baby overdue and DH not speaking to me (very long)

[tkd lisa]

Yes, the alcohol absolutely contributes to this type of problem. I'm one who has been there, done that. We had a "come to Jesus" discussion when I was preganant, in pre-term labor, and DH would NOT have been capable of driving me to the hospital because he was drunk.

Alcoholics do NOT have to be stumbling down drunk, or drink outside the home (i.e. drunk driving), or any of the many preconceived notions of what an alcoholic is. An alcoholic is a person who can not choose to say No to a drink. Some alcoholics can go years without drinking, but once they drink again, the pattern will return.

I sure hope this gets better. You'll be in my prayers.

 

[Dan Murphy]

As said above, ez, your hubby could use help. And, as you describe, the various patterns and behaviors, I too would say he is showing signs of alcoholism. And that can certainly affect what one says and how they act.

My best wishes for you and your little baby on the way. Please do keep us up to date if you can, and use as you have here for some great input and thoughts.



Dan

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by snoopy


I hate to be so blunt, but is your husband usually this volatile? If so, I hate to say this, but it sounds as though he needs some sort of counseling. You throwing away the knives because they are dangerous to leave laying around seems like an awfully trivial reason for him to not be there to attend to the birth of his child.

If you think he really is serious about this, I would line up a friend or a family member to be there for you, if that is something you feel comfortable with. I'm sorry your husband has chosen to become so enraged about something so trivial so close to your due date. Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

ITA.

Maybe he was upset about something else, because if he is this mad and it's really over you throwing out a set of knives from Target, well, that's insane. Knives from Target are a trivial thing.

I agree, line up a friend or family member to be there. And get counseling. You don't need to deal with this alone, ever, but esp. not now.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Ez, may I repectfully suggest that you not mention to him that you shared this with 70,000 of your closest friends. I am concerned for you.

Michelle

 

[floridafam]

He was probably upset that you said something in front of someone. He'll forget about it.

It does sound like maybe he needs some help.

Good luck to you and your family and I hope you don't have to give birth alone. Call someone you can count on to be there.

 

[shortbun]

As I was reading your first post, I was thinking "something else is going on here, a rational man does not react this way to knives and would have thrown them out when the neighbor's daughter was wounded". Now that you've asked about the drinking,
it's very clear. Al Anon and Al Ateen are wonderful. Remember
that they are anonymous and there's no need to tell anyone
that you know-your husband for instance-that you are going.
Most meeting are in churches so saying that's where you are
going works just fine. Most alcoholics take it as a personal
assault that their loved ones are going.

Lots of stressors going on in your life right now. Taking a positive
step for you would be good. Many meetings have babysitting
too. One day at a time has always worked for me. I have
always worked under the belief that I was responsible for
myself and the safety of my children. My SO is responsible for
himself. Nothing I do causes anything he does. I take care of
me. When I was living with an alcoholic, my loving detachment
caused them to see that they wanted some of the peace that
I had. Al Anon did this for me. I chose to leave that relationship
but there is no right or wrong in that respect.

 

[onecoolmama]

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Also - about the knives...

I collect blades.

IE. interesting and exotic daggers, swords, rapiers and knives. Mainly as part of a collection of historical reproductions.

That said, I am amazed at how dangerous some kitchen knives are. There are ALOT of kitchen knives that are worse than some of my daggers.

No flames please, but very sharp, dangerous blades should only be handled by people who know how to handle them. This INCLUDES kitchen knives that are sharper than they need to be.

I understand you need sharp knives in the kitchen, but , and I'm serious, you should try to get as safe a set as possible. You don't need THAT much sharpness to cut through meat and other food.

When you do get your sharp kitchen knives, it is worth having the adults who will be using them, practicing holding them and handling them so you know the feel of the handle and what kind of grip it will have. Doing this before you start using them to cut through thick steaks etc. will lessen the odds that you will slip up and cut yourself.

