At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[NHdisneylover]

Well, for 4 hours....will be trying for more. I had been up for 30 with no end in sight.

oh that is miserable. I hope you can get a nap in later.

 

[DeniseJH]

oh that is miserable. I hope you can get a nap in later.

Thank you - I'm definitely going to try.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Oops, sorry . Seems wine and insomnia aren't a good combination. My apologies to all, especially Mackenzie Click-Mickelson.

Apology accepted-it's water under the bridge anyways.

 

[DeniseJH]

Apology accepted-it's water under the bridge anyways.

Thank you.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's amazing how many pages a discussion can go on. Totally agree with TipsyTraveler and it was many pages back.

I have never really understood people walking around in their underwear. My children were taught early on that they should be dressed outside their bedrooms. Actually, not really taught. When they were babies/toddlers, I dressed them once pajamas were removed. They just naturally picked up that we dress for the day. My DH wears gym shorts around the house and my son did the same. I wouldn't try to impose my views at someone else's home. It would bother me though so I might limit my time there.

It’s 10:45, I just made ds20 put on shorts so he could pick up my shoprite order. 15 minutes ago a pse&g guy rang the doorbell to check the basement for gas leaks, DH had to hide. DH is upstairs in his boxers still. We joke about them needing door pants (and me a door bra...)

 

[disykat]

I don't think this thread is really about pants at all. It's about whether you think kids (in this case, kindergarten age kids) should be held to a standard.

Pants are not the be all end all. However, in general pants are an expectation in our society.

 

[gillep]

It’s 10:45, I just made ds20 put on shorts so he could pick up my shoprite order. 15 minutes ago a pse&g guy rang the doorbell to check the basement for gas leaks, DH had to hide. DH is upstairs in his boxers still. We joke about them needing door pants (and me a door bra...)

I have a sweatshirt that hangs on a hook by the door that I can throw on for just such moments, I am sure people think I am crazy when it is 100F out and I am opening the door in a sweatshirt but it is what it is.

I would not have said anything to my nieces or nephews, especially if I knew that it was a contentious issue between mom and dad, nope, no way no how. I highly doubt that once the child was seated at the table that I would even be able to tell what he was wearing or not wearing. But I wouldn't go to a formal Sunday dinner that required dressing up each Sunday, so what do I know.

 

[smiths02]

This might work next time. My kids love this song.

 

[smiths02]

He had underwear on so I don't see the big deal and if I was his mom I'd be annoyed that you and your husband tried to parent my child over such a trivial matter. Little kids try to control their world in odd ways this just wouldn't be a hill I'd die on. Now, I would have something to say to my child about his rude response to his uncle.

I've had several power struggles with my 5 year old daughter about what to wear. While she is a typically developing child, she is stubborn and argumentative. Dinner at grandma's house would probably not be the hill I'd want to die on.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think this thread is really about pants at all. It's about whether you think kids (in this case, kindergarten age kids) should be held to a standard.

Pants are not the be all end all. However, in general pants are an expectation in our society.

I don’t think this thread is about clothing at all but about overstepping boundaries.

 

[lovesmurfs]

What if they’re old enough to be BACK in diapers?

LOL -- No. Just no.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I don't think this thread is really about pants at all. It's about whether you think kids (in this case, kindergarten age kids) should be held to a standard.

Pants are not the be all end all. However, in general pants are an expectation in our society.

I think this thread is about ongoing tensions with her sister and wanting validation that the sister is a crappy parent.

 

[moon]

I don't think this thread is really about pants at all. It's about whether you think kids (in this case, kindergarten age kids) should be held to a standard.

Pants are not the be all end all. However, in general pants are an expectation in our society.

Exactly. I'm kind of surprised how little is expected from a five year-old. a five year-old is not a baby or a toddler; he is school-aged kid, old enough to know that you wear pants to sit down to eat (unless of course, they are special needs).

 

[smiths02]

Exactly. I'm kind of surprised how little is expected from a five year-old. a five year-old is not a baby or a toddler; he is school-aged kid, old enough to know that you wear pants to sit down to eat (unless of course, they are special needs).

Five year old is not necessarily school-aged. According to OP, he has not started kindergarten. Not all that long ago (a little over 30 years ago), a lot of places did not have kindergarten...school started around age 6 at 1st grade. School is not compulsory where I live until 6.

