Anyone else hate parties?

[RC Fan]

and the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain.

I would also recommend this book. I share many of the traits the OP and many of you discribe--I always have wondered what was 'wrong' with me. Last May I discovered I have ADD/ADHD, and the subsequent reading I did was a revelation. The bottom line is, for whatever reason, there are lots of us who don't love large scale social interaction, and that is totally OK. Please don't feel bad about it.

 

[dsneprincess]

And here I thought I was the only one all these years....

 

[sturdypeasantstock]

Yes, but that's only b/c I am an only child. All my actions are due to that, according to some of the almighty on the DIS, so it must be true! We are all evil. (sarcasm)

I like to talk and see people I haven't seen for a while, but the parties go on for hours and honestly, I'm tired. Everyone sits at tables and it becomes boring to just sit there for hours. I'm not good at conversation, although I am more of a listener than a talker and some people seem cool with that. If someone has a problem and needs an ear, that's where I come in.

At DHs family parties, I don't have much in common with people. So, it is awkward. They are more affluent and talk about their vacations, clothes, etc. Their children don't have special needs so they talk about college, sports and all the NT things their kids do, while our family's life has always revolved around therapy, etc. It's like they are speaking another language. I just will never "fit in", but I try to be social and polite.

I hated little kids' parties, the expense, crowds, noise, etc. - glad those days are over. Not looking forward to the next generation of that.

I don't know if I'd call church functions parties per se, but I enjoy those a little more.

 

[brookmey]

I don't like going to parties, either. If I don't know anyone else there or if there's no one I feel comfortable with, I can't wait to leave. It's almost like torture for me to be there making small talk with strangers.

If it's a family party, I don't mind it too much, but I definitely need a day to recover. All the talking and socializing takes a lot out of me because I feel like I have to be "on.". I'm normally very quiet and introverted, so all the talking exhausts me.

 

[honeydiane1953]

I'm an extrovert and quite funny. Folks have told me all my life I should do stand up comedy. I have been called the life of the party. Do I like parties? No I hate small talk even though I have the "gift" of gab. I just don't want to go. Although I do attend most family functions really I would rather stay home. So I guess that makes me ??? IDK

 

[Pigeon]

I don't mind family parties for the most part. I hate parties where I don't know most of the people. Mingling with strangers isn't my thing.

 

[Sabeking]

So KIMR how did it go??

People say I am very outgoing and always making jokes but I too can't stand a party! I also don't deal well with all the noise and can feel closterphobic in a crowd. One of my big issues is that I am thrown into a party/dinner party constantly because of my DH's job. Usually while we are out I am thinking of all the things I need to/ want to do at home instead of making small talk.

Jeez after rereading my response I sound kind of bitter...all the more reason to keep me home huh?

 

[KimR]

It went ok! It was very low-key and there were not as many people as I thought there were going to be, so that was good. I wouldn't say I had a good time, but it wasn't horrible either. I was happy to leave though. I just love that feeling of relief after an event is over and I walk out the door and can relax.

My husband was the life of the party, as usual. He and I are about as opposite as two people can be in that regard. You'd think I could learn a thing or two from him, but I'm convinced it's one of those things you either have or you don't.

Sabeking, I probably should go to my husband's work functions, but I don't. I feel bad about it sometimes, but I don't see the point if I'm only going to be miserable. I used to think if I just forced myself to go, I'd become more skilled at making small talk and relating to people, but that's just not the case. DH is very good at steering me through a crowd and covering for me when I draw a blank in conversation, but I know he can relax and enjoy himself much more if he doesn't have to worry about me. He's explained my issues to his colleagues and they seem to be understanding. I can't help but think they wonder how someone as outgoing as he is wound up with such an introverted wife, though. I suppose it's a classic case of opposites attract.

I'm surprised there are so many of us with this issue. I hate that anyone else has to deal with this, but it helps to know I'm not alone. It can be a very lonely thing, dealing with this problem.

 

[Sabeking]

It went ok! It was very low-key and there were not as many people as I thought there were going to be, so that was good. I wouldn't say I had a good time, but it wasn't horrible either. I was happy to leave though. I just love that feeling of relief after an event is over and I walk out the door and can relax.

