Any advice for single female meeting male from internet

[mark&sue]

It seemed to me he was being a bit tight about the rooms because he told her they could put a screen up between the beds and not do anything if she didn't want to. She explained that she needed her space (she also told me that she probably needed to fix herself up a bit after all she would be suffering from jet lag and is used to having her own space).

This worried me as from our point of view your hotel rooms seem so cheap anyway compared to the price of hotel rooms in UK and it seemed a bit penny pinching.


Susan

 

[chyam]

It is hard for most people to really understand what it is like to be a "middle aged" person looking to meet people .......most of the people that have advice are usually sitting in their nice homes with a great husband that they met in their 20's or 30's or at college or work. It is not easy to meet people in your 40's and that is why the internet thing has gotten so big. We can all make judgements about others using the internet but here we all are using the internet to meet and talk with other people on the internet and I know "we" are not all kooks and weirdos. And yes there are horror stories but there are also horror stories of people who have known one another for years.
This woman defineately needs to take precautions......number 1 doing some research to see if he is married, You can search public records for alot of that information as well as if truely does own a business and if owns property. She must also make sure she is traveling to a safe area, this thing about either Tampa or the Keys has me worried..........I would want to know exactly where I was going, I would want to take a taxi to the resort on my own and I would do a search on the property where I was staying. I would also leave all infomation on the man with friends and family. I would really feel safe if she was heading to Disney more so than the Keys...........I can only speak from my experience but as I have said I have met alot of nice people although none have been Prince Charming I still am friends with many.I also work with a man from London who met his wife on the internet , he now lives here, and he is not a kook! I just think she needs a safer more open and definite place to meet him. I hope she is paying for her end of the trip and knows exactly what she is getting into..........otherwise tell her to stay home! The same people who are so afraid are also the same people who would probably not even eat at a restaurant by themselves, I give your friend alot of credit for wanting to meet people and have an adventure!

 

[TeresaNJ]

I'm sorry Susan, but I think your friend is "off her rocker" for agreeing to this set-up, and that's exactly what it sounds like. Who in their right mind would let a virtual stranger pick out the hotel, tell her he wanted them to share a room, and is going to get in a car with this stranger to drive her to the hotel???? OMG, this is exactly what I caution my 20yo daughter about.

I'm all for your friend taking the trip to Florida and also for meeting this person, but in much safer circumstances. She should have her own transportation, research the hotel, have her room reserved in her name, and put up as many safeguards as possible. What on earth is she thinking? I don't care how lonely I was, I'd be more concerned about my life.

Why doesn't she just meet him in the Keys?? There are plenty of limo services that she could use if she doesn't want to drive herself. There is absolutely no way I would get into a car with a stranger in a foreign country and hope that he is a good guy. You know what, if he was a good guy he wouldn't put her in the situation he is putting her into. I'm sorry if I sound judgmental, but she doesn't even know this person. He could be Jack the Ripper returned for all she knows. Sounds absolutely crazy to me.

 

[roseprincess]

I have no problem people meeting in a group setting that they know from the internet, for example, Dis meets Dis meets are always nice and safe. But Susan, in this certain situation, I see a ton of red flags that this is not going to be a safe meet between this man and your friend.
Can your friend look into doing a tour with other older singles her age, divorced people, in the US or UK? In the US, there's got to be a few group tours in warmer climates(if that is what she is looking for). I'm sure there are group tours in Arizona, Texas, Florida, California, etc. She just needs to talk to a travel agent to get info and her planning. I would think this would be much safer than meeting up with a guy alone that your friend really doesn't know. In fact, if she really wants to meet this guy, she can make plans to do a tour and pay her own way and he can pay his own way with the tour thing, and sleep in separate rooms.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm sorry Susan, but I think your friend is "off her rocker" for agreeing to this set-up, and that's exactly what it sounds like. Who in their right mind would let a virtual stranger pick out the hotel, tell her he wanted them to share a room, and is going to get in a car with this stranger to drive her to the hotel???? OMG, this is exactly what I caution my 20yo daughter about.

