At what age would you host a ....

[mtemm]

DS is 12 (turned 12 in feb) and just finished 6th grade. some of the kids he knows are bf/gf, and a couple have kissed...but we are talking pecks, not making out. and the bf/gf stuff seems to be just like when I was a kid oh so many years ago...passing notes, texting (well, no texting way back when, but I see that as similar to notes/phone calls). they didn't really go anywhere. in fact, it was a huge deal when one of ds's friends actually DANCED with his gf at the end of school dance. all very innocent. and still I'm happy that so far ds has zero interest in even that. plenty of time in the future!

as to the op's original question, I wouldn't have a problem. but I guess I envision it using the kids I know/parents I know involved. we have had parties in the past where girls and boys were together, and parents were over and had some wine. they were good times. have been to friends homes in similar situations. parents are chatting, kids are usually playing manhunt and capture the flag, etc. tons of fun with flashlights. they run in and out of the finished basement, where they usually are, while the parents are upstairs.

I'm sure other places and other kids are different.

 

[RitaZ.]

It sounds exactly like the kind of parties I attended (over 30 years ago) when I was 11 or 12.

And that's why as a parent, I would definitely have issues with this. When I think back to what some kids did at these parties.....with parents upstairs or just around the corner......

Exactly.

I don't see why 11 and 12 yr. olds need or have to be dating or going out. What's the rush to engage in adult behaviors? There are so many other things that kids that age should be doing. Rules and limits are going to be much harder to enforce when they enter the teen years. That's when the real "fun" part of parenting begins.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I see nothing wrong in having a coed party at any age. In the OPs setting and the perceived blasé behavior of the parents that I would have a concern with. I have taken my daughter to parties and adult drinking has occurred. Never once was there a lack of supervision. Of course we are not playing quarters or doing shots nor are we hovering over our children watching every move. From this post "little supervision" is vague and open to interpretation.

I have a dd almost 11 and she has had a boyfriend. Please don't get and judge because it was nothing more that holding hands when walking from the bus to class, her Instagram bio said taken and they rode some rollercoasters during a school field trip (I and her friends father was a chaperone, therefore there was never an extended unsupervised period). As far as kissing, that it a broad statement, but my daughter wanted a kiss only on the cheek. Never got it because there was never an opportunity. Most "relationships" at this age are completely innocent and over within days perhaps weeks for the normal 11 year old. After having a boyfriend the novelty has worn off and she is not interested in wanted another. I also think that an adults perception of dating is vastly different than an eleven year olds.

Just to clarify, you allowed your TEN (10) year old daughter to have a boyfriend who held her hand and kissed her? Okay, I am going

 

[mom2rose&john]

I see nothing wrong in having a coed party at any age. In the OPs setting and the perceived blasé behavior of the parents that I would have a concern with. I have taken my daughter to parties and adult drinking has occurred. Never once was there a lack of supervision. Of course we are not playing quarters or doing shots nor are we hovering over our children watching every move. From this post "little supervision" is vague and open to interpretation.

I have a dd almost 11 and she has had a boyfriend. Please don't get and judge because it was nothing more that holding hands when walking from the bus to class, her Instagram bio said taken and they rode some rollercoasters during a school field trip (I and her friends father was a chaperone, therefore there was never an extended unsupervised period). As far as kissing, that it a broad statement, but my daughter wanted a kiss only on the cheek. Never got it because there was never an opportunity. Most "relationships" at this age are completely innocent and over within days perhaps weeks for the normal 11 year old. After having a boyfriend the novelty has worn off and she is not interested in wanted another. I also think that an adults perception of dating is vastly different than an eleven year olds.

OP, does your daughter want to go to the party? If so, are you open to hanging out with the parents and be the supervision that may be lacking. Or is it possible to have your daughter host her own party in your house and you set the rules.

Just to clarify, you allowed your TEN (10) year old daughter to have a boyfriend who held her hand and kissed her? Okay, I am going

Reread bolded

Can't follow her to school and chase her to class. Again, most times and in my dd case, an adults perception of dating is vastly diffent than an 11 yo. My first crush was when I was eleven. It was completely innocent and we held hands. I ended up just fine as will my dd.