It sounds corny, but it really helps prevent accidents. Knives are dangerous and not all knives handle the same way. Alot of knife accidents happen when people are not familiar with how tightly to hold a particular knife when cutting and the knife slips from their hands from the pressure of trying to cut.

Children should be instructed to either not touch the sharp knives or, if they are old enough, in the safe handling of them as well.

Sorry for going off on a lecture. I just wanted to say... I think you did the right thing by throwing the knives away. No one needs dangerous knives in their house. There are kicthen knives that cut through meat just fine that are not that sharp.

(I also kinda feel like as a person who loves and appreciates fine blades , I have a responsibilty as a collector to promote the safe use of knives.)

 

[Microcell]

Concentrate on having this baby and address the alcohol issue as soon as you can! I had an alcoholic mom growing up and she was a happy drunk. It was still miserable from a kid's perspective. I would pray that she would skip the liquor aisle in the grocery store but she would let me pick out any snack I wanted, in the hopes I would not put up a fuss about her drinking. It was the last aisle along with the chips and it was such a battle of wills. She would say, lets get you some chips, and I would say, no we can skip it and she would say your sisters may want some. I would just say "please, not today, please don't drink" Her eyes would well up and she would look at me like she just HAD to get some, and she always did. She would drink daily and I would stay up to be sure she got to bed and asleep, so she could not burn down the house, cooking or something. A child should not have to grow up like that.

 

[binny]

I dont have any else to add, I think you have gotten some great advice. Please know we are for you.

 

[my3kids]

Originally posted by ez
he went completely thru the roof. he screamed at me for humiliating him in front of her, he will never forget this and he will get even with me.

That sounds pretty scary to me. I can't imagine someone being that upset over a knife set. It doesn't seem right.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this now. All I'll say is good luck.

 

[bjgrazi]

Just know that you're in my prayers. I have to agree find an Al-Anon meeting it will help you.

 

[hoosll]

Sounds to me that your husband is having some issues with "loss of control"

The baby is late - he can't make it come

Your are making "executive decisions" - knives thrown away and you told him in front of a friend. Is this just the beginning of changes to be made because of the baby?!?

He is on the verge of a new role - father

seems like he needed to get back into a situation where he felt in control - work - to get some perspective on the argument. Then he could see that he may have overreacted

I hope that you can discuss this in the future with him to resolve exactly what was bothering him.

Remember - you are rearely fighting about the real issue.

 

[G&J's Mom]

The knives being tossed out pale in comparison to the other issues that are going on with your dh. How difficult it must be. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Take care of yourself, and as others have mentioned, surround yourself with people who love you at the hospital, regardless of whether he decides to participate or not. Bless you and your new little wonder.

Denise

 

[tiggersmom2]

If your husband was humiliated by your telling him you threw out the knives in front of your friend, he would be mortified that you told 70,000 people on a BB that he is an alcoholic.

I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband - not us. I'm worried after you have time to think about it, you will be horrified that you confided something so intensely personal to strangers. Good luck

 

[Keli]

I'm sorry for the trouble at a time when you really don't need it. It sounds like your dh will come around in time to keep from missing the baby's birth. I agree with everyone else on this thread, after the baby's born I would look into getting some help for you dh if he will and if not some support for you and your family.

 

[chell]

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully things are at least a bit better by now. I wish I had the words or a special power to take all the pain away.

 

[Disneymomma]

I am sorry for your situation. Right now you should be loooking out for the best interests of you, your baby and your older child. He appears to be very self absorbed right now, as with some alcoholics. ( I am a little confused, has the"hidden" drinking just surfaced recently?) I will be thinking of your/your family in my prayers.

 

[ripleysmom]

Yeah what they all said about Al-Anon, however, I think that you should tell your DH where you are going and why.

To be honest, it sounds like you have an uphill battle ahead of you. Your DH is not ready to admit that he has a problem and that is a problem.

Good Luck with the baby too. My DD was 10 days overdue so I feel your pain!!

 

[chell]

ez I sent you a PM