Another IL vent thread

[Disney Doll]

Wow, according to you guys... I am the most horrible hostess on earth. Not only do I keep the thermostat set on 66º, I also expect my guests to help cook, clean up after themselves, wash dishes, and occasionally wash their towels and sheets!

They keep coming back for the holidays year after year, so they must not mind too much!

I am thanking my lucky stars for the friends and family I have - because if I have to bend over backwards for my guests then I would rather they just save everyone the trouble and stay home!

I don't know that I'd consider raising the thermostat 4 degrees bending over backwards, would you????


I am fortunate that I always have very helpful houseguests. I am also a very helpful houseguest when I stay at someone's house. But my thought process on houseguests is that if a sacrifice is to be made, then I, as the host, would be the one to make it, for the comfort of my guests.

 

[Disney Doll]

OH MY GOODNESS NO!!!!!! YOU HORRIBLE PERSON YOU!!!!! I am starting to wonder if it is a generation thing. I have honestly NEVER heard of most of the stuff posted on this thread. I am 29, if it makes a difference. Like I said, I would cater to my 80 year old grandma but unless you can barely walk you better buck up a little. My MIL helps do dishes and cook..should I say, oh no, you are guest, please don't? Should I stop guests from loading their dishes in the dishwasher? Do I need to buy guest towels for the bathroom? What about those little soaps I see in the movies? Or is PC for guests to use the same soap as everyone else? Hmmmmm.... I am bad hostess too, but yeah..they keep coming back!

Actually, I do have guest towels for my bathrooms and I do give my guests their own bars of soap. I also have a little basket in my guest bedroom that has deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrushes, disposable razors. A friend that years ago when I stayed at her house, before I even owned my own home, and I thought it was such a nice gesture that I decided to do it too.

I'm 45, so I have a few years on you. Maybe it's a generational thing?

 

[DaddyDon]

I'm sorry i would never go into my parents house and tell them anything nor would my inlaws ever come into to mine and complain if its hot or cold and i respect there house as they do mine the same!Me and my wife have 2 opp temps ...i'm allways hot she's cold....I run the air and she get's out the throw or dresses warmer...In our bedroom i have a seperate air conditioner that i run when i sleep pretty much 12 months out of the year( i work in 112 degree temps yr round)If i ever get cold it mean's im sick and someone better take me to a doctor quick!Bottom line it's your house!!!!!!!!!If dad is cold tell him to dress warmer....Flame me if you will........I'm like a duck it will roll off my back......Its not allway's about being the world greatest Hostess...But making you happy in the long run.....Because if momma is not happy nobody will be happy!BTW im 47

 

[Disney Doll]

I picked up on the little things you said instead of ignoring them.

Actually, I think most of the people posting here picked up on the little things she said...and even the ones she didn't say.

Don't like the ILs, it's a pain when they visit, FIL doesn't pay homage every minute to me and my family, he makes himself comfortable in my home by relaxing and reading the newspaper instead of acting like a guest, except he's not a guest when it comes to the thermostat because it's MY house and MY rules, but he should be a guest all the rest of the time. If I make it miserable enough, maybe they won't come or will stay at a hotel.

Lots of us are able to "read between the lines".

 

[MELSMICE]

OH MY GOODNESS NO!!!!!! YOU HORRIBLE PERSON YOU!!!!! I am starting to wonder if it is a generation thing. I have honestly NEVER heard of most of the stuff posted on this thread. I am 29, if it makes a difference. Like I said, I would cater to my 80 year old grandma but unless you can barely walk you better buck up a little. My MIL helps do dishes and cook..should I say, oh no, you are guest, please don't? Should I stop guests from loading their dishes in the dishwasher? Do I need to buy guest towels for the bathroom? What about those little soaps I see in the movies? Or is PC for guests to use the same soap as everyone else? Hmmmmm.... I am bad hostess too, but yeah..they keep coming back! :lmao:

I wouldn't stop a guest, but I would tell them it wasn't necessary for them to do this.

I would also have towels, soaps, etc. for guests staying in my home, along with clean bedding on all beds being used. Just the correct thing to do. I wouldn't expect to go to a hotel & use the same towels, soap, or bedding that the guest before me used, regardless of whether I knew them or not.