My husband was the life of the party, as usual. He and I are about as opposite as two people can be in that regard. You'd think I could learn a thing or two from him, but I'm convinced it's one of those things you either have or you don't.

Sabeking, I probably should go to my husband's work functions, but I don't. I feel bad about it sometimes, but I don't see the point if I'm only going to be miserable. I used to think if I just forced myself to go, I'd become more skilled at making small talk and relating to people, but that's just not the case. DH is very good at steering me through a crowd and covering for me when I draw a blank in conversation, but I know he can relax and enjoy himself much more if he doesn't have to worry about me. He's explained my issues to his colleagues and they seem to be understanding. I can't help but think they wonder how someone as outgoing as he is wound up with such an introverted wife, though. I suppose it's a classic case of opposites attract.

I'm surprised there are so many of us with this issue. I hate that anyone else has to deal with this, but it helps to know I'm not alone. It can be a very lonely thing, dealing with this problem.

Unfortunately my DH is part owner of the company so I don't have a lot of choice but people may think I have digestive issues because I frequent the restroom a lot to escape! LOL

It sounds like you made it through pretty well. Don't be so tough on yourself. You went through with the party and that's saying something!

 

[goofyintoronto]

Introverts don't necessarily have anxiety- they just...don't 'get' socializing en masse. They'd love to have an in depth, intellectual conversation with one person....but they don't understand an extrovert's desire to make small talk.

Im more of an introvert, so I agree with this statement. I can relate. I cant stand small talk. It drives me nuts. I dont have anxiety at all and im a very social person.

The reason why I ask is many have written of "hate making small talk".

Most of the parties I attend are thrown by very good friends and are usually small (6 to 8 people) so I'm not in a situation where I'm making "small" talk. These folks know me, they know about my kids, family, work etc so while I do understand the concept of small talk, I think of it as something strangers really do to pass the time.

So are most of the "parties" you get invited to situations where you don't know anyone or the majority of people?

I had a graduation party for my son, my family came, once again there was no "small" talk as my sister pretty much walks in on me while I'm showering so not a lot of discomfit there?

Outside of the occasional work related function, I really don't get invited to a lot of parties where I have to make small talk, usually the ones we go to are small parties with friends.

Are you guys also uncomfortable in those situations?

YES. Although I wouldnt say im "uncomfortable" in those situations, i'd use the word bored instead. LOL. Usually parties I attend would be hosted by a good/close friend. I obviously dont know all of their friends, so there would be a lot of ppl there that I dont know very well at all. Which is why i dont look forward to going...tons of small talk there. Not a big fan. Thats why i would often pass up a party. A good friend of mine throws a huge xmas party every year. The last straw for me was 2 yrs ago...I went, and every person i spoke with bragged about their yacht, their vacation home in europe, their bling, this and that. Wow. Just wow. Never again. Not my idea of fun.

 

[JamesMom]

When I was in high school and college I loved parties! Loud crowded dance floors were my thing. Now as a settled middle-aged stay-at-home mom - not so much. I visit with friends rarely for more than a chat at school or whereever. But sometime we do visit and talk for an hour or so I am exhuasted afterwards and my mind wanders during. I am so used to doing my own thing on my own time without talking to anybody other than pleasantries and I can do pleasantries - I have no problem with small talk to strangers at the grocery store or waiting at the haircutters yesterday. But those exchanges are a few minutes at a time something I can handle. I am an extrovert turned into a hermit, lol.
My kids were invited to a Halloween party this past Saturday and we got in costume and arrived 15 minutes in. There were costumed adults drinking beer and I was suprised. I expected a kids party (even brought my ipad to read) and the adults outnumbered the kids with ONE mom I knew. So after a few people introduced themselves and did the 8 degrees of separation to the hosts, I sat and watched my kids have a ball. After 2 hours I was so ready to bail.
Even family gatherings now it seems a rush to get my point into the onslaught of conversation, that I mostly just listen because it is not worth the trouble. Thankfully, DH work does not have the dreaded office parties.
The internet has been my life saver in terms of social interaction (and I don't facebooks or that nonsense) and I control the conversation and get to eaves drop on a lot.
I have changed and I don't think that is a bad thing.