracles and should be celebrated! If you think that you are just being asked for a gift then don't accept the invite.

Great post - my family an friends feel the same way about showers.

This thread is interesting. Several posters have said the second shower is a gift grab. However, they don't feel that way about the first shower.
Why aren't all showers considered gift grabs?


Posters have said the shower is about the moms. However, no one has said a word about the dads. Why aren't the fathers part of the celebration.

In my circle of friends and family, the parents and grandparents purchase the major items (car seat, stroller...) Everyone else will give clothes, bedding, baby books....

I wonder if culture plays a role in what we view as tacky vs. not tacky.

 

[Scurvy]

Posters have said the shower is about the moms. However, no one has said a word about the dads. Why aren't the fathers part of the celebration.

As one who has said that showers are for the moms and not the babies, I have no problem if the shower is also about the dad. Traditionally, though, they haven't been. Usually the point is to celebrate the Mom transitioning into motherhood. If someone wants to also celebrate the Dad transitioning into fatherhood, I see nothing at all tacky about that. I've never been to a coed shower, but I don't think there would be anything wrong with one. It just isn't the traditional form for a shower to take, and I think it still is not terribly common. Admittedly, it's not the sort of shower I would choose to throw, but that's because most men I know would rather walk across burning coals than sit through a baby shower! If a shower is something that a father-to-be would actually enjoy then he should certainly be included.

And yes, culture does play a large part in what is considered tacky, and in what is considered good etiquette in general. In fact, in some cultures showers are considered rude, and bridal showers in particular are almost unheard of. Clearly there's no one-size-fits-all guide to etiquette for all cultures. Each culture probably has their own etiquette experts. In the US, I would consider those to be Miss Manners or Emily Post. I don't know who would be considered an expert elsewhere.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I personally have anxiety about showers for myself and my baby's--

But I have no problem with a subequent showers for subsequent baby's....

except when it seems that the person has registered for the baby as though they have never had one before.

olay--sure it would be nice to get some girly things i fyou had a boy, but there is no need that the baby needs to have a brand spanking new outfitted nursery, especially if the babies are closer together.

I feel the same way about certain bridal couples who live together, buy a house together and have their home outfitted for years. Then suddeny they want to get married and they register like crazy to replace EVERYTHING they have. I don't get it and never will. My sentiment changes if you are still living college dorm life, but I don't see the need for you to have new Mikasa dishes b/c you got a wild decorating hair.

Same deal on subsequent showers---yes, your little girl can up with the jungle themed bouncy seat. It will not scar her for life.

No I dont' expect her to wear blue onesies---but that doesn't mean you need ot register for a new diaper genie or a new changing table either.

For some reason--kid-free and boy-free showers bug me. The last shower I went to was this way. I think its silly and its always welll....b/c the games are for girls or whatever. Ummm....no they were not.