 

[Acklander]

Exactly.

I don't see why 11 and 12 yr. olds need or have to be dating or going out. What's the rush to engage in adult behaviors? There are so many other things that kids that age should be doing. Rules and limits are going to be much harder to enforce when they enter the teen years. That's when the real "fun" part of parenting begins.

I'm not rushing my kid into dating - I'm not holding him back either. I'm letting him set the pace.

 

[skater]

Set the stage by *gasp* letting boys and girls be in the same room together unless an adult is present at all times? What about when they hang together outside, or do you feel a girl and a boy that age shouldn't be allowed to even be friends, or if they are never ever out of your sight?

Between this thread and the soccer coach telling a 12 year old he eats too much, I really fear what the future will be like. These poor kids, so sheltered and protected from the "evils" of real life.

Oh, somehow I think these sheltered kids will be just fine .

 

[Sabeking]

We had a party at that age when one DD was 12 the other 13. It was a going away party. I think I felt comfortable with it for two reasons... We had known the families since kindergarten and they were in an area that we could hear them and popped in often. They were playing Just dance, shooting pool, etc...

The funniest part was the adults came in and challenged the kids to just dance and it was hilarious!!! I think they got the point that we had no qualms about coming in!

 

[LimeCordial]

We had a party at that age when one DD was 12 the other 13. It was a going away party. I think I felt comfortable with it for two reasons... We had known the families since kindergarten and they were in an area that we could hear them and popped in often. They were playing Just dance, shooting pool, etc... The funniest part was the adults came in and challenged the kids to just dance and it was hilarious!!! I think they got the point that we had no qualms about coming in!

That sounds like fun. I hope for a relationship like that with my kids, their friends and their friend's parents.

I'd be okay with a co-ed party at my house at 12 years old and up. I'd be okay with it at another house if I knew the parents somewhat well. As for the parents socializing and having a few drinks, as long as nobody gets unreasonable and hide the fact they're playing Cards Against Humanity, sounds like fun

I will also be "lame mom" who announces the rules "no drinking, no smoking, no dating business and no swearing in front of younger siblings if they're around". I will also randomly check in by offering snacks and you know, maybe needing to get the clothes out of the laundry a la Mrs. Squibbles .

 

[EMode]

Oh, somehow I think these sheltered kids will be just fine .

They may be fine but the rest of today's kids that have to deal with them as adults won't be

 

[EMode]

Just to clarify, you allowed your TEN (10) year old daughter to have a boyfriend who held her hand and kissed her? Okay, I am going

She said her dd was 11 and that she wanted a kiss on the cheek, but never even got it. Holding hands to the bus stop and wanting a kiss on the cheek, OH The Horror!!!!!

My ds10 has what he considered a girlfriend, although dh and I have made it clear that he isn't allowed to date until much older so she is just a good friend. I still let them hang out together because I certainly don't wan't him to think he can only "be friends" with a girl unless he is dating her. He as put his arm around her but there has been no kiss yet, but I'm sure there will be. Its what kids do, and at this point it is innocent and harmless.

 

[diamondpixienc]

11/12 is definitely way to young IMO. I would not be allowing my child to attend parties at that age with so little parental supervision. In fact I have one that age, and it is not happening.

Ditto... And a Hi-5 and Fist Bump too! And since I'm already in my flame suit parents should go back to being parents and stop letting the kids rule the house. This would not be happening if the Parents and/or ADULTS would not allow this.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

She said her dd was 11 and that she wanted a kiss on the cheek, but never even got it. Holding hands to the bus stop and wanting a kiss on the cheek, OH The Horror!!!!! My ds10 has what he considered a girlfriend, although dh and I have made it clear that he isn't allowed to date until much older so she is just a good friend. I still let them hang out together because I certainly don't wan't him to think he can only "be friends" with a girl unless he is dating her. He as put his arm around her but there has been no kiss yet, but I'm sure there will be. Its what kids do, and at this point it is innocent and harmless.

Incorrect, she said "almost 11." So that's 10.

