As adults, do we need to get permission from each other?

[ZephyrHawk]

I talk out purchases and the like with my DH out of courtesy, but I don't feel as though I need to get his permission. However, this does not run both ways. In our family I do the finances and he knows he has to ask me before making any sort of significant expenditure. He could, of course, take a look at our finances himself and determine whether it was feasible to spend a certain amount on something, but he is a) lazy and b) completely aware that he is not good with money. He'd rather just ask me and abide by my yes or no (he knows he always gets what he wants eventually anyhow, I make sure of it).

I can't imagine having to take separate vacations, and he loves Disney, but if he ever wanted to go off by himself then I would most definitely require him to run it past me.

 

[jodifla]

Maybe he doesn't need to go fishing and camping if you don't need to go to Disney. It sounds like he's been before.

THIS!!!!!! No Disney for me, no camping for you...along with a host of other things you may have previously enjoyed.

My DH and I make travel decisions based on resources, but we don't have veto power of what one person chooses to enjoy.

There would be no peace in my if my husband told me something like this.

 

[StephMK]

Thankfully, we are on the same page as far as this type of stuff goes. Neither makes large purchases w/o checking first. We like the same type of vacations & we both like taking them. We're ok if one goes out of town w/or w/o the kids & we always talk to make sure schedules and finances allow. We have each taken the kids to visit relatives & we've each planned boys/girls weekends away without problems from the other.

He will call & ask "permission" about stuff like unexpected golfing but that's only to make sure finances/schedules are fine. I'm happy for him to go anytime so it's rarely any kind of issue unless there is a conflict. I laugh when he calls to ask "Can I go..." because I would think his buddies would give him a hard time but we both know it's just a courtesy.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

We discuss but neither seeks permission.

 

[duffy]

I'm not his mom.
He's not my dad.
So, no.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

This has been going through my mind lately. As adults, do we need to get permission from our spouses to do big things?

My dh does not like to travel to Disney, New York, etc. He is more of a fishing and camping person. My dh says I don't need to go to Disney since I have been several times. This is the only area in our lives where I feel like I have to ask first. LOL

If I went and got jet skis, he would have no problem.

Has your husband jet skiied or fished several times? does he ask your permission? I'm guessing...no.


Nope, I'm not asking permission. I'll let ya know I'm planning on going, but I don't need to ask you if I can go.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Permission no discussion yes.
He is deployed we just went to disney without him. He was supposed to go but this deployment wasn't planned. He thought we would be okay with not going for a bit and now that we are back I want to take him back and he decided it was okay :lol:

 

[Nox54]

Permission no discussion yes.

This.

 

[Nayan]

Permission no discussion yes.

This is us. Little things we usually just buy but big things like vacations, cars, etc. we discuss.

 

[SaraJayne]

Permission? No.
Discussion? Yes.

Big things usually require some sort of money to do them,and since it is "our" money, I would sit down with DH and look at the financial aspects of it & how that might impact the rest of our budgetary needs. Obviously neither one of us would be doing some "big" if it meant not being able to pay next month's electric bill.

There is also the "life" impact while one spouse is gone, especially if there are children involved who need to be arranged for, schlepped here and there and so forth.

This is us, exactly. DH is going on his every-other-year big Colorado hunting trip this fall, and I'm going on vacation with my Mom. Since DS is in football and I do all the driving around to practice, etc, DH preferred I wait until football was over before I went on vacation, since he won't be available to drive.

His request made perfect sense, so I scheduled my vacation for when football is over and DH will be back from his hunting trip.

 

[BlovesC]

I'd never consider it "asking permission". This isn't a child-parent relationship, it's a spousal relationship. We're equal partners in everything we do. If one of us is going to make a big decision on anything, we'll always consult the other.

 

[ChiCat]

If I'm going out on Saturday night with the girls I just tell him I'm going. However if he is going out he always asks for permission I have NO idea why, I've told him a hundred times unless I told you we had something fairly important planned I don't care, you don't need to ask. Does anyone elses husband do that? It's so strange to me.

Anywho, when it comes to vacations or something that costs a lot of money we discuss it, and if he doesn't agree to it we don't do it. He's a very reasonable man and I completely respect his opinion. I had talked about going back to Disney which he said no to (or not for a few years) which to me is reasonable because there are many other vacations we both want to take, going back to the same place, when he doesn't want to doesn't seem fair.

When we went to Disney last year, he let me determine where we were going to stay, how long, what we would do, what I would buy, we did it my way for the most part since I've never been and he has. Although we did go to the waterparks for 3 days because that was something he never got to do but wanted to.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

My husband would be happy going to Disney once every ten years (he's only been once to my six times). As long as I have a way to pay for it and have enough vacation leave to cover the time off (plus any other time off I may need in the near future), he's ok with it. There have been times I've gone more than once in a year, and there have been years I haven't gone at all.

