baby overdue and DH not speaking to me (very long)

[ez]

well, as though it isn't bad enough to be overdue, it looks like when the time comes, I will be going to the hospital alone. DH is absolutely furious with me, I can't remember him being this mad, wow he really said alot of horrible things to me but now its the silent treatment. I guess I started it,let me tell you my side and comments are welcome.
I threw away our knives. I think they were from target, they set in a wood block, and are extremely, extremely sharp, if you inadvertently touch up against one, you will be cut. I got bad cuts a couple times and don't use these knives. I know he has cut himself a couple of times as well. This past year, we were watching our neighbors little girl and she was washing her hands and he had a knife in his hand, he dropped it on the floor, it rebounded in the air, and wouldn't you know, gave her a deep cut on her leg. Her mom said in retrospect she should've had stitches, but now she has a very visible scar from it. Well, I should've gotten rid of them right then, last week dd made brownies and had the mixing bowl in the sink filled with brown water, and he puts one of the knives in this water, and I told him, these knives need to be handled seperately, they need to be cleaned and put away after each use, not left in the sink or put in the dishwasher, because if someone unwittingly grabbed one they coud be seriously injured. I said I would get rid of them if he kept doing it. My dd 10 and her friend 11 have been helping alot since I'm very pregnant and I'm completely paranoid they will be hurt. So yesterday, I'm at the sink, and hes got one of the knives in a bowl in the sink with other silverware, and one shoved in the dishwasher with all the other knives and forks. So I wrapped up the set and threw them out.
Well, when I told him when he got up after his nap, he went completely thru the roof. I had a friend over and after she left, he screamed at me for humiliating him in front of her, and he says he doesn't care that I'm pregnant , he will never forget this and he will get even with me. And of course now we are not speaking. I go to the dr, today and thwere is a good chance I will be admitted for induction. So this is very upsetting, I don't know what I triggered in DH, but its like hes a kid and got his toy taken away, he told me hes already gotten rid of some of my stuff, like I care, stuff is stuff. The only reason I threw away the knives is because I felt they were a danger, being left around in all places they should not be. How would I explain to my friend that her dd got cut badly with a knife at my house again. Thanks for the vent, I'd appreciate your comments, even if you tell me I was completely out of line.

 

[snoopy]

I hate to be so blunt, but is your husband usually this volatile? If so, I hate to say this, but it sounds as though he needs some sort of counseling. You throwing away the knives because they are dangerous to leave laying around seems like an awfully trivial reason for him to not be there to attend to the birth of his child.

If you think he really is serious about this, I would line up a friend or a family member to be there for you, if that is something you feel comfortable with. I'm sorry your husband has chosen to become so enraged about something so trivial so close to your due date. Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

 

[avdeane]

ez,

I don't see anything wrong with what you did. The only other solution may have been to put them away somewhere (attic, garage, locked cabinet!) until the children were grown. They sound very dangerous and I wouldn't want to take the chance either. You asked your DH to be careful and to take precautions, which he didn't do, so it wasn't as though you just threw them out without warning.

I'm sure your DH will calm down and I hope he won't continue to act juvenile and will be there to support you through your delivery!

Best of luck!! Make sure to let us know when the wee one makes their appearance into the world!! Sending lots of Pixie Dust and good thoughts your way!!!

 

[TerriP]

I agree with Snoopy. This is such a trivial thing to be so angry about. Only you know if this is normal behavior for him. If this is totally out of character for him, I'd wonder what is "really" the reason for his anger. But if this is how he treats you (and others) regularly, I would be much more concerned.

Good luck with this situation and best wishes for a safe delivery.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Wow, all of that over a thrown away knife set. I am so sorry for you. You are about to bring a beautiful child into this world and your husband isn't speaking to you??

Surround yourself with someone who makes you feel good, you need that right now.

If this is "normal" behavior for your husband I think it is time he gets some help.

Prayers to you. You did nothing wrong.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I'm sorry you're going through this.

It sounds to me that your h perhaps is reacting to you telling him about this in front of someone, and thus the comment about humiliating him in front of her, and is overreacting to the actual throwing away of the knives.

Regardless of the reason, I agree with the others that he is out of line, and his bad reaction far outweighs what he considers to be the infraction. His reaction is cause for concern.

Will a letter to him explaining why work? would apologizing to him for telling him in front of another person help?

Hopefully, you can find someone who will give you support

Big

 

[pw2pp]

wow he really said alot of horrible things to me but now its the silent treatment.

He makes a habit of saying "horrible" things to you and now blows up over this? I don't think this is someone I would be having babies with. Sounds like a freaking nutcase
Call your Mother, Sister, Friend........ you will need someone to be with you for this delivery.

 

[caitycaity]

(((hugs))) ez

i obviously don't know your dh, but if he is anything like my dh, he will calm down in a little bit. my dh flys off the handle about stupid stuff a lot, but he comes to his senses after he's had some time to cool off.

