Another IL vent thread

[CJMickeyMouse]

What in the world do you people do to your soap that you would think that it is nasty?

Too funny sha_lyn!

For as rude, gross, inconsiderate, nasty etc. we are (all the things the minority have been called in this thread...) People sure like to come stay here.

Guess we have strange friends and relatives.

 

[sha_lyn]

I agree with the majority here that it is rude to not at least bump it up to 68. We freeze here at 66 and I keep it at 68 and still wrap up in blankets. My DH wants it on 70.

She's already bumping it up from her preferred 62, to 66. Bumping it up to 70 would make it 8 degrees warmer than her ideal comfort level.

 

[ajk912]

Don't you guys watch Friends? Soap is self cleaning, you don't need to change it. BTW, on the great soap debate, I have been in public bathrooms that have bar soap. Not many, though. It never occured to me to NOT use the soap. It's soap!

I agree.

We switched over to body wash years ago and have never gone back. We just keep a bottle in the guest bathroom and it works great.

 

[sha_lyn]

For as rude, gross, inconsiderate, nasty etc. we are (all the things the minority have been called in this thread...) People sure like to come stay here.

Guess we have strange friends and relatives.

Or Cheap LOL. We are the 1/2 way point between DH's family and Orlando.
No one ever plans a trip just to visit us. It's just a day or 2 on the way to and from Florida. Apparently BIL (DH of my DH's sister) told SIL that he wanted to stay in a motel this trip so he could watch football on Thanksgiving. She told him he could give up one day of football to visit her family. Apparently he complained last yr after they left because he wasn't in control of the TV in our living room (he could watch football with DS in his room if he wanted). Funny thing is it wouldn't bother me at all to watch a football game, but DH HATES sports in general, especially watching them on TV.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I side with your in-laws. 66 is too cold. They are your guests and you should be gracious hosts by ensuring their comfort.

 

[disykat]

Now that the OP has made her health issues more clear I really don't get why she didn't just buy a space heater so she could keep the rest of the house cool and they could both be better able to stay at a healthy temperature.

I suppose the other issue is - should you accomodate your spouse's wishes to make his family comfortable in your home. If the OP's usual compromise with her dh is 66, should she compromise further in dh's direction when asked to due to his parents visiting?

I say yes. There are two people who want the temperature higher in the OP. The FIL AND the DH. I suppose OP could be afraid DH will get used to the warmth and be unwilling to return to the compromise temp of 66.

We have a nonshedding dog now, but prior to that when his parents came to visit I allowed their shedding dog into certain areas of our normally dogfree home. Why? Because it's dh's home too and he wanted me to. We made a compromise we could both be comfortable with. Was I thrilled? No, but I was willing. It wasn't really about the inlaws at all - it was about dh and I.

 

[DVCLiz]

If 4 degrees doesn't make a difference in once health, then why are so many insisting the OP do it for the FIL's health then? If the temp is a health concern for the FIL, why can't it be for the OP?

I'm not one of the posters who wants the temp changed due to health. Frankly, there really isn't any condition I can think of where a 4 degree difference would really matter medically - despite the OP's assertion that her overheating caused her seizure, I'd have to see a doctor say that before I'd really believe it. I think we are talking comfort, but as long as the temperature is above 58 or 60, I can't see it as a medical necessity.

I see it as a respect issue, and in that case, it's clear that older trumps younger, and FILs trump DILs.

 

[ajk912]

I never said my overheating caused my seizure..I said the last thing I remember was being hot, and it could be a coincidence but I have been careful in the last few years, and no repeats..so I don't know? BTW, I have mentioned that since the docs don't know why (and they have tested!) I am sure the good old people on dis can say why, either. As for the respect issue, once FIL reprogrammed the thermostat he kind of threw out his trump card, IMO!

I'm not one of the posters who wants the temp changed due to health. Frankly, there really isn't any condition I can think of where a 4 degree difference would really matter medically - despite the OP's assertion that her overheating caused her seizure, I'd have to see a doctor say that before I'd really believe it. I think we are talking comfort, but as long as the temperature is above 58 or 60, I can't see it as a medical necessity.

I see it as a respect issue, and in that case, it's clear that older trumps younger, and FILs trump DILs.

 

[ajk912]

I wasn't going to buy a space heater if my MIL told me not to. I am not going to start a MIL/FIL argument like that. I offered, the offer was turned down, enough said. Now..... my DH said he wasn't going to argue with FIL, but he wasn't stopping me. It's a little bit of a difference. He just didn't want to get involved. Like I said before..if FIL was shivering under 10 blankets I would have turned it up to 70......but he wasn't. He didn't use a blanket at all.

Now that the OP has made her health issues more clear I really don't get why she didn't just buy a space heater so she could keep the rest of the house cool and they could both be better able to stay at a healthy temperature.

I suppose the other issue is - should you accomodate your spouse's wishes to make his family comfortable in your home. If the OP's usual compromise with her dh is 66, should she compromise further in dh's direction when asked to due to his parents visiting?

I say yes. There are two people who want the temperature higher in the OP. The FIL AND the DH. I suppose OP could be afraid DH will get used to the warmth and be unwilling to return to the compromise temp of 66.