I also just did a girls trip to the Carolinas with my friend, which I *told* him I was doing, rather than *ask*. Why did I go to the Carolinas without him? Because I begged for 2-3 years and I couldn't get him to come with me! (same with my friend, so we went together and had a blast!!)

To be fair, he doesn't ask me for permission either. He tells me his plans, and if I hate it, I connive and scheme to get him to cancel! (kidding... sort of!! )

Now if he asked for less Disney trips from me in the coming years so we could do other trips together, I would totally be cool with that. But mostly he doesn't like to travel at all (his idea of vacation is camping deep in the boundary waters, which he knows I would absolutely hate!), so often there doesn't end up being a trip planned, and I love to travel, so I usually end up making my own plans. I always let him know he's invited to come, but he usually isn't interested.

 

[GettingFuzzy]

If I'm going out on Saturday night with the girls I just tell him I'm going. However if he is going out he always asks for permission I have NO idea why, I've told him a hundred times unless I told you we had something fairly important planned I don't care, you don't need to ask. Does anyone elses husband do that? It's so strange to me. Mine. Drives me up a wall sometimes. Unless his plans include being wanted by the cops, an affair, a face tattoo, or bankrupting us I don't care.

Anywho, when it comes to vacations or something that costs a lot of money we discuss it, and if he doesn't agree to it we don't do it. He's a very reasonable man and I completely respect his opinion. I had talked about going back to Disney which he said no to (or not for a few years) which to me is reasonable because there are many other vacations we both want to take, going back to the same place, when he doesn't want to doesn't seem fair.

When we went to Disney last year, he let me determine where we were going to stay, how long, what we would do, what I would buy, we did it my way for the most part since I've never been and he has. Although we did go to the waterparks for 3 days because that was something he never got to do but wanted to.

We discuss all big purchases, including vacations. If I wanted to have a girls weekend, he wouldn't care. If he wanted to go backpacking I wouldn't care. He's a pretty agreeable guy so if I said let's take a trip visiting the World's Biggest Ball of Yarn, he'd probably go.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

This for my DH and I as well. We share money and I can't imagine not talking over a big purchase with DH before doing it. I'm not asking permission, but we always discuss any purchases over say $50. We have no interest in traveling without each other so that's not anything we'd need to worry about money-wise. Personally I think it is courteous to discuss big decisions with your SO. That's part of what marriage is.

$50 - that would frighten me! I could never call him every time I wanted to buy clothes, shoes, makeup etc.

We each have mad money - that is truly for anything. Husband has come home before with new cars - and that was never discussed beforehand.
But I have bought a new car too without telling him.

We discuss furniture and things like new tvs or mattresses - just to make sure we get something we both like.

And we discuss vacations - but have to freedom to travel without each other too.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

When I have an opportunity to do something, I will check with DW to make sure I'm not messing something else up. There have been times she's said "I'd rather you not do that" and I've turned down the opportunity. I jokingly call it "asking the boss", so I guess some would could call it "asking permission", but there's been nothing important enough that I went against her wishes.

DW will do the same with me.

So true.

Like it or not, and as much as we all don't like to admit it, we are actually asking permission from each other to do what we want to do.

How many of you would discuss something and if the other person does not go along with it, do it anyway? Would you stand your ground to the point where you would put your marriage in jeopardy?

How many of us just go out and do wherever the heck we want without discussing it first?

So in essence you kind of are asking for permission...

 

[hereyago]

No I never asked my exdh for permission on anything, nor did he ask permission. I didn't marry my df and I dint want to be any man's second mother, that isn't a dynamic I want. I also wouldn't allow someone to say well I think what you like is dumb,but if I want something you think is dumb I will get it:that is too one sided.

 

[Hrhpd]

Permission no discussion yes.

+1
We will discuss and I will take his thoughts into strong consideration as we are a partnership. I will take into consideration the impact on the family and the impact on the budget.

However, if I felt very strongly about something and the impact is in my comfort zone (not breaking the budget for instance), then the final decision will be mine.

I am an adult. I do not need permission to make decisions regarding myself. He is also an adult and I respect his right to make his own decisions.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

THIS!!!!!! No Disney for me, no camping for you...along with a host of other things you may have previously enjoyed.

Sounds like a great plan - OP, try this & let us know how that one works out. I'm sure it'll strengthen your marriage

 

[Gumbo4x4]

If I'm going out on Saturday night with the girls I just tell him I'm going. However if he is going out he always asks for permission I have NO idea why, I've told him a hundred times unless I told you we had something fairly important planned I don't care, you don't need to ask. Does anyone elses husband do that? It's so strange to me.

My wife will do that to me & yes it drives me nuts. Yes, it's great to make sure we don't have conflicting plans, but if she already knows my plans are to "stay home", she certainly doesn't need my permission to go out (especially considering that's maybe a twice a year thing).