Another IL vent thread

[maddiemouse]

I haven't read this whole thread, I know, bad me, but when I saw the title I thought, why is she mad at Illinois????
BTW when I have guests in my house, their comfort is my #1 priority, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me. I believe that is what being a host is all about.

 

[Missy1961]

I don't know how you think being considerate to guests is giving them special treatment. They don't get any special treatment. They help cook, clean up, etc. just like any other person does. But........they are still guests.

In fact, when we stayed at my brothers during the summer I did a lot of the cooking. My SIL does not like to cook. When everyone was hungry I asked where the pots & pans were & got down to business. No big deal.

When we stay at my parents condo with them during the winter for a few days we make sure to replace any food we have used, along with dusting, vacumming, cleaning the bathrooms & washing all bedding & towels before we leave. Did the same at my brothers.

In both instances I felt very welcome & also felt very at home. It's always an open invite & I want it to remain that way - not burdensome for anyone, so we all pull our weight also.

I quoted your post because I know I feel the same way. I have a big family, I am one of 6 kids. 4 of them are married. 1 sister lives here in NY, the rest live in VA. We visit back & forth all the time, and we try to do what you do--none of us act like "guests", and we always feel welcome. One of my BILs always makes sure everyone is comfortable temperaturewise--he's always asking "are you cold? hot?", he's shown me how to work the thermoset. He prefers the house to be a little cold, but he adjusts for his guests. No wonder everyone in the family loves to visit each other--we feel like each home is a great place to be. I'm not saying we don't have disagreements--we do--but we know we are welcome at each other's homes.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Yeah, Illinois is a good state!!

For the soap issue, I travel for work, and every time I stay in a hotel, I take the soap and small shampoos left in the room. (I travel with my OWN soap, and shampoo) When I get home, we put them in a small basket in the guest bathroom. They can use as many as they like! (DW likes the free shower caps)

AS to the temp, 66 if COLD, I would have the heat on, and be wearing winter clothing at a temp less than 70!!

(of course, I live in San Diego!! )

 

[Camicar]

But it was kind of funny seeing both of my sons in winter hats and mittens in the house!!

I have to say that this is unfathomable to me. It is unfathomable that I would make my guests so cold that they have to wear hats and mittens in my house. That is beyond rude. Why not just pitch a tent in the yard and tell them to stay outside bec you can't bear to jack the heat up during their visit?

My MIL used to be like that -- refusing to turn the heat up even one time when I was sick. So we made the choice of not visiting her any more. There is NO ONE I want to visit bad enough to have to don outerwear inside their home. Period.

And I am going to assume that if someone is that rude of a host, that they actually don't want me there anyway. So they can keep their heat down and I'll stay home. They don't complain about us not visiting and I don't complain about their rudeness. Problem solved.

 

[MELSMICE]

For the soap issue, I travel for work, and every time I stay in a hotel, I take the soap and small shampoos left in the room. (I travel with my OWN soap, and shampoo) When I get home, we put them in a small basket in the guest bathroom. They can use as many as they like! (DW likes the free shower caps)

LOL - we do the same thing!

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Sorry, I think you're in the wrong. Yes, it's your house...but is it really going to kill you to pay a little bit extra for the short time they're visiting? My in-laws always keep their house FREEZING COLD because they are too cheap to pay to have the place weather-stripped and they guzzle natural gas like you wouldn't believe. They've probably wasted more in the past year alone than it would have cost them to weather-strip in the beginning, and they've had the house for 20 years! Anyway, they expect us to sleep with a three-year-old in an absolutely frigid room on an air mattress on the floor...that is SO not happening. Yet they EXPECT and want us to come for the holidays, as we don't live that far away and ds is their only grandchild. I just tell them flat out that I can't sleep in a room that cold and I'll have to turn up the heat or go home. I am polite about it, but there is no way I'm freezing my kid out at night just to save them a few bucks!
Personally, I think your post sounds a little inhospitable. Okay, a LOT inhospitable. Maybe it's just me.

 

[sha_lyn]

For the soap issue, I travel for work, and every time I stay in a hotel, I take the soap and small shampoos left in the room. (I travel with my OWN soap, and shampoo) When I get home, we put them in a small basket in the guest bathroom. They can use as many as they like! (DW likes the free shower caps)

And I'm being called cheap/bad hostess etc because I don't purchase and set aside special towels and sheets for guest, and I expect our guest to use the same bar soap they used the last time they visited

IMHO setting out motel/hotels freebies just screams.... Sorry folks you aren't good enough to use the stuff we pay for. Here have the crap I get for free.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

And I'm being called cheap/bad hostess etc because I don't purchase and set aside special towels and sheets for guest, and I expect our guest to use the same bar soap they used the last time they visited

IMHO setting out motel/hotels freebies just screams.... Sorry folks you aren't good enough to use the stuff we pay for. Here have the crap I get for free.

I have to disagree with you. I don't think anything is wrong with putting out hotel freebies. I just don't want to use a bar of soap that someone else has used. It's the thought that counts, not the amount of money spent on the item.

 

[justhat]

And I'm being called cheap/bad hostess etc because I don't purchase and set aside special towels and sheets for guest, and I expect our guest to use the same bar soap they used the last time they visited

IMHO setting out motel/hotels freebies just screams.... Sorry folks you aren't good enough to use the stuff we pay for. Here have the crap I get for free.

I haven't done this, but after reading the idea I think I'll start. I don't think it screams any of that at all. I think it's a great idea because the sizes are perfect for a short term stay, and the scents are usually pretty neutral so most people will probably like them.

