Another WWYD...high school issue

[mnrose]

My D is in the high school one-act play. In Minnesota, this is a high school league competitive activity (like football or debate). The sub-sectional competition was yesterday afternoon and evening at a high school which is actually physically closer to my home than the high school she attends (the vagaries of district boundaries!). They left their home high school on a bus at 2 pm for a competition that was supposed to be from about 3 until about 9.

At 8:30, having heard nothing from her about how it was going, I texted her to say "what time will you be done, and can I come and pick you up at competition school" (as this would save a LOT of time). She said "no, the director says we need to go back on the bus." at 9:40, she calls me to say 'results are delayed' and we won't leave here for another 1/2 hour. At that point, I said "look, since it's so late, let me come and pick you up." She asked the director again (I heard this conversation), and again he says "No." I'm not happy because it is LATE, and going to pick her up at the competition school and coming home will get her here at least 40 minutes sooner. (She has to get up at 6 am to make her bus).

They finally get on their way home shortly after 10, and I leave to go get her....arriving around 10:30 (roads were icy and snow covered, so traveling was slow). As I drove in, I saw the director drive off in his car. My D gets in the car, and I notice a half dozen other cast members still in the lobby of the school. I asked her why Mr. X left when there were still kids waiting to be picked up. She said "well, the janitor is still there."

Ack. I don't think that's ok...to leave a bunch of high schoolers (9-12 grade....my D is 9th) alone in a school lobby at 10:30 at night with only the janitor to "watch" them. I don't think that's in the janitor's job description. Plus, as I say, the roads were a mess. I white knuckled it there and back. It's not impossible or even wildly speculative to think a parent could have had trouble getting there.

I'm debating whether to "say something" to the administration. On the one hand, I think it's wrong to leave even high schoolers by themselves that late at night in the school. On the other hand, I do not want to be "that" parent that complains....in particular, I'm concerned about jeopardizing her chances of being cast in future productions. She's only a 9th grader (and technically, she's actually an 8th grader taking high school classes), and has a few more years to go at THIS school with THIS director.

WWYD?

 

[Sanchez]

I am sure you will get great support on this issue given the makeup of this group. Nevertheless, given the events of the evening as you relate them you certainly are looking for reasons to find fault with the director. Are you sure there was no other adult in the building? Further, what is wrong with the janitor? It is quite feasible that he/she knows how to use a phone and deal with any emergencies. Janitor does not equal idiot.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My D is in the high school one-act play. In Minnesota, this is a high school league competitive activity (like football or debate). The sub-sectional competition was yesterday afternoon and evening at a high school which is actually physically closer to my home than the high school she attends (the vagaries of district boundaries!). They left their home high school on a bus at 2 pm for a competition that was supposed to be from about 3 until about 9.

At 8:30, having heard nothing from her about how it was going, I texted her to say "what time will you be done, and can I come and pick you up at competition school" (as this would save a LOT of time). She said "no, the director says we need to go back on the bus." at 9:40, she calls me to say 'results are delayed' and we won't leave here for another 1/2 hour. At that point, I said "look, since it's so late, let me come and pick you up." She asked the director again (I heard this conversation), and again he says "No." I'm not happy because it is LATE, and going to pick her up at the competition school and coming home will get her here at least 40 minutes sooner. (She has to get up at 6 am to make her bus).

They finally get on their way home shortly after 10, and I leave to go get her....arriving around 10:30 (roads were icy and snow covered, so traveling was slow). As I drove in, I saw the director drive off in his car. My D gets in the car, and I notice a half dozen other cast members still in the lobby of the school. I asked her why Mr. X left when there were still kids waiting to be picked up. She said "well, the janitor is still there."

Ack. I don't think that's ok...to leave a bunch of high schoolers (9-12 grade....my D is 9th) alone in a school lobby at 10:30 at night with only the janitor to "watch" them. I don't think that's in the janitor's job description. Plus, as I say, the roads were a mess. I white knuckled it there and back. It's not impossible or even wildly speculative to think a parent could have had trouble getting there.

I'm debating whether to "say something" to the administration. On the one hand, I think it's wrong to leave even high schoolers by themselves that late at night in the school. On the other hand, I do not want to be "that" parent that complains....in particular, I'm concerned about jeopardizing her chances of being cast in future productions. She's only a 9th grader (and technically, she's actually an 8th grader taking high school classes), and has a few more years to go at THIS school with THIS director.

WWYD?

I would learn not to bug her so much when she is doing a competition. Like band, if you "win" a section they you move to the next round, so there is no "set time" that it is "over". It is part of the nature of competing in some activities.

My oldest was in marching band. Let me tell you, she got her driver's license at 16 because the late night pickups were awful during the weekend, sometimes as late as 1AM in the morning for games and competitions.

As far as the director taking off, that does stink. However HSer's are treated differently than MSer's. It is an adjustment as a parent.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

As I see it, there are two issues going on.

