Are you or have you ever been the "other woman"?

[auntpolly]

Well, it is more like he has a kind of obsession with me. I cut off contact when I realized that it is wrong, but he still emails and phones me on occasion professing his lust, desire all that stuff! LOL!

In medieval days I think that was called "courtly love" and very popular!

 

[auntpolly]

Yes, I WAS the other woman....

am I going to get Totally Bashed for this ????

Not by me. What happened?

 

[ckay87]

Never never would I be with a married man or dishonor my own vows

But this is too boring and I'm no angel

so I will say that yes, once during college I knowingly went out with a guy who had a steady girlfriend back home.

Edited to say that - "once" is inaccurate. I'm no liar - it was way more than once.

 

[jx3smom]

No, and I doubt that I ever would be. I, too have been on the other side and I know what the wife goes through. It is very hard to learn to trust anyone again.

 

[auntpolly]

Kind of. It was more of an emotional affair. I regret it immensely. It was right after my husband cheated on me and I felt it was my way to get back at him and I wanted someone else to feel the pain that I did. I'm not proud of it at all and have lived like a nun since. Well, almost.

Should we call you "Sister"?

Hey, stuff happens...

 

[poohandwendy]

No I haven't been, nor could I be. I truly believe that there are 3 sides to a story, his, hers and the truth. So, I would have a really hard time believing that the 'cheater' was telling me the whole truth. They have too much to gain by lying.

 

[snoopy]

I think about it because my friend is getting divorced because of another woman and we all say that if it happened to us, we'd just kick our husbands out that would be that. But my friend went through a period where she really tried to get her husband back.

We were all like, YUCK! Why would you want him back after that!

I'd like to believe that unless the situation were abusive, I'd go to the ends of the earth to save my marriage. Don't get me wrong, something like an affair would shake me to my very core, but I don't think its automatic grounds for divorce.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

In medieval days I think that was called "courtly love" and very popular!

He has referred to me as a "safe harbour" in one of the letters. I kind of wonder, safe from what? He claims to be counting the days until he can leave. It's his life, and I never try to offer him anything. Perhaps I am just an ear in the distance, or a type of a sounding board. Thanks for being the type of person taht you are to be able to hear this stuff!

 

[auntpolly]

so I will say that yes, once during college I knowingly went out with a guy who had a steady girlfriend back home.
.

Oh, everybody did that!

 

[chadfromdallas]

Oh, everybody did that!

It sure seems like it

Women are so....whats the word I'm looking for here.....

 

[auntpolly]

He has referred to me as a "safe harbour" in one of the letters. I kind of wonder, safe from what? He claims to be counting the days until he can leave. It's his life, and I never try to offer him anything. Perhaps I am just an ear in the distance, or a type of a sounding board. Thanks for being the type of person taht you are to be able to hear this stuff!

I've actually come to think that it's not such a crime to fall out of love with someone and that divorce isn't the end of the world. But I would hope that my husband would just tell me if he was seeing someone else and get it over with!

 

[helenabear]

I'd like to believe that unless the situation were abusive, I'd go to the ends of the earth to save my marriage. Don't get me wrong, something like an affair would shake me to my very core, but I don't think its automatic grounds for divorce.

You said exactly what I was going to... I would do anything (and have done a lot already) to save my marriage.

I haven't been the other woman, and I wouldn't like to do that to someone. However I could see how it can happen. Not at all the same level, but a guy cheated on his g/f (actually fiance) with me. I didn't know he was "attached" at the time (asked after, I learned ) I didn't like doing that at all, and I can see that if a married man came up to me in the day, w/o a ring and if I didn't ask it could happen.

Of course as soon as I'd find out, I'd let them go!!!! People have enough issues usually w/o adding a wife to the mix

 

[jrydberg]

It sure seems like it

Women are so....whats the word I'm looking for here.....

Back away from the keyboard, Chad. No good can come of continuing that thought

 

[poohandwendy]

I'd like to believe that unless the situation were abusive, I'd go to the ends of the earth to save my marriage. Don't get me wrong, something like an affair would shake me to my very core, but I don't think its automatic grounds for divorce.

I agree, but it would totally depend on the circumstances.

As far as the 'other woman' side of it, I can understand how it comes about but I think it is a bad idea and leads to heartache for all involved, including any children.

 

[auntpolly]

It sure seems like it

Women are so....whats the word I'm looking for here.....

I wasn't just talking about women! My DH was "the other man" so to speak, when we were in college and before I broke up with my boyfriend who was going to another college and also was seeing someone else and not telling me! (oh, what a world!)

 

[ckmommy]

Never never would I be with a married man or dishonor my own vows

But this is too boring and I'm no angel

so I will say that yes, once during college I knowingly went out with a guy who had a steady girlfriend back home.

Edited to say that - "once" is inaccurate. I'm no liar - it was way more than once.

I have NEVER cheated on my DH either while we were dating or married. That being said, In college, I became really good friends with a guy. He was seeing another person back home. They were very serious. One night, he kissed me, and a week later, he broke it off with his girlfriend. He told me that he knew he was not meant to be with her when he had such feelings for me. That lasted about 6 weeks, till he found someone that he could not resist besides me--what comes around goes around!

 

[Lisa F]

Kind of. It was more of an emotional affair. I regret it immensely. It was right after my husband cheated on me and I felt it was my way to get back at him and I wanted someone else to feel the pain that I did. I'm not proud of it at all and have lived like a nun since. Well, almost.

At least you have the decency to realize what you did was wrong. IMO the judge of a good person is not whether or not they ever make mistakes (everyone does) but rather what they do when they realize they've made one.

As for me I haven't (had the opportunity when I was younger and told the guy to get lost) and would never (lucky enough to be married to a great guy and I can't imagine hurting him in that way).

 

[poohandwendy]

I've actually come to think that it's not such a crime to fall out of love with someone and that divorce isn't the end of the world. But I would hope that my husband would just tell me if he was seeing someone else and get it over with!

I feel the same way. If it is over, don't prolong the agony and add salt to the wound.

 

[HauteCuisine]

so I will say that yes, once during college I knowingly went out with a guy who had a steady girlfriend back home.

Edited to say that - "once" is inaccurate. I'm no liar - it was way more than once.

Gosh, then I AM a "fallen woman"! In college I dated lots of guys with girlfriends "back home". Didn't we all ?

 

[mudnuri]

without trust you have no relationship- so how can you NOT divorce after one cheats???
I've known a few "other women" and "other men"...sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt I guess

Brandy