We have a nonshedding dog now, but prior to that when his parents came to visit I allowed their shedding dog into certain areas of our normally dogfree home. Why? Because it's dh's home too and he wanted me to. We made a compromise we could both be comfortable with. Was I thrilled? No, but I was willing. It wasn't really about the inlaws at all - it was about dh and I.

 

[sajetto]

I'm not one of the posters who wants the temp changed due to health. Frankly, there really isn't any condition I can think of where a 4 degree difference would really matter medically - despite the OP's assertion that her overheating caused her seizure, I'd have to see a doctor say that before I'd really believe it. I think we are talking comfort, but as long as the temperature is above 58 or 60, I can't see it as a medical necessity.

I see it as a respect issue, and in that case, it's clear that older trumps younger, and FILs trump DILs.

Being raised in a family full of physicians that I just happen to be visiting for the holidays, I have just been informed that it is a load of crap to say a 4 degree difference would cause such overheating to trigger a seizure.

BTW, I don't thing this is a generational thing AT ALL. I am 23 years old and find it to be tacky not to make your guests as comfortable as possible.

On top of that I will say that my relationship with one of my in-laws is not picture perfect. It is great with my FIL and Step MIL, but almost everyone on this board knows the history between me and my MIL. Regardless, if she or anyone else were visiting my home I would make it a point to keep the house at a comfortable temperatue for them and accomodate any other needs they have in the best way possible. That shows more grace, reservation, and class than having a passive agressive struggle between a family member you don't quite get along with.

Furthermore 66 degrees is much too cold for ME, not to mention someone older who is taking a blood thinner. So if it were me, I'd be the bigger person no matter how much of a PITA my FIL was and bump it up 4 degrees.

 

[Mkrop]

I am cold just reading this thread!

 

[ajk912]

I am trying not get offended..but..I just did a 5 second search on vasovagal syncope. I also have cardiomyopathy which means the syncope goes into a full blown seizure because my body doesn't recover from passing out fast enough to get blood to my brain. You think you know more, I guess? From mayoclinic.com- below. If I get to the point where I pass out, I have a seizure. It's happened to me twice. Yeah, most of the time I get light-headed when I am hot and then I know I need to cool off. But whatever..you know more, I guess?

Potential triggers are numerous
A number of different stimuli — both emotional and physiological — can trigger vasovagal fainting. The reason behind many of these triggers is unclear. Fainting may be the result of one or more of these causes:

Emotional distress, including panic attacks, anxiety attacks or fear
Standing in a hot, crowded area
Having a bowel movement (especially if straining)
Coughing strenuously
Unpleasant situations, such as the sight of blood
Urinating
Standing in one place too long
Breathing too fast (hyperventilation)
Severe dehydration
Severe pain
Heat exposure
Other types of fainting
Heart problems are another, less common cause of fainting. A temporary drop in blood flow to your brain can occur if your heart's electrical system malfunctions, which can cause your heart rate to be very slow (bradycardia) or very fast (tachycardia). A temporary drop in blood flow to your brain also can occur if there's an obstruction of blood flow from your heart, as can be caused by a thickening of the aortic valve (aortic stenosis), or if you have a heart attack.

Being raised in a family full of physicians that I just happen to be visiting for the holidays, I have just been informed that it is a load of crap to say a 4 degree difference would cause such overheating to trigger a seizure.

BTW, I don't thing this is a generational thing AT ALL. I am 23 years old and find it to be tacky not to make your guests as comfortable as possible.

On top of that I will say that my relationship with one of my in-laws is not picture perfect. It is great with my FIL and Step MIL, but almost everyone on this board knows the history between me and my MIL. Regardless, if she or anyone else were visiting my home I would make it a point to keep the house at a comfortable temperatue for them and accomodate any other needs they have in the best way possible. That shows more grace, reservation, and class than having a passive agressive struggle between a family member you don't quite get along with.

Furthermore 66 degrees is much too cold for ME, not to mention someone older who is taking a blood thinner. So if it were me, I'd be the bigger person not matter how much of a PITA my FIL was and bump it up 4 degrees.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

No one wants the OP to suffer medically, but I am having an extremely hard time believing that the difference between perfect health and comfort and a grand mal seizure or heart attack is 4 degrees Fahrenheit. Honestly, it just doesn't make sense to me...

OMG!! Me too!! I was thinking that it MUST be an exaggeration. And if it is, then maybe other things are too.
Since her DH told her that his dad would want it warmer, then obviously he didn't consider turning the thermostat up a life or death situation for her or he would have surely told his dad that his wife could suffer severe health issues if the temperature were raised at all.

In fact, the OP states "before he came to visit DH told me that we would have to keep it at 70 to keep him happy." That doesn't sound like the dh is too concerned. It sounds like he wants his dad to be comfortable.

 

[MELSMICE]

Huh... who has said they expect their guest to use dirty towels and/or bedding?
What has been said is that "they" (which includes me BTW) do not have special towels, linens etc that are for guest use only.
As for the soap, In general, no I wouldn't open a new bar for guest, but I would "have" to for the bathroom since DD uses body wash, and we have pump soap at the sinks. That bar wouldn't get tossed. It would be put in a bag and set aside for the next time we have guest.