There may have been legitimate reasons the director would not allow you to pick up your daughter at the other school, so I'm not going to comment about that.

But I agree, you should address your concerns to the school about the director leaving while children were still waiting to be picked up. What if one of those parents didn't show up? My daughter coaches high school cheerleading, and when she takes the girls to an away game or a competition, she doesn't leave until the last cheerleader has been accounted for.

 

[SLP958]

I would let it go.

This is certainly a disadvantage of younger kids taking high school classes. They may not be ready for high school related experiences such as these.

 

[JanaDee]

I believe the coach/teacher/director should always be the last one to leave after an activity at school. No one should be left alone, regardless of age.

I would bring it up to the admin and see if there is an official policy about leaving kids alone.

You can relay your concerns without being "that parent".

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with the PP that there are two things going on here:

1. The late night and you not being able to pick her up. I think you need to know that sometimes highschool competitions DO run late, and often all the kids are required to go there and back on the bus together. I agree with the PP about not bothering her at the competition and just accepting this for what it is.

2. The teens being left at the school at the end of the night. That is a little trickier, but if they were inside and not left out in teh cold, I would not worry much. As is, YOUR child was not there waiting a long time without you or other adult around, so it is not your business. If the parent of a student who had a long wait wants to say something, of the janitor wants to say something, that is their business and you should stay out of it.

 

[lizzi6692]

In most cases, it would be school policy that the adult responsible for the kids can't leave until all the kids have been picked up by their parents. Unless he went inside and specifically told the janitor that they were now responsible for making sure the kids got where they needed to be then he is in the wrong and I would definitely say something. If you are worried that he might take it out on your daughter then just go to the principal or whoever and tell them but ask if they'll keep your name out of it. Any of the parents of the kids that he left at the school could have done it so he'll never know who told the school.

 

[mnrose]

I am sure you will get great support on this issue given the makeup of this group. Nevertheless, given the events of the evening as you relate them you certainly are looking for reasons to find fault with the director. Are you sure there was no other adult in the building? Further, what is wrong with the janitor? It is quite feasible that he/she knows how to use a phone and deal with any emergencies. Janitor does not equal idiot.

I know that...my DH worked as a janitor in the past, and he's competent. However, it would not be within his job description to make sure those kids got home.

I'm not looking to "find fault" with the director. I was genuinely surprised to see that he left before all the kids were gone. There were ZERO other cars in the teacher parking lot. So other than the janitor, I doubt there were other adults in the building.

Granted, it was the dark ages when I was last in high school as a student, but I don't remember ever being left by the coach before the last child was picked up (which was often me as we lived so far from the school, and my father was notoriously unreliable....which is a whole other story....LOL!).

 

[luvsJack]

The difference from ms to hs here is that in ms there has to be a certified school employee with the students at all times (meaning teacher); in high school they just want an adult on the premises. So the janitor or a parent would be within the policy.

The riding the bus back to the school may also be a school policy. Our choir director has to physically lay eyes on and speak to the person picking the student up from an event. There were a couple of times that he did require that they ride back to school on the bus when he had trouble with a few girls wanting to leave with their boyfriends. He also has to send home paperwork with every event for the parents to sign and send back saying if their kid is not riding the bus. So, for every competition, I have to sign a form giving dd permission to ride with ME! I laugh every time a fill it out:

DD has permission to ride from (competition venue) with LuvsJacks. Signed: LuvsJack.

Maybe he was supposed to have some kind of permission form?

 

[TEENEE]

The procedure in our system is that the bus driver needs a list of all the kids on the bus. If a student is not returning with the group the teacher needs a note in advance from the parent stating that the parent will be picking up the student.

 

[mnrose]

I agree with the PP that there are two things going on here:

1. The late night and you not being able to pick her up. I think you need to know that sometimes highschool competitions DO run late, and often all the kids are required to go there and back on the bus together. I agree with the PP about not bothering her at the competition and just accepting this for what it is.

2. The teens being left at the school at the end of the night. That is a little trickier, but if they were inside and not left out in teh cold, I would not worry much. As is, YOUR child was not there waiting a long time without you or other adult around, so it is not your business. If the parent of a student who had a long wait wants to say something, of the janitor wants to say something, that is their business and you should stay out of it.

Good point. Although if I had run into trouble getting there (sliding into the ditch for example), she could have been there for quite some time.

As for the first part, if it were that alone, I wouldn't say anything or even be tempted to. I'd simply have a discussion with the director if she were cast next year, and figure out if there is a way to make it work better for our family. (Note: last year, when she was in the play, we were REQUIRED to pick our kids up at the competition school after sub-sectionals....there was NO bus to take them back....which is why I was a little baffled why it wasn't even an option this year )

 

[wiigirl]

I would let it go.

This is certainly a disadvantage of younger kids taking high school classes. They may not be ready for high school related experiences such as these.

Same here....

 

[FlightlessDuck]

In marching band we can pick our students up at an away game, although it's not the norm. We usually have to ask ahead of time, or if the child gets sick.

