Hey Ed. The beauty of digital is having endless numbers of shot to get what you are looking for. I have been all over the place with ISO, shutter speed, aperature, and flash/no flash and have gotten pleasing results out of each. For the outside of the house I will go with a low ISO and a pretty slow shutter speed (on the tripod) with the aperature in the middle. I will take a shot and see if I like it and that will determine if I want to add the flash. It helps if your camera or flash lets you vary the power of the flash. If I am taking pics of family and they are all moving about I will up the ISO, up the shutter speed, and use the flash to avoid motion blur. If your camera has a "night portrait" mode this can be great to get people well lit but still have the soft glow of the lights in the picture. This is essentially a slightly slower shutter speed than a normal indoor flash shot but the slower shutter speed gives the image warmth. One thing though, your subject needs to hold still even after the flash has gone off so you don't get motion blur.
You know you should PM Wendy at the coffee house and ask her opinion.