baby shower etiquette for 2nd baby?

[C.Ann]

Five plus years apart, I would have no problem with it.. Otherwise, nope..

 

[happygirl]

With a child of the opposite sex, all you need are clothes, which people give you after you have the baby, anyway. I've never been to a 2nd shower that was thrown because someone was having a boy, and already had a girl.

It happens a lot here.

 

[tomthebarncat]

that these days every occasion is a gift giving occasion. I would pass on this and maybe bring a small gift the first time I saw the baby. I recently got an invite to a wedding that I had already sent a gift to not too long ago. Seems the bride got divorced and is ready to remarry again and expects everyone to send a pricey gift. I threw the entire notice and invitation in the trash, It is not even worth an American postage stamp to reply. Class and good manners have gone out the window...I am tempted to send a book on etiquette and manners as a gift

 

[anniemae]

the only time i ever was invited to a second shower was when the couple adopted a baby. The kids already in the home were 8 and 10.

 

[carj]

The big exception to this seems to be work showers. I know at work, they always have a shower for the baby, no matter if it is the 1st of 5th!

I am a teacher and someone is always having a baby. One year, there were 9 babies born to staff members!

 

[disneyjunkie]

We do showers for all babies.
Most women I know end up having 2 showers. One hosted by family and/or friends, the other hosted by coworkers.

The family/friends showers are the best. Both mom and dad's family and friends are invited. We have great food, drinks and music.

Even if I felt second showers were tacky, I wouldn't try to talk someone out of throwing one. Why spoil someone's fun? Just tell them you aren't interested in taking part.

If you want to give a gift do so, if not don't.

 

[MM27]

Baby showers are for the first baby. We had a girl in my school that had a baby and got a huge shower. She then invited everyone at school to her family baby shower. I'm sure she didn't just want us for the company Most of us had given her individual gifts as well as the gift from our "sunshine money" The next year, she was in charge of the sunshine funds and gave herself a shower for baby number two. She actually sent around an envelope to collect and to instruct people what to bring.

Fast forward to last year, she had baby number three. She was annoyed that nobody at school gave her a shower, but another teacher (that was having her first) did get one. She actually passed out invites to her family shower for us. I declined. I'm all for celebrating the birth of a baby, but when it turns into "give me a gift" I step away and say no thanks.

 

[shellybaxter]

We have showers for all babies. It seems more like a welcoming instead of a "oh you are going to need this stuff" thing. I actually like second showers better because you know they have the basics and can buy the fun stuff.

 

[golfgal]

No shower-people will buy gifts anyway and you end up getting a lot of things but hosting a party to do so is not right.

Now, I had a shower when the twins came along, it was a surprise to me and no one that was at that shower came to one for our first child as we lived in a different state at the time.

 

[rie'smom]

My SIL's gave me a shower for my second baby but it was my second marriage and my son was 8 years old. As you can imagine, I had nothing except very special things I had put aside. I wanted to refuse the shower but didn't want to hurt my SIL's feelings.

I wouldn't go to a shower for a 2nd child if the oldest was 15 months old. People will give gifts if they want to once the baby is born.

 

[IDoDis]

We've always done them here without question. I had one given to me for both kids (almost 3 years apart) at work and I've helped plan many.

I have shower keepsakes for each baby (like silver spoon & cup sets). Things my kids cherish. They love opening up their baby boxes and looking at the cake top decorations that I saved, the invites, pictures, and some of those prized possessions.

I had one boy and one girl and they were born during different seasons, so having two showers was awesome! When we give a 2nd shower at work, if the babies sexes are the same and the seasons are the same, we make it a diaper shower & consumables shower and still have cake, etc.. Just something special to welcome the new baby.

 

[IDoDis]

The big exception to this seems to be work showers. I know at work, they always have a shower for the baby, no matter if it is the 1st of 5th!

I am a teacher and someone is always having a baby. One year, there were 9 babies born to staff members!

Yes, same here! Teachers really love babies and any excuse to get together since we are always working alone and have little time to socialize.

 

[ginna74]

shower ediquette......... well I would go and bring a gift to welcome new life into this world. I personally don't get the "well that was the second baby so as not to be as special as the first" thing. so I wouldn't go and not bring anything. The second baby is just as special and deserves a celebration too! Would do the same for the third too lol, and fourth.... and so on. Now my pocketbook isn't really big so it might not be a huge gift but would give one just the same

 

[Bluestars]

I have been to many showers for a 2nd baby. I've always enjoyed them and am happy to buy a gift for the baby. I look at it as more of a celebration of a new baby than something tacky.

