At what age would you host a ....

[U2_rocks!]

Boys have always been welcome at my DDs' parties and girls at my DS', but our parties are not a bunch of kids shoved in a basement for a few hours. We have beach parties, movie parties etc. None of my kids has expressed any interest in having a mixed house party yet - they are all bored by the idea because they like to do stuff. In the past few years only the girls have wanted house parties, and they only invited other girls because they wanted sleepovers or girly parties. DS hasn't wanted a house party in years.

I guess as soon as they feel ready for a "teen style" house party where all they do is hang out or dance to music, they can have one. We have no basement, so adults will be close by. I will also invite my friends, and yes we will drink alcohol. This would be nothing new - we are often at one friend or another or at the club we belong to, and the teens and pre-teens have no problem hanging out near us. Mixed parties (meaning kids/teens and adults) are very common with our group.

 

[EMode]

too. I kissed a boy when I was in 6th grade, but it was behind my parents back and I'm sure would have been frowned upon. I feel as though these parents are encouraging this behavior by giving them a cushy basement and privacy in which to experiment.

My thought is 8th grade might be a better age.

So 8th grade is okay to experiment?
You might want to re-think that if you think the ages the OP posted about are too young, 12 years old here is 7th and 8th grade.

 

[Colleen27]

We've always had co-ed parties for our kids but not as a romantic/dance type atmosphere. This year DD is having her 13th at a local park, BBQ, squirt guns, etc.

The boy/girl stuff is just starting at that age among my kids' peers; hand-holding and maybe a shy "first kiss" type of peck is what went on the tween years among both of my older kids' social circles when they were 11/12, "dates" with the boy, girl, and one set of parents (last year DD went to see some superhero movie with the boy she liked and it was a Big. Deal. that his parents didn't sit right next to them). Very innocent stuff.

I don't have a problem with some interest and experimentation at that age but I don't think parents should be encouraging/enabling it because that sets up a situation where kids might feel pressured to go further than they're comfortable with because of their "audience".

 

[Minnesota!]

Co-ed parties started in kindergarten.

 

[bellebud]

I was honestly a little grossed out reading the OP. Sounds like the parents are "setting the stage" for the kids. Weird to me. Too much peer pressure from other kids, AND the parents.

 

[EMode]

too. I kissed a boy when I was in 6th grade, but it was behind my parents back and I'm sure would have been frowned upon. I feel as though these parents are encouraging this behavior by giving them a cushy basement and privacy in which to experiment.

My thought is 8th grade might be a better age.

It depends, are the parents setting up these parties so that a boy and girl who are going out can get together, or are the setting up a party of a group of kids and some of them just happen to be going out?

When my kids have friends over they are either outside or in the family room which happens to be downstairs. Its not so they have a cushy basement to experiment in, its because its a large room, where all the video game stuff is and it can accomodate a large group.
If a parent has a problem with their kid coming over and hanging out that is fine, but please don't blame the host because you worry about what your kid might be doing, that is something you need to discuss with your kid

 

[Acklander]

I was honestly a little grossed out reading the OP. Sounds like the parents are "setting the stage" for the kids. Weird to me. Too much peer pressure from other kids, AND the parents.

Grossed out??? It's a boy/girl party in a basement with music and maybe spin the bottle. And it's at an age where interest in the opposite sex is starting to happen. 99% of the time it's purely innocent and age appropriate behavior. Yes, you have the occasional wild child in the mix, just like you have the occasional person who reaches age 30 and is still a virgin. The super majority of people fall somewhere in the middle of those 2 extremes and this is an age where it all begins. Hosting (or going to) a house party and kissing someone isn't going to set you up for a life of promiscuity. .

 

[bellebud]

party for boys and girls? A couple of my daughters friends parents have started this trend, the kids are 11 & 12, some of the kids are "going out", there has been some kissing and a boy with his arm around a girl. The kids are in the finished basement of the kids homes, with little parental supervision, some parents are invited to stay for "a glass of wine" which seems to turn into a bit of a drinking party.

What do you think of this?

Grossed out??? It's a boy/girl party in a basement with music and maybe spin the bottle. And it's at an age where interest in the opposite sex is starting to happen. 99% of the time it's purely innocent and age appropriate behavior. Yes, you have the occasional wild child in the mix, just like you have the occasional person who reaches age 30 and is still a virgin. The super majority of people fall somewhere in the middle of those 2 extremes and this is an age where it all begins. Hosting (or going to) a house party and kissing someone isn't going to set you up for a life of promiscuity. .