I'm all for your friend taking the trip to Florida and also for meeting this person, but in much safer circumstances. She should have her own transportation, research the hotel, have her room reserved in her name, and put up as many safeguards as possible. What on earth is she thinking? I don't care how lonely I was, I'd be more concerned about my life.

Why doesn't she just meet him in the Keys?? There are plenty of limo services that she could use if she doesn't want to drive herself. There is absolutely no way I would get into a car with a stranger in a foreign country and hope that he is a good guy. You know what, if he was a good guy he wouldn't put her in the situation he is putting her into. I'm sorry if I sound judgmental, but she doesn't even know this person. He could be Jack the Ripper returned for all she knows. Sounds absolutely crazy to me.

I've got to agree with this completely. If this were my DD, I'd throw a fit (and her dad would lock her in the closet! LOL).

The fact that he wanted to share a room and that he didn't appreciate that she didn't says a lot. They don't even know each other (or what baggage each other may have).

There is NO WAY on this earth that I'd get in a car and ride from Tampa to the Keys with a stranger (male or female).

The only way I'd go through with this would be if I booked my own room (and paid for it), had my own transportation, and met him in the Keys. To be honest, I would never meet a stranger by myself, so I'd also have to take somebody with me.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I met my DH on match.com and I met him in a restaurant. I don't think I'd feel comfortable at all spending days with someone I'd just met.

I met too many losers on match.com, before meeting my DH. What if he gives her the creeps, but he adores her? Or vice versa? It could be a very akward situation for her.

I found that very few people, with the exception of my DH advertise themselves as they truly are.

Since she's already committed to meeting him, I would just make sure that she always lets someone know - if even by phone to another continent - where she will be. You can never be too careful.

 

[mark&sue]

My friend (and co-worker) has done many tours on her own over the years. She even did Las Vegas and has done Alaska. She also does a lot of hill walking in Scotland.

I have the feeling that no one is going to talk her out of this. I did say to her "what would you say if it was your daughter?" and she could not answer me.

I feel this is out of character for my friend as she is usually so picky and choosey about men that she has been on her own so long. I get the feeling she is determined to spend a week annual leave by going on this adventure and was even talking about re-locating over to the states if it works out as she cannot live her life around her grandchildren!!!

I will let you know how it goes. Fingers crossed.


Susan

 

[mom2grace]

Suggest that she hire a private investigator to check him out before her trip. It would be a few hundred bucks for some peace of mind!

 

[Rajah]

The fact that he wasn't thrilled about separate rooms is a big red flag to me. If he reallly respected your friend, he wouldn't have remarked on it at all.

I'd be having second thoughts if I were her.

This one is sending up red flags for me. And I've met a lot of friends over the internet, so I'm not that shy about it.

 

[Rajah]

Another thought -- have her be on a cell phone with a friend or family member when she meets up with him.

 

[Ronda93]

First, this is a colossally bad idea. She should do the background check, now. He does not ring true.

If no one convinces her to alter her plans she could follow the steps of a friend of mine....

As soon as they meet she takes his picture and sends it to another friend.

She's not sly about it either. Hi. Smile. "Oh, that? It's in case you get lost." Done.

 

[Keggy]

I understand the plight of the over a certain age and single. I know it is tough out there.

This is either a nightmare or a fairy tale waiting to happen. It is a 50/50 shot. I am usually a glass is half full type of gal, but this just has me thinking the worst.

First of all, why are they flying into Tampa to go to the Keys? Did I miss that? There are other airports much further south to be flying into.

Second of all, this guy is probably married, why Florida? I know his has the condo, but this just is a red flag to me.

A HUGE red flag is the questioning of the second hotel room. She needs to call the hotel to check and make sure the second room really is booked.

As someone else suggessted she needs to invest in a camera phone. As soon as she meets this man, she needs to take his picture and e-mail it to you and her children. You all also need to have his e-mail address that he has been using and any other phone numbers or other info that he has given her.

Find out the name of his business. Someone here has to live near there and can check it out. Is this guy really who he says he is?