As for the director leaving early, find out what your district's policy is on that. Although by high school it shouldn't be a big deal.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I would speak to the director, not admin. When my dad coached, it was policy that a coach stayed until all kids were gone, janitor or not. The janitor has a job to do, and babysitting kids isn't part of it.

The bus thing is pretty common. My school was never a fan of students using private transportation to or from events, even those where the "away" school was closer to home than the school they attend (same boundary issues here). Special exceptions were made on occasion if you made arrangements ahead of time, but not when it was "on the fly".

 

[Lorelei Lee]

I don't think that I would just let it go.

Why? Because every teacher, coach or adviser is responsible for the students left in his/her care. The professional, and the school, are legally responsible for the students while involved in a school or extracurricular activity.

If I, as a parent, choose to allow my high school child to participate in a non-school activity where he/she will not be closely supervised, that's my business. but I, as a parent, have the right to expect that when my child has been placed in the care of the school, that he or she will be properly supervised for the duration of that activity.

My daughter's rule -- and I think it comes from the school administration -- is that if a cheerleader comes to the away game on the school bus, he/she must return home on the bus. and my daughter will not leave the school until all of the cheerleaders are picked up by a parent.

 

[sam_gordon]

If anything, I would talk to the director first. Let him know you have a couple questions...

1) Since your home is physically closer to other schools they'll be travelling to, are you allowed to pick up your child at these other schools? The answer may simply be "with advance knowledge", or it may be "no, everyone has to travel on the bus to/from school".
2) When you picked up your DD, you noticed there were no adults "supervising" the kids. Is that not an issue? You'll probably get "the janitor was supervising", but at least this gives him a heads up someone noticed.

As far as texting during an event, I don't see a problem with it, although I'd wait until probably 15-20 minutes after the "anticipated" finish time, so I could plan accordingly.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Granted, it was the dark ages when I was last in high school as a student, but I don't remember ever being left by the coach before the last child was picked up (which was often me as we lived so far from the school, and my father was notoriously unreliable....which is a whole other story....LOL!).

I imagine that things HAVE changed since I graduated in the early 90s, but at that point, the director of my high school theatre group often left before the students. She was responsible until the official end time and to get us safely out of the main part of the building (we could remain in the entry area between sets of doors if the janitor was okay with that.
It was considered as the same as the end of a school day. Once the activity was over, we were safely "dismissed" and the school or teacher or director or coach was not responsible for making sure we got picked up or home safely, any more than the highschool was responsible for that after the end of the school day. Most of us walked or drove ourselves or took a public bus anyway, how could they police that? (and yes I walked or took a public bis, after walking to the stop, many times at 10 or 11 or even midnight and often in the snow or ice).

 

[Lorelei Lee]

I imagine that things HAVE changed since I graduated in the early 90s, but at that point, the director of my high school theatre group often left before the students. She was responsible until the official end time and to get us safely out of the main part of the building (we could remain in the entry area between sets of doors if the janitor was okay with that.
It was considered as the same as the end of a school day. Once the activity was over, we were safely "dismissed" and the school or teacher or director or coach was not responsible for making sure we got picked up or home safely, any more than the highschool was responsible for that after the end of the school day. Most of us walked or drove ourselves or took a public bus anyway, how could they police that? (and yes I walked or took a public bis, after walking to the stop, many times at 10 or 11 or even midnight and often in the snow or ice).

I think you may have hit on the "difference".

The high school where my daughter coaches is in a suburban community where there is no public transportation, and where the only students legally old enough to drive to/from school are seniors. At the end of the school day, every student in our district is entitled to ride home on the school bus. (whether they do or not is a different issue.) But late at night, a student would be stranded if his/her parents failed to pick them up after the event. Her seniors are 16-18 years old, but her freshmen can be as young as 13.

Can you imagine what would happen if one of her freshmen got stranded at the school late at night?

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think you may have hit on the "difference".

The high school where my daughter coaches is in a suburban community where there is no public transportation, and where the only students legally old enough to drive to/from school are seniors. At the end of the school day, every student in our district is entitled to ride home on the school bus. (whether they do or not is a different issue.) But late at night, a student would be stranded if his/her parents failed to pick them up after the event. Her seniors are 16-18 years old, but her freshmen can be as young as 13.

Can you imagine what would happen if one of her freshmen got stranded at the school late at night?

Possibly. Back in the dark ages when I went to school most of the time most of us who could not drive arranged to get a ride home from an older kid in the group who could (this was also back before laws against driving with other teens in the car). It was considered the parent's responsibility to have made an arrangement and not the school's responsibility to see that such was carried out AFTER the activity ended (and this was before cell phones).

I know things have become much more litigious these days, so it is probably not the case in the US any more (in Germany, my 9th grader is regularly dismissed straight from the end of the field trip activity, even in other towns, and just expected to get back home on the widely available public tranist).