It's really just a question of manners and respect. So maybe it is a generational thing. I'm 30 years older than you and it would never occur to me to make any house guest, family or not, use the same soap I did, or to use the regular family towels - I would keep a set for company and open a new bar of soap. If family offered to cook and do light cleaning, I would accept, but I certainly wouldn't expect it. I would see the visit as a guest visit, not as a "some people I happen to be related to are staying at my house, but I'm not changing my normal routine for them" kind of event. So I suppose it's all in how you view the visit.

Same here. Not sure what it is, generational, maturity or just plain rudeness that you wouldn't do these things for your guests.

 

[sha_lyn]

I think the in-laws should offer, but knowing they feel the cold, I would decline their offer.

"they" don't feel the cold, the FIL does. The OP has said that the MIL has the same problem with FIL

Don't like the ILs, it's a pain when they visit, FIL doesn't pay homage every minute to me and my family, he makes himself comfortable in my home by relaxing and reading the newspaper instead of acting like a guest, except he's not a guest when it comes to the thermostat because it's MY house and MY rules, but he should be a guest all the rest of the time. If I make it miserable enough, maybe they won't come or will stay at a hotel.

don't know what you are reading, but it isn't in this thread.
She has said she likes her in-laws. Has never said that she doesn't want them to come, or that she wants them to stay in a hotel.
Never said she's trying to make him miserable enough to stay elsewhere.
In fact she's pointed out all the ways she has tried to accommodate him, including offering to buy space heaters to warm up the rooms that he does stay in, and offering to get him an electric blanket for him to cover up with.
However the martyrs here on the DIS insist that unless the OP is willing to suffer another seizure, she isn't being a good hostess.

 

[ajk912]

I never said I don't like my ILs... a few pages back I said I really like my ILs, and as far as ILs go they are great. I never said I was trying to make them miserable, and I think I did point out that we want them to come down for holidays because otherwise they would be alone. Of course, if they would rather not, that's ok too, but I would hate for them (or anyone!) to be alone for the holidays! I am budging (and being accomodating, I think!) on everything but the thermostat.

Actually, I think most of the people posting here picked up on the little things she said...and even the ones she didn't say.

Don't like the ILs, it's a pain when they visit, FIL doesn't pay homage every minute to me and my family, he makes himself comfortable in my home by relaxing and reading the newspaper instead of acting like a guest, except he's not a guest when it comes to the thermostat because it's MY house and MY rules, but he should be a guest all the rest of the time. If I make it miserable enough, maybe they won't come or will stay at a hotel.

Lots of us are able to "read between the lines".

 

[DVCLiz]

"they" don't feel the cold, the FIL does. The OP has said that the MIL has the same problem with FIL



don't know what you are reading, but it isn't in this thread.
She has said she likes her in-laws. Has never said that she doesn't want them to come, or that she wants them to stay in a hotel.
Never said she's trying to make him miserable enough to stay elsewhere.
In fact she's pointed out all the ways she has tried to accommodate him, including offering to buy space heaters to warm up the rooms that he does stay in, and offering to get him an electric blanket for him to cover up with.
However the martyrs here on the DIS insist that unless the OP is willing to suffer another seizure, she isn't being a good hostess.

No one wants the OP to suffer medically, but I am having an extremely hard time believing that the difference between perfect health and comfort and a grand mal seizure or heart attack is 4 degrees Fahrenheit. Honestly, it just doesn't make sense to me...

 

[sha_lyn]

I would also have towels, soaps, etc. for guests staying in my home, along with clean bedding on all beds being used. Just the correct thing to do. I wouldn't expect to go to a hotel & use the same towels, soap, or bedding that the guest before me used, regardless of whether I knew them or not

Huh... who has said they expect their guest to use dirty towels and/or bedding?
What has been said is that "they" (which includes me BTW) do not have special towels, linens etc that are for guest use only.
As for the soap, In general, no I wouldn't open a new bar for guest, but I would "have" to for the bathroom since DD uses body wash, and we have pump soap at the sinks. That bar wouldn't get tossed. It would be put in a bag and set aside for the next time we have guest.

 

[DVCLiz]

Huh... who has said they expect their guest to use dirty towels and/or bedding?
What has been said is that "they" (which includes me BTW) do not have special towels, linens etc that are for guest use only.
As for the soap, In general, no I wouldn't open a new bar for guest, but I would "have" to for the bathroom since DD uses body wash, and we have pump soap at the sinks. That bar wouldn't get tossed. It would be put in a bag and set aside for the next time we have guest.

Eeew, sha -lyn, would you really save soap for another guest? That really grosses me out - why not open it for the guest and then use it up after the guest has gone? You can always wash your hands with it at the sink if you don't use it in the shower....or for heaven's sake, throw it out. What are we talking about - 59 cents for a bar of Ivory?