Yes, grossed out was the feeling I got, picturing the parents setting the stage and enabling/encouraging 11yo's to have a make-out party (and possibly more), while drinking upstairs. Interest in the opposite sex (or same sex) is normal and beautiful, and can happen at any age, that's not my issue. It's just with the whole set up. Just too young for my taste. We're not talking 13/14yo's, it's 11/12yo's. My 12yo niece/nephew are currently in 5th grade, so they were in 4th grade when 11yo. No spin the bottle or making out in 4th grade. Yuck and yikes!

 

[EMode]

Yes, grossed out was the feeling I got, picturing the parents setting the stage and enabling/encouraging 11yo's to have a make-out party (and possibly more), while drinking upstairs. Interest in the opposite sex (or same sex) is normal and beautiful, and can happen at any age, that's not my issue. It's just with the whole set up. Just too young for my taste. We're not talking 13/14yo's, it's 11/12yo's. My 12yo niece/nephew are currently in 5th grade, so they were in 4th grade when 11yo. No spin the bottle or making out in 4th grade. Yuck and yikes!

Don't be so sure of that, especially if you have 11 year olds in there.

 

[bellebud]

Don't be so sure of that, especially if you have 11 year olds in there.

if you mean 11yo's will want to make out, could be... but I'd never set the stage and encourage it.

 

[aprilgail2]

Yes, grossed out was the feeling I got, picturing the parents setting the stage and enabling/encouraging 11yo's to have a make-out party (and possibly more), while drinking upstairs. Interest in the opposite sex (or same sex) is normal and beautiful, and can happen at any age, that's not my issue. It's just with the whole set up. Just too young for my taste. We're not talking 13/14yo's, it's 11/12yo's. My 12yo niece/nephew are currently in 5th grade, so they were in 4th grade when 11yo. No spin the bottle or making out in 4th grade. Yuck and yikes!

See that is where it is weird- 4th grade and 11 years old in some places and other places kids are in 7th grade at 11 ! Now I know I had my first real kiss when I was in 6th grade and it was not in anyone's house- it was at a playground on the swings.

 

[shoney]

Yes, grossed out was the feeling I got, picturing the parents setting the stage and enabling/encouraging 11yo's to have a make-out party (and possibly more), while drinking upstairs. Interest in the opposite sex (or same sex) is normal and beautiful, and can happen at any age, that's not my issue. It's just with the whole set up. Just too young for my taste. We're not talking 13/14yo's, it's 11/12yo's. My 12yo niece/nephew are currently in 5th grade, so they were in 4th grade when 11yo. No spin the bottle or making out in 4th grade. Yuck and yikes!

I guess we just got different visions from the OP's post. I didn't think the parents were organizing "make-out sessions", but only hosting some kids in their basement by providing snacks/food, movie, music, etc. I also "assumed" that the parents would be going in and out at various times. I would never expect for parents to never take their eyes off them!

When we were younger we made out everywhere, but never in someone's house with their parents home!

I also don't know any 12 year olds in 5th grade. The 12 year olds I know are in 7th and 8th grade. DS12 is finishing 7th grade and is 6 inches taller than me and shaves! (very different from the 9 or 10 year olds in 5th grade)

 

[Acklander]

Yes, grossed out was the feeling I got, picturing the parents setting the stage and enabling/encouraging 11yo's to have a make-out party (and possibly more), while drinking upstairs. Interest in the opposite sex (or same sex) is normal and beautiful, and can happen at any age, that's not my issue. It's just with the whole set up. Just too young for my taste. We're not talking 13/14yo's, it's 11/12yo's. My 12yo niece/nephew are currently in 5th grade, so they were in 4th grade when 11yo. No spin the bottle or making out in 4th grade. Yuck and yikes!

If my kid asks if he can have a boy'/girl house party, we ll put out invites for a party and order the pizza, I assume if he is asking then he feels he might be ready for boy /girl party. I didn't get anything from the Op that the parents were in any way forcing the kids to have boy / girl parties and doing anything that they were uncomfortable with. (I.e. Holding hands or kissing someone')that's a different story. Maybe. OP can come back and clarify - are the parents forcing the kids to host these parties against their will?

 

[EMode]

if you mean 11yo's will want to make out, could be... but I'd never set the stage and encourage it.

Set the stage by *gasp* letting boys and girls be in the same room together unless an adult is present at all times? What about when they hang together outside, or do you feel a girl and a boy that age shouldn't be allowed to even be friends, or if they are never ever out of your sight?