 

[LimeCordial]

Ditto... And a Hi-5 and Fist Bump too! And since I'm already in my flame suit parents should go back to being parents and stop letting the kids rule the house. This would not be happening if the Parents and/or ADULTS would not allow this.

I'm all for parents parenting how they wish. No flame throwing from me but would there ever be exceptions to your rules?

I'm thinking of my kiddo's current friends which are mainly the offspring of our adult friends. We always have get-togethers and the kids end up in other rooms together (fully to randomly supervised) while the adults chat, have a glass of wine and play a board game.

Would you put a stop to that at 10-13 let's say? What if it was the existing group but my daughter had a school friend over and my friend's son brought his male cousin over?

I don't see any how I'm parenting poorly in continuing this sort of get together regardless of age. The only way I'd put a stop to anything would be if a child/teen were to break my house rules or show dangerous or disrespectful behaviour.

 

[Colleen27]

Kids mature at different rates. At that age both my boys were uncomfortable with the thought of a boy/girl party so we wouldn't have hosted one. When my oldest was in 8th grade, that's when he started the coupling type thing. My youngest (just finished 8th grade) would still be uncomfortable with hosting that kind of party. When I was in 7th grade (12 years old) is when I started going to boy/girl parties. I always thought of the phase where the kids start coupling off (not really a real relationship, but more of an interest in what relationships are about) as the time when kids are dipping their toes in the water and getting comfortable with the opposite sex. It's an important part of growing up. It's not something you can rush or hold back on. The kids seem to know when they are ready.

I agree with all of that. I don't agree that unsupervised parties are a good thing, though, because they do tend to put a lot of pressure on the kids who aren't ready and are maybe maturing on a little slower pace to "keep up" with the kids who are paired up and making out. I think it is important to let kids take these things at their own pace with parental guidance to help when things get tricky, not to throw them into situations where the peer pressure is ramped up to "high" and they're more likely to ignore their own personal feelings/boundaries for the sake of fitting in.

 

[IceSkatingPrincess]

party for boys and girls? A couple of my daughters friends parents have started this trend, the kids are 11 & 12, some of the kids are "going out", there has been some kissing and a boy with his arm around a girl. The kids are in the finished basement of the kids homes, with little parental supervision, some parents are invited to stay for "a glass of wine" which seems to turn into a bit of a drinking party.

What do you think of this?

I wasn't allowed to do things with boys or go to boy/girl parties until i was 16.

Granted, not saying I actually followed that rule. I think 13 would have been more normal and reasonable, and I know with me would have reduced the need to be sneaky.

 

[skater]

They may be fine but the rest of today's kids that have to deal with them as adults won't be

I seriously doubt it as the ones I know are very well adjusted. (Maybe our definition of too sheltered or overprotected is different?).

As to the male/female parties, its been sort of a non-issue at my house. I don't typically allow them to go into their room and close the door or anything, but a party together is just not a big deal to me.

 

[EMode]

Incorrect, she said "almost 11." So that's 10.

Okay 10, still no kissing just some hand holding, purely innocent and not a big deal at all.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

What happens if your child wants to have a birthday party and invite their girl and boy friends? Do you say no because they have reached some age that they are now not allowed to socialize together?

 

[disykat]

What happens if your child wants to have a birthday party and invite their girl and boy friends? Do you say no because they have reached some age that they are now not allowed to socialize together?

The word "supervision" and the parent making it clear they think kissing etc. should be saved for when they're older comes to mind.

Kids push boundaries, that's their job. The parents job is to provide some boundaries for them to push.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The word "supervision" and the parent making it clear they think kissing etc. should be saved for when they're older comes to mind.

Kids push boundaries, that's their job. The parents job is to provide some boundaries for them to push.

Oh of course. I totally agree that there should be supervision and in a perfect world no parent would be encouraging kissing etc. However, some people have stated that no way would they allow boy girl parties. IMO that is extreme and, okay, I am going to say it....stupid imo. I say that because socializing is a big part of learning. Just because you put boys and girls together doesn't mean that they are all going to re-enact Eyes Wide Shut. I think with every party whether it is all the same gender or not- there should be supervision. OF course some parties more than others.