Are “good manners” a thing of the past?

[OKW8297]

I'm going to phrase this as carefully as possible to try to avoid points. But it seems to me that any sort of manners or politeness in our society went out the window when elected officials began both modeling and cheering on what used to be considered shameful behavior. There have always been incredibly rude people, of course, but I feel like it was somewhat constrained by polite society until then. Add in the stress of the pandemic, and there is no real incentive to be nice anymore. That said, I still think most people are more or less well mannered in most situations. The rude ones have just turned up the volume and become more in your face with it.

Amen! This, this, this!

 

[mom2rtk]

I’m a young parent and it doesn’t bother me what others think about my parenting. To put it bluntly every group of old people that have ever existed and will ever exist have thought the same. It’s apart of being afraid of being left behind and it’s unfortunate. But to know what passed as okay socially, and sometimes legally, I’m honestly glad to be a “bad parent” and have “bad kids” because much worse can be said about past generations.

Good grief. You went all in with that one. So much for my hope that people would stop with the generalizations.

 

[amcnj]

I tend to agree with the societal level take on this over the age based views. I have dealt with school-aged children (granted all from one small area) these past two years, and overall find them very courteous.

Yes some are on the introverted side, or may have some other issues going on, and some at the “spreading my wings and trying to act more aloof and grown up” stage, often walling themselves off via ear buds. But I have commented to others on just how nice most of the children I have dealt with have been. I realize this small sample of a few hundred kids from one small town isn’t necessarily translatable to the world at large, but it does give me hope things can improve.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I’m a young parent and it doesn’t bother me what others think about my parenting. To put it bluntly every group of old people that have ever existed and will ever exist have thought the same. It’s apart of being afraid of being left behind and it’s unfortunate. But to know what passed as okay socially, and sometimes legally, I’m honestly glad to be a “bad parent” and have “bad kids” because much worse can be said about past generations.

Very refreshing outlook

 

[Praying Colonel]

The hot taeks are strong with this thread.

 

[LovesTimone]

Absolutely

 

[starlite_]

Kids today are direct. This could easily be considered rude. I actually applause this generation for learning to speak up for themselves. And as someone who grew up being told that I was never allowed to speak to my parents in any sort of contradictory manner, it was shocking the first time my DD did it. But the truth is she had good points. I just had to get over my own ego to hear them.

If you are a parent nowadays it’s probably a good idea to look at Tiktok beyond the dances and challenges. There is a lot of political activism going on. There is also a lot of kids sharing openly about trauma in their household in a way that we were taught to keep inside. I was taught to never criticize my parents even when they were completely 100% in the wrong. This generation is going to call out bad behavior. It feels shocking but they aren’t wrong.

There also is a sense of caring less I think in this generation versus my generation which was millennials of caring what everyone thinks of you. Some poster brought up about a child wearing a certain outfit to church. I literally could hear what my daughter would say to that. They went even if they didn’t want to, if someone at church is judging their outfit they’re not being very kind and those people judging are at church for the wrong reason.

My daughter is way less likely at 20 to throw a tantrum over anything than some adults I’ve seen. She is way more likely to constantly apologize to underpaid workers for inconveniencing them in anyway. That being said she will totally call out those in power or those in a position of authority who are abusing that power. Honestly I think the world needs more people doing exactly that.

This is my experience as well as someone on the younger side of the millennial generation with gen z siblings. Younger people in general are much more likely to respond back to what we perceive as injustices. We are generally not afraid to tell our elders when they are wrong and if that means we are perceived as rude then so be it . I'll much rather be thought of as rude than enabling bad behaviours.

 

[tzolkin]

Reading posts about the boorish behavior in the parks got me thinking, do people still teach their children manners? Or has it gone away with the dinosaurs? My years working in schools, I’ve seen a dramatic decline in basic manners. It just seems sad that children are disrespectful, rude (not all) maybe I’m just old and cranky!

I'm curious what "boorish behavior" you're seeing that sparked this thread. As several have already mentioned, some things that some people find to be perfectly acceptable are considered rude by others.

The vast majority of what I would consider "bad behavior" that I typically see (especially at Disney) is by adults. So, I'm not sure it has anything to do with teaching children manners since the kids are usually fine.

I do think that something has changed on a societal level, perhaps with social media. But, again, I tend to see it more with adults than with children/teens. I have seen a dramatic change in many of my family members (especially of my parents' generation). People who I had believed all my life to be genuinely caring have somehow turned into rude, obnoxious jerks who do not care about anyone else's feelings, are completely dismissive of others opinions, complain constantly in public, etc. So it can't be what their parents taught them, since they were fine before and have now become rude.

I have two teens and a twenty-something so I've been exposed to quite a few young people. I feel like their generation tends to actually be more polite/caring/accepting despite what they are being taught by their parents. They would never dream of insulting someone's weight, making a racist/sexist comment, yelling at a clerk in a store, or telling someone "eff your feelings".