 

[HunnyPots]

I can't believe this thread is still going! By the time everybody stops arguing about the temp in the op's house, it'll be summer and it won't matter anymore!

I was one of the early posters that said you should give in to gramps and keep him comfy but you've since clarified things that make it seem like it's more of a control issue than a health issue for him. So sorry! But I've long since figured out that God gave us inlaws to make us appreciate our own parents. In other words, you can fight this to the death but you WILL NOT WIN! Keep lowering the temp and appear to be a cold-hearted witch (or whatever...) who wants to freeze gramps to death. Give in and raise the temp and the next time he visits he'll have figured out something else that bugs you and start pushing that button!

The best consolation I've found is that daughters in law usually out-live fathers/mothers in law...

 

[FSUGrad97]

I have to disagree with you. I don't think anything is wrong with putting out hotel freebies. I just don't want to use a bar of soap that someone else has used. It's the thought that counts, not the amount of money spent on the item.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Hey, I am not forcing anyone to come visit me.

I think this says it all. Doesn't sound like you WANT them there in the first place, so of course you aren't going to make accomodations for them. Why not just tell them they aren't welcome? It's a little passive-aggressive to invite them (or allow them to come if they invite themselves) and then try to freeze them out.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

And I'm being called cheap/bad hostess etc because I don't purchase and set aside special towels and sheets for guest, and I expect our guest to use the same bar soap they used the last time they visited

IMHO setting out motel/hotels freebies just screams.... Sorry folks you aren't good enough to use the stuff we pay for. Here have the crap I get for free.

Well, I don't stay at inexpensive hotels, work pays for them so I usually stay at Hiltons, and the like. so the ameneties are pretty good, as an example, DW and I stayed at a Hilton before going to WDW, and the soap put out was from Crabtree and Evleyin(SP?) and (i'm told) rather expensive. Thats not the point. We just like being accomadating to our guests!

SECONDLY, if you watched the news about the deadly skin rash, it is transmitted by sharing soap, shampoo, and towels!! So why ask for trouble?

 

[Nancyg56]

The best consolation I've found is that daughters in law usually out-live fathers/mothers in law...

I am a DIL as well as a MIL and you are correct. I did outlive my FIL and my DIL will probably out live me. I would move Heaven and Earth to be able to have my husbands beloved father here in my home parked on the sofa and I would wear my shorts in the middle of winter with my thermostat turned up to 80 if necessary to make sure he was warm enough.

I turn up my heat for my DIL because she is not adjusted from So Fl temps and I would hope that if the occasion ever arises that I have a request she would honor it.

I think that most of this is not about comfort it is about control.

 

[MushyMushy]

And I'm being called cheap/bad hostess etc because I don't purchase and set aside special towels and sheets for guest, and I expect our guest to use the same bar soap they used the last time they visited

IMHO setting out motel/hotels freebies just screams.... Sorry folks you aren't good enough to use the stuff we pay for. Here have the crap I get for free.

Are you just saying that to keep to your point? Seriously, who would think that?

I only ever knew one person who did that with hotel soaps and the last thought on my mind was that she was cheap. We were completely charmed by it -- she'd had soaps and amenities from DCL and WDW! That was before we ever had any interest in the place, but I thought it was the nicest gesture for her guests.

 

[MELSMICE]

I haven't done this, but after reading the idea I think I'll start. I don't think it screams any of that at all. I think it's a great idea because the sizes are perfect for a short term stay, and the scents are usually pretty neutral so most people will probably like them.

Exactly. I would never think cheap. In fact, a few months ago I'm pretty sure I saw a segment on one of the morning shows with the idea to make a basket for guests out of hotel amenities that had been taken home.

I see it as nothing more than being hospitable & creative. Not to mention.....I would definitely provide a fresh, clean bar of brand new soap if I didn't have the "freebies".

I think that most of this is not about comfort it is about control.

I believe you have hit the nail on the head!!!

 

[Chicago526]

I just found this thread so I'm a little late to the party.

My father sufferes greatly in cold weather due to his health, it's the main reason he and my late mother moved from IL to AZ in the first place back in '99. Anyway, whenever he comes to visit in the winter, I've got the house nice and toasty for him. I normally keep it at 68 and I freeze my fingers off, but it's the only way to keep from having 300 gas bills in the winter! I actually like when my father comes to visit, it gives me an excuse to bump the temp up so I'm not freezing all the time! Anyway, while a week is a bit long to keep your house warmer than you're used to having it, I think it should be done for a guest, especially an in law.

As for hotel soap, my mother always did that, put out hotel soaps (including ones from Disney!) for guests. I thought it was nice, making sure her guests had soap/shampoo/lotion in case the forgot to bring their own. Based on this thread, it turns out she was just cheap! (actually, she WAS cheap at times but the hotel soaps was just her way of trying to be thoughtful).

 

[Laurabearz]

I have watched this thread go from ... MY HOUSE MY RULES I PAY THE BILLS to all of a sudden.. I NEED IT COLD FOR MY HEALTH...

Seems you have an iron clad reason NOW for keeping the temps down.

 

[sha_lyn]

I have watched this thread go from ... MY HOUSE MY RULES I PAY THE BILLS to all of a sudden.. I NEED IT COLD FOR MY HEALTH...

She mentioned her health in thefirst post, but didn't bring it back up for several pages. While other's were saying she should do it for FIL health, she knew she would be jumped on if she brought up her health