 

[Ranatra]

You didn't do anything wrong. Your DH's "get even" mentality is really childish.
I hope he comes around and realizes how bad his behaviour is and apologizes.

 

[ez]

and asked what time my drs appt is today, and said he'll be home to take dd to dance. So maybe he is feeling remorseful, I don't know.
My husband is very well liked and usually an amiable, mellow person, but when he does go "off" it is usually very disproportionate as to whats going on. WE have been married 20 years, so I guess I have gotten kind of use to his wigging out like that and when things like this happen, I even question myself because I start losing my own perspective. Really that is why I posted for imput.
I have to say, I think dh is a bit of an alcoholic, he keeps liquor out by his workbench in the garage,( thats where hes allowed to smoke) he doesn't go out and drink and he never appears drunk, but there are lots of empty vodka bottles in the file cabinet out there, and dd says he stops at the liquor store on the way home from dance. I have no idea when/ how much he drinks, of course he says he is not an alcoholic because he doesn't get drunk, but anyway, he kinda sneaks it so I really don't know, but I'm sure he drinks quite a bit each day. Could that contribute to him wigging like that? I appreciate all your well wishes, many thanks!

 

[Microcell]

I hope your husband will get over himself to be there for the birth of your child. Couldn't he get them back out of the trash and put them away? I agree with the others that he seems to have had a very extreme reaction for such a minor thing.

I do know that my Dh would get upset if I threwours away- they are top of the line knives, but would not miss a childs birth over it. Can you sit with him before the appt and tell him you want him there, if you even do?

You can also tell him this story about why you must be careful with knives- When my DS came along I said that we needed to put the knives up high, and DH said, DD 6 never touched them, you worry too much, so I said- you better watch him close then. Well he didn't. I was engrossed in conversation when DS 2 got up from the table and went to that side of the room. The rest of the Kitchen is baby proofed, so I didn't pay much attention, UNTIL he was jabbing me with the biggest knife we had!!!! DH silently went over to the knife block and put it up in a cabinet, where it will remain until DS is much older.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Originally posted by caitycaity
(((hugs))) ez

i obviously don't know your dh, but if he is anything like my dh, he will calm down in a little bit. my dh flys off the handle about stupid stuff a lot, but he comes to his senses after he's had some time to cool off.

NIcely said. Ez, I hope you are able to let us inow that you are all right. Good luck at your appt. I know how stressed things become at this point of preg.! (My personal thought is that 7 1/2 months should be term!)

 

[Pooh67_68]

Sorry but your husband just need to grow up.

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by ez
I have to say, I think dh is a bit of an alcoholic, he keeps liquor out by his workbench in the garage,( thats where hes allowed to smoke) he doesn't go out and drink and he never appears drunk, but there are lots of empty vodka bottles in the file cabinet out there, and dd says he stops at the liquor store on the way home from dance. I have no idea when/ how much he drinks, of course he says he is not an alcoholic because he doesn't get drunk, but anyway, he kinda sneaks it so I really don't know, but I'm sure he drinks quite a bit each day. Could that contribute to him wigging like that? I appreciate all your well wishes, many thanks!

I do think it could contribute to him wigging out, yes.

Get thee to Al-Anon. You'll gain perspective from others who are in the same boat. I'll keep you and your family and especially your new baby in my prayers.

 

[dumboiu]

Originally posted by snoopy
Get thee to Al-Anon.

I totally agree with snoopy. It may be the best thing you will ever do..........for yourself and your children.

 

[Kimberle]

No, I don't think you were out of line throwing the knives away. I have a knife block too, but they are not a "sharp" as what you describe.

I agree with the above poster, call Al-anon. Talking with folks who have BTDT will help.

Hope you work things out. If he is not there for the birth of his child, *he* will regreat it later.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Originally posted by snoopy
I do think it could contribute to him wigging out, yes.

Get thee to Al-Anon. You'll gain perspective from others who are in the same boat. I'll keep you and your family and especially your new baby in my prayers.

Crap! Yes, al-anon is good! I apologize for not realizing the situation, thought he might just have over-reacted due to stress and feeling humiliated. You will be in my prayers. Be well.

Michelle

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>I completely agree- please go to Al anon - they will help you. It's something we didn't know about until too late.

 

[Serena]

Ez, it does sound like your husband needs help, and so do you in dealing with it all.

I'd call someone you trust to be with you for the birth of your baby. If your hubby shows up or not, you'd have someone there for you.
Ez, if your husband does have a problem, and it really sounds like he does. Most likely he won't admit it or seek help. But try to seek some help for yourself to understand and deal with it.

 

[OhMari]

Me,

Go back and read your post very carefully, as if you have not written it.


This baby is going to need you very much the next couple of months, and it sounds like your husband has a lot more problems that you want to face.

(If it makes you feel any better, I thru out all our butcher block knives 25 years ago when we got married. I couldn't believe someone gave them to us as wedding presents. It was like a nitemare looking at those things).