Baby shower..before or after?

[disykat]

I've been to both and had both. Before showers usually have lots of layette items, equipment,supplies, etc. After showers usually have cute outfits. I guess I don't see a big difference - don't the parents-to-be buy things to be ready for the baby anyway? I can't imagine coming home with nothing prepared!

It would be very sad to come home without a baby regardless of who had purchased the layette items. I assume in both cases the things would be put away for a future baby or given away.

However, if you feel strongly about it you shouldn't attend.

 

[mommytotwo]

I had two baby showers which were before the baby was born and was very happy of it being that way. With the showers being before, I didn't have to worry about taking care of a baby or wondering if he/she needed their diapers changed, if I had to feed them... with how my husband's friends were after our daughter was born, it had gotten me very upset. I wanted to come home and relax with our daughter and what not, but they kept calling and dropping by. I had everything for the baby, so everything that I had gotten for the showers, were just extras or things that I was able to use that came in handy.

 

[poohandwendy]

While I can totally understand and respect the personal decision to not have a shower beforehand, if the mother-to-be doesn't want one until then (and it is rude to ignore her wishes,IMO)... I think it is rude to refuse to attend other peoples showers because of your own personal superstitions. I think it gives the message "I refuse to acknowledge your child until I am sure they are going to make it" and/or "I am not convinced yours will make it". How optimistic/joyous is that?

If they choose to celebrate before a guarantee of a healthy birth, I think their wishes should be paramount to anyone elses. I mean, goodness, I have known people whose children have died (many more than I would care to). Would I avoid childrens birthday parties in case they don't make it to another one? To make sure I don't leave a reminder the parents may find painful if something bad were to happen?

I have also known women who have lost their babies. There is NO WAY to avoid the pain of a lost child. Having reminders of what could have been (like shower gifts that will never be used)doesn't make the pain greater. The pain is already great. And if a woman decides she is willing to take that chance, her wishes should be respected, IMHO.

Refusing to attend someone baby shower, for that reason, seems to me like hurting someones feelings now in order to avoid possibly hurting their feelings later. Doesn't make much sense to me, but that is just my opinion.

 

[Talking Hands]

My baby showers were after my daughters were born. First one was because the oldest was a 6 week preemie. It had been planned for before but ended up after. Second one's was after because no one seems to be around Miami end of July and Aug and she was an August baby. Shower was first weekend in September. Traditional it seems they are scheduled about 4 weeks before but things happen.

 

[dizneenut]

I've always gone to showers before the baby was born. The only exception was mine. My oldest DS came a month early. He was due Sept. 14th, was born Aug. 14th, and my shower was Aug. 18th.

 

[believe]

The mother's wishes should be the deciding factor on when the shower is. In my family they have always been before. I would attend showers either way, before or after the baby is born. Personally I would have been to tired to have one after the baby was born, especially with only taking 6 weeks off I want peace and time with my husband and baby.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have never heard of it intentionally afterwards but I do know of a few that were surprise premies and them the shower was afterwards.

A baby shower to me is that last get together before the baby arrives. It is to offer support as well as gifts. Not attending because you believe it is "bad luck" is just odd to me. I find no connection between a shower beforehand and something bad happening.

 

[Amy]

My first baby was stillborn when I was 7-1/2 mos pregnant; her birthday was 2 weeks before my baby shower. When I got pregnant again, I let everybody know that I did not want a shower until AFTER our son was born, and my friends/family respected my wishes. Actually, it was kind of nice to have a party for everyone to see the baby and I didn't have to do any of the work!

As for not attending baby showers that are held before the baby's birth, for many years after my baby's death I couldn't go to baby showers while the mom was pregnant - just too many bad memories, and I didn't want to be a "downer" at such a joyous time for the mom. Now that it's 15 years later, I can attend showers, but I still keep thinking "what if."

Basically, showers should be planned at the wishes of the pregnant mom.

 

[browneyes]

I had both of my baby showers before my babies were born. I don't think I've ever gone to a shower after the baby was born. 3 out of 4 scans on both of my kids showed they were definately what the tech said they'd be. The first scan was too early to tell if they were a boy or a girl.