I think people forget the ages of Millennials. We're not early 20s lol that's the generation below us

This is true. There was recently a thread about young adults (early 20s) w/ no kids being the prime audience for Disney and most were saying "millennials". But Millennials are also those in their 30s+ who are the parents of most of todays young children. I would probably consider myself to be GenX, but I'm actually a Millennial. I think when people make sweeping generalizations about Millennials they are definitely not picturing someone in their early 40s who has had a 20+ year career and children who are young adults.

I have no problem with direct as that’s how I am. However, I think it all depends on tone.
How you say it can come off rude, especially if your tone is sarcastic or condescending.

I would consider anything sarcastic or condescending to be in a different category than direct. I think in my mind "direct" is more objective and non-emotional so that's why it's not rude. That said, I think sometimes regardless of how kind or objective you try to be some people will take a direct comment to be offensive because of their own personal issues or beliefs and not because there was actually anything inherently rude about the statement.

 

[starlite_]

I'm curious what "boorish behavior" you're seeing that sparked this thread. As several have already mentioned, some things that some people find to be perfectly acceptable are considered rude by others.

The vast majority of what I would consider "bad behavior" that I typically see (especially at Disney) is by adults. So, I'm not sure it has anything to do with teaching children manners since the kids are usually fine.

I do think that something has changed on a societal level, perhaps with social media. But, again, I tend to see it more with adults than with children/teens. I have seen a dramatic change in many of my family members (especially of my parents' generation). People who I had believed all my life to be genuinely caring have somehow turned into rude, obnoxious jerks who do not care about anyone else's feelings, are completely dismissive of others opinions, complain constantly in public, etc. So it can't be what their parents taught them, since they were fine before and have now become rude.

I think a lot of older people, regardless of generation are becoming very entitled. Like they feel everyone younger than them need to defer to them and take their word as law just because they are older and believe they have more life experience. Which of course doesn't go with younger people because "the elders" aren't always right.

 

[VandVsmama]

Reading posts about the boorish behavior in the parks got me thinking, do people still teach their children manners? Or has it gone away with the dinosaurs? My years working in schools, I’ve seen a dramatic decline in basic manners. It just seems sad that children are disrespectful, rude (not all) maybe I’m just old and cranky!

The most rude people I have encountered over the past couple of years have been adults, not children. And they've been adults who are older than me. So if anybody isn't teaching their children manners, it's those adults' parents.

Here are some 'fun' examples:

• talking on a cell phone with the phone on speaker. Same thing for "Facetime'ing" with someone out in public. So everybody gets to hear your conversation.
• using outdated racist, derogatory, and/or offensive terms in order to describe people different than them.
• publicly chastising relatives/family members for not dressing according to their standards when going to a particular place.
• going up to a total stranger and asking the person why he/she dyes his/her hair a color that the 'adult' doesn't approve of (i.e., pink, purple, blue, green, etc.).
• making lots of demands of other people and never saying please or thank you.
• expecting other people to read one's mind and somehow just "know" what it is that you want.
• expecting others to hang on your every word for hours while you talk about yourself and you not once ever ask the other person anything about themselves.
• cutting in line and being a totally rude you-know-what when calmly asked to go to the back of the line.
• demanding that the "lady of the house" wait on you hand and foot and expecting to be treated like it's an episode of the Leave It To Beaver from 1958.
• treating people poorly when they practice a different religion than you.

 

[CdnCarrie]

The most rude people I have encountered over the past couple of years have been adults, not children. And they've been adults who are older than me. So if anybody isn't teaching their children manners, it's those adults' parents.

Here are some 'fun' examples:

• talking on a cell phone with the phone on speaker. Same thing for "Facetime'ing" with someone out in public. So everybody gets to hear your conversation.
• using outdated racist, derogatory, and/or offensive terms in order to describe people different than them.
• publicly chastising relatives/family members for not dressing according to their standards when going to a particular place.
• going up to a total stranger and asking the person why he/she dyes his/her hair a color that the 'adult' doesn't approve of (i.e., pink, purple, blue, green, etc.).
• making lots of demands of other people and never saying please or thank you.
• expecting other people to read one's mind and somehow just "know" what it is that you want.
• expecting others to hang on your every word for hours while you talk about yourself and you not once ever ask the other person anything about themselves.
• cutting in line and being a totally rude you-know-what when calmly asked to go to the back of the line.
• demanding that the "lady of the house" wait on you hand and foot and expecting to be treated like it's an episode of the Leave It To Beaver from 1958.
• treating people poorly when they practice a different religion than you.