Ewwww..............that's gross. I don't even like to share soap with my own family members.

 

[DVCLiz]

I am trying not get offended..but..I just did a 5 second search on vasovagal syncope. I also have cardiomyopathy which means the syncope goes into a full blown seizure because my body doesn't recover from passing out fast enough to get blood to my brain. You think you know more, I guess? From mayoclinic.com- below. If I get to the point where I pass out, I have a seizure. It's happened to me twice. Yeah, most of the time I get light-headed when I am hot and then I know I need to cool off. But whatever..you know more, I guess?

Potential triggers are numerous
A number of different stimuli — both emotional and physiological — can trigger vasovagal fainting. The reason behind many of these triggers is unclear. Fainting may be the result of one or more of these causes:

Emotional distress, including panic attacks, anxiety attacks or fear
Standing in a hot, crowded area
Having a bowel movement (especially if straining)
Coughing strenuously
Unpleasant situations, such as the sight of blood
Urinating
Standing in one place too long
Breathing too fast (hyperventilation)
Severe dehydration
Severe pain
Heat exposure
Other types of fainting
Heart problems are another, less common cause of fainting. A temporary drop in blood flow to your brain can occur if your heart's electrical system malfunctions, which can cause your heart rate to be very slow (bradycardia) or very fast (tachycardia). A temporary drop in blood flow to your brain also can occur if there's an obstruction of blood flow from your heart, as can be caused by a thickening of the aortic valve (aortic stenosis), or if you have a heart attack.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe that an inside temperature of 70 degrees Fahrenheit meets either of these requirements. I would be glad to hear from a physician or someone with medical training who has more information.

 

[FSUGrad97]

Ewwww..............that's gross. I don't even like to share soap with my own family members.

ITA!
It's one thing to be frugal, but reusing soap between guests??
Ick

 

[tiggersmom2]

I'm sorry, but I don't believe that an inside temperature of 70 degrees Fahrenheit meets either of these requirements. I would be glad to hear from a physician or someone with medical training who has more information.

I'm sure that 70 degrees would not cause a seizure.....but someone worrying that it will.... may create undue stress and anxiety on themselves and that may very well trigger a seizure.

Anyway, I'm sure that we are overanalyzing this to death and the OP and her FIL will reach a happy medium.

 

[jenrose66]

Well, I'm not sure of the temps in VA, but here in NY my heat stays on 70. Of course, it is your house and if FIL wants control over the temp he can stay at a hotel.

 

[ajk912]

Yeah, that could very well be true. I dont know, I really don't think about it or dwell about it too much. All I know is 70 degrees at the thermostat is too dang warm. The thermostat is in the hallway, downstairs, away from all sunlight and vents.. so that mean it's at least 5 degrees cooler than the rest of the house. It's downright sweaty upstairs...at 66. I truly believe that if really WAS 66 degrees my 3, 6, and 8 year olds wouldn't be running around half naked..they would want some clothes on! I think the temperature is all relative depending on how your house is set up. If your thermostat is at the warmest part of your house, obviously you would heat your house warmer than someone whose thermostat is at the coolest part of the house. If I say I can feel lightheaded with the thermostat at 70 while doing my daily stuff, well, it shouldn't be up for debate. Like pps have said, if my FIL is that miserable he is more than welcome to go to a hotel- my DH works at one so he could probably get it for free, anyway. They used to several years ago, before I had a guest room, but haven't in about 4-5 years. But he is just controlling- well, guess what, "I" can't really leave because I have my three kids to care for, and I am not going to take them to a hotel. It's four degrees- if that makes me a bad hostess, oh well- if that's the worst of my problems, that's ok. I don't need the anxiety, or the stress, of worrying about it!

I'm sure that 70 degrees would not cause a seizure.....but someone worrying that it will.... may create undue stress and anxiety on themselves and that may very well trigger a seizure.

Anyway, I'm sure that we are overanalyzing this to death and the OP and her FIL will reach a happy medium.

 

[sajetto]

Yeah, that could very well be true. I dont know, I really don't think about it or dwell about it too much. All I know is 70 degrees at the thermostat is too dang warm. The thermostat is in the hallway, downstairs, away from all sunlight and vents.. so that mean it's at least 5 degrees warmer than the rest of the house. It's downright sweaty upstairs...at 66. I think the temperature is all relative depending on how your house is set up. If your thermostat is at the warmest part of your house, obviously you would heat your house warmer than someone whose thermostat is at the coolest part of the house. If I say I can feel lightheaded with the thermostat at 70 while doing my daily stuff, well, it shouldn't be up for debate. Like pps have said, if my FIL is that miserable he is more than welcome to go to a hotel- my DH works at one so he could probably get it for free, anyway. But he is just controlling- well, guess what, "I" can't really leave because I have my three kids to care for, and I am not going to take them to a hotel. It's four degrees- if that makes me a bad hostess, oh well- if that's the worst of my problems, that's ok. I don't need the anxiety, or the stress, of worrying about it!

And it took 12 pages to make this declaration