Are you or have you ever been the "other woman"?

[Lisa F]

I was being rather 'tongue in cheekish"
I'm talking about going on a date, not having a sexual relationaship.Many college freshman who go away to college had a boyfriend or girlfriend back home, then meet someone, go on a few dates and decide to break off the "high School romance". If that makes me "the other woman', so be it.

I had a boyfriend I left behind when I went away to college. When I got there, there were SO many new and interesting people, I wanted to date others. Before going on my first date with someone at school I called my BF back at home and broke it off. Of course he wanted to know why, and being the honest person I am I told him why. He was pretty hurt and hasn't spoken to me since (this was more than 10 years ago at this point). It was the harder thing to do but I do believe it was the right thing to do. What can I say, the one thing I really have never been able to tolerate is someone who lies to me and I try to give others the same courtesy. Even if it were just a "casual" relationship I would not have dated someone who had a girlfriend at home who was under the impression that they would be faithful to each other. If they had already agreed it was ok to date other people and hang out when he goes home, fine... I guess I just don't want to be a part of anyone else's lie.

Edited to add that no, I don't consider that the same as having an affair (emotional or sexual) with someone who is married. I just personally would not want to even bother giving my trust to someone who right off the bat is lying to someone who trusts him. I guess I just have really high standards . But that's also why I am SURE that DH would never do anything to hurt me.

 

[SPAM]

pfishgirl- this was your ex's nephew? at first i thought it was yours. lol. omg

 

[auntpolly]

soooooooo there it is, that's my story...

Oh, that's not so bad! Sounds like you really waited until he was available to do anything -- I wouldn't really call you the "other woman".

 

[MsLeFever]

without trust you have no relationship- so how can you NOT divorce after one cheats???
I've known a few "other women" and "other men"...sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt I guess

Brandy

Because you vow to take each other in good and in bad.

Because people can make mistakes and repent them

Because trust can be rebuilt and regained

Because Love can conquer all

 

[helenabear]

This is what I think as well. Those that said they would fight for their marriage, imho, is because they have a good marriage so it seems unlikely their spouses are the ones that would cheat. I don't believe that someone in a 'good' marriage would cheat. Once that trust has been broken I'd be forever worried about the next time it happened. I really do believe the old, "once a cheater, always a cheater". I don't mean immature college guys but adult, married men.

Sorry, not necessarily the truth. Has my marriage always been good? Nope, not at all. It literally almost fell apart at one point. Won't even get into cheating with that, but I would fight tooth and nail for my husband. And I did... I would do it again!

My whole thing is that my husband was good enough to want to marry in the first place. Something drew me to him... I would want to find that again. If you want my honest opinion, I am shocked more at how quickly people do divorce than I am with someone who sticks it out and tries to save a marriage. Not to knock others, and not even specifically referring to cheating, but yep I think some people really don't go into a marriage with their eyes open wide enough or with enough sincerity. Marriage is sacred... but that's a whole other debate outside of the cheating issue.

And btw, once a cheater always a cheater is bunk... I will *never* believe it because I *have* seen too many exceptions to the rules for that to be true.

 

[Caradana]

We hear stories here about girls my age, who live in gorgeous apartments/condos, paid for in full by married fortysomething or fiftysomething executives, in exchange for "benefits." Not a choice I would've made, but I can see how their circumstances lead them too this - pretty girls who want to be actresses or dancers, not a lot of money, willing to make the tradeoff ...

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Phishgirl, I like you!!

See it worked for her! This is so interesting, hopefully we can keep it up without any of us flipping out!

 

[pfishgirl]

pfishgirl- this was your ex's nephew? at first i thought it was yours. lol. omg

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

My ex and my hubby are NOT related in any way shape or form !!!!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I was the other woman for a summer in college. I was 19, he was 33. At the time it was great - I got to go out to fabulous places, he would bribe the bouncer to get me into clubs, etc. Sex was amazing - probably cause it had the element of "danger".

Looking back I am horrified at my behavior.

Hanging my head in shame......