Yes this. I see this lack of filter in older people (65+). The worst I have seen are comments regarding Indigenous people from family members. It's awful. (implying that they are lying for $$ regarding residential schools, etc). They also seem the worst at hateful political rhetoric.
I think younger people overall seem to be more open and receptive to people that differ from them. Also in couple FB groups I'm in that are in regards to our city's past lots of issues with people talking about how "we were the best generation" "kids are wimpy" Kids are blah blah blah" So tiresome.
Each generation has something to offer.

But of course the X rocks. No one messes with the X.

 

[mrodgers]

I usually find it’s the boomers that are the rudest and most entitled age group.
I guess it varies on your experiences and outlook.

Are you one of the young ones and are just calling all old people boomers or do you mean folks from the actual baby boomer generation?

Old folks have always been rude and entitled. The "boomers" were in their 30's going into their 40's when I was a child and the old people were rude and entitled back then as well, which would have been the generation that raised the baby boomers. They just weren't "boomers", they were simply older folk.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Are you one of the young ones and are just calling all old people boomers or do you mean folks from the actual baby boomer generation?

Old folks have always been rude and entitled. The "boomers" were in their 30's going into their 40's when I was a child and the old people were rude and entitled back then as well, which would have been the generation that raised the baby boomers. They just weren't "boomers", they were simply older folk.

Sure I'm young. I'm in my early 50s. That's still young. I'm an older mother having children in her mid 30s.

 

[mrodgers]

Sure I'm young. I'm in my early 50s. That's still young. I'm an older mother having children in her mid 30s.

Then you in the eyes of the youngest are a boomer, as am I. Heck, my daughter was dating someone who was 25 when she was 19. Both my daughters called him a "boomer", LOL.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Then you in the eyes of the youngest are a boomer, as am I. Heck, my daughter was dating someone who was 25 when she was 19. Both my daughters called him a "boomer", LOL.

My kid jokily call me a boomer so I call him a zoomer. Or I yell that's I'm a X! I'm so the Breakfast Club generation lol.

 

[Uncle Coaster]

I just had a conversation with someone who said that once they hit 60 they stopped caring what other people thought of them and removed the filters. I can see how people can think the older generation is rude. These same people who are removing their filters now are also the same people who called old people rude 20 years ago so the cycle keeps rolling.

The only thing that o personally find rude that kids seem to do more now than when I was a kid is eat food loudly. Finding a kid or young adult that can chew with their mouths closed is becoming a bit harder.

 

[longboard55]

I know a teacher, he is saying his job is impossible because lack of respect, and it is coming from the parents.

 

[VandVsmama]

What I find really rude, most of all, is when a person has an intense sense of entitlement. AND when a person doesn't treat others as they'd want to be treated. In my experience, when you have the former, the latter goes along with that.

Are 'young people' rude as well? Sure, of course. We encountered a couple of packs of wild teenage boys at the movie theater last weekend when seeing the new Dr. Strange movie, but I blew it off because...hello...it's a super hero movie...so spirited shouting & cheering is easy to overlook in that sort of situation.

But you know what? EVERY GENERATION complains about "the kids these days."

My parents' generation would/does everything for show, meaning that you tell people what you think they want to hear and then you talk smack about them behind their backs the entire time...only for you to find out later that "everybody" has been gossiping about you and has drawn stupid conclusions about you. But sure, here's a nice cheese plate & jello salad to go with your side of 'stab you in the back.' You know what's rude? Being mad/upset at someone and talking to literally EVERYONE ELSE about your issue instead of discussing it 1-on-1 directly with the person.

There's also some people who were raised by parents who told them that they were super special super stars & they deserve the best of everything. SOME of those people have a big sense of entitlement as well. Often shows up as stuff like "Do you know who I am?!" or "I've only worked here 6 months but when can I get a raise and a promotion?"

 

[CdnCarrie]

I just had a conversation with someone who said that once they hit 60 they stopped caring what other people thought of them and removed the filters. I can see how people can think the older generation is rude. These same people who are removing their filters now are also the same people who called old people rude 20 years ago so the cycle keeps rolling.

The only thing that o personally find rude that kids seem to do more now than when I was a kid is eat food loudly. Finding a kid or young adult that can chew with their mouths closed is becoming a bit harder.

I think there has to be a muted filter. You can still call out bad behavior by being direct but you can't just say "I don't care what people think" and say rude things about people's hair or ethnicity.
I can see how this can lead to conflict with misunderstandings between people.

 

[John VN]

I'm going to phrase this as carefully as possible to try to avoid points. But it seems to me that any sort of manners or politeness in our society went out the window when elected officials began both modeling and cheering on what used to be considered shameful behavior. There have always been incredibly rude people, of course, but I feel like it was somewhat constrained by polite society until then. Add in the stress of the pandemic, and there is no real incentive to be nice anymore. That said, I still think most people are more or less well mannered in most situations. The rude ones have just turned up the volume and become more in your face with it.

Amen! This, this, this!

Let the points

When poor behavior emanates from the TOP, all is lost.