Between this thread and the soccer coach telling a 12 year old he eats too much, I really fear what the future will be like. These poor kids, so sheltered and protected from the "evils" of real life.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I am good with mixed sex social situations at any age, but not unsupervised or with boy-girls pairing off at that age. Even from a very early age, we did not buy into the "cute" boyfriend-girlfriend act with children. Many parents think it's cute when their first grades go on little dates and by 5th grade are kissing and buying each other gifts. Just does not fly with us. Now we had boys and girls hang out at our house, and most every party included both, but we never put the kids in a situation where they had to deal with boy/girl couple issues. Plenty of time for that later. I think hanging with boy/girl groups in a safe and comfortable setting as tweens, can help these kids develop respect for each other when the are ready to be in a relationship.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Yes, grossed out was the feeling I got, picturing the parents setting the stage and enabling/encouraging 11yo's to have a make-out party (and possibly more), while drinking upstairs. Interest in the opposite sex (or same sex) is normal and beautiful, and can happen at any age, that's not my issue. It's just with the whole set up. Just too young for my taste. We're not talking 13/14yo's, it's 11/12yo's. My 12yo niece/nephew are currently in 5th grade, so they were in 4th grade when 11yo. No spin the bottle or making out in 4th grade. Yuck and yikes!

My reaction as well. YUCK.

 

[bellebud]

Set the stage by *gasp* letting boys and girls be in the same room together unless an adult is present at all times? What about when they hang together outside, or do you feel a girl and a boy that age shouldn't be allowed to even be friends, or if they are never ever out of your sight?

Between this thread and the soccer coach telling a 12 year old he eats too much, I really fear what the future will be like. These poor kids, so sheltered and protected from the "evils" of real life.

Never said anything like that. That's the same as me asking you "do you feel a boy and girl that age should be allowed to be intimate?" You're stretching it very far one way. I'm in the middle.

The OP stated kissing had started, some were "dating" each other, and now the parents are upstairs drinking. The kids can clearly hear parents come down steps into the basement... the basement is quite different from a living room on the main floor where the parents are, or kids being at a playground or just walking around the neighborhood. There are closets (what's that game... '7 seconds in heaven' or something like that where a couple goes into a closet for a set amount of time), dark corners, whatever. A kiss for an 11yo on a playground, holding hands walking around the neighborhood, to me are within 'normal' limits. A make out party with little supervision for an 11yo is not, that's all.

The peer pressure at these parties will be there... I think it's naive to think it won't be.

 

[Acklander]

The peer pressure at these parties will be there... I think it's naive to think it won't be.

There's peer pressure at school, at church, on the playgrounds and later on they will deal with peer pressure at work. The important part is to teach your kids how to deal with peer pressure because they have a lifetime of it ahead of them.

 

[EMode]

Never said anything like that. That's the same as me asking you "do you feel a boy and girl that age should be allowed to be intimate?" You're stretching it very far one way. I'm in the middle.

The OP stated kissing had started, some were "dating" each other, and now the parents are upstairs drinking. The kids can clearly hear parents come down steps into the basement... the basement is quite different from a living room on the main floor where the parents are, or kids being at a playground or just walking around the neighborhood. There are closets (what's that game... '7 seconds in heaven' or something like that where a couple goes into a closet for a set amount of time), dark corners, whatever. A kiss for an 11yo on a playground, holding hands walking around the neighborhood, to me are within 'normal' limits. A make out party with little supervision for an 11yo is not, that's all.

The peer pressure at these parties will be there... I think it's naive to think it won't be.

I don't think its me that is the naive one.
First, this isn't a make-out party, the OP never said its all couples sitting in the dark basement making out.
Second, regardless of where kids are, if they are going to make-out, they are going to make out. I never made out in anyone's basement, I made out in backyards, at the park and even at the school playground.
Third, peer pressure is everywhere, not just lurking in the basement

 

[mom2rose&john]

I see nothing wrong in having a coed party at any age. In the OPs setting and the perceived blasé behavior of the parents that I would have a concern with. I have taken my daughter to parties and adult drinking has occurred. Never once was there a lack of supervision. Of course we are not playing quarters or doing shots nor are we hovering over our children watching every move. From this post "little supervision" is vague and open to interpretation.

I have a dd almost 11 and she has had a boyfriend. Please don't get and judge because it was nothing more that holding hands when walking from the bus to class, her Instagram bio said taken and they rode some rollercoasters during a school field trip (I and her friends father was a chaperone, therefore there was never an extended unsupervised period). As far as kissing, that it a broad statement, but my daughter wanted a kiss only on the cheek. Never got it because there was never an opportunity. Most "relationships" at this age are completely innocent and over within days perhaps weeks for the normal 11 year old. After having a boyfriend the novelty has worn off and she is not interested in wanted another. I also think that an adults perception of dating is vastly different than an eleven year olds.

OP, does your daughter want to go to the party? If so, are you open to hanging out with the parents and be the supervision that may be lacking. Or is it possible to have your daughter host her own party in your house and you set the rules.