ARTICLE: The Overprotected Kid

[HappyTogether]

With all the talk of helicoptering, and children not playing in the front yard and snowflakes, I found this article quite interesting:

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/

It is called: "The OverProtected Kid"

Bravo for the article! I love it and practice many things with my child.

 

[penn19]

With all the talk of helicoptering, and children not playing in the front yard and snowflakes, I found this article quite interesting:

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/

It is called: "The OverProtected Kid"

Bravo for the article! I love it and practice many things with my child.

I'm so glad I have nothing planned for tonight. This ought to turn out entertaining.

 

[Hannathy]

Agree 100% with the article!

 

[ILUVALASKA]

Should be mandatory reading for all parents.

 

[indimom]

With all the talk of helicoptering, and children not playing in the front yard and snowflakes, I found this article quite interesting:

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/

It is called: "The OverProtected Kid"

Bravo for the article! I love it and practice many things with my child.

Interesting Article.
But, I got the impression the point was to let the kids do it on their own?

 

[Hannathy]

Interesting Article.
But, I got the impression the point was to let the kids do it on their own?

They mean they let their child have some independence, they don't hover.

 

[Kimberlyann11]

There is a lot of pressure to overprotect.

When DD was in middle school she liked to walk home instead of taking the bus. It was a mile and a half. Part of it was along a busy road with businesses and lots of people (she was safe on the sidewalk). Another part was a residential area where people are in and out of their houses - in their yards - a normal neighborhood. She had other kids walking with her part of the way - but not the whole way. I had three separate parents come to me all concerned about DD walking home and how dangerous they thought it was. They even offered to drive her home. I told them walking is good for kids and I would be glad to give them a call if I ever needed their help.

When she was in fifth grade we lived in a different area and she came home on the bus, let herself in and waited for me to come home for 45 minutes. One day she forgot her key and told one of the kids playing outside that she was locked out and asked to use their bathroom. Their mom had a fit and I got home just as she was getting ready to call the police. There's nothing wrong with a kid playing outside or sitting on the porch reading a book for 45 minutes on a beautiful day until her mom gets home.

Perhaps some parents should worry more about helicoptering their own kids and not worry so much about other peoples'.

(Thanks for posting the interesting article)

 

[alex9179]

Aaah! I'm so torn.

I encourage my kids to play outside when weather permits. Sometimes they play in the backyard but they like to play in the front, usually. They ride scooters or bikes in our cul-de-sac and I don't hang out there watching them. However, they aren't allowed to venture any further with their 6 yr old brother (he still hasn't figured out that he needs to stop at the curb instead of riding IN FRONT of an oncoming car).

I feel sorry for their restrictions all the time, though. I had a much more adventurous childhood.

It's funny. I'm very strict on car safety for them, but playing? I'm ok with a lot more than parents of my kids' contemporaries who let tiny kids ride without a booster. I'm older than most, maybe that's why my focus is different.
I did have some nervousness after a girl was kidnapped and murdered in my hometown (we live far from there), recently. A guy who coached for a school was arrested. I still let them ride, but we've talked about how to be safe (and get away if someone tries to grab them). Our neighbors have been pretty funny about it. On one hand they wonder how we can let them on their own and on the other, they see them having a ball.

It's all situational, but I'm going to encourage more exploration. It's been hard for me to find a balance. We adopted kin, which has a whole lot of complications.

 

[luv2sleep]

With all the talk of helicoptering, and children not playing in the front yard and snowflakes, I found this article quite interesting: http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/ It is called: "The OverProtected Kid" Bravo for the article! I love it and practice many things with my child.

I always dislike the bashing caring and concerned parents get when they feel they are adequately taking care of their children. Try telling the parent whose child was abducted by a stranger from their front yard, or wandered off and drowned in a neighbor's pool, or was unsupervised and run over in their own driveway that yeah being under protective was the best thing to do. Parents care about their children. If they are worried about them and want to protect them who cares? The bashing of non-abusuve and non-life threatening parenting styles should stop. Parent whatever way you want. As long as you aren't abusing or neglecting your child I will don't have to call CPS. I don't agree with a lot of things parents do in the name of not overprotecting them. I just wouldn't want them having anything to do with my kid. Do what you want with yours and I'll do what I want with mine. I'd trust the overparenting parent with my kid's life vs the one whose lax and might get my kid killed.

 

[ICF]

I always dislike the bashing caring and concerned parents get when they feel they are adequately taking care of their children. .

So parents that let their kids experience the world without 24 - 7 supervision aren't caring and concerned parents?

 

[luv2sleep]

So parents that let their kids experience the world without 24 - 7 supervision aren't caring and concerned parents?

LOL. I did NOT say that. Haha. Funny.

It's just like the bashing about being a SAHM vs a working mom, breast vs bottle feeding, attachment parenting vs not, co-sleeping vs crib sleeping, CIO vs not. None of these parenting ways is harming a child. Neither is being an over protective or "free range" type parent. The parenting style bashing is just ridiculous IMO.

 

[Hannathy]

LOL. I did NOT say that. Haha. Funny.