I understand your friend is bound and determined to go - but there are some steps she can take ahead of time to ensure this ends up a fairy tale and not a nightmare.

Kelly

 

[roseprincess]

It seemed to me he was being a bit tight about the rooms because he told her they could put a screen up between the beds and not do anything if she didn't want to. ]

I hate to say this, but this is one of the oldest lines that guys try to use to sleep with a woman. I have seen this type of scenario on sitcoms from the '70s and '80s. It might be innocent on a half- hour tv show,but in real life, you know what this guy wants.
I'm not sure if this is the fun your friend is looking for on a first- meeting basis. Hopefully your friend will come to her senses on actually meeting this guy and looking for some escape from her not-so exciting life?

Well whatever happens, hopefully she will be safe and that we all warned your dear friend! Please keep us posted what happens.

 

[MICKEY88]

there are many red flags in this one,

the problerm with checking him out, is this.....how do you know the name he gives is really his...


he could say he's Donald Trump and if you run a check on him you will find that he is indeed rich and does own the property he tells you, this doesn't verify that he is who he says he is...

the shared room, the car ride. the Keys rather than somewhere on the mainland....

all sounds bad to me..

 

[MICKEY88]

here's a story to share with your friend...

a friend of mine from NEw Zealand, met a guy on line, he was from the US...they chatted for months, then talked by phone. the chat room they met in had a meet here in the states, they both attended and met face to face..she stayed in the states for a week or 2 and they spent a lot of time together, he always picked her up at her hotel...she returned to New Zealand, they continued to talk, and decided they wanted to marry each other, they made plans, she sold her house in new zealand, quit her job, and came back to the states, a day or 2 after her arrival, his wife showed up at my friends hotel room..

apparently he never thought my friend would actually leave NEw Zealand behind....

needless to say my friend returned to NEw Zealand, completely devastated,,

she actually wrote a book about her experience and did the new zealand talk show circuit, hoping to prevent other women from making a similar mistake...

 

[mark&sue]

I must admit I never thought about the married angle. I asked her if he had children and she said he had two grown up daughters. I asked her if his wife had passed away or was he divorced. She said she did not know and it just did not occur to me that he was married.

I am now more worried than I was before


Susan

 

[froglady]

I agree with everyone who has suggested that she get the name of his company, and you can post it here. There are MANY Disers who could verify that the company exists, and he's the owner. Heck, my DB lived on the Cape until recently, and is IN a field related to construction, so he would know of any companies.

If the guy WON'T give her this information, he's hiding something.

Edited to add, you could just PM the information to someone who lives on the Cape, rather than make it public.

 

[MICKEY88]

I agree with everyone who has suggested that she get the name of his company, and you can post it here. There are MANY Disers who could verify that the company exists, and he's the owner. Heck, my DB lived on the Cape until recently, and is IN a field related to construction, so he would know of any companies.

If the guy WON'T give her this information, he's hiding something.

Edited to add, you could just PM the information to someone who lives on the Cape, rather than make it public.

as I stated earlier, what's to stop him from giving the legitimate name of a business and the owners name, it doesn't prove that he is that person..

 

[can'twait]

This is just creepy. The fact that he is fighting her on the car ride and the seperate rooms is a huge red flag. It always has to be his way? I think not! Have they spoken on the phone? I would make sure that she has her own transportation, and hotel reservation. I would never expect a first date to be a week long. That's just weird, but I understand there is an ocean between them. Maybe they could meet in another city, not somewhere he is familiar with but she isn't. If he doesn't want to, then he's up to no good. Is there seriously nobody in Britain she can meet on the net? At least it wouldn't be so far to travel to be disappointed, or worse.

 

[mark&sue]

She has spoken to this man on the phone and has seen a photo. I have known her 8 years and have know her to try a good few dating places and have in fact been with her to a few.

I have never seen her like this before. I really do hope it works out for us as I am a DVC member and can come out and see her and perhaps do an exchange to cape cod.

Sorry I am worse than her as I so much want this man to be the one for her.



Susan