I'd rather use the family soap than the old "saved from a previous stranger guest" soap, if I have a choice. Actually, come to think of it, from now on I'm traveling with my OWN SOAP!!!!

 

[TwinsinCA]

I'm sorry i would never go into my parents house and tell them anything

Perhaps I have a closer relationship to mine. If I were uncomfortable I absolutely would say something. Demand it? No. But I'd say "Hey mom/dad can we turn up the heat/turn on the ac?" I don't think that is rude or unreasonable. These are my PARENTS.

When my parents visit here I tell them if you are too hot/cold feel free to adjust the temp. We have our heat set on timer and we set it as low as possible so it is effectively shut off at night and then kicks in 30 minutes before we have to get up. I tell guests this and say, "Here are extra blankets" and explain how to override the timer if they are still cold. During the daytime it is just never an issue. We keep it 70 - 74 and everyone is comfortable.

 

[sajetto]

Well.....yes, I think you are wrong. Part of being a good hostess is making sure your guests are comfortable. 66 would be way too chilly for many if not most people, particularly the elderly.

I'm 100% with this first post

 

[sha_lyn]

No one wants the OP to suffer medically, but I am having an extremely hard time believing that the difference between perfect health and comfort and a grand mal seizure or heart attack is 4 degrees Fahrenheit. Honestly, it just doesn't make sense to me...

If 4 degrees doesn't make a difference in once health, then why are so many insisting the OP do it for the FIL's health then? If the temp is a health concern for the FIL, why can't it be for the OP?

 

[FSUGrad97]

Huh... who has said they expect their guest to use dirty towels and/or bedding?
What has been said is that "they" (which includes me BTW) do not have special towels, linens etc that are for guest use only.
As for the soap, In general, no I wouldn't open a new bar for guest, but I would "have" to for the bathroom since DD uses body wash, and we have pump soap at the sinks. That bar wouldn't get tossed. It would be put in a bag and set aside for the next time we have guest.

You reuse soap between different guests?

Sorry, but that's nasty.

 

[sha_lyn]

Eeew, sha -lyn, would you really save soap for another guest? That really grosses me out - why not open it for the guest and then use it up after the guest has gone? You can always wash your hands with it at the sink if you don't use it in the shower....or for heaven's sake, throw it out. What are we talking about - 59 cents for a bar of Ivory?

I'd rather use the family soap than the old "saved from a previous stranger guest" soap, if I have a choice. Actually, come to think of it, from now on I'm traveling with my OWN SOAP!!!!

Huh? I don't have strangers staying in my house. In fact the only guests we usually is some of DH's family. I know they don't get fresh soap for us when we visit, nor would I expect them to.

 

[FSUGrad97]

I'm 45, so I have a few years on you. Maybe it's a generational thing?

Nope, not a generational thing at all - I'm 32, and I have supplies for our guests also. I was taught that doing so was being a good hostess.

Actually, I think most of the people posting here picked up on the little things she said...and even the ones she didn't say.

Lots of us are able to "read between the lines".

Bingo!

 

[sha_lyn]

What in the world do you people do to your soap that you would think that it is nasty?

 

[momx2]

I agree with the majority here that it is rude to not at least bump it up to 68. We freeze here at 66 and I keep it at 68 and still wrap up in blankets. My DH wants it on 70.

I was starting to worry that I don't put out new soap when we have guests, then I remembered we do because the kids us body wash and I would have to put out new soap. We also put on clean sheets. But I'm going to have to buy some guest towels. We only have guests a night or two every few years so I never thought about it.

I too don't think it is generational, but manners.

 

[TwinsinCA]

You reuse soap between different guests?

Sorry, but that's nasty.

I agree.

We switched over to body wash years ago and have never gone back. We just keep a bottle in the guest bathroom and it works great.

 

[ajk912]

Sorry, unfortunately since the docs can't figure out why I had the seizures I figure you can't either. The last thing I remember was being really hot, so I just go by that. It's been working for me for 3 years! And yes, there is a huge difference to me between 66 and 70. Remember, I prefer 62 or so. So to go from 62 to 70- uh, yeah, that's a big difference.

No one wants the OP to suffer medically, but I am having an extremely hard time believing that the difference between perfect health and comfort and a grand mal seizure or heart attack is 4 degrees Fahrenheit. Honestly, it just doesn't make sense to me...