What I wouldn't give to be able to apologize to that woman.

 

[wvjules]

They aren't/weren't married, but yes to the question.

 

[chadfromdallas]

And btw, once a cheater always a cheater is bunk... I will *never* believe it because I *have* seen too many exceptions to the rules for that to be true.

Humans aren't made to be monogamous. Everyone is a cheater if put into the right situation. Its in our DNA

 

[Octoberbeauty]

This is what I think as well. Those that said they would fight for their marriage, imho, is because they have a good marriage so it seems unlikely their spouses are the ones that would cheat. I don't believe that someone in a 'good' marriage would cheat. Once that trust has been broken I'd be forever worried about the next time it happened. I really do believe the old, "once a cheater, always a cheater". I don't mean immature college guys but adult, married men.

I don't agree with this at all. I know a LOT of marriages that have survived an unfaithful spouse and gone on to become stronger and still going strong. I come from a small town and everyone knows everything about everyone. One of my best friend's husband was unfaithful to her- involved with another woman for 2 years- and they overcame it and went on to have a much better marriage with open communication and more children. It doesn't have to be the end. And not all cheaters, cheat again.

As for me personally, I would NEVER knowingly date a married man. No way, no how!

 

[SPAM]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

My ex and my hubby are NOT related in any way shape or form !!!!

oh...LOL. i thought you said he was "the nephew". who's nephew is he?

 

[pfishgirl]

pfishgirl- this was your ex's nephew? at first i thought it was yours. lol. omg

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

My ex and my hubby are NOT related in any way shape or form !!!!

My Hubby was my Boss's nephew !!!

 

[poohandwendy]

pfishgirl,

Thank you for sharing your story and I'm glad that things worked out for you. The only thing I am wondering is what role your DH thinks he played in the destruction of their marriage? I ask because you only mention his ex wifes shortcomings and not his. That is what would make me leery if I found myself attracted to a man who was married (or even one who was divorced). (btw, you obviously are not onbligated to mention his bad traits or anything, but did you talk about where he went wrong as well?)

 

[SPAM]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

My ex and my hubby are NOT related in any way shape or form !!!!

My Hubby was my Boss's nephew !!!

LOL!! haha, just checking. i was worried for a second. SORRRYYYYY

 

[snoopy]

Humans aren't made to be monogamous. Everyone is a cheater if put into the right situation. Its in our DNA

What are we, rabbits, or humans?

I disagree that we're all cheaters given the right situation. I think people are monogamous by nature, which is why we struggle through the ups and downs of marriage.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Humans aren't made to be monogamous. Everyone is a cheater if put into the right situation. Its in our DNA

So Chad are you being serious? Are humans really programmed to be monogamous or to stray. Judging by the comments it would seem that most people would say we are more inclined to be faithful I'm kind of wondering if perhaps that is a fallacy?

 

[chadfromdallas]

What are we, rabbits, or humans?

Well, both are still animals

 

[Lisa F]

Phishgirl, I like you!!

See it worked for her! This is so interesting, hopefully we can keep it up without any of us flipping out!

I think the reason it worked for her is because the man in question was honest with his wife about how he felt, he tried everything to make it work again (wanted to go to counseling etc) and when it became apparent that it wouldn't, he broke it off with his wife. It's sad that the first marriage didn't work out but I don't see any "lines" being fed to phishgirl about how he loved her but he couldn't break it off with his wife etc. Although I am a little fuzzy on the timing, it doesn't sound like this guy was trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maybe the timing could have been better, but it doesn't sound like this guy is just looking for something more interesting than whatever he happens to have at the moment. Of course his ex wife might tell a different story, I don't know.

I also agree with poohandwendy, I did notice how the breakup was all the ex wife's fault. I think that is just a case of hearing his side of the story, but it doesn't sound like she was interested in doing much to save her marriage either. If she was and was willing to work things out, IMO, it is a little scuzzy to insert yourself into a relationship when things are still being worked out. It just doesn't seem like that happened here, which makes a difference IMO.