 

[suzannen]

I'm with Tigercat. My sister delivered a stillborn baby after a normal pregnancy and one friend lost her twins in the 37th week of her pregnancy. They had both had showers and dissembling the nursery and returning gifts was an additional painful burden. Since then, I've never been comfortable at showers beforehand. I declined being given a shower until after DD was born and it was truly joyous especially since everyone got to actually see her. Tigercat's right in that for the first few weeks, they don't need very much.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I've only been to one shower that was after and that's because the baby was 6 weeks early.

If my shower had been after, DS would have been sleeping on the floor naked. LOL

 

[tigercat]

This has been very interesting. I am hopeful that my dd's in laws will abide by her wishes. My dd has already said that if there is a shower beforehand without her knowledge beforehand she would not expect me to be there and if she could get out of it she would. At my sil's dd's shower her dd knew that she would not be there and was very okay with that. I know for myself I have been very gracious when someone has been having a baby. My friend has 3 girls who now have children and at all three of them she would tell me about the shower but said that she knew how I felt and that her and the girls looked forward to after the baby coming present. I have talked to her and she was totally okay with it. I just thought it was funny that my sil's dd's friends totally ignored her request and am worried that my dd's in laws will do the same. My dd is very adament about not having a shower beforehand. I haven't run into a situation where anyone thought I was being ungracious or upset.
tigercat

 

[IloveDMB]

I haven't had any children yet, but in the Jewish religion, you are not supposed to have baby showers. Not one thing is to be brought in the house before the baby is born. There is a Yiddish term for it that I can not translate properly, so I won't even try.

My mom did it with four children. Didn't have 1 thing set up for any of us and she and my father got everything done after the baby was born.

That's not to say that we don't attend showers, I just know that I won't be having a shower until after my baby is born.

But if someone doesn't want to attend a baby shower because of her own personal convictions, that's her choice. You can't expect someone to go to a shower or party when they don't feel comfortable going.

 

[Rutt and Tuke]

Originally posted by Breezy_Carol
Every shower that I have been to was before the baby was born (except adoption.) Fortunately I was never in the situation where the baby didn't make it.

Same here. How else can you play the charming game of cut a piece of string that is the circumference of the expecting mom's belly. LOL

Years ago I did go to an adoption baby shower before the baby came and the adoption fell through even after the baby had been brought home by the adoptees.

 

[pjlla]

My shower was two weeks after DD was born. She was four weeks early. Due date was 8/24, shower date was 8/12, and DD arrived 7/31! I still loved the shower and had a good time, but I was exhausted (stayed at DM's house the night before and DD did not sleep AT ALL!) and felt like I was drunk from being overtired. Also, I still had so much "baby fat" that the only decent dress that fit was a maternity one. So I wore it. As I left the shower with an armload of gifts, a woman staying at the hotel where we had the shower asked about it and asked when I was due!! I was horrified, but knew it was time to get out the treadmill!!

That said, it was nice to have DD there so I could show her off to friends/family that were there from out of town...................P

 

[Soccer Princess]

Every baby shower I've been to has been before the child was born. I guess it depends on each individual's preference, but when (many years from now!) I am pregnant I know I will have mine before the due date. To each her own....

 

[Laura]

I think when my time comes for all of that, I will wait until after the baby is born to have the shower. Which is not to say that I wouldn't prepare for the little bundle of joy. It's partly because I'm one of those people who won't want to know the baby's sex until the birth, and also partly in case of something going wrong during birth. That's just me.

I have no problem attending showers before the due date--I'm going to one on April 10! My oldest friend is having a baby girl! I just hope her DH grows up!

 

[Laura]

Originally posted by geffric
I am of the after babay is born school of thought. That's when I had mine..then everyone knew to buy boys things and what size the babay is.. I had a friend that had gotten all these really cute newborn things, washed them and out them away. her baby was to big to wear any of them and she couldn't return them because she had washed them

A co-worker of mine has a 3-month-old DD who can't wear clothing for babies under six months! She weighed TEN POUNDS when she was born!!!! (ouch for her mommy!) They had tons of onesies to return.

I generally don't buy newborn clothing for baby showers (or just new baby gifts), but something to wear in the future. I found the cutest little baseball cap for a friend's baby boy who was born in February 2 years ago. We bought it for him to wear in the summertime, so of course it was too big for a newborn.