Also, the kid was at his house with his family. For most kids, that is different rules.

 

[jrmasm]

Five year old is not necessarily school-aged. According to OP, he has not started kindergarten. Not all that long ago (a little over 30 years ago), a lot of places did not have kindergarten...school started around age 6 at 1st grade. School is not compulsory where I live until 6.

Also, the kid was at his house with his family. For most kids, that is different rules.

Sure, pick up your green beans with your fingers but pants? Put some freaking pants on at the table.

 

[luvbwv]

I am selling my house to DD & DSIL, right now we are all living in my house, they have 3 children. I do not discipline the kids or tell them what to do, unless it is a dangerous situation. When my son and daughter in law come to visit ME they do not impose their rules on DD's children. I think you were overstepping you boundaries, especially once the child's mom said it was OK not to have pants on. If the kids mom and dad disagree on something let them work it out, by stepping in you were undermining your sister in law, I can understand why she got a bit "huffy."

My reply is DBIL told DNephew to put pants/shorts on." DSIS was a little huffy and said

I don't think the issue here is just with pants, it sound as if you may not agree with the way DSIL is raising the kids and this was a good chance to point it out. Maybe I am wrong, but I sense there are bigger issues.

 

[smiths02]

Sure, pick up your green beans with your fingers but pants? Put some freaking pants on at the table.

Like I said, I do make my kids wear pants, but I have to tell you that at our house, eating with your fingers is a MUCH bigger deal to my DH (who tends towards the germaphobe side) than pants (as long as there are underwear).

Often after dinner, we do wonder whether the children threw food on the floor and stomped on it and smeared it on themselves or if they ate. Point being, they are still learning.

 

[jrmasm]

Like I said, I do make my kids wear pants, but I have to tell you that at our house, eating with your fingers is a MUCH bigger deal to my DH (who tends towards the germaphobe side) than pants (as long as there are underwear).

Often after dinner, we do wonder whether the children threw food on the floor and stomped on it and smeared it on themselves or if they ate. Point being, they are still learning.

 

[design_mom]

I do think it’s odd for a 5 year old to be running around without pants outdoors without extenuating circumstances, even in his own yard (and I would consider it “his yard” even though its shared with Grandma’s house).

But I agree that this thread is more about whether it is a guest’s place to say anything to the child if the parents didn’t. I think that completely depends on the relationship.

I probably WOULD say something to my sister’s kids (and she’d say something to mine.) I know her well enough to know her expectations and I would be doing what I thought she would find acceptable. That is, I know what is considered “socially acceptable” within our family. We have spent a lot of time together though. I don’t think we’re considered “company” in each others’ homes — nor in our parents’ home. I do think sometimes kids “listen better” and feel less nagged when stuff comes from another adult, other than their parents.

I would NOT say anything to my sister-in-law’s kids. SIL is often on high-alert for any perceived criticism, especially of her parenting, and can twist things that are not meant to be insults. I *might* back her up if she’d already said something and the child still hadn’t done it. For instance “Hey buddy… I heard your mom ask you to put pants on, so let’s go do that right now, okay?” But I would definitely NOT be the first one to bring it up (unless I thought the child was in immediate danger, which does not seem to be the case for the OP.)

You’ve got to know your audience. Since the OP commented that she often babysits the kids, I thought maybe her situation was closer to my relationship with my sister. But her subsequent descriptions of her sister, the kids and describing herself as ‘company’ leads me to believe it’s probably closer to my second scenario… in which case, i would butt out!

 

[disykat]

Five year old is not necessarily school-aged. According to OP, he has not started kindergarten. Not all that long ago (a little over 30 years ago), a lot of places did not have kindergarten...school started around age 6 at 1st grade. School is not compulsory where I live until 6.

Do you believe kids shouldn't have to follow random rules due to societal expectations prior to school? Having taught for 35 years, I've certainly seen this belief, but the last several years is when it has been very prevalent. When kids have never been expected to do things they didn't want to do because parents didn't see the point prior to school it's a problem. This child will probably be starting school in a week. I hope for him that he's able to wear pants, carry his own lunchbox, walk in, sit in a chair, etc. I see threads on here all the time about kindergarten readiness and honestly, this is readiness.

There are lots of issues being discussed on this thread. I think the "should we put boundaries on young children" is an important one. I don't think it should be totally abandoned because of the secondary "should you say anything about it" one.