I think if it bothers someone, they should just decline the invitation.

 

[clh2]

That's what I thought - no showers for 2nd baby - but I see one coming. Niece on my husband's side is pregnant with 2nd baby and I just know DMIL is gonna expect someone to plan a shower!!!!
I am already preparing how I am gonna say no. Particularly since it is not really a happy occasion in my opinion. 2nd baby, 2 different fathers and she is unmarried with little aspiration in life. Both pregnancies she has denied being pregnant until the 7th month and then says oops - she didn't realize she was gonna have a baby.

The first baby we did do a shower. This time I will give a nice gift.

Just politely say no, I am not able to do that!!!

Luckily - you know this might be a problem in advance - so it can't take you by surprise. Also - you do not owe DMIL any explanation why.

 

[IDoDis]

I just researched this by the etiguette gurus. What I keep reading over and over again is that baby showers are not about greed, but about welcoming a new life into the world. However, the mother should not throw her own shower. I think that's a given whether it's the 1st, 2nd or 10th baby.

Here's what Emily Post has to say:

For the week of June 20, 2005

Q. Is it proper etiquette for an expectant mother to host a baby shower for her 2nd baby?

A. While it is never appropriate for someone to host a shower (baby or bridal) for themselves, it is perfectly fine to throw a baby shower for a mother’s second or third baby, as long as the guest list is limited to close relatives and very close friends and/or guests who did not attend a shower for the first child. It is an especially nice event for the mother-to-be if several years have passed since the last baby was born, since the parents will have fewer hand-me-downs for the new arrival. Location can also play a part. When a growing family has moved to another city or town, it makes sense for their new friends to throw a shower, regardless of how many children the parents have.

From stork.net

Showers for second (or more) babies
Q. Is it improper to have a baby shower for your second baby, especially if the sex is different?

A. It is never improper to have a baby shower. A shower is so much more than gifts. It is an opportunity to gather family and friends together to celebrate the beginning of a new life. The birth of a baby is a joyous occasion, and it is always acceptable to celebrate it. If other family members or friends are concerned about it being improper to have a baby shower for a second (or more) child, there are ways to take the focus off the gifts. If the second child is a different sex than the first, it would be fun to host a "It's a Girl" or "It's a Boy" party, where guests bring gender specific gifts. Or, if the mom-to-be truly does not need anything for the new baby, forego gifts altogether and just gather to celebrate. Another option is to host a casserole shower or a pampering mom shower.

And other links that say its okay:
http://entertaining.about.com/cs/showers/a/secondbabyshow.htm

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/archive/index.php/t-53070.html

http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/200...wer-etiquette-is-a-second-baby-shower-ok.html

 

[Nancyg56]

in my family, we celebrate everything, and even we don't do second showers unless the babies are several years apart or are of different sexes.

We are like that, parties for just about everything but no showers after the first baby unless there is a big age gap

With a child of the opposite sex, all you need are clothes, which people give you after you have the baby, anyway. I've never been to a 2nd shower that was thrown because someone was having a boy, and already had a girl.

I have never heard that either. I will give a gift for a second baby but that is because I like to, not because I am expected to attend a shower.

 

[my3sonsagn]

I had showers for each of my 3 sons, but they are spaced out (5 years between ds1 and ds2, 6 years between ds2 and ds3); also, I had different friends over time who wanted to throw showers to celebrate with me. I felt uncomfortable having showers for #2 and #3, so I'm glad to know that *technically* it wasn't against Emily Post's guidelines. ;-)

 

[Peanut214]

In my family, we do the traditional big shower for the first baby, and everyone that ever met the mom-to-be is invited, lol. For second and third babies (no one has had more than three children so far), we have a baby "sprinkle." Just immediate family get together with small token gifts, and we have lunch and a cake. These are so much more fun than the showers because they're informal and intimate.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

No. Completely tacky.

With a child of the opposite sex, all you need are clothes, which people give you after you have the baby, anyway. I've never been to a 2nd shower that was thrown because someone was having a boy, and already had a girl.

Me neither.

the only time i ever was invited to a second shower was when the couple adopted a baby. The kids already in the home were 8 and 10.

That's sweet.

First baby, for someone close, I'd give a shower gift and then another gift after birth. Second baby, I'd give a gift after birth. If I got invited to a 2nd shower and attended, that gift would be THE gift.