It's just like the bashing about being a SAHM vs a working mom, breast vs bottle feeding, attachment parenting vs not, co-sleeping vs crib sleeping, CIO vs not. None of these parenting ways is harming a child. Neither is being an over protective or "free range" type parent. The parenting style bashing is just ridiculous IMO.

Oh there is definitely over protective parenting.

 

[luv2sleep]

Oh there is definitely over protective parenting.

But who cares? Live and let live. Parental judgment is disappointing. It's hard enough to parent as it is. Better to be supportive. So one is over, one is not. What does it matter.? Anyway that was point. Carry on....as I'm sure the bashing will!

 

[drinkme]

But who cares? Live and let live. Parental judgment is disappointing. It's hard enough to parent as it is. Better to be supportive. So one is over, one is not. What does it matter.? Anyway that was point. Carry on....as I'm sure the bashing will!

Does it really all matter? I've found that eventually every parent winds up making a mistake. No matter how much you've done It right in the past that one mistake will haunt you.

Just do what you think is right. No matter what someone else will tell you you are doing it wrong.

 

[LSmith]

Oh there is definitely over protective parenting.

Worry more about the under protected kids.

People on the Dis try to one up each other. "My kid is less helicopter parented than yours".

Completely and utterly ridiculous.

 

[luv2sleep]

Does it really all matter? I've found that eventually every parent winds up making a mistake. No matter how much you've done It right in the past that one mistake will haunt you. Just do what you think is right. No matter what someone else will tell you you are doing it wrong.

Agreed.

 

[luv2sleep]

Worry more about the under protected kids. People on the Dis try to one up each other. "My kid is less helicopter parented than yours". Completely and utterly ridiculous.

Yup.

 

[Colleen27]

But who cares? Live and let live. Parental judgment is disappointing. It's hard enough to parent as it is. Better to be supportive. So one is over, one is not. What does it matter.?

I think it does matter, because it has become a culture that doesn't hesitate to condemn parents who aren't as protective.

I had a mother stop by here today looking for her daughter. She was absolutely shocked that I had to text my son to see where they were at and that I was entirely nonchalant about the fact that they weren't where they said they were going (to a friend's house who, as it turns out, is grounded for going to the coffee shop when she said they were going to be at DQ - a difference of ~ 4 blocks). These kids are 15 and 16, it was the middle of the day, and we live in Mayberry. When I was that age I was driving. And it was before cell phones. I certainly didn't check in every time we decided coffee sounded better than ice cream, or that Taco Bell would be better than McDs. I let my mom know what the general plan was and who I'd be with and I got home in time for curfew. My friends did the same. Now I'm the most permissive parent of my son's social group for having that same set of expectations for my teenager.

 

[LSmith]

I think it does matter, because it has become a culture that doesn't hesitate to condemn parents who aren't as protective.

I had a mother stop by here today looking for her daughter. She was absolutely shocked that I had to text my son to see where they were at and that I was entirely nonchalant about the fact that they weren't where they said they were going (to a friend's house who, as it turns out, is grounded for going to the coffee shop when she said they were going to be at DQ - a difference of ~ 4 blocks). These kids are 15 and 16, it was the middle of the day, and we live in Mayberry. When I was that age I was driving. And it was before cell phones. I certainly didn't check in every time we decided coffee sounded better than ice cream, or that Taco Bell would be better than McDs. I let my mom know what the general plan was and who I'd be with and I got home in time for curfew. My friends did the same. Now I'm the most permissive parent of my son's social group for having that same set of expectations for my teenager.

So this is a typical case of each parent being judgmental of the other in regards to permissiveness.

 

[luv2sleep]

I think it does matter, because it has become a culture that doesn't hesitate to condemn parents who aren't as protective.

I had a mother stop by here today looking for her daughter. She was absolutely shocked that I had to text my son to see where they were at and that I was entirely nonchalant about the fact that they weren't where they said they were going (to a friend's house who, as it turns out, is grounded for going to the coffee shop when she said they were going to be at DQ - a difference of ~ 4 blocks). These kids are 15 and 16, it was the middle of the day, and we live in Mayberry. When I was that age I was driving. And it was before cell phones. I certainly didn't check in every time we decided coffee sounded better than ice cream, or that Taco Bell would be better than McDs. I let my mom know what the general plan was and who I'd be with and I got home in time for curfew. My friends did the same. Now I'm the most permissive parent of my son's social group for having that same set of expectations for my teenager.

It sounds like you were responsible for her daughter, correct? She has the right to be upset (and I am not saying with you but in general) if her expectation was that there would be more supervision of her child while she was in your care. She was upset. She was worried. She's that child's parent. So she doesn't have the same level of comfort as you did in that situation. That's her prerogative as a parent. So what? Are you worried about how you look now to her? You shouldn't. You are the kind of parent you are and she is the kind of parent she is. If she allows her child to come over again she might just give her more explicit instructions beforehand about how she wants her to conduct herself while there. Check in with mom maybe before making a decision. Who knows. It's a learning a experience for them it seems. Does not mean you should change your parenting style or her hers though.